Hostel 1 & 2 Review in 5 Seconds (Phelous)
Written by Phelous Thursday, 06 May 2010 00:46
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Comments (60)
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05.06.2010 - 01:13 | Apathetic One
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Haha the abridged version, you should have released this version two weeks ago so we would all be spared the horror of not caring. Also the part with the bowling pins was genius, the nadir of the reviews :S
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05.06.2010 - 04:48 | Phelous
Heh, I really wanted to do this style for the Hostels at least at some point because after seeing the first one it was basically what I said to the people I watched it with. "We're having sex, oh no dying, revenge, the end."
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[quote=CrimsonDusk]Also the part with the bowling pins was genius, the nadir of the reviews :S[/quote]
Actually, the nadir is the LOWEST point of something. I think the word you're looking for is "zenith." :P
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05.06.2010 - 01:22 | JJFryer
Brilliant 5 seconds video had to watch it 3 times so i could hear the video over my laughing
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05.06.2010 - 01:23 | quothetheraven79hehe good job bub!
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05.06.2010 - 01:36 | Deimos1984rd
Yep, that pretty much sums up Hostel 1 and 2.
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05.06.2010 - 01:42 | The Hardcore Kid
Blood, gore and people getting chopped up and killed?
Ah, but alas does anybody care? DRINK! *throws bear bottle against wall*
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05.06.2010 - 01:55 | ErikScott
The Ooh Faced! was priceless.
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05.06.2010 - 02:27 | FunkyM
Hyperspeed music? Really?
NO STARS! :angry: :angry: :angry:
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05.06.2010 - 04:43 | PhelousHAHAHA yes sped up music, I truly am the scum of the Earth.
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05.06.2010 - 02:31 | Tim1000064
Hilarious stuff this is all anyone needs to know about these craptastic movies. Great 5 second(?) review Phelous!
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05.06.2010 - 02:45 | executor
Damn, your voice and acting in this "5 Second Review" is annoying me more than both "Hostel"-Movies together. Damn. Get back to your "old" Review-Style and leave the Roth-Films alone. Mostly because "I don't care!" gets old pretty quick!
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05.07.2010 - 11:28 | UltimateOneWAHHHH!!!! LEAVE ROTH ALONE!!! WAHHH!!!!
Thanks for that, Chris Crocker. You can go back to sucking your own dick, now. News flash: Pheleous is still better than you.
Oh, and 15 thumbs down for you? Great job at humiliating yourself with your stupid fucking opinion.
Eat piss.
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05.06.2010 - 03:04 | ThatGuyWithTheStomaBag
Seems like Phelous has finally snapped. :woohoo:
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05.06.2010 - 03:12 | NEUTRO!
I'm going to guess a few people won't like this video, based on your previous use of it, but I have to say these faux 5 second reviews of yours are always hilarious! Don't ever change Phelous.
Btw since I don't see any comments on how it wasn't really 5 seconds, let me get it started:
Commenter: THAT WASN'T 5 SECONDS!!!
Vegeta: Is that Ok?
Tien: AS A MATTER OF FACT...IT ISN'T!!!!
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05.06.2010 - 04:45 | PhelousI covered my ass on that one this time by putting: "5 Seconds" instead.
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05.06.2010 - 03:12 | dennett316
Very nice, and yes, these movies are VASTLY overrated when it comes to gore. I think the gore-hound crowd look at these as like their version of Citizen Kane or something.....
"Look at how deep it all is, it's a classic contemplating the duality of man's soul and....HeHeHeHeHeh....boo bies!!!"
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05.06.2010 - 03:47 | Endless_Nameless
Although I don't agree on some of your points about Hostel, the pace, lines, and sound effects from this 5 seconds review are great! But I must admit that I found your voice a little annoying this time.
The pun of using your sister is priceless, and it alone made this video deserve 5 stars.
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05.06.2010 - 03:51 | Rhaysha the 4th
phelous,it was short but very funny, kudos!! PS: Your sister? GF? might be on to some thing, though.... ;)
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05.06.2010 - 04:35 | Richard WeskerOOOH FACED!!!! XD But seriously, this was great. Bowling pins being knocked over was just the best, and Kyna was excellent. Give the girl an Oscar for best supporting actress!
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05.06.2010 - 04:42 | ThoraxProductionsNo hostel in 3 minuets?
But on a serious note.
I do not know if you read all your comments like some of the others Phelous, but I hope you read this one. I. Well. I MISS the old Phelous. I know this review was a joke, (I have seen all your episodes, all your older ones more than once), but I miss the guy who, "Goes on and on in a slow monotone voice". You just are not like that anymore, you talk faster and you yell a lot more. I tihnk it really happened somewhere around Santa's slay, (I can't decide if it was the one before or after it). But I guess other people like you more this way. I LOVED your review of Mac and Me, most hated it, many that watch you now have NEVER sat all the way through it! I don't know. But do you think you could do a review the old way every once in a while? Thanks. OH WAIT! almost forgot. The end scene of Army of Darkness, (the review not the movie, BTW The Evil Dead Tril. Is my favorite movie... Err. Movies I guess...) The old Phelous comes in to scold the Phelous who bashed AoD, I seriously grinned and thought, "Oh my gosh! maybe this is his way of going back to the old way!"... But then you shot with your BOOMSTICK! Yeah that's it. Sorry if you have to read all this, and I hope you do and respond in some way.
