Finally, I was waiting for someone to review this.
House of the Dead
Written by Phelous Wednesday, 27 October 2010 21:22
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Comments (179)
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10.27.2010 - 21:40 | MrJurgenman
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JESUS CHRIST why are all these critics dying first the Nostalgia critic died in his IT review now phealous almost died halloween is trying to kill off the Critics. please beware of future attacks critics
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10.28.2010 - 05:34 | ThatGuyWithTheSaxophoneWell, for Phelous, it is nothing new, he always dies at the end of his reviews XD
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11.05.2010 - 01:53 | redjirachiI'm surprised Black Lantern Spoony isn't after him.Since Black Lanterns have the resurrected on their hit list,you'd think he'd be a magnet for the cadaver
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10.28.2010 - 08:13 | Mikon
Phelous pretty much invented the schtick of dying at the end of his reviews for tgwtg.com. I'm guessing you've never watched any of his other reviews. You should, they're good.
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10.28.2010 - 08:11 | MikonPretty sure it wasn't directed by Uwe though, so there's not really much of a point.
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10.28.2010 - 16:09 | CrackaJonesIT WAS!!!
IT W A S!!!!!!
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10.27.2010 - 21:49 | Raiden
Dr. Who esc intro, nice.
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10.27.2010 - 23:44 | e33lafSo Phelous is a Time Lord who somehow keeps regenerating into same form each time......makes sense to me.
Though he must be running awfully low on regenerations at this point.
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10.28.2010 - 00:40 | kwclass09actually sometime lords can go past the 12 limit regenerations. phelous is proof of this. lol
this is actually one of the few horror movies where the sequel is better, although it would be tough to out do this piece of shit.
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10.28.2010 - 01:33 | Uberpig
On the whole regeneration limit thing, I thought Who fans would like to know the BBC have handwaved it completely.
They gave a passing line in a children's spin-off called the Sarah Jane Adventures that said there is no limit, with no explanations for the change in series lore (apart from the obvious - kerching!)
http:// www.guardian.co.uk/tv- and-radio/2010/oct/12/ doctor-who-immortal- reveals-bbc
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10.28.2010 - 02:36 | e33laf@Uberpig
I can't say I'm suprised at that news really. I had gut feeling The BBC would pull something like that to keep The Doctor going past his 12th regeneration, but it still doesn't stop it from coming off as a blatent cash grab.
As for the established lore, I'm sure the writers will come up with some loophole for why The Doctor is immortal, probably having to do with the Time War or something. They've managed to keep coming up with numerous ways for The Daleks or The Master to return, so this ought to be a piece of cake.
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11.01.2010 - 23:52 | Miumi
I thought that they had already gotten rid of the limit after the master had regenerated more than he was supposed to. Plus I belive that in one of the newer david tennant says (as the doctor) that the time lords could have made him live longer if he had taken some position on his home planet.
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10.28.2010 - 02:55 | DMasterBy my count, this is technically the 80th incarnation of Phelous.
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10.28.2010 - 09:24 | Divide By Zero
Are you counting the times Joe killed him in Hotel Awesome?
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10.28.2010 - 13:59 | Zeky0ZekySorry, but no. Not every Phelous's here video was review and he didn't die in every one of them. By my count he died 35 times (plus 4 times in other's videos) and was resurrected 6 times.
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10.28.2010 - 05:36 | PLAHe has retcon powers, anyway. He was running out of "clones" a few months back.
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10.28.2010 - 10:34 | Linkara
Plus it should be noted that Time Lords can regenerate into a similar form as their previous one - the Doctor doesn't because his regenerations tend to be traumatic and unwanted.
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10.28.2010 - 12:25 | killthenrun1
linkara if you are such a nerd then how during journey's end if there are infinite diffrent dimensions and davros had a device to destroy them all then in the infinite universes davros was defeated but then there are infinite ones where he succesed so how does anything exist
bad writing or giant plothole you tell me
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10.28.2010 - 14:19 | CoconutWarrioroh my god!!! Phelous you are officially my hero for using those Doctor Who references!!!!!
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10.27.2010 - 21:54 | FullmetalNinja25
Fuck you Uwe Boll! >=(
Great review Phelous! Love the Dr. Who like opening. =D
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10.27.2010 - 22:01 | MrGrammar
I saw this at like 5:30 in the morning once. I had a bad fever at the time, so I thought it had just been a dream when I woke up.
