House of the Dead 2
Written by Phelous Wednesday, 03 November 2010 21:21
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Phelous says: When Gobots fly they go, "Zoom Zoom!"
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Comments (118)
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11.03.2010 - 22:26 | Oswaldo192
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11.04.2010 - 08:42 | Lotus Prince
I was so happy to see the real Goldman in the review.
Hmm hmm hmm hmmmmmm. I am Goldman. Hmm hmm hmm hmmmm.
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11.03.2010 - 22:17 | HunterSDukeYour reviews always make me smile. Thank you for all of your work. You among most are the reviewer I go to, to get a chuckle. You are an amazing person for putting up with all these horrifyingly bad movies.
I'd like to see your take on either "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer", or "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)"
Loved your review of your reviews. Who reviews the reviewers? Phelous does!
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11.03.2010 - 22:25 | montanker
So, wait, we don't even get to see Goldman awkwardly refer to someone as a friend then send a random final boss thing made of blue jell-o at them? What a rip off!
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11.05.2010 - 15:06 | montankerBTW, I found a very Resident Hazard-ish video on youtube! It's called Resident Thriller! It's really powerful!
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11.03.2010 - 22:44 | scaj
great review, this is the only way to watch uwe boll (?) movies, and i think i have to watch some doctor who because the intro and the costume changes made no sense to me.
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11.04.2010 - 08:25 | Divide By Zero
Everyone needs to watch more Dr Who.
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11.06.2010 - 15:38 | Divide By Zero=D
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11.04.2010 - 17:15 | Phelous
This one was Boll-less.
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11.03.2010 - 22:44 | OddJackJS
What is it with these house based zombie games (House of the Dead, Resident Evil, and I think some of the early Alone in the Dark games where house based) turned movies, and their reticence to have them take place in any way shape or form in a house? Did the running through the jungle scenes improve things? Did the underground train enhance the experience? Does wading through a zombie homecoming crowd really amp things up?
Are they that afraid of jump ramping up tension in a...manor house? No, we need a badly done scene of a zombie being blown up and thrown through the air in the midst of a running gun battle.
Still, great review of a crappy movie. Though now I wonder if you are going on a zombie bender, and we are going to end up with a review of that icky zombie movie with that zombie girl.
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11.04.2010 - 17:14 | PhelousI also love that neither House of the Dead movie takes place in a house.
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11.03.2010 - 23:07 | Obscurus Lupa
Ha ha, your outfits had better continuity than the movie did. LOL
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11.04.2010 - 17:13 | PhelousHaha yeah. I tried too but I couldn't help myself.
If only I really had Colin Baker's coat of many colours.
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11.03.2010 - 23:24 | No Limit
PHELOUS! YOU DIDN'T DIE! O_O; This must've been one lucky regeneration!
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11.03.2010 - 23:34 | pap64
What's this? Is Phelous becoming... SELF AWARE??????
:O
All kidding aside, this was a fun review, and Sad Panda made it even better! :D
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11.04.2010 - 08:58 | e33lafPhelous has either become genere savey or else Sad Panda is the one whose pulling the strings.
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11.03.2010 - 23:38 | Raiden
A text book example of an idiot plot.
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11.04.2010 - 00:15 | Cornwind EvilmanYou pull off that black coat and gloves look well, Phelous.
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11.04.2010 - 00:22 | Roler42
wait.. phelous didnt die this time...
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!?! WHERE AM I?!?!
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11.04.2010 - 03:58 | DMasterWell, it's not like it's the first time he avoided dying. He didn't die in his first couple of reviews, nor did he die in the reviews of the first two Troll or Resident Evil movies.
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11.04.2010 - 00:23 | Roler42and even with the explanation from the review.. i didnt understand a thing about the movie, it felt like a big mindrape with zombies thrown in
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I can only get as far as the end of the opening sequence, then the video ends. Is anyone else having this problem?
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11.04.2010 - 01:31 | H2O
I'm glad someone pointed out the whole "holding a conversation through the cameras" thing. To be honest I always assumed everyone was speaking over skype.
Of course that wouldn't explain how you're able to fight and kill each other over it... o___o
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11.04.2010 - 01:41 | ImmorttalisAll those sandwhich jokes are awesome.
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A sequel...There was a sequel to this????? god almighty I think I'm gonna be sick.
BTW Phelous you look awesome in black.
