Big boobed explosions are always nice.

I'd rather mine didn't explode.

The "shit directing crap" and the "smell" comments are so full of win it kinda hurts I laughed so damn hard.

But... fuck Michael Bay! I prefer my ponies cross eyed and my turtles MUTANT goddamn it! I wonder whats next they're gonna destroy?

Critic, if you're hyped about this I NEED to see your review because I refuse to see it until you talk about it. The Teenaged Alien Ninja Turtles review might be my favorite review of "recent" movies one other than your review of that shit spewing Twilight film.

i suddenly have a vision of Michael Bay cross eyed, bouncing on a cloud saying" I dont understand what went wrong"

Good GOD no!!! But its a funny thought, but that would ruin things for me, lol!

Please, please, don't horribly insult Derpy like that by comparing her to Michael Bay.

Oh their not even teenage anymore! He's naming the film Ninja Turtles...yeah...I agree with doug here, guy's nuts. Hard to argue with a guy who's flown three times over the koo-koo's nest...and each time he came out crazier then before. They even have names!
Transformers 1, 2, and 3!

I actually agree. I'm totally hyped as well, only I don't believe it should have my money.

So torrents awaaayyyy.

LoL, I wrote "hipped". After reading your comment I changed it. LoL. I think I'm gonna do what you're gonna do.... torrents away ditto!!!

But we will lose the theme song from the top eleven list I mean teenage mutant ninja aliens.. does not compute just like no transformer theme song.

Don't worry. The NEW theme song will probably be performed by Linkin Park during the end credits :)

No, it'll be Nickelback.

Nah, Randy Newman.

yeah singing about what the turtles do all the time

>.
That's like saying Alien Ant Farm's version of Smooth Criminal was "better" than MJs and requires a remake.


FUCK REMAKES!

I am so tired of remakes. At least Doug's idea is original to some degree. Explosions with masks and boobs? Fuck ya. But I bet its Rule 34-ed already somewhere. But still!


As much as I love TMNT from my childhood. Its only a cartoon people. If Michael Bay was to do a remake of "Casablanca" I think I would care more since he would be taking a shit on a beautiful piece of cinematic art. As long as he stays away from the classics. Whatever. Have at it Mike. IT can't be worse than Transformers III was.

Well It was a good remake!
I like AAF!!!

erhm..teenage alien ninja turtles* i mean.

In all honesty, I hadn't heard anything about the movie until I found out that they were planning the alien idea. So alien and Michael Bay coincided with me. That being said, I wasn't surprised with the change.

I think it COULD be a good movie if done properly, but they can't put the TMNT label on it. Could they be mutant aliens? Sure. But by changing such a basic staple of the franchise, it's a whole new animal they're dealing with. Unless they come up with something truly amazing, it's going to be a flop because everyone is going to go in expecting the Turtles they grew up with. In order for it to be successful, they have to go as far away from the original story as they can.

Michael Bay = Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll with a better budget.

And no box office bombs.

My thing was originally I didn't care Bay was involved I just thought he was just going to produce and you know bring in the money to make it... not actually have any involvement beyond that!!
FUCK BAY!!!
I was willing to forgive for Transformers as that was the 1st ever transformers to be done in live action(besides some Japanese car commercials). But, this... WTF!?
He's turning the Turtles into the ripoffs of themselves... He's basically making Battle Toads and/or Biker Mice from Mars but with the originals names and species!
This is the equivalent to me if his Transformers movies weren't about giant warring alien robots but people in giant mech suits! It might be pretty to look at but it's a totally different monster! (Gundam)
I don't give a flying FUCK how good he said his script is! It's still not the TMNT!!!
Also, I don't care that the original creators have given him their blessing!! I've looooong since learned the creators don't always have the best in mind for their creations! Just look at George Lucius! And Rob Liefeld!
Also, do you realize the shortened name will now be TANT! That's one letter short from TAINT!!! 1st it was Devastator's "Balls" and now this!?? I do believe Bay is trying to TEABAG us ALL!!!

I'm GLAD Michael Bay is actually rolling with his alien idea as if it was good unironically. He's so cocky he thinks it will work. This time we should show him it won't. This way he'll alienate (no pun intended) his audience before he can pass his shit off to the fans. He managed to trick the brain-dead fanboys of Transformers into paying to see his terrible abominations 3 fucking times! At least now hopefully he'll have already made the TMNT fans NOT want to see this.

I love that he's showing that he doesn't give a shit that this idea is ALREADY pissing off fans. If he manages to do it enough maybe it will bomb at the box office and he'll never get work again.
Michael Bay sucks and must be destroyed!

Don't you think comparing Bay to Boll is an insult to Uwe Boll?

Why do people keep giving Micheal Bay these movies? What is wrong with these people? I'm at a loss for words as to how stupid someone would have to be to say "Hey guys you know what would be GREAT? A TMNT movie Directed by the biggest hack we can find!"

