Burlesque

(210 votes, average 4.97 out of 5)
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Image art by Krin

Comments (99)
  • Angrier_Jack
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    Okay sorry its just this is the first time I've ever gotten to have first comment and couldn't resist. Good review, but I wouldn't be surprised if paw gets pissed for taking musical reviews away from him
  • MattheJ1
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    You deserve to have a medium width toothpick driven through the ball of your thumb.
  • Sewblon
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    Why a medium-width toothpick rather than a small-width tooth pick or a large-width toothpick?
  • Sophist
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    Because it's dull, you twit. It'll hurt more.
  • Sewblon
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    So only medium width toothpicks are dull? Even if that is the case, why not take a large-width toothpick and rub the point on a stone to make it dull?
  • KittyKatAllen
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    your comment made my day X3 hahahaa
  • Angrier_Jack
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    ooooohhh sounds kinky :) here's my number bad boy: (419) 352-1545
  • voxa.m.
    ...Are you twelve? Between the picture and the prank phone call quality wittish banter, it certainly appears so.
  • voxa.m.
    I am aware of that. Hence my previous comment. Boffo job on the change in screen image, though, kid.
  • Angrier_Jack
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    16 dude you don't have to be so condescending. The attempted humor of my joke was turning an unwarranted threat of violence into a twisted sexual solicitation. If you didn't find it funny fine but don't be an asshole about my age.
  • voxa.m.
    Sweetheart, you're age isn't really the issue. You could be 50 and the comment would have been the same. Immaturity begets immaturity on the internet. If you're going to spout it, grow a tough skin against the backlash.
  • Angrier_Jack
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    *sighs* Know what? I made a joke and it backfired. I am tired of talking about it. Peace.
  • Ginger...
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    Seriously, people can we stop with the death and "which tooth pick should be shoved under the thumb" threats. It isn't funny!
    As for calling 1st comment, it's harmless fun. The world is not going to end from an excited fan getting the 1st reply to a video(a little self-indulgence doesn't necessarily make it immature)...so in turn I congratulate you Angrier_Jack on loosing your comment virginity XD
  • kerrigan
    dude don't even get down on yourself even if your joke wasn't that funny that guys a piece of shit anyone reading that with half a brain would know right away
  • ChickNTheBox
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    Todd can review what he wants. Plus I hardly see him doing one musical review as taking anything from Paw let alone cause for Paw to be pissed. Paw is too cool a guy to get mad over something like that. The fact that Christina Aguilera is a pop artist ( which is stated in the very beginning of the review, had you payed attention.) puts this movie right up Todds alley. Nevertheless, Paw will always be the musical movie authority.
  • LikaLaruku
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    Todd does modern pop musicals, Paw does nostalgic classics. Todd focuses on their crapulance, Paw looks for the positives.
  • Angrier_Jack
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    It's called hyperbole, I'm not expecting paw to decide to become a serial arsonist for this, its just most critics here tend to have specializes and Musicals are not generally associated with Todd with few and far between exceptions. And paw does new musicals too hell he reviewed Hairspray and rock of ages recently.
  • fanime1  - Hairspray and Rock of Ages
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    Which were both based on older Broadway musicals. Anyway, I get it's a joke, so I'll let it go, though I will say Todd has done musical movies before.
  • FishEyenoMiko
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    Todd's done a few reviews of movies starring pop singers, actually. Other reviews have done some, as well (Critic did "Moulin Rouge", for example). Some of the critics on this Site overlap, and even end up reviewing the same film. It's really not that big a deal.
  • Ethan1994
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    Nice review, Todd! :)
  • Malchik
    Jesus, Cher doesn't even look real anymore. It's like her face is made from marshmallow.
  • Goobian
    I think this movie looked bad from a mile away. I think people wanting to see this movie because Cher is in it were satisfied with it though. There is a market for bad musicals. Just like how people love bad horror movies.
  • wdbisl
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    Still like this movie sorry Todd. I like Christina and Cher's music though. Plus being a teenage girl who grew up on both artists probably helps. You were just doomed to hate this movie because you hate the music/artists in it. I will say it's not a great movie, but it is a fun time despite how you make it sound. Sometimes it's nice to have something that isn't depressing.
  • Rash
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    "Oversinging" is definitely a real thing and I've noticed recently that I'm not into it at all. It's not impressive to me anymore (if it ever even was). Give me a song that, if anything, is undersung and yet still conveys something meaningful and I'll be on board.

    Christina's music will likely always be a tough sell to me.
  • Plutoburns  - Your Pic
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    Holy crap. I love the pig mask picture you are using.