Your 3rd biggest fan, Mike.
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05.06.2010 - 10:24 | PhelousWhile I appreciate you like the older reviews, I'm happier with where they've gone. It was too much deadpaness back then.
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05.12.2010 - 05:55 | ThoraxProductionsUnderstandable, it's just that you were like, the most unique guy I've ever seen to review stuff. Oh well, your still hilaruous and entertaining, much more so than Eli Roth. ROOOOOOOOTH!!! Oh sorry, whenever he is mentioned I have scream his name in anger :angry: He's like the Michael Bay of horror. Wait... No it's not horror, it's torture porn. Stupid Eli Roth... ROOOOOOTH!
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hey first of all i love your stuff man,great,A+.
but i wanted to bring somthing to light for you
i recently bought resident evil:uprising for my cell phone cuz like you im a big RE buff anyway in like the second or third room in the police station there is a desk you can search and you find a little post it note that has the recipe for a JILL SANDWICH on it !!!!
just thought youd wanna know that either their making fun of themselves or someone on the RE team watches your content
great work,
thatgothickid
www.thatgothickid.weebly. com
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05.06.2010 - 10:25 | PhelousThey've made jokes about that stuff before, like in dead rising there is a mention of Jill's sandwiches and in RE:DS there is a "Master of Knifing" mode.
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05.06.2010 - 05:13 | benzaie
very good stuff ^^..."HUH...cut...CUT !!!"
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05.06.2010 - 05:24 | mwong04
OOOH FACED!
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05.06.2010 - 06:52 | M.A.D.MikE[ATF]
Your mom is hot in this review :)
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05.06.2010 - 10:18 | PhelousYeah my mom is quite amazing at being younger than me. I've questioned how that works but she always says don't ask.
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05.06.2010 - 12:28 | M.A.D.MikE[ATF]When i saw that you share the same last name, i immediately thought that it's your mom for some strange reason, idk brain fart maybe :) Just couldn't hold myself from writing this stupid joke, sorry :) Love your stuff :)
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Was not disappointed.
It was funny to see you break away from your deadpan delivery for a short time.
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05.06.2010 - 10:51 | Kagato
I disagree with ThoraxProductions. I think Phelous just gets better.
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05.06.2010 - 11:24 | jnywest
I don't care if that was your sister, your mother, or an evil lab project gone wrong. She was hot and had a great voice and we want more! More of the hot Phelous chick now!
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05.06.2010 - 13:55 | Richard WeskerIf you want to see more of her, you can check her out as Jade in Mortal Komedy. There's a link to the Mortal Komedy site on phelous.com.
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They're nothing but crappy snuff with a hollywood budget. I don't know how some people get off on that crap, but I thank the lord all mighty that I'm not one of them.
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05.06.2010 - 14:38 | M.Seijin
You feel better now Phelous? Finally got it out of your system?
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05.06.2010 - 15:27 | DoomGuy
Phelous, this is absolute shit
Sorry, but what the hell man
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05.07.2010 - 11:22 | UltimateOneI suppose then, that would make you the expert on shit, then. What, with you being absolute shit at critique skills, and all, yourself.
No reasoning, no explanation, no backup for your ignorant, bullshit opinion given. Just a stupid fucking troll post. Oh my. YOU FAIL, DOOMGUY.
Eat piss, you stupid cocksucker. :)
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i always enjoy some Roth bashing, but I wasn't able to listen to more than 3 seconds of this review. which is starting to become a common thing with your product Phelous. What is happening with you?
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05.07.2010 - 11:19 | UltimateOneFail trollnumbchuck is fail. You got 4 thumbs down so far, and no thumbs up for you. You got greyed out. You are officially a whiny, stupid faggot. Good job with proving it to the world. Zing!
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05.06.2010 - 16:02 | DinkDinkertonThis guy is more annoying than the nostalgia critic, I hope he commits suicide and really fucking fast. Be Funny.
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05.07.2010 - 11:16 | UltimateOneYou have 8 votes down and got greyed out for being an ignorant fucking retard with a bullshit opinion and the logic and awful trolling skills of a 5 year old.
Great job. Way to make sure that everyone takes you seriously. DinkDinkerton, you are made of fail.
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05.06.2010 - 16:54 | Andylicious
i tell you what i hear in the bedroom all the time: way too long
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Desperate Housewives sucks....This was a great 5sec video though![/b]