Zeus and Roxanne
Tuesday, 03 August 2010 23:28
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Comments (548)
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08.03.2010 - 23:56 | Quantum Wolf
A dog...and a dolphin. Who in the name of hell thought that would be charming?
Oh, and DOLPHINNNN PAWNCH!
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08.04.2010 - 00:05 | whatever42
Quantum Wolf, you have to remember, no matter how completely stupid the idea or how bland the content, Hollywood will make anything that they believe, for some reason beyond any of us, it will make money. ANYTHING. :sigh:
As for the review, it was another nice job Doug. I know people say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but this isn't a book. Just like you said, you see all you need to with that cover.
My favorite jokes in this one was probably the dolphin Playboy magazine, your bit that I will spread to the universe as the message is already recieved by the world, and the Dolphin Paunch! I really hope that last one will come in future reviews, one way or another. =D
Keep up the great work Doug.
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08.04.2010 - 12:47 | RobMetalCheesewhy not just make porn?
XB
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08.04.2010 - 01:09 | RebelTaxi
Dolphin Punch worked well in the Ecco games.
Did Roxanne swim off with another dolphine at the end? The tease.
Maybe this movie needed that Cyborg Dolphin in Linkara's Brute Force Review.
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The Dolphin Punch, a heck of a lot better than the donkey punch.
Actually, dolphins in the wild use their beaks on sharks all the time. Whenever a dolphin pod is attacked by a shark, one or more of the group will gang up on the shark and ram it in the mouth, nose and gills. The action often rips the gills apart, thereby killing the shark by taking away its ability to breathe. There are documented cases of dolphins doing this in defense of other species, even humans.
It's not a criticism, just a fun fact. Getting back to your review, I never have seen this movie, but it looks......boring. Not because of the dolphin+dog thing (I've actually read articles about even weirder animal friendships, for example a cat and a snake ) no, what was boring to me was the sheer lack of creativity with the human characters. Worse, the absence of any on-screen chemistry between the actors. Great review. You were right, I lol'd when I saw that cover. XD
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08.04.2010 - 20:55 | KatjaMouse
I too had been living under the awesome assumption that dolphins, which are really just gay sharks anyway, can fight off and even kill sharks with their beaks. Also, the Pearl Harbor joke only made me think of "FUCK YOU WHARE! FUCK YOU DORPHINE!"
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08.09.2010 - 20:43 | DwaneI'm surprised Doug didn't make a South Park joke. I mean, I really thought he was gonna at least twice.
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11.15.2010 - 19:43 | Jables00
Thats mostly smaller sharks though, right? I'm not a shark expert, but this one looks like its a bull shark. If it was a small one and a few dolphins were helping out, I can see them fighting off a shark. but not a full grown bull shark, if that is in fact a bull shark. I'm a surfer and see dolphins and sharks quite frequently. I've always heard that if you saw a group of dolphins, then you didn't need to worry about sharks. Which put my mind at ease while I'm surfing. That is just a myth though. In some cases, a group of dolphins will attack a small shark, but for the most part they leave each other alone. if they do fight, the shark usually gets the better of the dolphin (unless its a lot smaller and out numbered). and are u sure they would go for the mouth of the shark? the nose and gills makes a lot of sense. hell, even the eyes, but the mouth?
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08.04.2010 - 17:03 | WerewolfRiverDog and a Dolphin. How much more stupid could a movie get? o_O
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08.07.2010 - 04:35 | xXSkellingtonXxDon't ask that question! You will create a market for stupid movies, and the Hollywood executives will think people want to see just how stupid movies can get!
Then you'll get movies like Two Scrotes And A Teste that rip off of two and a half men somehow, or Hercules and Hera the story of a cat and a platypus raising a family in a Manhattan shopping mall.
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10.17.2010 - 17:04 | drumlip
T-Rex and Whoopi Goldberg?
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08.04.2010 - 12:59 | REVIEWER RICK
Great video, as allays. I wish ya could wright a book on your creative genius. =D
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08.09.2010 - 22:13 | EliteKitty
[color=silver][/color] [size=medium][/size] [size=large][/size]Do you [u][b]like[/b][/u] making typos?
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08.04.2010 - 15:38 | tinkerhellKids like dogs, since Free Willy did so well they assume kids like cetaceans...guess they figured they'd do well together.
I never saw this movie because even as an animal-loving kid I was like "the hell? No."
Oh, and Roswell was awesome. The first two seasons anyway.
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YES! Thank you! Someone who agrees with me! Roswell was a cool show, but the third season was CRAP!
I noticed too that Roswell and Twilight are very similar, But with aliens instead of "vampires". A lot a weird similarities. I'm writing a comparison review of the two.
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08.04.2010 - 18:19 | CronnixFunny enough, dolphins "punches" ARE quite strong.
