So I'm going to assume this movie doesn't address Columbus' policy of murder and slavery.

Why would they do something that shows they know what really happened in history?

Because maybe then they could make it interesting.
Instead they made it BOIOIOIOIOIOIIIIIING! ...annoying. In addition, and this NEEDS to be said; common knowledge in 1492 dictated that the Earth was round but the ocean was too impossibly big to reach India by sailing West. NOT that the Earth was flat.

Also, Columbus landed in the Caribbean islands and not Florida as is what most people think. I wouldn't be so annoyed by this if the ending didn't show the island turning into frigging Manhattan.

"Instead they made it BOIOIOIOIOIOIIIIIING!"

Ah, you're referring to the telescope! Or the crotchescope, if you prefer.

Wonder Boner, man. Wonder Boner.

"You, your scope and your Johnson!"

Can't blame them. New York has always been known for its palm trees and tropical climate. Easy to mix up. :P

Ok, you do know that CC didn't land in New York or even USA right? He landed somewhere in the carribbean, so both the pyramid, palm trees and tropical climate could be spot on.

I didn't see your post until after I made a comment, but yeah you're right. I think most of us learn the real location in High School, but some people just don't remember.

indeed,it was only the spanish that thought it was flat,but hey spain always was the backward cousin of the europeon nations

Don't you just love it when they take freaking liberties with historical events in children's shows and f**ck them up against a wall?

Wow, I learned so much today more than my accredited teachers ever taught me! :D


(yeah, I am just going to point out it was sarcasm since its really hard to do that when typing on the internet lol)

It is true what your saying about Columbus landing on the Caribbeans and that most of his voyages was there. But how can you make that in to a good story about how America was founded if it have no connection to America.:P

Don't you love how people only think of USA when the word America comes up? It's not like it's an entire continent or something, with, like, other countries...

Or that Vikings originally discovered a place called Canada, or that there was another continent just a few thousand miles south?

Well, to be fair, there IS no place on our world map simply called "America." Yeah, the Americas (note the plurality) span two continents, North and South, but neither is simply called "America".

Thus I don't think it's really doing any injustice to the other countries of the Americas for "America" to refer exclusively to the United States.

Hm, this depends of how you learn. Where I live, academics consider America as only one continent, the division of north and south (and central) being for speech convenience only. The result is that some people get offended with this terminology. However, the funny thing is that everybody around here still uses it! I guess is easier to say 'americans' than call people from the USA 'unitedstatians' or something :P

*shrugs* I....I ...don't know, but its probably gotta make more sense than this movie.


And would have freaking pauses in the conversations at least.

I agree completely with Virgil_theBadassPoet. Columbus's crew sighted San Salvador on October 12, 1492, and landed shortly thereafter. He mistook it for the Indies and continued his quest to find riches. Unfortunately, the idiot never realized it was a New World and kept searching for the Indies. AMERIGO VESPUCCI was the first guy to say, "Duh, these islands ain't got no Asian people, whom we've been interacting with for God knows how many years!" hence, we are named America and not Columbia.
Yes, Columbus was an advocate of slavery. He wrote, in one of his journals, that the Indians were "to be ruled and set to work, to cultivate the land and to do all else that may be necessary... and to adopt our customs."
However, the one of the biggest misconceptions in this movie is this: Christopher Columbus DID NOT SET OUT TO PROVE THE WORLD WAS ROUND. He was in search of the vast riches that the Indies had to offer, a shortcut via water so Spain and the other European countries wouldn't have to deal with all the trade tariffs and land charges, plus warring nations (the route went right through Islamic territory as well as Russian and those are battlefields you do NOT want to cross). He was a money grubbing man-whore and he died in 1506 a disregarded idiot for not realizing that A) the world is round and 2) what he discovered was NOT the Indies.
Thanks to my history professor, Mr. Duncan, for the enlightening lecture on Columbus.

A lot of internet history experts here. Watch out !

man after this i don't know whose form of entertainment is more incoherent, stupid, and bat-shit insane Germany or Japan. is the entire axis power just off its meds when it comes to the entertainment industry

at least italy is still......shit....titani c musical...

never mind they are all batshit insane.

