New Moon
Sunday, 22 November 2009 20:02
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11.22.2009 - 20:16 | Diggenz
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11.23.2009 - 17:39 | gobamaLike anyone on this site has a GF
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11.23.2009 - 19:31 | Lodeman AKA LARUCUS
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11.23.2009 - 14:43 | 0dd1
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11.30.2009 - 23:48 | Ferrus_Foot7
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12.01.2009 - 21:51 | ThatWhiteGuyYeah i know! WHY DON'T THEY HAVE TEAMS FOR GUYS...you know like, introduce a pointless bimbo character, so we can choose between Team Bella and Team Pointless Hot Chick, instead of Team Jacob and Team Edward! This movie was good, but it would've been better if Andy Samberg made it, like that fake trailer he made during the VMAs.
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12.04.2009 - 05:50 | tinkerbellz321:kiss:
i lorv twilight and i want to see it with my bf
its not that bad guys stop taking the shit out of it and saying negative stuff and u might enjoy it!
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12.11.2009 - 21:03 | ReviewerIt's a bunch of fucking shit that has no right even existing.
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05.05.2010 - 20:10 | RovladNow, now, you're too harsh there comparing it to shit. Shit can at least be useful, i.e. as a fertilizer.
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05.10.2010 - 19:42 | Kajeet
I've read all the books, since I think you have to actually see something to hate it, and I've got to say...it is one of THE worst books i've ever read.
The worst parts were the Moments that could have been cool. The worst is in the final book. There was a final fight that was set up, Two sides one, a vampire mafia, the other the bloody cullens, a pack of werewolfs, and various other covens with freakin' superpowers.
The whole book was setting up for this fight. They met on the battlefield, the two leaders, carlistle and whats-his-face walked to the middle...and shook hands saying they didn't feel like fighting each other....
What?
All the other characters are better than the two main ones.
Carlistle was the former son of a Vampire hunter in the Renaissance. He was bit by a vampire and was stunned by he pain went into a bail of hay for three days while the bite, which apparently was enough to cause bella to be knocked out by the pain, caused him agony, and he didn't make a peep. That was badass.
Jasper was a civil war soldier that was bitten and forced to join an army of undead vampire children that would attack towns because they were so bloody bloothirsty they couldn't control themselves.
These two have a badass history and could have been a real cool storyline. Who is the book about? A Bloody one dimensional, emotionally abusive pretentious vampire, and a idiotic girl that wouldn't know how to spot a good boyfriend from a bad one if it came and bit her in the neck.
Then theres Bella's whole relationship with Edward who is emotionally abusive to her. And as can be seen by how the bum described it, she has a complex towards him.
Jacob also acted like a saint. If one of my friends boyfriends were to emotionally scar her to the point of a suicidal depression, then I try to help her out of it and have a budding relationship, only for the bastard of a boyfriend to come back and for her to drop me like a sack of hammers, to go BACK to said abusive boyfriend. I wouldn't sit back and try to let them be happy together.I would beat his ass for doing that to her and putting her through that.
Now the worst part? Miss. Meyer took this awesome character and turned him into a PEDOPHILE. Theres alot more I could say about this but I'm going to stop right here before I go for too long.
Before I'm done I need to say this though. In Romeo and Juliet they DIE at the end, Romeo was atleast in his twenties and Juliet was 14 at most, some even believe Romeo was pretty much in it for the sex. Saying your romance was like that...isn't all that grand of a metaphor.
Good day.
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12.05.2010 - 20:41 | Drake666
You know, I've got a great theory, similar to yours, but different on a fundamental level: you have to actually see something to hate it, but when a book/movie/story is becoming HORRIBLY BAD while reading/seeing/ experiencing it, STOP ! You should not torture yourself in the search of the obvious Truth.
Good luck finding your lost sanity, by the way :) You seem like a nice guy.
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11.22.2009 - 20:13 | ThatFellowInTheCoat
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11.23.2009 - 00:02 | der_ketzer
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11.22.2009 - 20:25 | DarbicusGreat review as usual Doug!
And I'm actually surprised you thought it was better than the first one. The trailer made it out to be even worse.
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11.22.2009 - 20:33 | ThoraxProductionsBetter than the first? really? Oh well, I still wont see it. as always, the bum = hilarious. PS, I greatly respect you Diggenz for not saying first.
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11.22.2009 - 21:01 | Rhomega"TONIGHT WE DINE...IN THE CAFETERIA HALL!"
Man, what is with this girl? Why does she love Mr. Staring Stalker Sparkling Vampire so much?
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11.23.2009 - 14:02 | megamonmonu see
shes a bitch
shes using edaward to become a vampire
think about it
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12.04.2009 - 05:53 | tinkerbellz321if u read the book u would understand that she wants to be a vampire with edward and he is the only reason she is going to become a vampire so stick that up ur juice box and suck it!
mother f**KER
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12.11.2009 - 16:35 | rootFangirl rage?