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08.06.2010 - 00:19 | PunkWhatNow
To be fair, I thought Kathleen Quinlan even thought Steve Guttenburg's acting was terrible in the movie.
She just seemed to have her WTF face on the entire time. -_- =_=
Also, did NC reference his Kid in King Arthur's Court review with that "By the sequel writes of darkman" quote?
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08.06.2010 - 21:40 | figlesiaseQWhatever he was on - I want some of it.
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08.09.2010 - 22:13 | EliteKittyLOLZ!
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08.09.2010 - 02:22 | veggen
[quote=KingGramJohnson] That's Majandra Delfino, she played Maria on Roswell! Holy crap, the irony! I was watching Roswell while waiting for this review to air. [/quote]
It wouldn't hurt to learn the difference between irony and coincidence...
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08.13.2010 - 15:18 | KingGramJohnsonMaybe learn what sarcasm is, and then we'll talk.
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09.19.2010 - 17:13 | big papi200i guess they ran out of ideas and desperate for money
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08.03.2010 - 23:58 | gaaralee1234
Wow are you shitting me?
A dog and a dolphin? Makes me wanna bitch slap the director. Two good things did come out of watching this review though, that world peace montage made me laugh hard and now I feel like playing Echo the Dolphin.
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08.04.2010 - 06:02 | BenjaminBupkus
Shit, this review made me wanna BUY Echo the Dolphin. And then play it. The whole series.
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08.09.2010 - 22:16 | EliteKittyIs you picture of mirror(?) L's sucsesor from [b][i][u]Death Note[/u][/i][/b]? :want:
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08.03.2010 - 23:51 | boxermanhuzzah!! i love echo the dolphin! time to dust off the old dreamcast...and whats the sexy music called at like 3:34?? Oh, and DOLPHIN PUNCH!!!
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08.03.2010 - 23:33 | Minaleigh
I've never heard of this movie before this review. I'm glad that I hadn't, lol.
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08.04.2010 - 01:03 | Lodeman AKA LARUCUS
is it ironic that tgwtg is having some kind of dolphin theme this week, and lupa is doing shark attack 3??? shark week coincidence perhaps??
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08.06.2010 - 00:01 | 0dd1
Not ironic, but quite coincedental.
--WORD POLICE =D
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08.03.2010 - 23:34 | tylerjacobI loved this movie when I was a kid, and I can't wait to see you rip it apart! =]
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08.04.2010 - 11:09 | elelgood90I used to watch this movie as a kid all the time. Not always by choice. My older cousin loved this movie. In fact, he loved dogs. So he loved dogs in movies. He even named his dog Zeus after this movie.
This review was great. You know, this has been a week of dolphines so far. Linkara had a cyborg dolphine. You have a dog and a dolphine being friends. It makes me wish the cyborg dolphine and Roxanne would meet up, and fight each other.
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08.03.2010 - 23:36 | Rat_haus
these videos really are the highlight of my week.
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08.03.2010 - 23:36 | kyleshinra567
great review! =D
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08.03.2010 - 23:38 | Stingrayx00
I remember seeing the trailer for this on a Vhs movie back in the day....DAMN o_O
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08.03.2010 - 23:40 | ap48
Not only did I laugh at the cover I laughed because I saw Steve Guttenburg. Acting gold.
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08.04.2010 - 00:12 | Eyeshot
Talk about late. Maybe the Critic had to make some last-minute revisions.
I'm sorry, but did I hear right? Did the Critic complain that there wasn't much time dedicated towards the dog and the dolphin being together? Maybe this flick has warped his tastes. Quick, to the Playboy Channel! Or if you can't get enough animal-on-animal action, go check out Brute Force #1 to see a bear on a gorilla!
:love: KINKY! :love:
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08.04.2010 - 11:27 | FloweramonI'm pretty sure all he meant was that, in a movie called Zeus and Roxanne, he expected to see the titular characters together more than he did.
(If that was meant to be sarcastic, I apologize, I'm not good with sarcasm)
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08.03.2010 - 23:40 | UkimoniHoly-! I just took time to log in and eight post jumped up...huh. Oh well another good one critic
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08.04.2010 - 01:31 | Chipmunk ManWow havent seen one come out this late in a while...
All i can say is it was worth it. Seriously a dolphin and a dog?! WTF! Btw anyone else notice the boats name was the Daily Planet?
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08.03.2010 - 23:41 | aurum-feminaThis was one strange concept. I never watched it, but I'm extremely suprised to hear that they got married! How could a movie be so generic and so insane at the same time? :O
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08.03.2010 - 23:42 | srv_is_god88i actually paused porn to watch this... oh nostalgia critic...you are that awesome.
