Pocahontas

(205 votes, average 4.74 out of 5)
AND 8-Bit Mickey is in a contest to be in the next season of PSN's The Tester, vote for him cause he's awesome here
Comments (185)
  • Cferra  - Nice.
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    Ahh the video that started your journey to becoming the Nostalgia Chick. I really liked this one. I used to major in American History (Changed to Political Science) and I saw a lot of errors in the movie. Yes it's a kid's movie but there are no massive cliffs in coastal VA. Can't be teaching American kids bad history! Oh wait...we already do have the worst scores on the planet.

    The sequel was on I think when I was flipping channels. That movie made less sense. At least it didn't have florescent leaves.

    Anyway, good review. Really liked it when I saw it on the top five and I still like seeing it. You did good work! Keep it up.

  • idolred588
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    yeah. americans are borderline retarted. we took the only people here with intelagence (the native americans)and killed them near to extinction. enslaved africans, and sent the japaneese to camps in WW 2.

    OH SAY CAN YOU SEE BY THE DAWNS EARLY LIGHTS

  • BulldozerBegins  - However...
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    However...the Natives were just as superstitious as the Jamestown settlers, if not more so. Also note that relations were much better in Plymouth between Settlers and Natives. (There, the quest was for religious freedom, not for gold.)

    Relations were pretty on-and-off for most of early American history. It wasn't until Andrew Jackson got elected that the whole racism and "kill 'em to extinction" thing kicked in, and that was largely because of the Manifest Destiny doctrine.

    They weren't killed off for anything other than Congress' propaganda. Go figure.

    It should also be noted that whenever someone did make progress in improving relations (usually prairie missionaries,) there was always at least one native who decided to be a total d-bag and convince everyone to start fighting again, with bigoted cowboys and their shotguns at the ready. So both sides are guilty in that conflict.

    As for Africans: the Muslims did it first. Arab enslavement of Africans was routine in the world LONG BEFORE it made its way to Europe, or to America by extension. And while slavery was abhorrent, it was by no means Simon Legree vs. Uncle Tom for every single one of them.

    The camps for Japanese are probably the least justifiable atrocity. On the other hand, Congress afterward proved WAY TOO COMFORTABLE with Soviet spies running amok in Washington. And even when the espionage activities of some of them were being exposed WIDE OPEN by FORMER SOVIETS, Congress turned a blind eye and a deaf ear. Overcompensation, much?

    One final note: the Japanese didn't simply put our own in internment camps. They instead sent them on death marches.

    A little review goes a long way. Or, as I've one theorist say: "America's survival depends not on it being righteous, for it isn't. It depends on it always being just slightly less corrupt than everyone else."

  • savonarola
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    This is one of the dumbest comments I have ever read.

    Quote:
    However...the Natives were just as superstitious as the Jamestown settlers, if not more so.

    I see we're off to a great start here.

    Quote:
    Also note that relations were much better in Plymouth between Settlers and Natives. (There, the quest was for religious freedom, not for gold.)

    Ahaha, so not only do you apparently not know about King Philip's War, you also repeat that stupid old canard about the Pilgrims looking for religious freedom (as opposed to the reality, which has insane religious zealots seeking to create their creepy authoritarian society in a place where they won't have other people interjecting with things like common sense and reasonable disapproval).

    Quote:
    Relations were pretty on-and-off for most of early American history. It wasn't until Andrew Jackson got elected that the whole racism and "kill 'em to extinction" thing kicked in, and that was largely because of the Manifest Destiny doctrine.

    And this explains why there are virtually no Indians in New England today, of course. Because relations were pretty 'on-and-off,' rather than being troubled and genocidal from the start. There's no way that could be true!

    Quote:
    They weren't killed off for anything other than Congress' propaganda. Go figure.

    No, they were killed off because white people hated them and wanted their stuff. The Cherokee were expelled because gold was found on their land, despite the fact that they had a written language, were Christians, owned slaves, had a written language and a Constitution modeled on our own, and in all ways were what white people might have considered "civilized".