I wish it was.
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10.27.2010 - 22:19 | montanker
Barry-"What! What is this?
It says 'no playable files' when I try to watch
this video!"
Jill-"I can't figure it out at all! It's not on
Phelous' website either!"
Wish I could watch this! I'm sure its good.
(The review, not the movie)
EDIT: I updated firefox and it plays now! Great review! Been waiten for you to take Uwe for awhile now!
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10.27.2010 - 22:31 | August M.
Yes!!! Thank you Phelous, your the best!!!
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10.27.2010 - 22:32 | Fanofyou
wow. Uwe Boll is just BAD!
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10.28.2010 - 00:52 | Winkuru
wow. Uwe Boll is just BAD!
Word "bad" isin't enough. I tried to watch this film once couldn't get pass the first death scene.
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10.27.2010 - 22:58 | Lotus Prince
I think what I hated about the long action sequence the most is that it did that camera pan around EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER before they went ballistic with their guns. We get it, Boll, it looks cool. You don't have to do it EIGHT TIMES.
Also, great job, "Sword Master," you couldn't beat a scarred zombie.
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10.27.2010 - 23:52 | whatever42
Yeah, that scene is possibly what bothered me the most about the movie as well. Seriously, I couldn't believe how long the scene went on and on and on and ...
Anyway, good review Phelous. I suppose it was only a matter of time before you got to this one, and you did admirably here. I, along with many others apparently, loved the Dr. Who bits in the review. They were very nicely done and made me laugh.
Due to how things normally go on the show, I'm going to guess the next review will be of House of the Dead 2. All I can say to you there is, Good Luck. You'll need it.
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10.28.2010 - 02:34 | dennett316
Boll has talent, he somehow took a bunch of people blowing the piss out of zombies in a graveyard both stupid and dull. Characters would be holding one weapon, then he'd do a spin shot and they're holding something different, then cut back to the first gun again....the man is an idiot.
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10.27.2010 - 23:04 | WarxePB
That intro is AWESOME. Seriously, you need to make it your intro from now on. Also, I don't know why, but whenever I hear "SEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAA!", it makes me laugh. It's not really funny, and I grew up with a SNES... maybe it's just what those TVTropes guys refer to as "Narm".
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10.28.2010 - 00:12 | H2O
BEST OPENING EVER!!! And the Punch Out! joke was just inspired. This right here is why among so many talented people on this site Phelous is my favorite reviewer.
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10.27.2010 - 23:09 | TheBlackMage
Awwww man! I was hoping the next movie you'd review would be Stayin' Alive with John Travolta!
Why does the intro look like the Super Friends?
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10.27.2010 - 23:09 | JSleeper
For a moment there I thought it was a Phelous Soultaker. :D
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10.27.2010 - 23:12 | Stevie
quick question about the title card. why....is your gun a lazer?
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10.27.2010 - 23:13 | Deimos1984rd
THAT IS SO NOT CURIEN YOU PIECE OF BOLL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU UWE BOLL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!
......
I'm sorry but that movie made me so angry when I first saw it it's basically my Berserk button
...anyway I loved the review and I love you so much for tearing apart this sorry excuse for a "video game movie" I also gotta say, that Dr Who intro you did was awesome.
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10.27.2010 - 23:13 | Taufiq91
Wow house of the Dead. This movie gives the game and us ravers a bad name.
I mean, who really goes to a rave with 20 people and 2 tents? Unless if you're Tiesto that is.
And who "sponsors" raves anyways? Raves are supposed to be underground parties with no corporate support. Why would Sega sponsor a rave? I'm a DJ and i'd rather cut off my hand than to have a sponsor for my raves. And no, "EDM events" like Ibiza, EDC, DEMF, MOS and Ultra aren't "raves". They're "EDM events".
And what's funnier is that Automaton Transfusion had almost the same plot point with House of the Dead. And both sucked. If you guys want to see teenagers surviving a zombie apocalypse, watch the anime "High School of the Dead". And despite all the fanservice boob and panty shots, the whining melodrama and the unnecessary politics, High School of the Dead manages to be way more enjoyable and better written than both House of the Dead and Automaton Transfusion combined.
Anyways, i want Mike J to do Bloodrayne 2 and House of the Dead 2 which was directed by an another German-American.
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10.27.2010 - 23:21 | pap64
But what about Phelous?????
