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Great Job! I can't believe how much fanservice was in this movie!
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Oh my God... written by TheDudette , November 15, 2008
You Horatio'd Cloud.
My eternal love. You have it.
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Votes: +5
... written by Mr. Vorhias , November 15, 2008
Thank you for trashing this movie. Every FF7-relevant thing that has come after the original game itself has only served to cheapen the storyline and get rid of everything completely awesome.
Be honest. When you said "Blistering Barnacle" was that a Tintin reference?
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Votes: +2
... written by A_Royal_SOB , November 15, 2008
I am a total FF7 Fanboy, and believed when I first trailer, as I do even now, that this is a good movie. THat being sad...
This review was hysterical. Your expostion/violence songs had me on the floor, and your analysis of the charcters, while overexagerated, was pretty accurate. There were a few things you did move around to match your opinion (Rufus was revieling to Kadaj that he had Jenova, not who he was), but given that it worked, I don't really care.
Good review, and very funny.
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... written by Akaras , November 15, 2008
How many swords did Cloud have? I think it might be seven or so. Still not quite sure how it makes sense that he was also able to combine them together and pull them apart again as he willed, but then again it was still pretty cool.
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Great to have you feeling better and back suade, Lowly rated comment [Show]
... written by Steveman , November 16, 2008
I loved FF7, I bought into the hype of FF7AC, and FF7 Last Order. Both of those okay, but not good endeavors made my soul die a little. thank you suede for articulating exactly what I've been feeling.
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... written by Turner4590 , November 16, 2008
I love this movie a lot but I still got lots of laughs out of the review
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... written by animerocksautistic , November 16, 2008
"and Banzaie still insists he's French!" lol
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Votes: +13
... written by avidfan141 , November 16, 2008
its been a long wait but it was worth it lol
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Brilliant written by hopewithinchaos , November 16, 2008
i couldnt have said this better myself. i've been waiting for someone to tear this thing a new rear end for a while. Great work suede
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Oh wow written by Dokupenda , November 16, 2008
I know some people that would totally hate you for this....but those folks are bat sh-t insane about FF7.
Personally I've never played it, and therefore had no interest in the movie. and this made sure I'd never see it, I like anime but this drew the stereotypes out quite a bit. I mean Cloud is the definition of wuss and the other characters are.....there. Boring. Not seeing this.
@ Wendell: There is no such thing as guro higher than poetry.
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Votes: +3
... written by Shinizaru , November 16, 2008
This was a beautiful review...and I have to say that everything you liked, I liked. There's also going to be a remake of this game, so I've heard. It's supposed to be on the PS3. Wikipedia had info on it, last I heard.
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... written by Kaworu , November 16, 2008
ROFL-WAFLS. That was your best yet Suede, a great review everything completely true and hysterical and i agree the music was quite good, i liked the AC version of One Winged Angel more than the original.
"Religion is Good and Cloud is Jebus" written by MacInnes , November 16, 2008
"Religion is Good and Cloud is Jeebus", funny stuff . As for the movie itself, personally, I thought it was o.k, not great but not bad, I just like watching this style of movie. I mean I thought the animation was great, so even tho the story line left a bit to be desired, it didn't kill the movie. Good reveiw, look forward to your next one, cheers.........
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... written by Vash3001 , November 16, 2008
Spoilers
Listen to the last 2 seconds of the video.
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... written by MarioATWLink , November 16, 2008
Chrono trigger and FF6 DID have better plots then ff7... ff7 had technoligy and emo. However After playing Crisis core I did give the game a second chance and now that I get some of the back story its not as bad, Ill still never be a 7 fan boy and I will never play FF7 DoC or watch AC and Im glade I chose not to now. Good review two thumbs way up. also I like 9 the best, when I think Fantasy I dont think cell phone I think Black mages with glowing yellow eyes in blue robes.
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... written by mwong04 , November 16, 2008
ive watched this movie as well but i thought it was okay but now that ive watched this i cant believe its such a big disappointment to FF fans cause im not a FF fan
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... written by princess myu , November 16, 2008
lol you called yazuu a women.