Because he makes money. And for a lot of people in Hollywood that's all that applies. They were considering making a The Last Airbender sequel. Even with all the terrible reviews because it made a lot of money. Thankfully it looks like the movie is in development hell at the moment.

Transformers 2, the bashed by critics and fans a like yet he made a 3rd, because the box office said the movie succeeded.

I'm convinced that most movie contracts have a trilogy deal guaranteed if the first one makes XX amount of money.

The April that appeared in the newer Turtles was a much blander uninteresting character then the 80's one. 80's April actually had a reason and drive for getting into dangerous situations, the newer one just sort of met the Turtles and followed them around because...having an antique shop owner along can really help you fight ninjas?

I'm giving Bay the benefit of the doubt... for now. From what exactly I heard, he said "alien" in a way that might not necessarily mean the Turtles themselves are from another planet. It could mean they are "alien" in the sense that they are separate from the human race by being mutants. It may even be a reference to the ooze that creates them being made by aliens - which I THINK follows the storyline of the second cartoon series somewhat. So yeah, we might just be misinterpreting what he meant. But I'd better be right about this.

I think you give him too much credit.

If he was doing that, then he wouldn't mentioned them being Aliens, because they wouldn't be they'd still be MUTANTS.

I don't think Bay has even seen any of the TMNT material so inferring he knows what the Utrom are is silly.

Just like how Bay has never seen Transformers outside of the commercials and the one episode he stole the plot for the plot of the 3rd movie. (Bringing Cybertron into the Earth's orbit)

The only thing you really want to see is the yellow jumpsuit! ADMIT IT!

This is just GENIUS, Doug. Love it. XD

MICHAEL BAY EXPLOSION

I was about to cast stones at Doug until I heard his explanation. He's got a point and for that he is spared.

True...but I'd much rather wait to see it at home. If I know it's going to stink, I'll wait to see it in such a way that it won't be seen at the box office as a success, and hopefully they'll try harder next time.

...I have to see this movie.

It's all true. The minute you hear Michael Bay is directing something, you just know it's going to be shit. I mean, seriously I don't get why everyone is so pissed off about this movie and are trying to get him to change his mind.

Guys, the movie is doomed regardless of whether or not the name is the same. Let's follow Doug's example and just ride the ride. It'll be more fun when we all sit down and watch Racist Alien Boobs Explosion.

It's really sad to say, but your idea is WAY too optimistic. Lets take a look at Transformers and assume TMNT will mirror it's failures.

Well, transformers are an awesome comment, but you know what's better? People! Normal, boring people. So obviously the story will revolve around Casey Jones instead of the turtles. And who better to play Casey Jones then Shia LaBeouf? But it's unrealistic that a grown man would run around New York in a hockey mask fighting crime, so lets say he's a pizza delivery boy. The turtles like pizza so you need a plot-convenient way to get the two together! And lets make Casey live at home with his parents, cause everybody loved the parent characters in Transformers!

So how can we fit John Turturro in this... hmmm... I've got it! Casey's boss at the pizza place! A perfect use for his talent. We'll make him obsessed with aliens since the turtles are gonna be aliens.

And April O'Neil, how could we make TMNT without the hostage bait? But that yellow jump suit covers up way too much skin, so lets give her short shorts and a tank top. You know, business casual. We've just gotta find a way to bend her over a camera and fit it into the plot... we'll say she's fixing the camera, cause reporters do that all the time.

Then you just need to get the classic villain of the series, Shredder, into the story. Who will play him? I don't know, but he'll have to be an alien or a rogue government agent since he's arching a group of aliens now. Maybe make him a mad scientist that tinkers with the Turtle's alien technology and accidentally fuses his DNA with a Ginsu knife, mutating him into a killer Julienne-cutting monster. I think they'll pick up Bebop and Rocksteady for the ineffectual minions, who will be the prerequisite racist stereotypes.

Ok so plot, lets keep it as simplistic and cliche as possible. Aliens arrive on the planet, April's covering the story, but those darned military people are constantly interfering! Hey, I know the turtles are giant green alien freaks, but they gotta get their pizza on, so we'll just have it delivered to a manhole cover on the edge of town. Nothing suspicious there. But wait, who gets the order to deliver the pizza to a strange location just 5 minutes before closing time? Why it's Casey of course, giving him yet another reason to complain about his life while he begrudgingly delivers the pizza. But what's this? Why April O'Neil just happens to get there at the exact moment a strange man is delivers pizza to the sewers. Clumsy dialogue and failed explanation. Pop goes the turtles! So probably 40 minutes in you finally meet the titular characters, who are probably so bland and oversimplified they might as well be played by cardboard cut-outs. Leonardo's the leader, Michelangelo is the goofy screw-up, Donatello is the science geek and Raphael is an asshole, and racist against humans. But what about Splinter? Um... he's a computer program?...

