Resident Evil: Afterlife
Written by Phelous Thursday, 05 May 2011 00:53
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Comments (89)
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05.05.2011 - 08:18 | ladydiskette
Wow...I never thought they would screw up Wesker (my favorite RE villian) this badly 0__0 I mean, yeah he was a a-hole in the games but he was more methodical and subtle when it came to killing random people not just 'BOOM' headshot.
I actually liked him alot more better in RE4 than in this tripe. And the Alice Clones....dear lord, make it stop >___
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05.05.2011 - 15:42 | forsaken7089
I'm glad you did this movie again. You really covered it this time, the first you didn't. I also really liked the intro and the things you've said about all the characters lol.
This movie wouldn't have been half as bad as it was if it didn't have so much POOOOOOOOOOOOINTLEEEEEEEE EEES SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT TTTIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO OOONNNNNNNNNNN.
After the 5th or so time you'd like, "cut that fuckin shit out already, WE GET IT. THE CHARS ARE BAD ASS. NOW STOP" I just view this as shaking a toy in front of a cat or using a laser pointer; it's a desperate attempt to keep the audience dazzled and interested. But the ironic thing is, the movie would have been BETTER without them. Instead of a 3d version, how about a NO SLOW MOTION version???
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49th!- I mean uh..."5th!" >_>
I didn't post this earlier because I didn't want to stay up for video updates- I MEAN I WAS INFECTED WITH THE SLOW MOTION VIRUS. (*dun dun dun*) Yeah, that last part.
How could Barry leave those hangers, the most important weapon of all?!
Doesn't he read my pointless weapon list?!
Snow > Chapos > Camera > Thumbs Up/Down Buttons > Airguns pretending to be Shotguns > Shotguns > Lock You Inside Door > > Air Sandwiches (which is what they BETTER be eating in these movies because I don't recall ever seeing a sandwich :V) Marganars > Reality Altering Remote > DVDs of poorly game-adapted films
Hmm.should some of those really be up there? Ah let's face it, hierarchies are ruined!
I gotta say, "Just Hangin' Out" has to be the most shoe-horned in gag ever and I never want it to go. Alice better add a bunch of explosions to her vlog or Critic Chris Redfield'll have to call it pitiful.
I guess I should be thankful that I only saw the end of the 2nd film and all of 3rd without playing the games or I'd be even more disappoint.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a craving for a peanut butter and Jill SANDwich.
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05.05.2011 - 01:47 | honestiago
Hooray, it's finally here! Can't blame you for putting the review off, though... this movie looked idiotic.
Damn, there are a lot of plot holes...
If the T-virus is airborne, how come none of the characters are wearing gas masks? Why does Alice say there are no signs of life in Los Angeles when there are a ton of trees surrounding the city? Have the trees been infected by Las Plagas or something? Even if she meant only human life, wouldn't she have to search around for a while to know that? And why is Wesker talking and fighting like Agent Smith?
By the way, props on not using the "it's a trap" joke.
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05.05.2011 - 01:12 | kwclass09Its about time. i know its the movie is the worst piece of shit to have the RE name on it and the plot holes are big enough to bury the world in twice but still two weeks of commentary's is bs.
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05.05.2011 - 02:38 | The sad panda
Ever heard of busy schedule?
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05.05.2011 - 12:13 | Semudara
Busy schedule? Ha. It's not like the 3rd Anniversary of TGWTG was being filmed or anything...
*cough*
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05.05.2011 - 19:34 | ggbhtgIsn't that what "bs" was supposed to stand for, Panda? :P
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05.05.2011 - 04:48 | dennett316
Aww diddums...did the bad man make you wait a bit for your FREE entertainment that's better produced and more entertaining than 90% of the shit on regular TV?
For shame Phelous...you apologise to this poor man right now!
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05.05.2011 - 11:36 | mrskippy
Because, as we all know, Phelous was nowhere NEAR Chicago for the past few weeks. Absolutely NOTHING important was being filmed while every reviewer on the site took a short hiatus.
In other words, kwclass09, THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY JUST GOT FILMED, WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING???
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05.05.2011 - 02:46 | murmurNo comments on the Silent Hill 3 dogs?
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05.07.2011 - 02:13 | SomeRandomGeek
I thought those dogs were Parasite Eve. But that was a boss and it was MUCH BIGGER. So, I'm idiot.