    Oh yeah, the video. Twas fun.
  • ColeYote
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    New Todd movie review! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YE-

    Oh god, I just remembered the trailers for this.
  • ybrevo  - Yes
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    I did just say Moulin Rouge. Stop reading my mind, Todd! Keep up the great work.
  • Chunin2000
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    When my brother saw a article in the newspaper with Cher's picture talking about her concert, he thought the article was about a drag show and when I told him that was Cher he became convinced that Cher is a man
  • CyborgPrince
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    Well, there's probably a reason why many drag queens are influenced by Cher.
  • mariage_sorciere
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    I used to love Christina's voice when I was growing up. I thought she was a powerhouse. Then she got way too big for her britches and now she over sings EVERYTHING, spending 2 minutes over stuffing a simple song with over the top, loud noises. We get it, Christina, you have a great voice.

    As far as this movie goes, I was hoping it would be similar to Showgirls in all it's hammy glory. Judging this review, I'm glad I didn't bother watching this movie. Not to mention I can't stand Cher's voice, so that's another good reason I passed the opportunity to watch this.
  • TheBechtloff
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    A "sexy" movie with Christina Aguilera's hotness next to that sad blown our old monster Cher? My penis would be so confused.
  • ladydiskette
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    *writhes in agony from Christina covering Manson's "The Beautiful People" with death nerve twitches to follow*


    AHHHHHH NO ME GUSTA! NO ME GUSTA!
  • Sewblon
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    05:23 Cher sounds like Dr. Frankenfurter when she sings. 16:10 What is this movie's fascination with putting Christina Aguilara in unflattering outfits?
  • LikaLaruku
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    I like her "Believe" song, but like with Melissa Ethridge, my ears keep thinking they're hearing a man sing.
  • SpeedyEric
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    Call be stupid, but I actually love Christina Aguilera more than Britney Spears

    18:31- Yeah, but I'm still calling that the worst climax in film history, because of it being all a dream.
  • mcox4
    I love the comparison at the end with Christina's voice and the finale scene from twister.
  • Captain Siberia
    About 16 minutes in, you forgot to turn the volume back up.

    Great vid.

    "Oooo-hoodley-oo-oo! I love m'self! I really love m'self! Hey-ee-yay-ee-yaddley- yay-yay-yay-ee!"
  • jeshnyx
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    Ok time to let my inner rock critic to take over:

    What the fuck does her being in hollywood granted the movie to go Marilyn Manson-goes pop?? Da hell hollywood...
  • BellaWinx
    Love Cher. Like Christina. Hate this movie. There's a shitty 1-star script, lousy and forgettable music, and wood-en acting. I saw that damn "sky space" resolution coming 60 miles away. The "burlesque" is as risqué as a beauty pageant. I HATED every last damn dance number that couldn't be bothered to come up with something original, especially the introduction song "Burlesque". I sat in my seat at the theatre thinking "Yeah, that's "Willkommen" from "Cabaret". You're no "Cabaret", movie." A movie that is an homage to a certain era, through the music of a certain composer, while bringing its own individual take on things is "Singing in the Rain". It also has the added bonus of doing that well. If someone had taken the time to give the script real meat, "Burlesque" could have been a good movie. Maybe even a great one. As it is, the movie's terrible.
  • kyren0
    I can't tell this movie apart from Rock of Ages. They have so many plot similarities. They even both start with the smalltown bus scene
  • voxa.m.  - Were there requests?
    From the minute you started talking about how you can't stand "Xtina" I started wondering why you would bother to watch this movie once, never mind put the effort into reviewing it. You had to know what you were getting into. You've seen the reviews. You knew who was starring. I mean, a five minute pop song that you hate is bad enough to listen to over and over again. What would possess you to watch and rewatch this movie if you found it worse than Showgirls? ...I ...I just don't get it.
  • fanime1
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    He usually reviews stuff he doesn't like. Not sure where you're getting at here.
  • voxa.m.
    Right, and what he reviews is usually a five minute pop song. As I said in the comment, I don't understand the urge to branch out into a movie that he knows is horrible by a pop star he hates. People have the right to do whatever they wish, and if he really wanted to review the movie, good on him. It just comes out of left-field from my point of view. (Is that still confusing?)
  • Zhilbar
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    One thing I'd like to point out; expecting actors to sing and dance is actually pretty old-school, as in how it was in Walt's day. Just look at Gene Kelly or Christopher Walken; being a 'triple threat' was generally expected back then.
  • EpicFish
    Love Cher as an actor, but her singing, and Xtina's oversinging are just terrible!