    Quote:
    It should also be noted that whenever someone did make progress in improving relations (usually prairie missionaries,)

    lmao! Ahahaha, you think the "prairie missionaries" were worth anything at all. That's precious. Here's a hint, dude: these ever-so-benevolent missionaries looked down on Indians as savages who needed harsh discipline in order to become civilized. Indian kids in mission schools were taken away from their parents and forced to live in appalling conditions where many of them died of disease or neglect. Which leads us to...

    Quote:
    there was always at least one native who decided to be a total d-bag and convince everyone to start fighting again, with bigoted cowboys and their shotguns at the ready. So both sides are guilty in that conflict.

    No, actually, I'm pretty sure the only guilty side is the one that sent settlers and invading armies into other peoples' lands, and the "d-bags" who fought back were making a legitimate resistance. But sure, let's pretend that the only good Indians are the ones who rolled over and let their lands get confiscated and their traditions get wiped out by Americans.

    Quote:
    As for Africans: the Muslims did it first. Arab enslavement of Africans was routine in the world LONG BEFORE it made its way to Europe, or to America by extension.

    'Muslims did it too, therefore it's okay'? Is that your argument? Really?

    It might interest you to know, BTW, that the Atlantic slave trade was far bloodier and trafficked more slaves than the Muslim trade did, so there's really no equivalence there.

    Quote:
    And while slavery was abhorrent, it was by no means Simon Legree vs. Uncle Tom for every single one of them.

    Yes. Mostly it was worse. How about you read some Frederick Douglass or Harriet Tubman or one of the billion other ex-slave accounts instead of slaveowners' testimonials you stupid child. Even when it was better, who cares? The fact is that you still have human beings owning other human beings as property, and that you try to justify that by saying some slaves were treated well is disgusting.

    Quote:
    The camps for Japanese are probably the least justifiable atrocity.

    Japanese-AMERICANS you stupid piece of shit. But sure, go on painting them as Foreign Others who were liable to turn fifth column any second. Dr. Seuss did it too!

    Quote:
    On the other hand, Congress afterward proved WAY TOO COMFORTABLE with Soviet spies running amok in Washington. And even when the espionage activities of some of them were being exposed WIDE OPEN by FORMER SOVIETS, Congress turned a blind eye and a deaf ear. Overcompensation, much?

    'On the other hand, completely irrelevant and also factually untrue thing!'

    Quote:
    One final note: the Japanese didn't simply put our own in internment camps. They instead sent them on death marches.

    Therefore, it's okay to put American citizens in camps? I'm not really following the tortured logic here.

    Your worldview is disgusting and racist and I hope you burn in hell.

  • ScreamingMantis
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    Speak for yourself. I wont get into how many type-o's are in your comment, but I find it very offensive. I am not borderline retarded, nor are my friends. Also, dont try to act smart like you know so much about American history when you cant even spell half the words correctly.

  • CoolIT  - Helarious !!
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    A++
    He sure did a perfect Nostalgia chick pick and this review proves it
    Great job.

  • PayPalMe$$$
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    PUPPIES! I just loved that comment so much.

  • SimonW  - Hmm...
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    I was surprised nobody had rated your video yet only commented, so I took the liberty of rating it first for you.

    Anyway, there are two points I would like to get out of the way before I go into this.

    Point 1: OMG!!! Look at the cute puppies!!! ;D

    Point 2: I didn't quite remember this movie much since it was the only Disney movie I have not re-watched.

    Now that is out of the way, I have not much else to say but that I love your work and at one point you sounded like the Nostalgia Critic which made me have a weird but good "Whoa" experience. I also like the fact you have the balls (no pun intended) to act like a guy at times to convey what the guy characters may be really thinking.
    I have nothing to say about the movie itself other then it was a waste of my viewing pleasure...WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU DISNEY???
    And it was too historical for my taste, despite the mistakes they made of that as well. *rolls eyes*
    In any case, keep up the good work Nostalgia Chick and...PUPPIES!! ;D

    SimonW.

  • Sloth
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    This movie has taught me much! Crazy indians! Whipping themselves out and pinning it on the innocent white man! Bastards!