I'm going to have nightmares about LaBeouf in a Hockey mask screaming Goongala...Casey is one of my favorite Characters even if the 1987 version cartoon made him nothing a comedic ragging fool. I will bet that the Fan made movie Casey Jones will be better then anything MB can make in his career.

And as for April, why do I get the feeling that she be even more a pain then the 1987 version?

Dude... you surprised me!

We all know it's only a matter of time, let Michael Bay direct 'Splosion Man: The Movie and get it over with.

The only thing that could make the prospect of this classic IP even worst is if they added M. Night Shamalamadingdong to the mix.

I have to see Michael Bay's Racist Alien Big Boobied Explosions! Best movie EVER!

This aliens uproar is honestly the first I've ever heard about the movie, but it's true that before worrying about the aliens thing my first thought was "Michael Bay? Shit!". But you make a good point, Doug. I may end up going to see it just to see how spectacular a train wreck it ends up being.

Also... an explosion wearing a mask. Bad ass.

Thank you, Doug. This was the best response to the "ZOMGALIENSWTF!" I've seen thus far.

Ya'know what I am more afraid of? Not seeing much of the Ninja Turtles while the firm mostly follows a horny teen boy (Casey Jones) trying to get into a pretty face girl's pants. (April o'Neil)

I just KNOW that's going to happen. Just know he's going to put some half-assed love story that no one cares about.

I still don't know.

I might not go see this movie.

If anyone wants to see it, they need to do it online, that way you don't have to spend a penny on this crap.

The series was before my time, but when Nash brought it up on the stream, my mind still went, "DOES NOT COMPUTE!"

But this was hilarious, and it looks like it was unscripted too!

You not only convinced me but this was funny as hell. Well played sir.

Besides, in the original show you had Shredder's elderly mom leave her nursing home to show her son how to stop being a fuck up and she goes to the Technodrome in dimension X where they reflect light from one of the suns there into our dimension through a portal using giant space mirrors to cause global warming. That happened, so why the hell are we treating the original show (as awesome as it is, that plot was fucking hilarious) with so much reverence?

It's like saying "HOW DARE YOU MICHEAL BAY! You give TMNT its proper respect and MAKE SURE MOVIE HAS PIZZA COVERED IN ALIEN EGGS THAT TURN INTO REAL ALIENS WHEN YOU HEAT UP THE PIZZA. AND INTERDIMENSIONAL TEENAGERS THAT DRIVE FLYING CARS AND TALK LIKE 90S KID OR ELSE! Also April HAS to turn into a furry at least ONCE!"

We're talking about a show/movie where the basic premise is a mutagen turning turtles into people and a rat trains them to be ninjas. It's freaking kickass but it's not worth taking seriously, unless they remake and fuck up Turtles in Time again. >_>

LOL Thaaaank you. I admittedly only watched a few of the TMNT cartoons, but I was actually kind of looking forward to how this might turn out. I thought the alien idea was more believable than the mutant one, and I didn't think the original source material was SO GREAT that a change as relatively minor as this could possibly make it worse than the original. Yeah it might, most likely WILL, crap out... But you never know!

Am I the only one that has a feeling they're going to turn April (if she's in it) into a total slut? Someone is bound to just be a slut.

At least we can take comfort knowing she won't be played by Megan Fox - thank goodness THAT bridge was burned...

i agree! i can't stand ToeThumbs!

Or someone impossibly "beautiful" and stick-thin, with huge lip-injections who tries to act nerdy or clumsy, completely unconvincingly, and also unconvincingly falls in love with whatever LeBitch-type actor is playing Casey Jones.

Maybe they will replace April altogether with some random tart. Hey, it is Michael Bay we are talking about!

My stomach hurts, I'm laughing so much! And you pointed out all of Bays' trademarks of shit! Yes yes YES!

Point of interest: Michael Bay isn't directing, just producing through Platinum Dunes.

Then again, the director is Jonathan Liebesman. If you think Bay is incompetent, just give Battle: Los Angeles a spin, or wait until Wrath of the Titans comes out.

So basically, this isn't like "shit directing crap." It's more like "shit producing crap, directed by puke."

I...actually didn't know that. But it has his name on it so we already know it won't be good.

Add this to the list of comments that tell you that already but ya Michael Bay's company is making this movie he's just executive producing it. The guy who did Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning has the chair on this one... my theory is that Michael Bay got fed up with all the people criticizing Transformers so he decided to take that other much loved 80s franchise and put someone worse then himself (and who already had experience ruining franchises) in the hot seat just so he could deliver a giant FUCK YOU to everybody within that age group who likes to wax nostalgic. I'm sure the entity known as "Douchy" will call you out on this at some point...

Oh shite, I thought it was MB in charge, I actually had a sliver of hope then... Not anymore. A shame. =(