    And Xtina did a cover of a Marilyn Manson song? WHY?!
  • Adviel
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    I actually like this movie its fun.
    Show Girls Friendship is Magic LOL. Just by the fact that you took the time to put that in means your a brony.
  • LikaLaruku
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    I absolutely detest burlesque movies & actively disliked Christina, Britney, & Jennifer back in highschool, so this movie is a cumulative shitpile for me.

    Nice touch with Don't Stop Believin.

    I'm thinking you might have been wanting to call this movie a musical version of a bad Mary-Sue fanfic?

    Which skank-diva will be the next to be in a movie like this? Shakira?
  • ladydiskette
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    You know what, I am with the fiance, she seems to be the only likeable character in all this that is not kissing Christina's ass and here is why: We may not know anything about her but how long has this engagement been going on? Months, Years?

    Way longer than the guy and Christina's romance and plus this woman probably put her time, finances, and heart into spending the rest of her life with him, both families were probably on the up and up and prepared to see this new couple off and then-BOOM he breaks it off for Christina just like that and honestly, she may have been the only character I would have rooted for over the main character.

    But I am reaching for anything at this point.
  • LikaLaruku
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    Yeah, the fiance is tossed aside like week old take-out & the douchebag is rewarded. I'd like to think that they were punishing eachother just by being near eachother though.
  • Jendrexyl
    I couldnt agree more and I dont get the appeal,but at least you could say britney is warm and has had more impact on the pop industry.christina has made little music in her time..and im grateful
  • Russell.T
    First off, I haven't seen this movie. I wanted to, I grew up listening to Cher and I loved Chicago.
    But after the initial hype, any mention of it was either unheard or just "meh". I'm so glad now that I didn't.

    I see C.A's performance in this to be the equivalent of jingling a set of keys in front of a baby's face; kind of amusing at first and pretty to look at, but it gets old real quick.

    What's sad is that they could have had a pretty good story!
    (Spitballing ideas...Being a small fish in a big ocean, homesick, finding a foothold just to prove yourself, being seen as a sex object for performing, sleazy deals, Cher pushing her for stripping/nudity to get more money in, rivalry and rumors and back-stabbing in such a competitive environment, working too hard to push her limits and injuring herself, putting work before love, a jealous partner who doesn't like hoards of men ogling her, exhaustion and lethargy from night-after-night of constant performing and a day job just to get enough money for rent???)

    No
    They made her a damsel in distress and she falls neatly into the guy's arms.
    And she sings good.
    And they all lived happily ever after!
    *jangle keys*
  • Perzyn
    avatar
    Was the guy who gave them the money at least foreshadowed in any way, or was he complete Deus Ex Machina?

    Also, the movie destroyed my Cliche Bingo by not having the "villain" going to build the mall there. Why did it have to be condos?
  • leviadragon99
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    Huh, so a fundamentally broken vanity project, pretty much what you'd expect out of the sales pitch.
  • Carteeg_Struve
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    I still really like most of the music in this. And although the wrapper plot is cliche (who'd seriously think this was going to have any plot?) it seems that Todd came into this already dead set against the music and style that was going to be shown in the music numbers.

    This would be like Linkara starting to review Jay-Z albums. You kinda start off with a disconnect.

    I'm not saying this is a great movie, but the review seemed poisoned from the start. I'm actually a bit disappointed.
  • Mousy Voice
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    Yeah, this whole movie just screams vanity project. If I wanted to see a soulless and shameless star vehicle that's boring and poorly thought out, I'd go watch After Earth. At least with that movie, I can have a little fun by identifying the piss pour science in that movie.
  • starplexus
    avatar
    i liked this review. i enjoy seeing reviews from you when the source material is longer than the average music video :)

    as for the movie, this seems to be a shameless vanity project. i didn't watch it, but now i at least know what it is about. no wonder it tanked, there wasn't a single original thought in this movie.

    good job, todd :)
  • MorleyDev
    avatar
    3:17 - So I had to pause the video and keep going with this song myself xD It's one of those songs you can't hear a line from and not carry it on...and Todd knew this, the clever son of a...

    6:10 - On the bright side this one seems to have shots that last longer than a couple of seconds and where you can actually tell what's happening instead of being a mass of dancing brightly coloured people-shaped blurs, so the camera work is actually tolerable for those of us who don't lack major ADHD.

    15:30 - Surprise naked, works 50% of the time.

    18:57 - And they all lived happily ever after.
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