Chain Letter
Written by Phelous Wednesday, 09 February 2011 21:07
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Comments (150)
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02.09.2011 - 21:40 | FullmetalNinja25
This is truly bottom of the barrel horror, if there is a worse back story for a killer in a movie I sure as fuck can't think of one. Killing people if they delete a chain letter REALLY?
Anyways great video Phelous loved the cameos by Luke, Andrew and Ben. :D
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02.09.2011 - 22:36 | Neo Ultra MikePhelous rules at showing cameos of others in his review, and I loved the twist of him and Luke not dying, but then Benzaie randomly dying and Phelous not caring. And really how lame do you have to be to kill someone because they didn't forward a chain letter? Really I thought Icarly had a stupid episode involving Chain Letters resulting in a curse but it literally being a killer is like ten thousnad times more stupid espiecally pulling the old "oh look the ending is the beginning and the killer gets away". You know what's sadder then that? The fact the detective was played by Keith David. That's right Goliath himself was in this movie.... ugh that is just so many degrees of sad it's revolting. Should of commented on that one Phelous then again I don't know how much you know about 90's cartoons at all.
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02.09.2011 - 23:37 | Punky
OMG! Andrew was soo awesome here!! oh yeah and Luke too :D
and omg Panda is a lady!!!
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02.09.2011 - 23:40 | Sputnix
agh you changed where you sit, game over man game over man. well I guess I gotta watch the video to see you make up a reason at the end to explain why
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02.10.2011 - 03:54 | Phelous
Sitting somewhere else was truly the most frightening thing in this video.
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02.09.2011 - 23:52 | rogueofmv
so i was browsing youtube once and there was a video of a bar code and i clicked it and now i'm an internet ghost that downloads people's faces to survive... oh wait wrong franchise.
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02.10.2011 - 05:36 | PhelousYeah with internet bar codes you just have to make sure they don't fine your email address and you're good.
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02.09.2011 - 23:54 | DuosAngel
You what's sad, this premise could work. Then again I'm uncreative and a terrible writer so what do I know? Great review Phelous, really enjoyed the parts with Andrew and Luke. The surprise death at the end was really funny.
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02.10.2011 - 00:50 | Taufiq91
Phelous nails the head on this film.
This film could have worked in the 90's, but it would not work in 2010.
The only way to make this work in 2010 is to make the villain a global mafia like in Hostel (sadly).
When they send chainmails, they don't just send to people they know, they send to EVERYONE! That's why Nigerian scams can be send around the world via e-mail.
I can't believe movies like this still exist. I'm sick of Hollywood making shitty assumptions about how computers work in everyday life. STOP IT!
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02.10.2011 - 00:35 | ImperiousRix
I would approve Keith David as Detective Gumshoe in a Phoenix Wright movie adaptation...
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02.10.2011 - 05:41 | PhelousYeah at least Gumshoe would have a few more clues in his head than the Detective he ended up playing here.
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02.10.2011 - 00:44 | Mr.Evil
It's like every other bad killer flick... but with CHAINS!
Thoughts:
- Never underestimate the woman-in-the-shower or the woman-in-the-bath scene. It's there to remind us of the complexities of life, of the need to strive for...
Okay, it's all about cheap titilation. But damnit, that's all some of us have!
- Hmm... a movie with a running theme about the perils of technology in which a killer kills people (with chains) who delete his chain letter. Someone explain to me how one thing is related to another. I mean, before the Internet, chain letters used to be spread about on a mysterious medium once called... paper?
- This isn't fair. Pheleous escapes death but Benzo... Benzie... whatever, goes down? Half the reason I watch these reviews is for the promise of horrible death. Pheleous, you're falling behind!
- Have the Doctor Who bits run their course? Will we get more D-1 action? And when will we finally get a movie that's bug-themed?
Good review.
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02.10.2011 - 02:45 | PLA"But damnit, that's all some of us have!"
You know, something about this makes sense. People without computers might like the plot, and people without computers might still react to shower-nudity. Although, tv commercials for shampoo are still a problem for the latter.
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02.10.2011 - 17:05 | Mr.EvilGood point. I didn't think about how the prevalence of the Internet has desensitized us to the seductiveness of shampoo commercials. ;-)
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02.10.2011 - 05:43 | PhelousIf you want more D1 check out my cameo in Panda Q&A 9. It's all revealed there!
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02.10.2011 - 17:00 | Mr.EvilI just might.
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02.10.2011 - 00:54 | Damonashu
That "Oh yeah" part had me laughing even to the end of the review
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02.10.2011 - 00:57 | badgersprite
What even.
This movie is for serious? Really? Not gonna lie, I honestly thought that a movie called 'Chain Letter' had to be one of those attempted parody movies like 'I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer'. But this is actually supposed to be a horror flick?
...REALLY?
Oh, wait, I have a great idea for the next e-mail movie! 'The Nigerian Prince' where if you don't send your bank account details to the Nigerian Prince then his ghost comes and tortures you for not believing that his e-mail was real and he really was killed while he was typing it. IT'S GENIUS I TELL YOU
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02.10.2011 - 01:00 | 2K-Dragon
Had to turn my head away from some of the scenes of the gore in this one, so that mostly showed where budget of the film went rather than using it to get better actors and writers.