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I don't know what I'm more surprised to see: a dog who's hot for dolphin or the mummy with hair... (looks better bald)
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08.03.2010 - 23:43 | Dr Mike07Shouldn't it be called Zeus, Roxanne, and a Former Star who's Talent has Waned Severely?
Steve Guttenberg's only hope is another "Three Men..." film.
How about "Three Men and an Exotic Dancer?"
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08.03.2010 - 23:58 | KingGramJohnsonYes, I agree!
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08.03.2010 - 23:44 | blpup
NC ftw :"D
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08.03.2010 - 23:44 | Ottfreyr
Yeah...just the cover is ridiculous enough.
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08.03.2010 - 23:46 | TodReynard43
Roxanne! You don't have to wear that dress tonight!
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08.03.2010 - 23:46 | spawnofsatan0666
wow..never heard of this when i was growing up. I'm thankful for my ignorance at my young age, i mean really? a dolphin and a damn dog?
oh btw thxs for the review great as always doug.
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08.03.2010 - 23:47 | Dark Pascual
Flipper meets Lassie!!!
A new Era of Furry Fanfic dawn upon us!!!
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08.04.2010 - 00:22 | Ritsu
Kinky. :kawaii:
Wait, why do I find that sexy? Dear god, the internet has warped my sensibilities beyond recognition! :scared:
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08.04.2010 - 04:24 | DeadPoöl
Yes Ritsu, yes it have. It has done that to all of use. :talkbiz:
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08.04.2010 - 00:58 | mumbls
Flipper meets Lassie would only work if it has Jessica Alba in a bikini like back when she was jailbait in "Flipper"
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I love these shows my question is simply why you mostly pick Disney and Kids movies? This is my favorite show this time of the week.
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08.04.2010 - 11:31 | FloweramonBecause the point of the Nostalgia Critic is to review movies that his generation grew up watching ie. movies that are nostalgic to him. Thus most of the movies he reviews will be in the kids/family genre.
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08.03.2010 - 23:50 | Derekofthedead
WORLD PEACE AT LONG LAST!
Epic as always. =D
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08.03.2010 - 23:50 | SQRL
Who.. Why
WHY DOES THIS EXIST
OH GOD
It burns my miiind!
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This entire movie is the fantasy of a child who has lost his mind due to Steve Gutenberg abducting and molesting him.
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Doug?
Bottlenose dolphins do that to sharks for real. They ram them like that to chase them off.
In fact, they do this to protect even animals not of their species:
http:// today.msnbc.msn.com/id/ 21689083/
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08.04.2010 - 06:00 | BenjaminBupkusBut if you look into the image closely, the dolphin is ACTUALLY STICKING HER NOSE INTO THE SHARK'S MOUTH. Dolphins ram enemies IN THE SIDE.
It's good to see someone on this site with some degree of marine animal knowledge, but either way you slice it, every scene in the movie is made of soul-sucking fail. X_X
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08.04.2010 - 10:50 | Fuery87With sharks they'll go specifically for the gills. Damage to the gills can kill the shark since it impairs its ability to extract oxygen from the water. So yeah...dolphins can kill sharks.
I don't think it's far-fetched at all for a dog to befriend a dolphin. I'm pretty sure there's an instance or two of this happening in real life actually. But it really isn't something I care to see a movie about it, much less one as crappy as this. Just give me a short videoclip so I can thing 'aw, that's cute' and move on.
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08.04.2010 - 20:53 | LDSocrates
But speaking of marine animal knowledge... does nobody have the heart to bring up that bottlenoses have been known to try to rape humans, and kill the babies of other dolphin species so they can play with the body? :whisper:
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08.07.2010 - 04:21 | xXSkellingtonXxThat is because apart from being among the most sentient forms of life on the planet, dolphins are also among the horniest. And yet, they also save shipwrecked sailors. Perhaps they save them in the hopes of a sexual favor. Or to play with their child's dead body.
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08.09.2010 - 21:22 | theSnark
They also sometimes gang-rape their own species. And that 'play with the body' includes necrophilia.
... Dolphins can be sick bastards.
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08.03.2010 - 23:52 | Zuul motha fucka!
Hilarious just as usual Critic.
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08.03.2010 - 23:52 | FullmetalNinja25
DOLPHIN PUNCH! :flame:
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08.04.2010 - 00:18 | caljar22
Captain Dolphin's signature move!
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08.03.2010 - 23:54 | WhitCake
LAWL.
Their kids.. so..uh..burned into my mind.. =(
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08.03.2010 - 23:55 | Mulletman211So in maybe one of the lamest ways to fix a situation...
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA
Greatest line. Ever.
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Wait! Is the daughter named Judith that chick from that TV show "Roswell"? It is! That's Majandra Delfino, she played Maria on Roswell! Holy crap, the irony! I was watching Roswell while waiting for this review to air.