Of course not. That would be accurate.

Heh, only me whou though that a reference to the Master in Doctor Who and the constant noise he was hearing would be fitting at around 06.00? :P

Me too. Along with the All Quacking Choir.

Murder is an intent to take someone else's life. Bringing small pox to the new world isn't something Columbus set out to do. It's kind of like the guy who released the rabbits in Australia. He didn't intend to wreck the ecosystem there, he just wanted to hunt on his property. Who would have thought 12 rabbits would turn in to millions within a decade? We know this now, but hindsight is always 20/20.

Columbus couldn't have known small pox didn't exist in the new world since it hadn't been discovered by Europeans yet(Well, except the Vikings, but that's another story).

Did he murder or enslave anyone in his life?

i remember when i got soo pissed and confused that i breathed fire
i accidentally found Mew Mew power on youtube and blinding clicked on it
lost my cat that way (fuckin zoey)

here's the problem with the dubbing its kinda of like an anime sent to America expect it was rushed and misinterpreted. with an anime you have to get the voice actors to read the translated script. but here it looks like the Germans got the voice actors to read the lines.. but added extra lines to the script cause of our kids Stereotypical attention span at least with an anime its stupid but it can pace its self. in this movie there are times with actors are speaking and the character's mouths aren't even moving this is just a wreck.

Almost as bad as Italians writing about the Titanic. Oh wait...

To be fair, at least that didn't have a crotchoscope.

Well, this one didn't have a rapping dog... no, I'd say the crotchoscope wins in the WTF department.

Rapping dog was worst!

Here's a story.

Once upon a time, EVERYONE KNEW THE WORLD WAS ROUND BACK IN THE TIME OF THE ANCIENT GREEKS.

Yeah, you can say that there was at least a group of people that thought the world was flat in Columbus's time, but you know what? THERE ARE DROOLING IDIOT RETARDS THAT THINK THAT TODAY.

Oh, come on! Everyone knows for a fact that the earth is banana-shaped.

Wait, saying that after the Crotchascope doesn't sound right.

I like the fantastic voyage better.

...Oh Sweet Chinchilla Jesus, I think I remember watching the trailer for this on an old tape years ago.

I never got the chance to watch it and thank goodness I never did. o___o

What does that have to do with the Fantastic Voyage?!!

What is the Fantastic Voyage? I think I've heard of it before.

Oh, yeah! I remember now! That science fiction movie... in space... from the 1960s. Had an animated series shortly afterward.

Nope. Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell. I'll check it out when I get the chance.

Oh wow, this was one of my favorite movies as a kid. I must have watched it 50 times.

LOL same here I had this as a kid too on VHS.
I recall watching it a few times and liking it.

But still this review is great since it shows stuff I never notcied or realized as a kid

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I remember my dad taking it out of blockbuster two times cause I enjoyed it so much! Also gave me the impression for years that Columbus discovered New York City, which lead to years of denial!

if you have then you are very stupid
and therefore very easy to control
would you like to be my minion? i'll pay you nothing

Actually, mathematicians had discovered that the world was round in Classical times; no one had tried to reach India by sailing because they thought that the journey would be too long, and you'd starve to death.

And they were right, at least in comparison to their existing route. As I recall, Columbus believed the world was smaller than the current (more or less correct) size estimates suggested.

Well, according to this movie, the earth is shaped like various D&D dice.

wow just another reason of how lazy the makers of this film was

Yeah, the argument was never around the world's shape (since people knew the world was round for thousands of years). It was all about size and how quickly you could reach the other side. The whole "Columbus proved the world was round" nonsense was a myth fabricated by Washington Irving and Andrew Dickson White.

The best book on the subject (in my opinion) is "Inventing the Flat Earth: Columbus and Modern Historians" By Jeffrey Russell

And even so, CC himself didn't prove anything. He only made it across the Atlantic to the Americas. It wasn't until Ferdinand Magellan that the earth was actually circumnavigated.