So she is going to leave her family and everything she knows so she can be with an emotionally abusive pretty-boy who has as much personality as a piece of cardboard?
Beautiful lesson to teach young girls :pinch:
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05.05.2010 - 20:13 | RovladDo not feed her, she's fat enough already.
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11.23.2009 - 14:46 | 0dd1
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11.26.2009 - 16:24 | BalloonAnimals
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11.22.2009 - 21:11 | ironbiteWHY! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THAT TO YOURSELFS!? WHY SEE SUCH A CRAPTASTIC MOVIE!? I MEAN SERIOUSLLY!
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11.23.2009 - 06:00 | WerminWell another movie for 12 year old girls.
To make their Giney tingling.
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Thank you so much, Doug! Saw it coming. it was hilarious. I wanna see this movie now cuz you and spoony told us how stupid it was. i thought you would have hated this more than the first one.
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11.22.2009 - 21:26 | Transformers03YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS.
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11.22.2009 - 21:32 | arrtisste36:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
I'm so happy you sat through this and did a bum review!!!! I thought this was way worse than the first one, actually.
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11.22.2009 - 21:37 | Hybris5112Its the unsung heroes like Chester that help reduce the number of victims of this series of movies.
"I bet their blood is minty."
I hope one day somehow Blade will find is way in to these movies.
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01.30.2010 - 21:45 | LëzenOr Simon Belmont. Either one will totally pwn the douchy, Mary Sue vampires of Twilight.
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11.22.2009 - 21:41 | PulseOfTheMaggots515
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11.22.2009 - 22:07 | ThatCanadianGuy
Kudos to Doug for managing to sit through that crapfest. If I had been dragged to it, I wouldn't go with my own free will, I'd probably either walk out or spend the entire time riffing on it.
I have to disagree with you though, this is far worse then the first one and that's saying something considering how bad the first one was.
Between this review and Spoony's I don't feel I need to add anything more, other than that Bella is perhaps one of the most shallow, useless, one-dimensional, sexist, boring, and Mary Sueish character to come out of any piece of fiction. Although I could probably say the same for any of the other Twilight characters.
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11.23.2009 - 14:50 | 0dd1
I tried riffing on it myself, and I did alright for a while (I got some people actually laughing, though eventually everyone near me moved to the other side of the room XD), but by the middle of the second half my brain started turning to mush.
Hopefully, the guys at Rifftrax will have better endurance than I did when it comes out on DVD.
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11.22.2009 - 22:01 | MoistPanda
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oh, the pretentiousness. this review is probably my favorite now. your rob pattinson impression is better than rob pattinson. and yes, bella really is that stupid. she makes me hate my own gender.
your dedication to your craft is appreciated. that you actually sit through these movies in order to please your fans is great of you. 'sends you change.'
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11.22.2009 - 22:02 | choker
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11.22.2009 - 22:04 | TheBlackMage
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11.22.2009 - 22:05 | DaxStrife
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11.22.2009 - 22:05 | beelow:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ... omg i almost pissed myself
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11.22.2009 - 22:09 | hYpErBoLe
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11.22.2009 - 22:10 | That Guy With The Braces
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11.22.2009 - 22:11 | blackaceWait so your mad because new moon wasn't as bad as the first one..?
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11.29.2009 - 13:39 | ShuukeXBecause bad movies are funny.
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11.22.2009 - 22:16 | Noneko
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11.23.2009 - 08:01 | Rock Golemno, he had bad expectations for this movie, he said the original was way worse.
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11.22.2009 - 22:25 | BabyImplosion
oh god no, you helped contribute to the 141 million it made opening weekend?
sure hope your viewing these movies online, like us normal people.
great review, though. didn't see it, but funny stuff.
sounds like a very good movie. topless hotties, a girl i can identify with to choose between the two. so great.
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11.23.2009 - 08:19 | Jumpman256An honest mistake I am sure--unless the Bum is living in the Pixel Palace now. Oh boy.
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11.23.2009 - 17:14 | makani
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11.23.2009 - 14:52 | 0dd1
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11.22.2009 - 22:30 | Obscurus Lupa
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11.22.2009 - 22:30 | Jet Girl
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11.23.2009 - 16:55 | Private NumberMy thoughts exactly.
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11.22.2009 - 22:31 | KINGQuimeratwilight in never understand why soo much fan to this emo saga. First nosferatus, dracula,
Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, From Dusk Till Dawn,Blade, Underworld, John Carpenter’s Vampires,Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Van Helsing, And The vampires movie are becoming more shity than ever WTF...?
Now what in chile the are two Soap opera Count VroloK (count vampre) and other whit warewolf come on.
What next zombies chering love :X
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11.22.2009 - 22:37 | BrymstoneSean
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12.21.2009 - 15:02 | Quidam
good review as always, bum!
Unfortunately, I, already knowing that it is teenage/gay drama, have to take my GF to see it...
I used to be a sane person... :side: