Anaconda 3

Anaconda 3

Written by Phelous Wednesday, 06 October 2010 20:49

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(257 votes, average 4.94 out of 5)

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Comments (138)

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10.06.2010 - 21:26 | Jackass Mask

I'm reminded of a direct to video movie called "King Cobra." It also featured a large genetically altered snake that was being used to experiment with some drug, or something like that. It escaped, people died and it had a silly solution to catching the snake. It also starred the late Pat Morita who I enjoyed a lot more than The Hoff.

10.06.2010 - 21:28 | FullmetalNinja25

There's an Anaconda 4?! *Screams Endlessly* =(

Great review Phelous! =D

10.07.2010 - 09:56 | Icedrake201

Are there gonna be a million "Anaconda" movies like it was with "Pulse"? I am officially scared now :nuu:

10.07.2010 - 11:50 | whatever42

You know, I'm getting the feeling that there are always at least 2 more sequels to movies like these that barely anyone knows about due to the horrid quality. I only knew there were two Anaconda movies. I had no idea there was a 3rd and a 4th. o_O

Gosh, the snake effects for this one was horrible. They made me cringe every time. You know what Phelous, I think that snake you had with you at the end had better quality, even though it looked the same. Don't ask me how that works out. ^_^

Funny review nonetheless. I loved the racecar sounds every time the snakes moved so fast. You use sound clips in such a great way in these review. Keep up the good work and I pray Anaconda 4 isn't even worse, for your sake. =D

10.06.2010 - 21:40 | MaiMai

More snakes... T_T This is gonna be an amazing trip

10.06.2010 - 21:42 | Emp Gonzo - Incubus Logic?

How about Anacondbus ? Now that a movie, Tara Reid getting eaten by a snake.

10.07.2010 - 08:17 | DXmagma

you just know tara reid would be the only survivor in that movie.

10.06.2010 - 22:23 | badgersprite

I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes, on this Monday to Friday website!

...But your reviews are awesome. Please never stop.

10.06.2010 - 22:36 | King Raptor

Why does it have to be snakes? WHY? :grr:

10.06.2010 - 22:37 | UnforgivenRonin - ???

Why did they make another Anaconda? :onoes:

10.06.2010 - 22:37 | The_Phoenician

I wonder who they're going to assign supervision of the baby snakes to; my guess would be Frank Zappa.

10.06.2010 - 22:40 | Richard Wesker

Ice CUBE! Oh wait.....wrong thread.

10.07.2010 - 19:58 | Phelous

No you got it right!

10.06.2010 - 22:41 | Gunwild

Benzaie is playing 3D Custom Girl in his cameo, by the way. Purple-haired anime girl giving a footjob. Yep.

10.06.2010 - 22:51 | TheDued92

Bay Watch vs Big Ass Snakes, green light it.

10.06.2010 - 22:51 | dr_mayus

How can you do a review about snakes and John Rhys-Davies and not make an Indiana Jones joke.

Anyways great review again you and the Cinema Snob are easily the funniest people on this site.

10.06.2010 - 23:16 | Deimos1984rd

[color=green]A third one....they made a THIRD ONE??? because 2 was so good it needed a third one =_= Your interview with the Bad cg snake was hilarious.[/color]

10.06.2010 - 23:17 | NOTYETUSEDNAME

Hi Phelous. That was an EPIC review, and some of your funniest sarcasm yet. That final scene with the Giant Black Talking Anaconda had me on the floor it was so hilarious. I'm looking forward to your next show. Peace.

10.06.2010 - 23:18 | VampireApple

"Goats like to pretends they're evil snakes."

I will admit, the second Tail Spear made me jump. I am ashamed. :sigh:

I really like how the snake growls. Kinda like how the Shark roars in the fourth Jaws movie...

And I think the one snake just had a crush on the blond chick. :love:

10.07.2010 - 17:05 | ToonNinja

Please don't mention Jaws 4. I literally felt sick after watching that. :sick:

...On a side note, who wrote this script? I've seen cereal boxes with more developed plots than this slithering pile of ass!

10.06.2010 - 23:21 | Order66

Fake snake abilities in Anaconda 3; NATURE FAIL!

10.06.2010 - 23:21 | Furious George

Is the "I gotta shotgun" bit ever going to get old?

Keep up the great work, Phelous. I really do think you are the most [b]consistently[/b] awesome producer on this entire site. =D

10.06.2010 - 23:23 | link77

Eeeesh. They HAD to keep the least likeable character around AGAIN.

10.06.2010 - 23:24 | matt.recneps

The various speed sound effects you added for the snakes kept cracking me up. And the special effects weren't [i]that[/i] bad....okay, they were, but I've seen worse. The tail spear is probably the stupidest thing I've seen in a monster movie in a while though.

I looked up the sequel to this, and I sense another title rant coming up in the next review.

10.06.2010 - 23:26 | Ctu

I still can't get over the fact there was a 3rd movie, but they made a 4th!!!? I can't wait to see how bad that one will be....or not

ps: your CGI snake was better then the movies, you should use it again in the review for the hopefully last Anaconda movie :P

10.07.2010 - 06:03 | dennett316

Ummm, that WAS the CGI snake from the movie....Phelous got more entertainment value out of it though I'll give you that.

10.06.2010 - 23:29 | Taufiq91

Seriously John Rhys Davies, stop appearing in crappy movies. I mean, In the Name of the King was the last straw, But Anacondasss? Seriously? You were Gimli, Arturo & Sallah Goddamnit! Find better roles!

And props for the Daft Punk reference. Really works.

And speaking of John Rhys Davies is it me or does Phelous remind me of a young John Rhys Davies?

10.06.2010 - 23:51 | NowCompleteWith - Are we all in agreement...

that Phelous is the unsung and unabashed best reviewer on this site? Seriously, the dude is tremendous in a helicopter doing a 360 sort of way.

10.07.2010 - 00:04 | Mr.Evil

John Rhys Davis, WHY? Hasselhoff, WHY... well, actually...

Thoughts:

- You know, despite my statements last week, I figured there HAD to be more sequels. I hoped, I prayed, I sacrificed goats, but in my heart I knew they were out there. Life has a habit of creating bad, bad things and then multiplying them. I call this the Gremlin Effect.

- You know what the long-term strategy is for the Anaconda movies, right? After Number 4, there's only one place to go. That's right, IN SPACE. They'll strap jet packs to their tails and go eat the Hubble Telescope. Shia Labeouf will be the young hotshot with everything to prove and Bruce Campbell will play the grizzled mentor that dies in the end.

God help us all if I'm anywhere near right on that one.

Great review. Hope your head returns quickly.

10.07.2010 - 00:05 | Gregdawg

Why didn't Gimli just chop the Anaconda's head off with his Axe? lol

10.07.2010 - 00:10 | ElectricRage - Benzaie playing a porno game?

Why did you have Benzaie appear while he was playing a game of a girl giving a Footjob??? :eyebrow:
Funny review anyway

10.07.2010 - 20:03 | Phelous

Because SACRE BLEU!

10.07.2010 - 00:16 | EarthboundXE

I laughed really hard every time you added engine noises to those snakes!

That was some especially bad CGI for 2008, I thought we could do better then that by then.

10.07.2010 - 00:50 | Fredrikslicer

Super snakes? Makes as much sense as super sharks

10.07.2010 - 01:14 | EcchiOtaku

I wonder if that black anaconda you invited onto the show knows Yawn from Resident Evil

10.07.2010 - 20:04 | Phelous

Not very well, Yawn is kind of a loner.

10.07.2010 - 01:15 | executor

Funny review and the Subtitel "Offbrains" is just hilarious! Looking forward for the not-so-bloody-but-still- as-stupid Part 4! =D

10.07.2010 - 01:17 | Trencher

Awesome review! The sound effects were hilarious!

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