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... written by Altorin , November 16, 2008
lol, I actually own the sephiroth and vincent figures..
I wasn't a giant FFVII fan, I had beaten it, but I hadn't idolized over it.. So I was more in the "noob" department
but yeah, this movie was horrible.
Do more of these rants about anime, cause it was hilarious.
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I have to disagree with you on this one written by CoolIT , November 16, 2008
Not a fanboy in fact I haven't finished any of the FF Games but this movie was very good.
I agree that at many times the movie has a lot of dialogue however it has a very complex storyline.
As for action, this movie is packed and holds some of the best animation. I also found the victory music cell phone gag pretty original and unexpected.
I would have rather seen you blasting FF Spirit within... that movie was in the theaters and was a total flop.
Just my opinion, we all know taste is none negociable.
Entertaining review though, keep em coming.
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101% Agree written by ddwkc , November 16, 2008
Totally agree with ya! Specially the last part about the fandom. Shame on us (I bought the Limited Edition of this diarrhea).
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... written by ChadVision , November 16, 2008
I only like the original game along with Final Fantasy IV and Final Fantasy V. They should never make sequels to a Final Fantasy game(with the same characters) or make Final Fantasy movies, they just ruin it, especially Final Fantasy X-2(why does it start our with a pop concert?). As for Advent Children, I liked Quinton Flynn as Reno and Crispin Freeman as Rude(although in the game rude only had a few words of dialog). I also like Steve Blum and Beau Billingslea as voice actors but I like them a lot more in better in Cowboy Bebop. there is a plethora of things I can say about this movie like Loz voice actor sucks and so does its lack of a better word, plot.
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... written by gamepopper , November 16, 2008
Don't forget the original Final Fantasy Movie before Advent Children. If only they put a different title instead of Final Fantasy it would've been even awesome. INSTEAD OF BEING THE 2ND LARGEST BOX OFFICE BOMB IN HISTORY!!!
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... written by Mr. Easterband , November 16, 2008
One of your best reviews Suede, great work!
I personally never played Final Fantasy VII, but I still know about the characters and a few scarce moments. So when I sat down to watch this with some friends I hoped that it wouldn't be just full of references only "Fanboys" would get. But I still got confused like hell! And I didn't like the movie...
Again Suede, great work and keep going strong.
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... written by Film Brain , November 16, 2008
Suede, this was absolutely brilliant. I enjoyed every second.
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... written by ThatFellowInTheCoat , November 16, 2008
Hilarious review, Suede. I was laughing throughout the whole thing. This is how you make a thirty-minute video. I was entertained the whole time.
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Forgot to mention... written by ChadVision , November 16, 2008
I loved all the references especially the Commando reference, I thought I was the only person who quotes that movie. I liked how you said you didn't hate it that much because I didn't either... this review is like how I reviewed Indy 4 to my friend. I also think that the end montage was perfect!!! I also laughed really hard during the C.S.I. reference and when you played the Fleetwood Mac song, It was full of unexpected jokes that I could have never foreseen coming which makes this review far superior to others. I rate the review 10/10, the best review I've ever seen on this movie.
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... written by Pageyd , November 16, 2008
OKAY! the surprise of Rufus is that he is holding Jenova's head, it is holy water not normal water Benzai must hate you....lol
It's about time you make another movie. You and the Nostalgic Critic seem to be the only reviewers on the site who actually know anything and are worth listening to. Hope to hear more from ya.
I was exited for those first few minutes of the review, because I despise this movie too. What's weird is that we seem to hate it for completely different reasons. Judging from what you said in this review, what you really want is MORE fanservice and less focus on new characters, preferably with more fighting than talking? I on the other hand absolutely HATE this movie for the fanservice and pointless, stupid fight scenes and would have really preferred more storytelling.. if only the story had made some sense.
