Well, that pretty muched summed up why I never played the game. I was told it would be too offencive to girl-gamers. However, if they'd given him the option to be gay, every girl I know would have bought it.
The Witcher in 5 Seconds (Angry Joe)
Written by AngryJoe Sunday, 11 April 2010 19:58
More Angry Reviews Here: AngryJoeShow.com
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Comments (83)
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04.11.2010 - 21:22 | LikaLaruku
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04.12.2010 - 04:20 | KreisSo you are not complaining about the nudity but rather about the hero not being gay or a woman? I did not have a problem with e.g. Lara Croft.
I guess it just depends on the character you want to portray. Just because he doesn't totally match your personality and beliefs doesn't mean that the game is not for you. He's a witcher, I am not demanding him to have my set of morals, either.
The game is great. And many girls I know played the game and also seduced the girls xD (While not being lesbian).
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04.11.2010 - 21:00 | Apathetic One[b]I've never even heard of this game...but this was a pretty funny 5sec video.[/b]
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04.12.2010 - 15:33 | thatkidwiththepimples
55 sec.
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[quote=LikaLaruku]Well, that pretty muched summed up why I never played the game. If they'd given him the option to be gay, every girl I know would have bought it.[/quote]
the game is FANTASTIC. has one of the best "morality" systems in any game ever. though its not really morality, there are no right and wrong choices. all have positive and negative consequences. it's great.
[quote=Apathetic One][b]I've never even heard of this game...but this was a pretty funny 5sec video.[/b][/quote]
go play it!
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04.11.2010 - 21:24 | LikaLarukuSome reviewer swore up & down you couldn't finish the game without making him bang every chick he came across. I thought that was a pitty since I really needed a new fantasy RPG at the time.
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Well, perhaps you should give it a chance before bashing it. In my experience you don't have to "Bang" anyone if you don't want to, it only gives you the choice to, every so often. Maybe that's only in the "Enhanced Edition" which I am currently playing through, though.
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04.22.2010 - 13:26 | Nukleon
You do not have to have sex with a single one, you can refuse all women you come across, even the ones just following the main story will bring you to, but where is the fun in that? :P
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04.11.2010 - 21:02 | soldierstar
Are the game heroes gonna do a rifftrax on this one too? :lol:
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Good summery, too bad I maked it as 2 stars. I was trying to scroll down the page and the pointer hit the rating bar at two stars. Damnit, sorry, that'll be why it's rated low right now. Did not mean to do that, I swear.
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04.11.2010 - 22:17 | couchpotatodx
I've done that before too. It shouldn't leave a major impact on the overall rating in the long run.
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04.12.2010 - 00:10 | tiggerpetedoes the rating even matter?
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04.11.2010 - 21:04 | TalsinYeah, the game itself is actually amazing. The man-whore part is entirely optional.
Ok, maybe not "amazing" if they took out half the swamp levels and set them somewhere else it'd be amazing. still 4 out of 5 for me.
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04.11.2010 - 21:05 | Ringadon
so that's why they call him the witcher.
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04.11.2010 - 21:07 | Veedranthat was hilarious :lol: ive never even heard of this game
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04.11.2010 - 21:09 | steveosk8salso its worth noting, that joe is in the US, and the US version of the game is censored. in order to get the nude versions of the sex cards, and the nude character models when in the bedroom, you have to get the european patch for the us game.
meaning joe went and got whats collectively known as a the nude mod. oh joe you dity perv :P
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04.11.2010 - 22:23 | EarthboundXE
I thought the Director's Cut restored all the censored stuff?
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04.22.2010 - 13:26 | NukleonIt does, it is free and it comes with some of the developers favorite user content.
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04.11.2010 - 21:11 | Fleaman
Best part of the WHOLE GAME This is!
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04.11.2010 - 21:24 | LikaLarukuOnly if you're straight & male.
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04.11.2010 - 21:17 | Booze Zombie
Woah, so according to that last card you can bang a... chef?
Huh, I don't think I "caught" her yet.
But anyway, good little 5 second video there, the porno cards did need a bit of mocking, but I do like this game, even if it flawed, it at least tried to make a more realistic world, as far as people went.
People are horny, angry and violence and they bloody well act it in this game...
Plus, if you beat this game on normal or hard, you can yell to the world "hey, look, I can multitask" and then you are beaten to death for being a freak.
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[quote=Booze Zombie]Woah, so according to that last card you can bang a... chef?
Huh, I don't think I "caught" her yet.
But anyway, good little 5 second video there, the porno cards did need a bit of mocking, but I do like this game, even if it flawed, it at least tried to make a more realistic world, as far as people went.
People are horny, angry and violence and they bloody well act it in this game...
Plus, if you beat this game on normal or hard, you can yell to the world "hey, look, I can multitask" and then you are beaten to death for being a freak.[/quote]
thats not a chef, it's one of the girls who works in the bank that the elves raid.