PHELOUS WILL LIVE.
*Shrieks in excitement
This was an awesome review. Too bad you didn't kill the Boll. :(
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10.27.2010 - 23:26 | Da_Foo
On the one hand, I could see this as an attempt at a prequel to the games. On the other hand, that would imply that Uwe Boll actually thought this movie through, and nobody believes THAT, right?
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10.27.2010 - 23:26 | Tom Smith
WOW 12:20 and after was one of the worst things I have ever seen. It was even dumber and more random than PANCAKES. A character dying getting a revolving red shot does have the potential to be cool, but is horrible here, just horrible. The main character might have been the son of Curian, AKA, the good guy son from the third game who is the son of the evil Curian. At least if you give Uwe far more credit than he deserves.
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10.27.2010 - 23:27 | jacktchance
Awesome intro
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10.27.2010 - 23:35 | Furore23
Um. Hm.
Okay, very super great review as always, blah blah, consistent high standards leading to increased expectations until a single merely 'good' video gives us RUINED FOREVAR. Whatevs.
But... what is it with both Phelous (http://tvtropes.org/ pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ BeleagueredAssistant) and Nash (NKOTB) doing Dr Who's Peter Davison era related stuff? What? Why?
Is it coinkydink, or a sniff of crossovers to come? Especially with Nash's buddy OL giving PP her pointless cameo moment here?
Oh god, no. Please. No.
I have become a TGWTG fanfic writer!
(http://tvtropes.org/ pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ BigNo)
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10.27.2010 - 23:36 | Silence
Fantastic review. Loved the intro.
Why would Sega sponsor a rave on a creepy island anyway? You'd think they'd want to keep their fanbase alive...
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10.27.2010 - 23:37 | Drakmeire
Sadly I've seen this movie and it wasn't half bad (well the movie was terrible but it was so bad it was good)but I'm really surprised that Phelous didn't talk about Clint Howard's magical hook. at the beginning of the movie Clint's left hand is a hook, it then disappears and he has two hands, then we he becomes a zombie it reappears on his right hand.
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10.27.2010 - 23:51 | Chris P Bacon
So he was pretending to smuggle cuban cigars to cover the fact that he was smuggling weapons? I must not understand smuggling very well.
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10.28.2010 - 02:03 | OddJackJS
I can't help, but wonder, not being sure how many weapons were there vs cigars, but weren't the cigars worth more?
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10.28.2010 - 00:01 | Death the Kid
I kinda wanted to see this. But not a fan of Uwe..
THANK YOU PHELOUS! I LOVE YOU!
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10.28.2010 - 08:45 | Divide By ZeroUwe has fans?
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10.28.2010 - 00:07 | tai0purto
OHG Phelous! you finally did it!!!!!!! I remember I requested this half a year a go if not more!!
thaank you!!! your my hero!! I've been waiting for this for SO LONG!!!!!! don't die yet before you review the second part!!!
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10.28.2010 - 00:07 | Delirio"thanks for spoiling the movie, guess i dont have to watch this then. Oh dadada fake credits dululululu. Moving on"
that part was hilarious.
Great review as always!
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10.28.2010 - 00:08 | RichardKleinerWhat? You skipped the greatest lines ever written:
- "You created all this to be immortal. Why?"
- "To live forever!"
Overall, awesome review. This is by far the shittiest movie I've seen in this new century!
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10.28.2010 - 02:39 | dennett316Ha, oh yeah I remember that little exchange....I remember thinking "why would anyone write such a pointlessly stupid line of dialogue?", then I remember the guy thought showing footage of the game to transition between scenes was a good idea.
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10.28.2010 - 07:51 | Dimbo_Sama
Seriously, that should of been stupid line of the week. It's fucking brilliant!
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10.28.2010 - 00:19 | TrencherYou were far to merciful on this movie!
This movie is the worst I ever seen in terms of sheer bad directing. You could have mentioned how the game footage destroy every action scene by making everything a disjointed mess! This movie is horrible, horrible!
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10.28.2010 - 14:18 | Klesk Vadrigaar
I also happened to notice a great amount of that game footage is from the demo that cycles whenever someone isn't actually playing the game. There's one or two bits that prove Bolle did actually record at least a partial play through but mostly it looks like he again cheapened out by just filming the demo.
Yeah I'm actually sad enough to have memorised the game's levels.
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