Then again, I'm not a big fan of FFVII either. I loved it when it came out, but today it just does very little for me. The stoyline is so well thought out but completely butchered by the translation that sometimes makes it difficult to understand what the hell the characters are talking about. The music would have been terrific if it hadn't been for how it's all done MIDI-style (a bad idea even back then. Who came up with MIDI music really? It ALWAYS sound way worse than say.. chiptunes). The graphical design is just.. weird, though that might have been done on purpose I guess. It's still a good game, but It'd put it pretty far down on my list of the best Final Fantasies.
I liked this movie, but mainly because I knew nothing about the actual story of FF7, my attraction to the movie was simply, and shallow(ey?) the CGI and action. And for me, the movie delivered on that. That being said, the opening is long, and the movie has a hard time of keeping your interest, unless you really want to watvh it, or have paitence for these kind of things. Thats something any anime viewer builds up. All in all FF7:AC is, to me, a lot like the Harry Potter movies, the casual audiance will love them, but the book readers will have a harder time not gnashing thier teeth through the movie. The Third Task in Goblet of Fire, was BUTCHERED I dont care how you look at it.
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... written by TheDannyWarrior , November 16, 2008
I watched it twice, once as a fanboy watching the original, and once as a casual viewer with someone who didn't grow up playing Final Fantasy. Its a fan service film, it looks nice (Well, better then nice =P) and has some good moments, but overall was over-rated. Final Fantasy VII was amazing, but certainly wasn't me and my friends fav's, we leave that place for 4, 6 and....yes, 8 and 9 in some cases(though 9 certainly did borrow heavly from the plot of 7). I have fond memorys of 7, being about 11 (I think), getting it cheapish from a shop, playing it because 8 didn't work (Got both games for £12 each). First RPG I ever had played, and its the game that made me a gamer.
I see what the movie was trying to do, but it failed. But look at it this way, at least its miles better then FF:Spirits within! =P
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... written by Masamune , November 16, 2008
I completely agree with you, Suede, this movie was a consumerist waste of time. If you consider it was co-directed by the Final Fantasy CHARACTER DESIGNER and a guy who just edits FMVs for Kingdom Hearts, you can see the thinking behind this project. It was a chance to test out new software and create flashy new FMVs. Then of course, they sold out even more by bringing Sephiroth back. That's all the movie builds up to....Sephiroth. Why the hell do I want to see Cloud vanquish his inner-demons and defeat Sephiroth? I did that in FFVII! Cloud pissed me off to no end in the movie. He's such an angsty douchebag of self-pity. The whole Geostigma thing was a contrived attempt at character development... or rather redevelopment.
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... written by Dodwidge , November 16, 2008
The Rocky Horror bit cracked me up completely
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Your best video yet! written by Bahamut , November 16, 2008
I've been following your videos ever since your first video about AMVs, despite not being a big fan of anime and out of all of your works, I feel this your best yet. It was hilarious, informative and I actually agree with your thoughts on FFVII: Advent Children, and this is coming from someone whose favourite game of all time is FFVII. I'll admit, I really liked Advent Children at first. It was good to see all the main characters again, even though most didn't get much screen time. I enjoyed all the battle sequences back then.
Now, the more I think about Advent Children, the more pointless I feel it is. I mean, all this build up just to see a 5 minute battle with Sephiroth re-appearing? That feels lame. Another thing I thought about recently when I was writing up my list of Final Fantasy games from least liked to most loved (sorry, it's not on TGWTG just yet) was who the fuck were Kadaj and the other two? What were their purpose? I felt like they made no contribution to the FFVII universe whatsoever.
Despite how disappointed I am at the movie these days, I still like the battle sequence with Bahamut SIN and at least this movie wasn't as bad as The Spirits Within or an abysmal sequel like X-2. However, I still think Square should cut down on the amount of sequels to already existing FF games. Else, they'll become the Disney of Video games.