Speaking of this movie, I saw it in 3D with my best friend who loves the first film. He didn't even wanted to see Phelous' reviews of them. Yet he hated Afterlife. I said, "It took you four movies before to realize they're shit."
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05.05.2011 - 03:31 | illpropaganda
So good! Well produced!
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05.05.2011 - 03:59 | Shinigami
Now that Phelous has finaly reviewed this Paul W Anderson's love letter to his wife he dosen't need to touch these anymore.
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05.05.2011 - 04:11 | Deimos1984rd
Oh god this movie hurt me so much...Me and my mother were trying to hold back on making prison break jokes on the scenes with Chris.
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05.05.2011 - 04:21 | Amaretta
Yeah...
What I don't get...there seemd to be a lot more clones of Alice than she brought and that got destroyed...and even if there was a bomb flying at them - they all had psyhic powers, why couldn't they just create a protective shield? Alice did something like that alone in the previous movie... But of course... bring your entire clone army to one place to destry it, otherwise your life would get too easy...
The worst thing is, it ended up in the way to help film the next sequel...
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05.05.2011 - 04:30 | Some Bloke
To be fair, even the first movie couldn't decide if the virus was air borne or not...
And what is Umbrella's goal? Profit? Who are they going to sell stuff to? The zombies?
Why can't these films even follow their own internal logic?
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05.05.2011 - 04:45 | dennett316I know these films are RE in name only and I know they're ungodly stupid....but I still enjoy them massively.
Why? I like seeing Milla Jovovich kicking ass, I like the fact that there are some references to the games and anything with zombies in gets a few bonus points from me so long as it's not too incompetent. They don't follow the games plot and I'm fine with that, I'd actually be more pissed off with the films if they did and fucked it up. They created an alternate Resident Evil universe...though I do wish they used the existing characters properly. Wesker is about the closest to the game character as these films get, and even that only happened in the fourth.
I look forward to part 5...these are my guilty pleasure films.
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05.05.2011 - 05:47 | ThaluikhainI liked the first 3, as mindless action films (not having played the games), but yeah, WTF was with this one?
Did the zombies actually do anything in this movie? The Las Plagas (which were confusing, yes), the giant guy with the hammer axe, and the dog things did all the fighting. Nobody actually was injured by a zombie at all.
I sorta liked the middle bit, when Alice gets to the prison and they decide how to get out. That worked, kinda. The other bits were confusing or stupid.
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05.05.2011 - 06:44 | LikaLaruku
Yeah, I'd say not playing the game is mandatory for liking any of them. I charge you to find anyone who watched the Aeon Flux series or read Queen of the Damned who can tolerate their movie adaptions.
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05.05.2011 - 04:50 | Ahiru
It's so unnerving that they're using fight coreography taken straight out of RE5.
Wasn't it enough to steal some aspect from every game without following the game's storyline... or even any storyline?
They keep adding characters from the games just to RUIN them.
Jill's outfit looks worse than those of almost all the cosplayers I've seen so far.
Alice has obviously kept her Makeup-powers.
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I know that this thing is dumb and loud, but I just like it for some reason. Paul w.s. Anderson's directing is fun and professionally-bad where as with Extinction,
Russell Mulcahy's direction was just bad-bad.
Resident Evil Extinction felt like borderline Sci-Fi channel TV movie, and the desert-Road Warrior thing was just awful.
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05.05.2011 - 05:46 | ThatGuyWithTheSaxophoneGreat review!
When I saw that movie first, I thought to myself "Oh great, they used all that content from RE 5, because it is the game that feels MOST OF ALL like Resident Evil and not like a generic "zombie" shooter" *sarcasm*
btw, wouldn't that coin thing work, if you stapled them into shotgun shells, having pretty much the same function as lead shot? I do not know, I am just assuming - I am no guns expert. However, I am totally going to rip that idea off in a stage play or a novel or something in the future - I just like the idea, you could "repay" someone in an ironic way xD
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05.05.2011 - 06:37 | FullmetalNinja25
Paul W.S. Anderson I fucking hate you. -_-
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05.05.2011 - 06:46 | LikaLarukuHow do you put up with this series? I liked the first one (as a stand-alone zombie flick), but called it quits after the 2ed movie.
I would have put another box in the gold box that required the key you discarded to open it. Mwahahaha!
