And here it is :lol:
good review as always, bum!

Unfortunately, I, already knowing that it is teenage/gay drama, have to take my GF to see it...

I used to be a sane person... :side:

yeah i know how you feel,,, my gf also just soooo wanna see it with me -.-

haha, it makes me laugh and cringe when he calls this "the greatest movie i've ever seen in my life", it was okay, everyone blew it over porportion, much like anything nowadays...

I didn't mean an actual Guardian Force...
I can only dream about that :P
I meant the nagging kind, you know, those that you take to a movie, then fast food restaurant, then home to bang...
:silly:

I went by myself, hoping it would be at least as laughable as the first. I left the theatre in a bad-movie-induced catatonia (not Michael Bay-induced, though the action scenes looked like they were directed by him). The next day, though, I saw [i]The Blind Side[/i], and that perked me up a bit.

Do you think seeing Twilight ruined your Blind Side experience?

Yeah i know! WHY DON'T THEY HAVE TEAMS FOR GUYS...you know like, introduce a pointless bimbo character, so we can choose between Team Bella and Team Pointless Hot Chick, instead of Team Jacob and Team Edward! This movie was good, but it would've been better if Andy Samberg made it, like that fake trailer he made during the VMAs.

It's a bunch of fucking shit that has no right even existing.

Now, now, you're too harsh there comparing it to shit. Shit can at least be useful, i.e. as a fertilizer.

I've read all the books, since I think you have to actually see something to hate it, and I've got to say...it is one of THE worst books i've ever read.

The worst parts were the Moments that could have been cool. The worst is in the final book. There was a final fight that was set up, Two sides one, a vampire mafia, the other the bloody cullens, a pack of werewolfs, and various other covens with freakin' superpowers.

The whole book was setting up for this fight. They met on the battlefield, the two leaders, carlistle and whats-his-face walked to the middle...and shook hands saying they didn't feel like fighting each other....

What?

All the other characters are better than the two main ones.

Carlistle was the former son of a Vampire hunter in the Renaissance. He was bit by a vampire and was stunned by he pain went into a bail of hay for three days while the bite, which apparently was enough to cause bella to be knocked out by the pain, caused him agony, and he didn't make a peep. That was badass.

Jasper was a civil war soldier that was bitten and forced to join an army of undead vampire children that would attack towns because they were so bloody bloothirsty they couldn't control themselves.

These two have a badass history and could have been a real cool storyline. Who is the book about? A Bloody one dimensional, emotionally abusive pretentious vampire, and a idiotic girl that wouldn't know how to spot a good boyfriend from a bad one if it came and bit her in the neck.

Then theres Bella's whole relationship with Edward who is emotionally abusive to her. And as can be seen by how the bum described it, she has a complex towards him.

Jacob also acted like a saint. If one of my friends boyfriends were to emotionally scar her to the point of a suicidal depression, then I try to help her out of it and have a budding relationship, only for the bastard of a boyfriend to come back and for her to drop me like a sack of hammers, to go BACK to said abusive boyfriend. I wouldn't sit back and try to let them be happy together.I would beat his ass for doing that to her and putting her through that.

Now the worst part? Miss. Meyer took this awesome character and turned him into a PEDOPHILE. Theres alot more I could say about this but I'm going to stop right here before I go for too long.

Before I'm done I need to say this though. In Romeo and Juliet they DIE at the end, Romeo was atleast in his twenties and Juliet was 14 at most, some even believe Romeo was pretty much in it for the sex. Saying your romance was like that...isn't all that grand of a metaphor.

Good day.

You know, I've got a great theory, similar to yours, but different on a fundamental level: you have to actually see something to hate it, but when a book/movie/story is becoming HORRIBLY BAD while reading/seeing/ experiencing it, STOP ! You should not torture yourself in the search of the obvious Truth.

Good luck finding your lost sanity, by the way :) You seem like a nice guy.

Wow, the bum is dirtier than usual.

Funny review.

what did you expect after he saw that movie.

Great review as usual Doug!

And I'm actually surprised you thought it was better than the first one. The trailer made it out to be even worse.

I think the movie did more trauma to him than we realize. somebody call a doctor!

Better than the first? really? Oh well, I still wont see it. as always, the bum = hilarious. PS, I greatly respect you Diggenz for not saying first.

"TONIGHT WE DINE...IN THE CAFETERIA HALL!"

Man, what is with this girl? Why does she love Mr. Staring Stalker Sparkling Vampire so much?

u see
shes a bitch
shes using edaward to become a vampire
think about it

Fangirl rage?

So she is going to leave her family and everything she knows so she can be with an emotionally abusive pretty-boy who has as much personality as a piece of cardboard?

Beautiful lesson to teach young girls :pinch:

Do not feed her, she's fat enough already.