The movie was all action and practically no plot. And the plot that was there, was stupid. I can't accept Cloud being so depressed and emo, thinking he can't save anyone when he fucking went to the core of the planet and stopped a goddamn meteor! And I would've liked the action...had it been realistic and true to the game. Doing multiple flips on motorcycles? Cloud slashed and drove, he didn't scale walls and fall down huge pits and crap.
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This review belongs on Failblog., Lowly rated comment [Show]
... written by placeboff , November 16, 2008
thats so tru, i`m final fantasy very very very big fan, i have every game of final fantasy (original) and the game final fanasy 7 is so so so so motch better than the movie, i rilly expected somthing better bout in the end the movie was about emo guys yaping about haw sad and engry thay are, i liked the music, the graphic, the gualty, bout nooooooooot the title, and the title is the most importent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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... written by Draxo , November 16, 2008
Great Review. I laughed several times. I had forgotten about the Turk guy and couldn't quite place why he shouldn't be there: you rammed home the inaccuracy in such a funny way I laughed and had to re-watch it, awesome!
Things I liked about this movie: 1, Clouds bike fight scene. (though I think he was shown to be too weak and that gunshot made me WTF too) 2, Tifa's fight scene vs the guy (though I hated his cheap weapon / win). 3, some of the cool moves cloud pulled off during his fights (except the stupid finisher limit break, what was wrong with omnoslash?)
Other than that, I agree with you 100%. I also wondered why they depicted materia as these stupidly huge bowling balls instead of the tiny orbs they were. I also wondered why none of them kept any materia on them? Why dump it to one side?
etc etc.
Keep up the good work, you do awesome reviews.
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... written by calger459 , November 16, 2008
Ahaha brilliant! As a Final Fantasy nOOB (I've never played 7, no idea what happened in it, I just have vague visual recognition of Cloud and Sepiroth) I was so completely confused by this movie. Fans have tried explaining it to me many times...but "Mother" is still the Lunchbox of Doom to me, and I STILL don't get the point of it. As you point out, nOOBs are not welcome here!
Apparently, neither are the fans o___O Will they ever make a GOOD FF movie? Ever? Beautiful graphics don't mean a whole lot without a story that actually makes sense
OMG Rocky Horror Picture Show, it's scary how well that song fits this movie! You win
Pretty Damn Sweet...SWEET written by benzaie , November 16, 2008
Eyh man that was just great, usualy I cannot stand 30 minutes Review but this one was GREAT, very funny to the max...more dynamic than usual, you really did something great with that
My favorite parts were the "benzaie insists on being French" and the Rocky Horror Picture show AMV..great Idea !!!
I actually never thought about how horribly religious is the ending, that is just sick !
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Thank You! written by Crow-453 , November 16, 2008
Final Fantasy VIII is my favourite! People always whine about it, but it was cool! Yeah, it had its flaws, but what game doesn't? And, before anyone says 'Resident Evil IV', I'll respond with 'chainsaw-wielding zombies'!
Anyway, awesome review! I agree with you on nearly all points, and you're definately right on the money with your statement of "remake it or leave it, guys."
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Thanks written by Poopay , November 16, 2008
Just...
Thanks !
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... written by Thas , November 16, 2008
Grey.. grey.. grey... HELICOPTER!
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... written by godzilla1489 , November 16, 2008
Eh, I like this movie. Ah what the hell, funny review anyhow.
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... written by Disthron , November 16, 2008
I never really played the game. I got to that first boss and never read the battle text. But I went and hired this movie anyway. I though it was ok, not spectacular but pretty good. I mean seriously, did he expect the movie to just be one long fight scene? No story or setting or explanation? I didn't play through the game so the exposition at the begging didn't bother me in the slightest.
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... written by Juen , November 16, 2008
I did like Advent Children but not everyone can like what I like. You bring up some good points and I respect them fully~ And doing a negative review was something I was looking forward to from you. I don't like fangirls/boys that rapidly attack people for having a difference of opinion. The movie was good for me but not for others. I deal with it.
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... written by CultconXIX , November 16, 2008
This movie must be the biggest, most expensive fan-wankery ever made (not counting The Spirit Within since it has no fanservice value whatsoever). The game was good but definitely not the best FF out there....I personally think FF9 is the best FF on PS1.
