Alone In The Dark

(1454 votes, average 4.92 out of 5)


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Comments (1251)
  • slei
    avatar
    Finally! I've been waiting all day for this!
    :)
  • orwellianson  - !!!!!
    avatar
    Uwe Boll ist ein Ekeln, nicht inspirierte Kerbe SCHWEINHUND eines Filmmachers
    und Profimacher der falschen Versprechen!!
    :angry: :angry: :angry:
    German for: Uwe Boll is a disgusting, uninspired pigdog of a filmmaker and
    profiteer of false promises.
  • Disinformation
    Sorry your german is like one of Bolls Movies.
    The sentence you wrote reads in german:
    Uwe Boll is a disgust, unspired hack pigdog of a filmmaker and expert-maker of false promises.
    Otherwise I invite everybody to join the Petition to stop Uwe Boll
    http:// www.petitiononline.com/ RRH53888/petition.html
    there are already more than 340000 signatures.Oh and the review was truly funny. Thanks
  • Wermin
    I alredy signed it a long time ago.
    I hate this guy. Who doesn't?

    Great review nad very funny!
    ^_^
  • 12iveyhl  - Hey
    avatar
    Sorry to tell you this, I don't hate Uwe Boll.
  • dracon81
    eeeeeeeeexactly

    signed the petition already too :P
  • nintendosadvocate  - My petition number
    I am number 344,856 on the petition.
  • Sheranda
    avatar
    What petition?
  • drunkonsprite
    avatar
    Im the 345149th signature :woohoo:
  • BSAudio
    I would sign your petition, but that would stop awesome NC's like these :P
  • Baby Hitler
    avatar
    Tara Reid playing a scientist.... and they couldn't even get her to say "Newfoundland" right! Derp de derp derp derp!
  • Kruge
    avatar
    [quote]Sorry your german is like one of Bolls Movies.
    The sentence you wrote reads in german:
    Uwe Boll is a disgust, unspired hack pigdog of a filmmaker and expert-maker of false promises.
    [/quote]

    [color=blue]Verdammich - ich wollte gerade genau das gleiche tippen! Including the initial remark about him speaking German being like Uwe Boll making a movie! Literally!

    Allthough - I'd have translated Profimacher as creator of professionals... :D[/color]
  • theSnark
    avatar
    But withut Uwe Boll, who would we despise?
  • Sheranda
    avatar
    Michael Bay?
  • The Critic-Bot
    The Critic-Bot adds his signature, too.

    Stop Toilet Boll at any cost!
  • Chunkboi  - No kidding...
    So Uwe Boll beats up his critics? Okay.

    I liked House of the Dead...the GAME. I got a Dreamcast because of HOTD2. When I moved to XBox, I got HOTD3 (I really wish they'd make a compatible light gun for the X360 considering they emulated the game...). I was excited when I heard they were going to make a movie for HOTD.

    And the few clips I saw of it? WERE HORRIBLE.

    If Uwe Boll were to challenge me, I would have to say...I don't box. Only one of us would walk out of that ring. And whether by cockiness, skill, or indignant rage...it will not be him. And he already threw his first "punch"...by ruining a franchise I really liked.

    I'm signing that petition to stop Boll.
  • ChewingScenery
    avatar
    He tried didn't he he? And either way it's right.
  • KingKaor
    UWE BOLL MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :grr: :grr: :grr:
  • anaeuphis
    Working grammar version:

    Uwe Boll ist ein ekelhafter, uninspirierter Schweinehund von Filmemacher, der von falschen Versprechen profitiert.
  • bcacritic
    avatar
    Stop speakin in german damn it!!!
  • Frogga  - re:
    avatar
    :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:
    wieso? nur weil du es nicht verstehst??? =D =D
  • VidCat23  - Huh?
    I don't get it, why were you speaking German in the first place? That'd be like if I were to randomly call Uwe Boll a stupid person in Chinese.

    Ta shi hen ben de ren! :woohoo:

    I would have put the characters, but they show up as question marks. :P
  • beowulf
    [quote]I don't get it, why were you speaking German in the first place? That'd be like
    if I were to randomly call Uwe Boll a stupid person in Chinese.

    Ta shi hen ben de ren! :woohoo:

    I would have put the characters, but they show up as question marks. :P[/quote]

    Because Uwe Boll is German.