Movies like this REALLY make me miss old fashioned stunts & props. Man, I hate Matrix Style Editing. Come to think of it, the last action movie I remember not bugging me with it's effects was probably The Crow 2 (which had an awful sequel I hope someone reviews).
So like, if you played a drinking game where you had to take a shot every time there was a slowmo scene, would you die from alcohol poisoning?
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05.05.2011 - 06:55 | GBelly
Yeah?! Yeah. Yeah-yeah.
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05.05.2011 - 06:58 | Piano IslandThis movie was such a piece of shit. Did Paul W.S. Anderson not realize how blatantly obvious it was that Alice was (and is) one of the worst Mary Sues in cinematic history?
Seriously. She's like something some sixteen-year-old-girl would write into her "Resident Evil" fan-fiction.
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He Actually used a shotgun? Awesome!
(Looked alot lighter than a shotgun, but don't ask me. I don't know shit about weapons)
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05.05.2011 - 08:45 | Doresh
And you know what the best part is? The next RE movie will be a reboot or remake/copy of the very first RE movie. So this stupid cliffhanger ending was completely pointless!
Well, if we're lucky, we won't have to deal with Alice in this reboot...
I'm not an expert when it comes to American currency, but are shotgun barrels even big enough to fit those silver dollars or whatever they are in? Even if they are small enough, how can she even fire them without gunpowder? Was the armory full of coin-shotgun-shells or what Oo ?
Anyways, I'm pretty sure there's a good reason why coin-shaped bullets don't exist...
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05.05.2011 - 08:51 | Ed-Schweitzer
WAITAMINUTE!!! Did the movie just rip-off No more Heroes too? I swear, the dog getting killed and executioner both look like it was ripped straight out of NMH, only thing missing is them yelling out "My spleen!!!"
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05.05.2011 - 09:25 | Leroy BadMilla Jovovich is pretty but, I always thought it was weird that she wears make-up in these movies. Where is she even buying that stuff during a Zombie Apocalypse?!
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05.05.2011 - 10:04 | Captlee1694
I can't belive this movie, I liked the 1st and one (2nd one sucks the 3rd is barly watchable) but this one took the whole "just show things from the game and they'll be entertained" too far.
And god what they did to weasker felt like a slap to the face.
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05.05.2011 - 09:52 | AdventChild
Yup, it's just more Mary Sueism from Alice with more plotholes and gallons of stupidity to tag along. Paul W.S. Anderson needs to stop making these movies big time.
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05.05.2011 - 11:17 | Claim
that was one great review, phelous
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I agree with about everything you said, even though I still enjoyed the movie to a point. It's REALLY stupid for sure (stupid to the point it's funny sometimes), but it's still somewhat fun to watch IMO. The action scenes aren't so bad, the music's awesome, and even if they're underused, seeing Wesker or Chris on the big screen is pretty cool. :3
-Btw, it's getting ridiculous, now there's commercials DURING the videos? SERIOUSLY?!-
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05.05.2011 - 12:05 | Leonca
Wow, I’m glad I never tried to watch this. I’ve been hunting down zombie movies recently, but as someone who doesn’t play games this looks like a confusing mess. What do people with tentacles coming out of their mouths, a huge guy with an ax hammer thingy, and dogs that can split their heads in two have to do with zombies?
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This movie rock, but people think this suck's, this movie is a comenation of 1-5, this is a great movie.
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05.05.2011 - 12:49 | sandwichking
i laughed when i saw the coins fall out of the executioners neck.
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05.05.2011 - 12:51 | Dundore77BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. they're making ANOTHER RESIDENT EVIL SHITTY MOVIE EDITION!!!
glad they can't fuck up leon's character since they offscreen killed him before the 2nd movie even started... but they'll forget that and add him anyway im sure... you know since they forgot alice doesn't have superpowers anymore SECONDS LATER.
maybe they'll add uroboros for no reason since that way in RE5 too.
and yet ill watch it just to rage at it like all the other films.
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05.05.2011 - 12:58 | octo7
Phelous back with another instantly classic review.
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las Plagas? SERIOUSLY?! SERIOUSLY???!!!!!!
Can't they even just reboot this shit and make a proper RE film?
Hey, why not give it to the guys who made Degeneration? Atleast it'd be more faithful to the RE series than this POS fap material meant for Milla Jovovich's POS husband.