Why didn't you review this movie with the original dub? I hate it when people are too damn lazy to read a simple line of dialogue in their own language: it's not a valid reason to do some horrible voice-acting for some retards who apparently can't read . Thank Gods in the place where I come from, everything is subtitled, despite the fact that my language is one of the hardest languages in the world. I also have to know english in order to watch stuff that is subbed in english only. So please, learn to support subtitles and original audio (ment to all who possibly read this).
Oh, this video was entertaining well spoken Suede.
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... written by silverdeer , November 16, 2008
You really shut do something about that back light.. You could but a lamp behind the camera make a bit up for it for starters. It's really a shame the light on your videos are terrible. Because other then that you are really doing a fanstatic job with these videos. Really funny and informative. I love when people actually knows what they are talking about. it's nice
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... written by Daffy , November 16, 2008
This may be my favorite Suede yet. GREAT job.
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If you like this then you should watch a really good dub of this movie that they are still working on. written by Dellloon , November 16, 2008
do you make AMV'S yourself? written by Morganwrath , November 16, 2008
it would be great to see one done to either some of the songs or even the entire film of the rocky horror picture show.
personally ,whenever i listen to the sword of Damocles,it makes me think of emo kids "Ohhhhhh woe is me, my life is a misery.."
possibly getting hit by cars "la la la la that ain't no crime!" "oh oh no" "la la la la that ain't no crime!" insert footage of shinji from Neon Genesis Evangelion, see what im getting at?
also brilliant review, im glad i watched it through to the rocky horror reference good to see you are back and are well again
DO AKIRA! DO AKIRA!.... .. though everyone agrees its good, making it hard to make jokes about... hmmmmm could have fun with UrotsukidōjiFORGET IT! NO! DONT DO IT!
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... written by Fduk200k , November 16, 2008
Great review and welcome back. Hope you feel better soon too.
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... written by Umandsf , November 16, 2008
Great video. Thank you for finally convincing me to stay away from it.
Of course, I probably should play the game first.
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... written by Braindamage , November 16, 2008
Im BIG FF 7 FAN AND I HATE YOOOOO!!!11!!11...
or... Yeah, i agree with you. Story was a big show down of my favorite characters and it didn't answer any questions what game made. It didn't have any kind of story, it didn't explain this new plot black hole mess at all. So, everyone who says that this movie was good, i would like to ask: What was good in this movie ? Since i can say lots of things what made it bad. Whole movie was for made for fans that doesn't need quality, only all kind of weird stuff with FF7 on it's name. Square-enix can ride with this for sometime but im getting sick of these spinoffs. I think FF12 as a "Vagrant story 2:the offline mmorpg".
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Epic written by lioneyes26 , November 16, 2008
That video was epic freaking sweet the movie definatly sucked sum major a** great review
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... written by Goat with a Beret , November 16, 2008
GREAT JOB! Really.
I never actually watch the Suede´s reviews cause i´m not a anime fan at all, but this one i had to watch.
This movie was... hum... ok. I´m a huge Final Fantasy fan but somehow FF7 is not one of my favorites, expecially cause of the whole 'Cloud & Sephiroth' thing. You did point out the major problems of this movie, thing that i also found it preety lame.
Favorite parts: CSI Miami reference (Love it BTW) Panasonic AD.
Actually, i found suede a great reviewer, nice job!
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. . . written by AnimeLover , November 16, 2008
I don't know what to say is that even though im a fangirl of the movie you make some vaild points...but shamefully I have to admit that will not stop me from likeing this movie or giveing it as a gift to some noob that doesn't own a copy already
*holds up anime figures along with FF7 ones* Because no matter how bad it is...They can always depend on the fans to buy the shit
P.s Hope you get better
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... written by AlbertWikoWonkavitz , November 16, 2008
Hilarious. This movie (the one you were reviewing)...all I can say is MESSY.