    It´s the same like calling zhang ziyi a 38.
    (ruguo ni shi zhongguo ren ni yingai liaojie wo weishenme jiao ta san ba. )
  • ThatGuyWithTheAccent89  - ¿?
    avatar
    :whistle: Talvés esto te sorprenda, pero hay miles de idiomas en el mundo aparte del inglés ¿sabes?
  • coconut
    avatar
    dang orwell!! lol. i signed that petition forever ago myself ;) I've been waiting all day to come home and see this review! made it!!
  • Kruge
    avatar
    [quote]Uwe Boll ist ein Ekeln, nicht inspirierte Kerbe SCHWEINHUND eines Filmmachers
    und Profimacher der falschen Versprechen!!

    German for: Uwe Boll is a disgusting, uninspired pigdog of a filmmaker and
    profiteer of false promises.[/quote]

    [color=blue]Oh, come on, don't be so harsh with him - after all he's the living proof that, even if you earned your money by suffering concussions on a regular, professional basis and thus have lost most of your mental capabilities AND you are a German there still is a place for you in this world where you can become filthy rich:

    Hollywood!

    Damn, I should have become a professional boxer instead of a computer-geek! :0 [/color]
  • dracovulgaris
    avatar
    Nope.
    "Uwe Boll is a disgusting, uninspired pigdog of a filmmaker and
    profiteer of false promises."
    in German its:
    Uwe Boll ist ein ekelhafter, uninspirierter Schweinehund eines Filmemachers und ein Profiteur der falschen Versprechen.
    :silly:
  • DarkLord500
    im jk but you must have no life if ur just sitting at ur computer all day waiting for a review of a bad movie
  • WillHigh
    SAME HERE BUDDY :woohoo:
  • Justin Vasquez  - DAMN YOU UWE BOLL
    avatar
    I rented this to watch on a date when it came out not knowing the pile of boring shit it was.

    By the end, the chick was so mad I picked it, she left.

    Damn you Uwe Boll! I will have my revenge...
  • 1n7egr4  - Uwe Boll you mother****er
    avatar
    I really hatet this movie!!! and now it finally gets its judgement
  • megaman736
    close to frist coment
  • decoren45  - ??
    avatar
    Frist?
  • GenesisNerd
    avatar
    So THIS is the special top secret review!
  • RTtheman12
    avatar
    Hooray! This should be good!
  • Gamer_Ely
    avatar
    wow it's not even on the video feed, got lucky on this one, great job my good chum, no secret there, aaah i love shock guests, looks like spoony is popping up all over the place, love it!!!! i was wondering if he would show up because he already did a review of alone in the dark on his site, great job again AND you got linkara... i think this will probably create a rift in the space awesome continuum
  • Siahtam  - TRINITY
    avatar
    DO A RIFFTRACK YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARDS :woohoo:
  • Techno Loader
    avatar
    Actually doing a rifftrack for this movie is kind of boring since there are some parts where nothing is going on. Trust me, I tried to do one. :s
  • Siahtam  - well.....
    avatar
    ...I didn't mean this movie, maybe Ultraviolet or Daredevil
  • RockBandGod100
    Oh come on, Daredevil wasn't that bad. :s
  • dudeintheskully
    avatar
    daredevil had all the makeings of a good movie. if the hero was a maniac like moon knight, the story becomes just another revenge plot and ben affleck... just ben affleck.all be it, the directors cut is a bit more of the story version of the...story, but the movie lacks it's frank miller inspired feal and dosn't flow very well ;i'd take it a bazzillion times before watching uwe bol. unless you throw in the Elektra movie...I cried through that one, it was just such a bad movie....
  • megaultradamn
    :huh: then why didnt you say do a rifftrack of dare devil or ultra violet

    (why did you call them bastards?)
  • moonymonster
    They did. Batman Forever.
  • ChewingScenery
    avatar
    Hell yeah they should do a rifftrax!
  • Drop Dead, Nerd
    I´ve been waiting for this!!!

    This movie is one of the worst I ever saw.
  • Poof E Hair
    avatar
    Oh, so THIS is the top secret review.

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hooray for guest stars, especially when they're Spoony and Linkara! w00t!