  • Bart Wux
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    "Also Pocahontas was 12." Delivered dry as a bone. That line cracks me up everytime I hear it.

  • Earthbound_X
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    Does blip load at a snail's pace to anyone else?

    I hate blip.

  • Michaud
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    Quote:
    Does blip load at a snail's pace to anyone else?

    I hate blip.

    And... welcome to the comment ban club!

  • Jake
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    Quote:
    And... welcome to the comment ban club!

    Dude, wtf? He was just voicing an opinion (one that I also share.) A ban just for that? Not cool.

  • Michaud
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    Quote:
    Dude, wtf? He was just voicing an opinion (one that I also share.) A ban just for that? Not cool.

    Another non-reader here I see. I posted about baseless comments NUMEROUS times. If someone has issues with Blip... post it in the forums or PM me. If for some reason you have to post it in the comments provide information that CAN HELP ME help you. The comments were being filled with 'OMG U SUCKX' posts directed at video producers along with 'OMG BLIP IS TEH LAG' type posts, and I'm sick of seeing them. I have posted the warning not only via comments but also via a site update that is still on the freaking front page. So yeah it's warranted. Also have you ever read the TOS that you have to check every time you post a comment?

  • Magdra  - still not cool
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    I don't believe the guy made any idiotic remedial comments like "blip suckx" so why did u ban him...he was ASKING if it was slow for anyone else...so if u want to keep viewers u need to lighten up...and if u want to ban me too, I've only watched one video, and if u keep me from watching anymore, than I just won't watch here...don't lose viewers just cause u wanna throw some authori-TIE around!

  • Jake
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    Quote:
    If for some reason you have to post it in the comments provide information that CAN HELP ME help you.

    Understood, and I apologize.

  • Socialiste  - American?
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    Like most of the world, you're an American?

    300 millions over 7 billion humans is most of the world?

  • ThatDudeInTheSuede
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    dude, america IS the world, according to them. why else would they have a baseball world series and then not invite any oher countries?

  • Scotwest  - It's satire
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    Like most of the world, you're an American?

    One of my favorite jokes in the video. Never seen Pocahontas or Teen Witch, but thanks to Nostalgia Chick they've each provided more enjoyment than most movies I actually go to the trouble of sitting through. Looking forward to further reviews.

    Puppies!

  • TheDudette
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    Quote:
    Like most of the world, you're an American?

    300 millions over 7 billion humans is most of the world?

    You make me sad. I'd expect this from the denizens of youtube (and they give it to me, constantly), but this? This...

    Watch Team America, dude.

  • TheLaughingFish  - re:
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    TheDudette wrote:
    Quote:
    Like most of the world, you're an American?

    300 millions over 7 billion humans is most of the world?


    You make me sad. I'd expect this from the denizens of youtube (and they give it to me, constantly), but this? This...

    Watch Team America, dude.

    Seriously? She was just trying to be funny. I cannot believe someone actually took that *seriously*.

  • Gamer_Ely
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    they made the dudette sad.... the dudette doth not abide! doth not indeed.... mix of big lebowski and fancy speaking much?

  • Raze
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    Good video, it was funny and at at least those clips weren't as painful as the clips from Teen Witch. I'll never know how you endured that long enough to make a video about it.

    Anyway, good to see that you've settled in so quickly. Look forward to seeing more.

  • DelRiego
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    You are awesome! I love you. I want more of your videos! :)

    Actually most of the world is Chinese
    :P

  • Baalcebub
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    Dude, no...
    What... It's a comment, the comment box is here, so I can comment.
    No, seriously dude, don't, I'm tellin ya...
    What's the matter now?
    You know what's going to happen...
    What?
    What always happens when you talk to women...
    It's not... It's a comment, over the internet, I'm not actually talking to anybody. Besides, I'm just going to compliment her work.
    Dude... seriously, you know I'm right, It's gonna happen...
    What's gonna happen?
    You're going to sound creepy, you know that's what always happens...
    Not always!
    Yes, always, and you know it...
    Just because I want to say she is doing a great job, that I think she is very funny, witty and smart... and also that I think she is very lovely and that...
    Here he goes...
    ... I think I might be in love..?
    See?
    ... Ok, yes, kinda creepy.
    Not to mention you are typing a conversation with yourself...
    Alright, very creepy... I'm sorry.
    I told ya...
    She is lovely thou... and smart, and funny and...
    Just shut up...