And I guess I should realized by how the review portion ended, but this movie literally as no ending, it just kills her, leaving that guy alive where you'd think maybe he'd find answer, but no, just ends right there, good job movie and terrific getting Brad Dourif involved too...
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02.10.2011 - 01:03 | The Hardcore Kid
Oh Phelous, how dare you disrespect the awesome yelling voice of Keith David?! :O
What a stupid movie though. One can only guess that the writers got the idea after watching constant chain letters on Youtube...
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02.10.2011 - 05:45 | PhelousI didn't really disrespect the actor, but the character he was playing in this sure was an idiot.
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02.10.2011 - 01:07 | Deimos1984rd
I like how the victim who gets his face ripped off looked like a sponge at some parts.
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02.10.2011 - 01:09 | shiechanOh hey this movie was filmed in my home town. I know i shouldnt be proud of that but its really funny to see the town center on screen and the video game place i worked at that no longer exists there. But yeah thought it was funny and i think the film was 2008 of 09.
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02.10.2011 - 01:13 | VoiceAgainstPropaganda
Why Keith David!? You're such a good actor. You were Goliath for christ's sake. Why are you in this shitty movie???
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02.10.2011 - 01:25 | gameLink12kept expecting the cop to stop and try to sell me allstate insurance
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02.10.2011 - 10:00 | MissAshley
This. 100% this.
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These types of movie need to STOP being made! Films like this are the reasons why the horror movie genre is dying! I can hardly remember any horror flicks within the last 5 or 10 years being scary and/or suspenseful. All they do now is rely on lousy jump scares, ton of gross-out moments, and stupid characters, antagonists, plot, and motivations.
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02.10.2011 - 02:36 | Rurik
That's what Japan is for. Yay for the original versions of Grudge, One Missed Call, Pulse, and Ring not sucking!
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02.10.2011 - 01:31 | Lakiver
I thought the movie concept was sort of promising. What if you actually died from not sending those chain letters that claim you'll meet a terrible end if you don't forward them? The world would be crippled in a matter of weeks, and Internet would likely be outlawed. They could have gone so many ways with making a decent horror flick out of this.
But no, we just got a terrible slasher film that contradicts itself over and over again.
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02.10.2011 - 01:41 | CajunKhanSo basically "Scream", "Saw", and "The Ring" got together and made an inbred baby?
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02.10.2011 - 02:04 | Valkiri
Keith David why? Man, I have watched the worst movies for him.
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I would say the anti technology message is probably the part that pisses me off most about this movie. I can stomach a bad horror movie but this horseshit "nature good, technology bad" attitude is as retarded as believing the Earth is flat. It is an idea growing more popular with every old hippy moron who probably owes his life to antibiotics, advanced food production methods, science, etc.
It is not even debatable: Luddites have an objectively wrong philosophy. Clearly the writers and makers seem to like this idea since it blends so well with the environmental fears of today, seeing as how they allowed the cult to prevail in the end. Might as well make a movie where the Ku Klux Klan is the good guy.
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02.10.2011 - 03:30 | BritChick
Speaking of "Saw", isn't the female police officer Jigsaw's wife Jill?
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02.10.2011 - 03:32 | EvilAshTwinWait, what? I..what? But what about....what?? What the hell did you just review? I can usually make some sort of sense out of the movies that seemingly dont make any sense. But this one, this one.....what??
You have a gimmick killer that ignores their own gimmick because they really wants to kill someone. Isnt that kinda like Samira showing up after only 2 days instead of waiting the full 7, or having her show up after 2 weeks?
Where was the killer reveal? Are really supposed to believe that Brad was the killer? Is that what they were hinting at?
The Pulse movies made more sense than this! What are you doing to me Phelous?? YOURE TEARING ME APA......no no, Im not going there, I still have a grip on my sanity....
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02.10.2011 - 03:40 | Lowcifur
Great review, I especially love Luke's cameo, and the "a few quick announcements" bit.
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02.10.2011 - 03:52 | Daemon25
Ah, the Internet horror film, fated to be forever a piece of crap.
But honestly, why do people keep trying to make horror films based on the internet? It just doesn't work!
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02.18.2011 - 20:17 | Semudara
Yes, it can work, but it would help if the people making them actually knew how the internet works.
Seriously, there's some good material to be found there, and I'm disappointed that it hasn't shown. At least we have the ORIGINAL "Pulse".
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02.10.2011 - 04:05 | Kaibaman
I might get flamed for this but the boring insane lady killer movie Phelos reviewed is better then this....this...the killers have the most insane motive. they use the internet to kill to contradict their motive,bad dialog kill the only interesting character that is the black cop(though I swear I've seen him before) but....hell this is just....bad beyond horrible Horror Films Doug and Film Brain review tops...sure predictable but the killers had motives even if slightly silly....THIS NO FUCKING MOTIVE, and they use in a sense supernatural chains???The Fuck Movie THE FUCK Not every Cult is in tune to the fucking supernatural...right?
On a side note our Hero the Detective is Keith David, Goliath from Gargoyles....
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Good thing I ignored all the advertisements of this movie...that only seemed to be on buses and billboards...
Also this review renews my hopes for a Saw review in the future! I loved the first 4, but the message kinda got lost along the way...and the last one made it all feel pointless.