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... written by Zoltan , November 16, 2008
That was a swell idea putting a Rockyhorror song at the end, now I realized, why your voice sounded so familiar!
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*sigh* written by Crow-453 , November 16, 2008
To everybody who is saying stuff like "OMG, dis reveiw sux as!" (and yes, the bad spelling is intentional), watch until the very end.
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ZETSUBOU-SHITAAAA written by SuriOokami , November 16, 2008
-insert dramatic camera angles- This movie has put me into despair!!
Great work, Suede! I also really enjoyed the Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei music at the beginning. I was starting to miss you, man! But now I'm really glad you're back. I'm anxiously awaiting more reveiws and top 11's!
P.S., I know more than a few people who think yaoi is a higher art form than poetry. Save me.
~Suri
P.P.S, I'm also a girl, so please don't get freaked out if start to adore you just a bit more than most of your fans.
Keep up the good work!
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y'know... written by Surfingpichu , November 16, 2008
All of the money Square put into this makes me think only one thing:
... FFT could have had a continuation with the money they took to make this movie. 50 years war anyone? Play as Balbanes or TG Cid?
Y'know.. because FFT was a final fantasy title too? Anyone? Ramza? Come on the one FF game that left the plot entirely open ended (I mean, is Delita dead? Did Ramza survive? Did they all die?) aaand it's shoved to the back and never heard of again... and then Ivalice got raped by moogles... great.
I want an FFT movie too. T_T
Alright.. enough fangirlism here though. Awesome review, I completely agree. Advent children raped FFVII the way FFTA raped FFT..
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... written by Sopa , November 16, 2008
This review was much better than previous ones you've done. Good job.
Also, could somebody tell me the name of the song that Suede put when Sephiroth grows those wings?
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Two Requests written by KingdomHearts4eva , November 16, 2008
What an amazing video! You showed THEM!
I have a couple requests though. I think you'll agree their worth taking shots at, seeing as how you and me both love anime.
Toonami. It was the thing that brought anime to it's peak! Now, Cartoonnetwork has canceled it! This is bad news to everyone, I'm sure. It happened months ago, I know,but can you please make a tribute video to it? Send it out in style.
Kingdom Hearts. An amazing game, and I haven't seen anyone as good as you review it! So, yeah, that's pretty simple.
Thanks for reading my requests!
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Don't Dream It........Be it. written by NegaJoe , November 16, 2008
I think we were ALL caught up in the hype of this film, there was just no escaping it if you had even the slightest interest in video games. When I first heard of this movie, I thought the worst it could possibly be is pure fan service, but even in that aspect it fumbles. Giving us bland, boring villians, UNNECESSARY and CONFUSING dream sequences, all with blatant religous imagery that makes us forget what this has to do with the game.
One of my biggest gripes with this movie is what they did with the main character. At the end of VII, Cloud has healed from his various mental problems and is ready to move forward with his own personality. But when AC begins, he is back to being an emo punk-tard who would rather look at the sky then at beautiful women. HERE WE GO AGAIN. This movie actually went backwards in character progression. Way to go.
Great review Suede. Although I think I know why you like FFVIII. Squall's coat looks somewhat similar to yours, doesn't it?..................almost............SUEDE!!!!!
Exellent review, your best so far. And if you really want to see how hell looks like, do a review of the first final fantasy movie. I mean... this one is a masterpiece compared to this crap.
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... written by sereia , November 16, 2008
It wasn't just water it was Aerith's Great Gospel limit break. I was Surprised you didnt mention her in your review.
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... written by Vyers , November 16, 2008
Bravo! An excellent dissection.
When I walked away from watching Advent Children I was thinking "Okay, there was NO goddamn plot, absolutely no character development, and Sephiroth came back and left soon after for no good reason. At least some of the action scenes were nice...."
You pointed out a lot of things I think bugged me but I couldn't put my finger on. The Rufus "revelation" was one, the GREYNESS of the whole thing, and excessive focus on characters we don't know and don't care about was another.