    Anyway, Uwe Boll needs to either die or stop making movies. Whichever one comes first.
  • squirle105
    avatar
    YES! I've been waiting all day for this! great review as always!
  • Psychokiller
    avatar
    Jesus, this is the first time I've been on the first page of comments. I feel special.
  • Arhum93
    avatar
    lolololol

    I was NOT expecting you to review this movie, NC.
  • Donut
    avatar
    hahahahahahahhaahahahahah , lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :woohoo:
  • arrtisste36  - Maybe it's pathetic but...
    these are always the highlight of my tuesdays/wednesdays/ whenever I get to seeing them. Hilarious, as always NC!
  • lionessempress
    avatar
    WOW!!!!! A movie so bad that the nostaglia need help with two other reviews. That is really really bad. But the review was AwESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
  • OmegaSama
    avatar
    Haha this was a great review. I am surprised you haven't reviewed any of his movies before...
  • Smarty
    avatar
    i love you so much...
  • Drowned_in_light
    yeah new nostolgia critic! Awesome as always!
  • SenTTox
    Hilarious... (As always)
  • CinemaZebra
    avatar
    My mummy says I'm a good boy!
  • Condorel
    That was fifty kinds of awesome!

    You three rock my world, your individual styles meshed together unbelievably well. You guys keep raising the bar higher and higher with every review and....well I think that's enough of a love-fest for one comment.

    Cheers.
  • RebelTaxi
    avatar
    There's 1 good thing about Uwe's FarCry movie. Craig and Tom from Screwattack/GameHeroes make a cameo for winning a contest that no one else entered.
  • ThatFellowInTheCoat
    avatar
    Three of my favourite reviewers on the website watching one movie! What more could you ask for? I was laughing the whole time, that's for sure.
  • MCPie
    wow, im surprised that im not surprised.
  • Grabigel
    Man, you really pump these out quick, unless you've already done them >.>
  • BcForCe
    avatar
    Great video i wanan help u with upcoming vids doug but you never respond to my smsgs
  • laughingman
    avatar
    Using proper English instead of 'txt speak' might help. :whistle:
  • WarriorofNaught  - My sympathies...
    I saw the title of today's movie and just said to myself "No way! He is not THAT insane or masochistic...."

    I then saw his expression at the opening and realized...yes he was...

    My sympathies NC. Now you know why the mention of the director's very name strikes terror into the hearts of gamers and film goers alike. Get well soon :(
  • Sonocle Ujedex
    avatar
    I would have never figured out this. This is truely a big surprise. To my credit, i want to say it was impossible to predict because this movie is not nostalgic.
    But it is indeed an horrible movie and his director is a gigantic monkey's creamcheese spewing douchebag, and so a formidable target four the NC (or the Movie Snob...or Spoony).

    Oh well, the Comboy Bebop i've dreamt about will wait. This NC review is HISTORIC! Yes! Something with his incomparable level of shittyness and yet, so different from the rest of the NC's politic of review is a huge event among all the review NC has made. Good job!
  • psycher7  - Spoony is a Castleton snob!
    i hate Uwe Boll with a capital 8. i am a gamer, and i have sworn immediate jihad if he takes a single glance in the direction of Zelda or Metroid.
  • Bogue2kw
    I dare him to try! I double dare him, the motherf*cker!
  • DannyboyTheDane
    This is best NC in a very long time! You guys should definitely make more reviews together! It's awesome! :cheer:
  • Sheranda
    avatar
    I don't think he would touch Nintendo.
  • drunkonsprite
    avatar
    I will send Chuck Norris after him if he does that *Imagines it* :D
  • KyleGibbons91  - My Wish, My Wish...
    That someone would just fucking assasinate Uwe Boll and end his horrifyingly asshole-ness to cinema. oh, and he can take Michael Bay, too. :evil: :angry: :X
  • ChewingScenery
    avatar
    But if someone did that, then he wouldn't make more shitty movies, that might be bad. To explain, allow me to present this equation on why that's bad.

    Shitty Uwe Boll movies (or any bad movie) + TGWTG Reviewers = Awesome and funny reviews!

    I'm telling you, we need these bad directors and film makers, otherwise we wouldn't have this fantastic site. Bless you bad film makers for making bad films and may you burn in Cinema Hell after you're gone.
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