  • cleoambrosia
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    Absolutely hilarious, and so true! Poco-hot-ass was such a lame character. If she were ugly, John Smith totally would have shot her. Amazing how she had access to pantene pro v and copious amounts of eye makeup.

  • DonZabu  - SPIRIT SHOT!
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    Great review.

  • Socialiste
    avatar
    Quote:
    Like most of the world, you're an American?

    300 millions over 7 billion humans is most of the world?


    You make me sad. I'd expect this from the denizens of youtube (and they give it to me, constantly), but this? This...

    Watch Team America, dude.

    In fact, there is a part that was strangely deleted from my comment saying:

    hahaha good joke

    After all that. I had the same reaction when I saw my comment cut in half making me look frustrated. In fact, that's probably my favorite joke of your video, except for PUPPIES.

    Also, I already saw Team America, Dudette

  • Rufus T  - You are very funny.
    avatar

    I can't wait for the next Disney animated movie. I hear it's going to be about how the civil war was just one big dance off.

  • Kinginler  - 4* Go Nostalgic chick:)
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    Great video!

    When the quest for a nostalgic chick started I was septic about it.
    but now I've seen this video I truly believe it will be awesome.

    I give 4* ranking for 3 reasons:
    1º- to support!
    2º- can't give 5* has a challenge for you to make even funnier videos
    3º- the "american-ego" joke...although of its irony. I'm european (portuguese) and although europeans don't mine americans to think there better, I think the non-americans(and there r a lot of non-americans that visit this site) dont enjoy that type of jokes.

    but beside that, I really liked the video and I'll be at the "Nostalgic chick fan list" ;)

  • Flayr  - Surely this colony shall FLOURISH!
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    I love that line so much. xD

    Anyway, I'm still wondering about the random moose. Honestly, I've come to expect random moments of unexplained magic and oddly placed musical numbers from Disney, but a moose in Virginia? How did that even come about?

  • Listior  - Oh boy!
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    I can't believe I didn't watch this movie when it first came out (but I just hated Pocahontas that much). It's actually one of the funniest things I ever had the pleasure to watch! You got the movie by it's balls and you sure pressed them hard. Ooh, it SO did deserve a proper bashing. I actually hated it much more then Anastasia for it's romantisized narration of one BIG crime...

    Thanks again - and please never stop ;)

  • Kynergy  - Great Video
    avatar

    Awsome and funny video. I'm really starting to like your reviews. I'm looking forward to them equally as much as I do for the Nostalgia Critic. Oh, and PUPPIES!! ^^

  • Sheeyah  - My wife likes this movie.
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    I've seen parts of this movie here and there, but my wife really likes it. She even has a Pocahontas blanket.

    I found the part about her magically learning english amusing. Tarzan had a tougher time. It's like the leaves were the Native American version of translator microbes from a sci-fi movie.

    And the fact that he had to be taken across the ocean for a gunshot wound is great...but he is Captain Amazing.

    Oh, and an interesting side not. The Chief probably had a lot of wives and sent them packing after their first kid. So see, she didn't die...

  • cookiemonster
    avatar

    My theory is her father was playing the "got your nose" game and forgot to give it back.

    I found this movie very boring, even with the inclusion of Mel freakin' Gibson. True, at that age I was starting to develop a preference for random explosions and nudity, but I'm sure even by female standards Pocahontas was trash.

  • GodOfPlague
    avatar

    What no epic climax jok??? Anyway first non guy with glasses vid I've checked out.
    I like it alot. Though you cannot buy me off with puppies... Rabbits maybe...

    Anyway nice review looking forwardto your work

  • vampyre lord  - amazing
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    The way I see it, The Nostalgia Chick seems to gravitate more to female audiences than the Nostalgia Critic, but she is still unbelievably funny!!!
    ............

    ...........................PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!

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