I much prefered FF "Last Order" as far as visual spin-offs of the game go. It was shorter, it was sweeter, and it was (more or less) true to source. I'm actually surprised you haven't commented on that, since it's technically "anime", and more within your defined role.
Plus I still think FF:AC ripped their "Throw cloud in the sky" scene from the clock tower bit in the Alabasta Arc of One Piece.
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... written by SMcCall64 , November 16, 2008
I saw AC for the first time when I was in high school before I played FF7. I thought it was an okay movie. When I saw it the second time after playing FF7 and I was in college, I thought the movie blew donkey chunks.
At least the comedic antics of Reno and Rude were still worthwhile.
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Yup: right in the kisser...! written by Listior , November 16, 2008
Well, I fear a lot of people will hate you for this but you are completely right about this movie: It was mostly a disappointment. I never was able to accept that Red XIII/Nanaki got just one stupid sentence. And what's more about Vincent's sudden coolness then being an advertisement for stupid Dirge of Cerberus? Why are Kadaaj, Yazoo and Loz so importent, wenn Barret, Red, Cait Sith/Reeve, Cid and Yuffie are hardly supporting roles in this film?
I actually thought there was too much (beautiful) fighting; FFVII is more then just that. The baptism-scene at the end is bloody strange and even Zack's appearance is mostly pointless, though I like the guy and was happy to see him in there. Also, everything concentrates on Sephiroth once again although JENOVA was the actual menace from the skies, not her late Avatar (who of course died five years ago by Cloud's/Zack's Buster Sword and the guy appearing in the game is nothing but a clone, controlled by JENOVA).
Advent Children became just as holy-cowish as the game itself over time but OF COURSE it has many weak points which are pretty often overlooked by the fans. You did a great (und damn funny) job on this video, suade, and I'm looking forward to more stuff like this.
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... written by White Light , November 16, 2008
i watch'd the movie and i think that it is odd cuz i never played the game :> stupid actually, and Extremely boring
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Fatal Fantasy VII written by Masamune7VII7 , November 16, 2008
Well I can only assume that im not the only one who requested this due to the guy at the top but this review was well written and I enjoyed watching it. Thank you for bringing to light this epic failure of a movie. Like most fans I was drawn in by the hype and disappointed by the outcome. kinda like the Heavens Gate Cult, although they had it way easier than we did with this fucking barbaric travesty of visual rape.
Beautiful busting of Benzaie's balls. I have to admit, I love the references you guys do between yourselves. "Final Fantasy Advent Children - Answering the phone!" Hah!
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... written by Suntiger , November 16, 2008
Yes! Finally back! Missed your reviews, and damn what a comeback. Half an hour review, and yet it never felt long or boring. You kept up a good pace, tone and great balance between emotion and constructive criticism on why you thought it was bad (and it's few good points). And made some hilarious references.
I agree this movie is pretty disappointing, though it has some saving graces. Bad: - The story - confusing and cut in a pretty weird way, jumping back and forth. - Some of the physics. I know anime treats gravity as something optional, but some of the things they did really annoyed me, even with the tolerance for anime physics. Cloud getting shot point blank is one. Loz using his wrist-mounted weapon to turn a motorcycle. Cloud tossing, while fun, was annoying because they boosted him while standing on thin air. What the hell do they push off against to boost him? That's stretching it, even for anime. - Why the hell did all the party characters except Could and Tifa get so little screen time? Reno and Rude got more screen time for gods' sake!
Good: - The CGI and animation. Sure, the film has flaws, but it does look pretty. Pretty doesn't make up for bad plot though. - The music. - Most of the fights. Especially Tifa vs Loz, the most realistic of the unrealistic fights in the entire film.
I'm a bit surprised that you saw religious context in Kadaj's whiny speech and Cloud curing denzel in the church though. I thought Kadaj wanted the children to become a vessel for the geostigma/corrupted lifestream by drinking of the tainted water, and in the church I understood it as Aeris casting a "spell" (or rather purifying the lifestream) to both oppose Sephiroth's summoning of Meteor and curing the geostigma. If there's any messianic overtones I'd say they lie with her, not Cloud.