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11.04.2010 - 01:50 | rogueofmv
Phelous! You didn't die this review! :D
...who are you? WHAT DID YOU DO? D:
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11.04.2010 - 01:56 | ImmorttalisWell it doesn't matter as long as the review thinks he's dead!
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11.04.2010 - 17:11 | PhelousI wanted to live more than most.
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11.04.2010 - 23:26 | Zeky0ZekyYes, he's Who, why do you ask?
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11.04.2010 - 02:18 | ganondorf49OMG HE REVIEWING 2 DEAR GOD STOP PHELOUS
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11.04.2010 - 03:00 | Kaibaman
Why didn't this movie get sued by Capcom O_O is beyond me Sure Uwe Bowl sucks but at least he was consistant in the first film, This movie is more like How not to survive The Zombie apocalypse...sad thing is from the looks theirs no funny lines but only stupid ones.
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11.05.2010 - 07:58 | Yora
I wondering this a lot. Some people provide the money for these movies, and often they use the name of some franchsie (but nothing else).
Why doesn't nobody ever sue them? They are causing great damage to sometimes very valuable brand names and waste lots of monney. Because I can't imagine these movies make any profits.
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11.04.2010 - 03:01 | Uberpig
I've got to ask: what's with the Gobot love?
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11.04.2010 - 17:10 | PhelousZoom Zoom! Woo! Woo!
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11.11.2010 - 17:38 | UberpigThat didn't really answer my question. :-/
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11.04.2010 - 03:26 | forsaken7089
Wow. It's like they tried to OUT stupid the first movie, and I honestly can't decide which one is worse.
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11.04.2010 - 06:26 | dennett316
Oh the first one by far. This one is stupid and poorly acted, but it's nowhere near as dull.
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11.04.2010 - 03:59 | DMasterOh, so THAT'S what wound up happening to Catalina from My Name is Earl! Now we just need the other 3-4 to show up in crappy horror.
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11.04.2010 - 04:40 | Taufiq91
HOUSE OF THE DEAD 2????
HOUSE OF THE FUCKING DEAD 2???!!!!!!
WHY OH WHYY????????????????????? ????????????????
And i think you're related to Captain Jack Harkness duing some Cardiff Rift shit and maybe that's why you're always alive?
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11.04.2010 - 04:39 | goldman
i though you kept resurrecting because you've been saving lives! or maybe you're mario's descendant and for some reason you got all of his 1-up's or some other incoherent reason like that
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11.04.2010 - 05:01 | Dechha1981Fool me 7 times, shame on you. Fool me 8 or more times, shame on me.
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11.04.2010 - 05:07 | Dechha1981I never noticed teh Frech accent in the end song untill now
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11.04.2010 - 05:22 | YukoValis
I saw this movie not to long ago. It was bad.. it was really bad, but not as bad as the first. I shall enjoy this review..
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11.04.2010 - 05:28 | Blinus
It's like they took the idea of an absurd fetch quest where you just keep getting the same item... and made a movie around it. Bloody hell.
You didn't die! You've outsmarted the review! But wait, you mentioned your plan aloud in the review, HOW CAN THE REVIEW NOT KNOW!?!? This once flawless continuity is now in shambles OH GOD...
...
Hey, what would you call it when someone attempts to get laid, doesn't succeed, and has to buy a prostitute? ... FAIL AND PURCHASE! What about a bunch of non-functioning luxury cars? FAILING PORSCHES! Hey, hey, why did the chicken cross the road? ... PHELAN PORTEOUS! HAWHAWHaaaa I'm sorry.
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11.04.2010 - 06:44 | Endless_Nameless
This joke is the lamest ever! Because "morph is for Morpheus" as "port is for Porteous"
Terrible non funny jokes aside, Phelous just got the awesome prize Meta-Reviewer of the Year, conceded by me!
I will never forgot the joke on the spoof of the ads that he did in one of the Pulse movie reviews. But this one takes the cake, questioning his own continuity, review style and even background (which is always nice to look at and try to find out what we have this time).
The changing clothes were just the cherry on top of the cake. Even Sad Panda's show was not sparred!
Congratulations, you are just the winner of the "2010's Meta-Reviewer Contest from the internets", created, sponsored and chosen by me!
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11.04.2010 - 05:43 | Shinigami
Well least there is no House of the Dead 3.
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11.04.2010 - 17:08 | PhelousThey did try to make that happen though.
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pd: you look good in black phelous ;)