Yeah, quite the kick in the nuts isn't it?

And let's think about this while we're at it: this world is inhabited by fairies and talking bugs. Who's to say that the world wasn't flat in that universe? Besides the aforementioned talking bug, that is.

So basically this thing is taking place in the same universe as Terry Pratchett's Discworld?

Ugh. Terry deserves better than this!

Amen to that, brother!

"Brother"?

Are you saying women can't be Pratchett fans? ;)

Yes they can, "sister"!
And i would rather spend my day swimming in the Ankh than watch this crap.

its just fun to say that when a girl accidentally gives away her gender identity

and he died on that trip!

I think in reality they were trying to find a safe route to sail to India for trading and exporting. So that kinda pretty much summed up why the voyage was considered in the first place.

In fact, when he got to the new world and saw the Native Americans, he called them Indians because he thought he was in India. Really Germany, I don't think you are stupid or anything but its not hard to make a children's movie out of that.

And didn't Alexander get his a** handed to him in India?

Just......... A really weird movie.

Oh god...the historical inaccuracies...My brain! She's-a melting!!!!!!

In before "YOU JERK! ANDREW DICKMAN ALREADY REVIEWED THIS AND HE DID IT BETTER YOU ASSFACE!" :p

But in all seriousness now, I never noticed how noisy the movie was until Doug pointed it out. This is a very common problem in a lot of dubs: they stuff the film with a lot of comments and noise in order to make it active.

That happened in the movie Doogal as well. It's a British kids' movie that was re-dubbed for American audiences, and it too was very noisy. Characters HAD to say something or make a noise in order to be "funny".

It really does feel like a desperate attempt to capture a kid's attention.

You are definitely right in this being a common problem, especially in dubs, but this was on another level. Even in other bad dubs they tended to shut up at some point. From how this movie looked, it NEVER shut up and I think I would be far too annoyed to make it through this movie, at least in one sitting, without Arnold's help.

Obviously, this was a bad, stupid movie. Good job getting through it and making it as entertaining as it could be Doug.

I was about to say something along the same lines. Doug's comparison to a Popeye short was probably more accurate than he intended. The original Popeye cartoons had very little scripted dialogue because the cast of voice actors were all comedians who were well known for being good at improv comedy. They just let the actors do what they were good at by throwing out silly one-liners and joking amongst each other about what they were watching on the screen and it worked. I have a feeling that's what happened here as well except that Corey Feldman is clearly no Jack Mercer.

Also, while on the subject of Popeye cartoons, I just have to go on record of saying that the oldest black-and-white Popeye cartoons were usually very funny and clever while the leap to color apparently meant they were only allowed to use the "Bluto and Popeye fight over Olive" story again and again and again and AGAIN!!! Urgh. Sorry. Just had to get that out of my system.

I love Popeye in both B&W and in Color (though that TV series, the one from the 60s and 70s, were abysmal).

The thing is that the creators of Popeye were aware that the story was minimal and they wanted the improv.

This HAD a story and set concept. Couldn't they just localize the original script? Again, its as if they feared that kids would get bored and wanted the constant stimulation just to grab their attention.

I have never seen this movie and I don't think I ever will. Anyway awesome review as usual keep it up.

I am relieved that you didn’t compare the annoyance of this film to things like Jar Jar Binks and the Autobot Twins, because they are Einstein campared to this.

1:25- Idea and Story by Ure Koll? I just hope that isn’t a fake name for Uwe Boll. If it is, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I first knew about Mickey Rooney from his cameo in “The Simpsons.”

I really love your Grinch joke, along with the rest of the noise, noise, noise, NOISE, NOISE, NOISE, NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE (insert Arnold clip) …sorry.

10:04- That’s stupider that the ending of “The Geek.” You know; that Bigfoot porno that The Cinema Snob reviewed.

10:21- I wonder if there was any psychiatry help in 1492.

My God, the animation on this thing is really, really bad, and that includes Columbus’s dream sequence. I’d rather see the rapping dog from the Titanic musical again than this animated form of WTF.