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04.11.2010 - 21:23 | pharmmajor
Wow, Yahtzee was right; this game is just one big excuse for Geralt to have sex and for the player to collect naughty pictures.
Excellent work, Joe. I almost pissed myself laughing when the "Catch 'em all" bit played.
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04.11.2010 - 21:38 | LikaLarukuWhen you put it like that, you make it sound like a hentai dating sim. lol XD
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[quote=pharmmajor]Wow, Yahtzee was right; this game is just one big excuse for Geralt to have sex and for the player to collect naughty pictures.
Excellent work, Joe. I almost pissed myself laughing when the "Catch 'em all" bit played. [/quote]
except it's not >_> its a very mature story about political intrigue, you make a lot of VERY difficult decisions that have negative and positive effects.
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04.11.2010 - 21:25 | Deimos1984rd
Hot damn!!!
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[quote=steveosk8s] [quote=pharmmajor]Wow, Yahtzee was right; this game is just one big excuse for Geralt to have sex and for the player to collect naughty pictures.
Excellent work, Joe. I almost pissed myself laughing when the "Catch 'em all" bit played. [/quote]
except it's not >_> its a very mature story about political intrigue, you make a lot of VERY difficult decisions that have negative and positive effects.[/quote]
Difficult decisions like which chick to bang, amirite? Aaaaah yeah. -high fives his bros-
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[quote=LikaLaruku]Well, that pretty muched summed up why I never played the game. I was told it would be too offencive to girl-gamers. However, if they'd given him the option to be gay, every girl I know would have bought it.[/quote]
I know, I was in the same boat, nearly bought it until I heard what a womanizer he is >.>
And I agree, if it wasn't so chauvinistic and heteronormative, it would have had A LOT of female fans XD
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[quote=steveosk8s]
Difficult decisions like which chick to bang, amirite? Aaaaah yeah. -high fives his bros-[/quote]
Ok Ill give you this, that did make me chuckle.
In all honesty, seems theres a lot to this game that IS pretty good. Also seems that theres a lot of focus on this one thing, which actually takes away from the overall gaming experiance.
Nice song choice Joe. You had me laughing.
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04.11.2010 - 22:50 | Redbob86
"Catch 'em all"?
Catch all of what? STDs?
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04.12.2010 - 06:45 | Ashariel
Good thing Witchers are immune to diseases.
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[quote=steveosk8s] [quote=pharmmajor]Wow, Yahtzee was right; this game is just one big excuse for Geralt to have sex and for the player to collect naughty pictures.
[/quote]
except it's not >_> its a very mature story about political intrigue, you make a lot of VERY difficult decisions that have negative and positive effects.[/quote]
Yeah, and I bet you read Playboy just for the articles. :P
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04.11.2010 - 23:25 | VengefulRonin
All I can say is...what the fuck? xD
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[quote=Talsin]if they took out half the swamp levels and set them somewhere else it'd be amazing. still 4 out of 5 for me.[/quote]
Somewhere else... Like a sewer perhaps?!
Spoony would be thrilled.
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04.11.2010 - 23:59 | Asuka Soryu
lol Afraid of sexuality? The hell does that have to do with the statement.
"You'll only like it if you're straight and male"
"Ha, you're affraid of the term for ones sexual prefferences!"
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04.11.2010 - 23:55 | radibomb
Weird.Last night I thought I should try this game and bought it, then installed it.What a weird coincidence.
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04.12.2010 - 00:04 | anaeuphisYeah, a 2 year old joke based on asinine over-generalization. Spiffy. Let me guess, the next video is about the cake being a lie.
Edit: OK, benefit of the doubt. I'm guessing tgwtg.com is pulling ancient stuff again like Spoony's Microcosm video.
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[quote=LikaLaruku]Well, that pretty muched summed up why I never played the game. I was told it would be too offencive to girl-gamers. However, if they'd given him the option to be gay, every girl I know would have bought it.[/quote]
It might've been like that if this game wasn't based on fantasy book by Andrzej Sapkowski. It's writer from Poland. I read his books and gotta admit that Witcher in the game is pretty much the same as in books. It's not because of sick creators :).
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04.22.2010 - 13:29 | NukleonWell, the book doesn't have pictures. Geralt fucks some ladies, but no "porno dialogue" either.
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04.12.2010 - 00:36 | NightfishWell, if you reduce the Witcher to this you might as well say Star Wars is about incest because Luke kisses his sister...
It's a really good game, probably one of the best RPGs ever. Yea, personally I could have done without the whole cards thing but as has been said, it's optional. If you don't want to bang every other chick you'll never even see them.
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04.12.2010 - 01:21 | SeaweeOMG that pokemon theme was BRILLANT!! :woohoo: :D :D :D
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atleast it is better RPG than any recent Final Fantasy game.
ps. as long as we talking about polish stuff at the moment, RIP prsident Kaczynski
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04.12.2010 - 01:30 | Mr CreazilYou forgot the gratuitous violence!
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