*He* is just a clod who needs to get kicked in the nuts to make him realize he doesn't need to carry all the world's burden on his shoulders and should take his hot girlfriend to bed and get working on making some babies instead.
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kjstyles2x-treme written by ThatDudeInTheSuede , November 16, 2008
@kjstyles2x-treme :
I didn't LOVE FFVIII, I jus didi think it was THAT BAD.
And also did you pay attention to the first five minutes of the review? I love final fantasy VII too! we shouldn't fight, because no matter what final fantasy vii AC was, it was still only a small part of the ffvii story (which I adore).
don't be hatin'!
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... written by xen999 , November 16, 2008
I agree with almost every points you made. YES, Cloud was helluva jerk and incredibly depressing. YES, Kadaj was just plain weird and a poor excuse of a new character we didn't give a crap about (and his 2 gay friends too!). YES, revealing that Rufus is in fact... well... Rufus was incredibly dumb. YES, we definitely do not see enough of the old characters. YES, the story was confusing and pointless. Everything you said is almost 100% dead on.... BUT, the action scenes, man, the action scenes!!! It was a great redeeming point for me when I first saw it. I might not have gotten the movie I was hoping for, but at least I got my brains blown to bits by the incredibly rendered fighting scenes. That's might not be enough for some, but it was good enough for me.
Is it a great movie? Hell no! But I could watch the fights all day long for eternity lol.
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... written by xen999 , November 16, 2008
Oh and FF8 was TERRIBLE.
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... written by evagirl77 , November 16, 2008
I am one of those n00bs, and indeed, this movie made no sense to me at some points, though I had a friend who played it prior sit and watch it with me. However, I saw it in it's original Japanese.Nice little featurette at the end. NO ONE CARES ABOUT SCARY LEATHER TRIPLETS! *explosion*
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... written by GodOfPlague , November 16, 2008
I never played FF7 if they ever do a portable rerelease I'll check it out though. I've played 4 while simple I liked it, I played 3 same deal. I really did like 8 9 was okay loved 10, and x2 was a fun adventure. Did not like the tactics series much. But maybe it was just the one I played.
But I have to agree the FF movies kinda suck, they are pretty but they are kinda dull and make no sense. Spirits within and advent children.
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... written by Listior , November 16, 2008
this movie was made for the true hardcore fans of final fantasy 7
Maeeeep! Wrong, but thanks for playing.
"A true hardcore fan" of that 1997 game called Final Fantasy VII will almost always be disappointed if you show him that movie for the game's successor, pretty sorry about that, lad. It is very much just a beautiful rendered fightin anime with some FFVII-Characters in it, mostly in cameo-appearances. I guess you must be referring to another game by the same name but certainly not the one I played to the shiny white bones of my fingers ten years ago
It's not a complete pile of crap or something like that; it simply can't be taken for an actual sequel. There is just too much important stuff missing in that film that made Final Fantasy VII such a great RPG. I totally agree with the suede here: They should have let it rest in peace and concentrate on new, extraordinary games instad of milking the very last dollar out of it there was. Tp celebrate the anniversary, the rumorous remake would have been the better gift to fandom and newbies...
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... written by GodOfPlague , November 16, 2008
great review I thoroughly enjoyed it on to the rest of em.
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... written by JudgeSim:K , November 16, 2008
Hahaha.
Yes...
Oh, and to Listior, that's probably the only reason this movie was made, and believe me, hardcore fans eat it up, poor-quality or not.
Ah, Suede! Thanks for posting this video review of this movie! I remember watching it with a friend who is a HUGE anime fan, and he loved it. I was bored to tears with the exposition, but too nice to say anything about it. In fact, my favorite moment in the film (as was his), was when Cid makes his first appearance, shows off his latest airship, and as he's running
ThatDudeInTheSuede 
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Great Job! I can't believe how much fanservice was in this movie!