14:27- It’s been a long time since you said that, Doug. =)

This is one of the worst animated films based on history I have ever heard of. It’s like if my history book from high school was written by a 70s hippy.

"I wonder if there was any psychiatry help in 1492."

Does the Inquisition count?

Like everyone else, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. =P

But what about the murder and slavery problems! Gaaah!

Do we really want Germans making anything invalving those subjects!?

Touche!

At least Anastasia and Pocahontas wasn't that bad...

God, This movie is soooo insulting!!!! Please learn gentlemen. Do not make animated films based on historical events to "entertain" children. It is better to read a book and learn the history, to view stupid movies like this!!!.

This movie is so inaccurate that if they hadn't actually referred to the Christopher Columbus by name I probably wouldn't have had any idea this was about him.

By the way, are the thumbs not showing up for anyone else?

I think the site must of gotten rid of them.
(thank god)

I dunno...I don't miss the Thumbs Down part, obviously, but the Thumbs Up kind of says that people liked your comment, even if they didn't reply.

I agree, Sly. The reason they got rid of them seems to have something to do with someone complaining about all the thumbs down people who make critical comments (not necessarily insulting comments, but negative none the less) kept getting.

Also, maybe to address lazy trolls who just like to thumb everything down.

I think that bringing back the Thumbs Up button would be nice, though.

or a mod system similar to what Rooster Teeth has if your familiar with it.

i dont remember this one from my past

Good for you!

Hmm, is this his first video in HD? Or have I just not been paying enough attention to that little HD button?

Nostalgia Critic in HD? I approve.

I had only ever heard of this movie before. No intention of ever seeing it, since I hate watered-down stories about Christopher Columbus that hide what a genocidal prick he actually was. I recommend reading the book "Lies My Teacher Told Me" if you really want to know about Columbus.

Mickey Rooney will always be Flip from Little Nemo in Slumberland to me.

Ever notice that pretty much all animated European films suck? Italy gave us "Titanic: The Legend Goes On" and now we have this.

Not true, check out movies like Felidae or Jungledyret Hugo. They're good films.

"Not true, check out movies like Felidae or Jungledyret Hugo. They're good films."

Felidae, I'll agree on...however, "Hugo"...ehhhh.....the comment that THAT movie is good, that's all a matter of opinion. The english dub especially, where the characters, MUCH like this one, NEVER SHUT THE FUCK UP. >_

There are some good one, but if they were good they wouldn't be on this show!

Protip: avoid blanket statements like this, especially in regards to animation.

If I remember correctly, Plague Dogs and Watership Down, both amazing movies, were made in Europe.

It truly depends on the company, really.

i really wish i could hate u

there was a beaver and a "little worm" in this movie... THAT is an innuendo

as a non-American, this is the most inaccurate POS i have ever seen in my life.

I mean, how can you fuck up Christopher Columbus? It's basically one of the easiest parts of history, and you fuck it up?

This film should be a manual on how not to fuck up a historical retelling. I know it's for kids, but kids needs proper history in order for them to relate to academically.

ANd seriously, Italians during those days do not sound like Italians today. Atleast have a British voice for Columbus instead of Don DeLuise.

Why on earth would we use a british voice for a Genoese man?

Could we ever really know how people sounded in the 1400s? For all we know, the Italians could have sounded like Australians speaking a dead Italian dialect.

Also, Christopher Columbus's name was really Cristobal Colón.

And another thing: when Cristobal landed in America, he thought it was India, which is why Native Americans are STILL called Indians. It was Amerigo Vespucci who proved it wasn't India.

So according to this movie, New York City is in the Bahamas? And the Native Americans spoke English BEFORE the English even came to the New World? I feel so enlightened now...all that I have learned as a history major has now been challenged by this movie...

Great review as always Critic. Keep up the awesome work.

And that Columbus landed in New York 1st!

^ To make it even more confusing, it seems like the movie does get something right by having Colombus land in an area populated by Mayans, but THEN you get actual Native Americans and New York City being built in the area. So yeah, great job on the history there, Germany.

Oh, and Columbus died still thinking he had just landed in Eastern Asia instead of an entirely new continent.

