"I'm tortured but I'm just pretentious."

I absolutely must drop this line into a conversation.

Although I have no desire to see or read the "Twilight" series, I'd desire having a Bum Review of every potential movie sequel to the franchise. It would probably be a helluva lot more entertaining. :D

It wasn't actually a bad movie. However, to keep your guy badge you have to make fun of it a little bit

It's been so long since the Bum last reviewed a (real) movie, but this was worth the wait. This may be one of the best reviews yet.

Sorry, no offense to you, Twilight isn't a real movie, at least I didn't think so. I liked it better when it was called The Lost Boys. But yes, this review was definitely worth waiting for.

Vegetarian vampire? Like Count Duckula, right?

I'll admit all the "subtleties" in this movie weren't all that subtle... I'm glad The Bum pointed this out.

You should see what I sucked on him! Heyo!
Bum Reviews are so damn reliable. Seriously. So spot on.
-Seediq Bale-

just lol(lol cant show much laughter) hahhahahahahahha
p.s is it really that bad

Yes, it is that bad.

Well at least I know what not to watch. Thanks

Well that critic was usefull.

Im not going to see that movie... it's for girls!!

anyways there is going to be sequels ;)

No. It's for people with less than one brain cells. Don't drop me into the same category as them. :/

My Sister watches that movie...she loves it...HOW DARE YOU SAY SHE HAS ONE BRAIN CELL!!! She isn't that smart!!! JK, that was mean. But, it did spawn some crazy people. I read this FML where this woman put glitter all over her husband so he sparkles in the sunlight like Edward, and this other one where this guy got rejected cuz the girl wanted him to be a vampire.

As much as I admire cinema's for making movies based on books, I have to ask why in the fuck to make a movie on Twilight? ^^; Seriously, for the first half of the book it mostly talks bout how sexy the vampire is!

And on a totally unrelated note, yay for hobos with 5 o'clock shadows :D

thank god i'm not gonna see this movie.

my sister is goth, and she is head over ass over heels for this movie.

BUM FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This video is so true!

Probably the first review I seriously couldn't hold the laughter in. Now I want a shirt with an evil looking Bum going "I am a vampire. Bite me."

Twilight but no Quantum?

Thank you, I just needed a final assurance that this whole franchise is a buncha aaaaaaaaaaaass.

I knew this movie was gonna be bad when I saw the previews, because you can already tell the vampires can walk around in daylight. Which, of course, is total BS. "Ooh, it's a new take on vampires." No, it's not. Firstly, Blade could do that since the first movie, and even THEN it was explained that he was a hybrid. These things aren't vampires. They're just Highlanders without British accents. That's it, really. Immortal, super strong/fast...no swords, either, I suppose, but otherwise that's it.

For my money, the only vampire book series adapted to a visual medium I wanna watch is True Blood. Cause that rules.

It's been so long since a Bum Review! I love it!

Man this sounds like the kind of movie I'd hate. I already am pissed off at these kind of vampire books/movies that turned vampires from awesome monsters into pretentious goth homosexuals.

OMG, this is the greatest review I've ever seen in my life! ! !
But seriously, I've waited and waited and waited and you done it again! ! ! I pissed myself from laughter! You're my idol :D (well... and NC and TGWTG) Wanna have little bums? :>

I hate angsty teenage vampires!!

The books sucked monkey tits and it's obvious the movie wasn't going to be any better.

I've been so looking forward to having the Bum review this piece of dog shit and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time. The Bum gave quite an accurate and excellent review.

remember howard the duck review? its not duck tits not monkey tits=p (and yes i understand that the comment was posted before the review... i think... im not sure.. either way tho... duck tits

yeah i hated the book and i hate the fact that everywhere you go theres something twilight....worse than a zombie invasion.

how could you watch the movie over the sound of squealing overweight unattractive schoolgirls?

so obviously i hated twilight so much already, and therefore didnt dare watch it

but thank you Mr. Bum for reviewing this movie...it needed a good kick in the teeth

...

for this I love you

but im not giving you change

look for obama tho...i heard he has plenty

thanks, needed a good laugh.

some great acting between the vampire and girl. how your face is and eyes, greatness

Delightful as always

I wasn't planning on seeing Twilight when it comes out here. But after Chester's review, I might have to just to make more fun of that movie! :D

Sounds like that movie really sucks balls....through the wall.

If you were going to bust the bum out of retirement for anything, I'm glad it was Twilight, that shit NEEDS some bumming.

I'd be wary though of an impending fangirl shitstorm if they get wind of this. I have never seen fans as rabid as those who like twilight...

oh how I wish I could embed this on my myspace. I would get so flamed simply because of all the fangirls saying "OMG TWILIGHT WAS GOOD HOW DARE YOU SAY IT MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE FOR REAL VAMPIRES DDDDDD

this movie has been haunting me for weeks, my friend saw it with his girlfriend... and my friend... doesn't read twilight, but he reads books like it... basically books about teenage halloween people such as vampires and wizards... except harry potter (he thinks it's over rated) but i'm not kidding, you saw that episode of south park were the kids role played to be vampires? well... that really does happen in my school...
NICE REVIEW!!! now thanks to you i will NEVER EVER SEE THIS MOVIE AGAIN.... and i'm not being sarcastic... im glad you told us

"Oh my God, this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!"

Why... am I never getting tired of hearing that.

The books and the movies are actually pretty similar. I read the Twilight series, and despised how it did indeed' pussify' vampires, and I even did a project on it.
I watched the movies for this project, and found that it was basically the same thing, although they left out the more stupid moments (thankfully). But still, the basic concept of sparkling, fairy 'vampires' is still there. As well as the emotionless heroine who is without personality.
Please don't flame me for putting this up, but I felt the need to point that out. It is no longer a valid excuse to simply say 'you didn't read the book'. If this was a review for 'Angels and Demons' or the latest Harry Potter movie, I would completely agree. Movies do often miss what books have to offer. But for the Twilight series, the movie and book were very much alike. They both kept the concept and stuck to the bland, Keanu Reeves-like personalities and plot.
And I do believe the bum can read, just that he is too drunk to really understand what the squiggly things mean.

I was surprised that you decided to make a review on Twilight... well, either is the movie's sudden success.
Seriously, why is this movie considered to be "good"? it makes no sense.

nevermind, awesome review.

Awsome review

And to anwser your question Koolfix its a bad movie based on a bad book that has a cult following of teenage girls who want to get it on with the main character.

So yeah its only good because its makes Hollywood money.

I know Doug said he only does the Bum because he likes to do the voice and it's faster to produce, but I really like this character.. he is so different from Doug's usual persona it's incredible and that voice is really really funny.

Doug, more bums, please. :)