The one thing that he mentioned with "Sparta High School"...I think that's actually the school's name (or at least their mascot, the Spartans).
Reminded me of a joke like that that was made in the Rifftrax of Twilight.

It's our mascot -_-... You don't know how many Twiteens I encounter on just a walk down my street.

WHY! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THAT TO YOURSELFS!? WHY SEE SUCH A CRAPTASTIC MOVIE!? I MEAN SERIOUSLLY!

Well another movie for 12 year old girls.
To make their Giney tingling.

Thank you so much, Doug! Saw it coming. it was hilarious. I wanna see this movie now cuz you and spoony told us how stupid it was. i thought you would have hated this more than the first one.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS.

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

I'm so happy you sat through this and did a bum review!!!! I thought this was way worse than the first one, actually.

Its the unsung heroes like Chester that help reduce the number of victims of this series of movies.

"I bet their blood is minty."

I hope one day somehow Blade will find is way in to these movies.

Or Simon Belmont. Either one will totally pwn the douchy, Mary Sue vampires of Twilight.

haha wow i can't believe you even spent money to see this. I know it was for the review, but i still feel pretty bad.

it sucks how much freakin money it made!!!

Kudos to Doug for managing to sit through that crapfest. If I had been dragged to it, I wouldn't go with my own free will, I'd probably either walk out or spend the entire time riffing on it.

I have to disagree with you though, this is far worse then the first one and that's saying something considering how bad the first one was.

Between this review and Spoony's I don't feel I need to add anything more, other than that Bella is perhaps one of the most shallow, useless, one-dimensional, sexist, boring, and Mary Sueish character to come out of any piece of fiction. Although I could probably say the same for any of the other Twilight characters.

I tried riffing on it myself, and I did alright for a while (I got some people actually laughing, though eventually everyone near me moved to the other side of the room XD), but by the middle of the second half my brain started turning to mush.
Hopefully, the guys at Rifftrax will have better endurance than I did when it comes out on DVD.

What's with the Pixel Palace description? Maybe the Bum was drunk.

oh, the pretentiousness. this review is probably my favorite now. your rob pattinson impression is better than rob pattinson. and yes, bella really is that stupid. she makes me hate my own gender.
your dedication to your craft is appreciated. that you actually sit through these movies in order to please your fans is great of you. 'sends you change.'

Glad to see the bum back, I honor you doug cause you had to go see this and god knows i would rather blind myself than see this.

I am in the wrong racket. If I wrote a bunch of crap and slapped the Twilight name on it, it would make millions.

Is it just me, or was The Bum substantially more hyper in this review than before? Other than that, great review. "New Moon" is better than "Twilight" only because there's less Edward in it, and a director who knew he was working with crap but did his best regardless.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ... omg i almost pissed myself

YES!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

This movie made me want to kill a kitten, drown a baby, and cut myself.
It was better than Twilight.

Wait so your mad because new moon wasn't as bad as the first one..?

Because bad movies are funny.

This is now one of my favorite bum reviews, this was simply amazing.
I must show this to some of my friends x3

Such a disappoint? Did doug actually had good expectations for this movie?

no, he had bad expectations for this movie, he said the original was way worse.

The trailer made me think that all the actors collapsed under the weight of their make up.

oh god no, you helped contribute to the 141 million it made opening weekend?

sure hope your viewing these movies online, like us normal people.


great review, though. didn't see it, but funny stuff.

sounds like a very good movie. topless hotties, a girl i can identify with to choose between the two. so great.

Great review, but did anyone notice the note for the video is "More juicy details from the pixel palace" :0 whats that all about?

An honest mistake I am sure--unless the Bum is living in the Pixel Palace now. Oh boy.

The Bum living in the Pixel Palace now? I think he just sleeps in a box in the adjacent alley. Maybe, when it's really cold, he hides in the basement. The bartender there is probably nice enough to give him some change every now and then.

Great review! It's a weak story with unlikable characters.

The Bum steals scraps from the kitchen there to eat and gets by by stealing their silverware and selling it to other bums.
Or perhaps the movie made Doug too senile to care about the description.

"She's not pretentious enough."
"Yes she is."
"Cool."

LOL My favorite lines. Awesome review.

I read the god awful thing. This review kicked its ass.

And now I also know that the movie completely followed the book.

My thoughts exactly.

twilight in never understand why soo much fan to this emo saga. First nosferatus, dracula,
Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, From Dusk Till Dawn,Blade, Underworld, John Carpenter’s Vampires,Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Van Helsing, And The vampires movie are becoming more shity than ever WTF...?

Now what in chile the are two Soap opera Count VroloK (count vampre) and other whit warewolf come on.

What next zombies chering love :X

"I want the vampire!"
"Why?"
"Because he stared at me!"
".........You're a idiot"

Well done once again Mr. Walker.

He really displays the characters so well. Bella is just stupid when you come down to it.