I swear, this is the strangest movie I've ever seen. God, even the singing is a whole lot worse.

I'm surprised you didn't even use the safe word.

You mean Elephant?

CREEPY BURGER KING'D!!

I know he's avoiding using that joke again so it won't become repetitive but it's been years since the last time we were creepy burger king'd.

By the way, who else immediately though "Big lipped alligator moment" while watching the dream sequence?

Great review as always Critic, great review.

I guess the makers of this film never knew that the Ancient Greeks had already figured out that the Earth was round...IN THE FREAKING 5TH CENTURY BC!!!

They also didn't know the Vikings got to America about 400 years before Columbus

...And the existence of L'anse Aux Meadows is concrete proof of that fact.

Stuff like this is why a little research goes a long way.

That'd been a better stor actually!

Not to mention that Columbus never set foot on American soil; in 4 trips, he landed in the Bahamas EVERY FRICKIN TIME.

Seriously, we do NOT need to commemorate Columbus for jackshit.

He did land in South and Central America in subsequent voyages.

Still, the Vikings beat him to it.

Ahh, Magic Voyage, this movie is probably the reason why I have a problem with watching historical films lol.

I hate to point out, but I thought that the natives in this movie were AFRAID of the swarm, and were glad to be rid of it. Not that they worshiped it... I just assumed the swarm just happened to have taken over the temple containing the idol.Ehh, whatever. Not like it's important lol.

They were afraid of them, I agree. The whole "made squishy" is being happy they killed them, squishing them LIKE BUGS.

But that also is what's wrong with the film. The Mayans built all that stuff not for their own people, but because they were afraid of some insects.

what did that "Native American" say at the end? "you made squishy with the hord"? ........made squishy? how did NC not catch that? that the weirdest innuendo I've ever heard.

Yeah, I noticed that and thought "what the hell?". I'm surprised the Critic let that slide.

After the Crotchescope, I'm pretty sure he was just ready to be done with it.

I agree!

Never heard of it

this review was so much of an epic win that chuck norris has cried happy tears and may never do so again.

QUICK!!! GET THE BUCKETS!! WE NEED THE TEARS FOR CURING CANCER AND whoop too late he stopped -_-

You do know that Columbus "discovered" America as in the continent, right? Not the United States. He first hit a handful of caribbean islands.
The natives portrayed as aztecs or whathaveyou are still wrong, but only because there's no way there were constructions like that in those tiny islands where no massive civilization could develop. Also because they wear feathers like the stereotypical US native american do.

I mean, seriously... that's an historical inaccuracy as big as a woodworm being the one who told Columbus that the Earth was round.

He landed in the Bahamas, not North America. Shame on you Critic, shame on you. You're here to point out inaccuracies like that, not purpetuate them!

Hey, in his defense, the crotch-oscope was far more deserving of ridicule than the lack of factual accuracy.

This map shows Columbus's routes:
http://en.wikipedia.org/ wiki/File: Viajes_de_colon_en.svg

This map shows where the Bahamas are:
http://en.wikipedia.org/ wiki/File: LocationBahamas.svg

I think the region you were looking for was the Caribbean

I sense Top 11 Nostalgia Critic Fuck Ups 3

I also do ^^

Don't me that the asshole killed many of our natives in puerto rico and stole their gold and not even a thank you or nothing

No, didn't you watch the movie? The natives thanked Columbus for saving their lives from the dreaded Lord Swarm. A great hero to the natives! Why would Columbus thank them?

Also Columbus discovered Manhattan.

He also had a worm smarter than everyone on earth because he figured out the world is round and NOT the Greeks.

And the firefly people were wiped due to retardation from cross breeding.

I also loved the fact that Columbus was a worthless low life but discovering America made him rich and famous.

The whole point of Columbus' journey was to discover gold in new land, man, I thought the history books said he was trying to find a faster trade route to China.

Man, this movie is so edumacational.

yeah... Columbus never went up north, he discovered some caribean islands, Costa Rica and the coast of Colombia, and all for glory.