..Huh. Alessa/Sharon from Silent Hill and Leon from Midnight Meat Train.. Odd. Nearly sounds like an obscure crossover fanfic. :gah: Also, I liked the Billy Mays part a lot. I guess his ghost is now in control of the TV's in horror movies(At least this one). :kawaii:

Nice review as always, Phelous! I liked it a lot, as always.

Red Green is classic.

Fail.

ZELLWEGER SMASH!!!!! :grr:

Ah yes, the movie that tries to be as creepy as The Ring by adding a Daveigh Chase lookalike from Silent Hill and failing it!

Oh, and props for the references to Kickassia and the shitty Wicker Man remake.

Oh, and thank God you followed my orders and added in a reference from the Room, because if you don't, my fake Daveigh Chase powers will ask you this:

Why Emily?

And i'll repeat 9000 times, just not on the comments section sinc i'm getting thumbs down 3 times already.

that was exceptionally unnecessary, wasn't it.

[color=green]That was the funniest review I have ever seen, I lost my mind from laughing so much at the near end of your vid with the duck hunt reference, and yeah Alessa is apparently in another movie for some reason as for the dumb movie well...[color=gray]I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TELL HER THAT!!! XD[/color] [/color]

The reason why she was in this movie is because they wanted Daveigh Chase but she wasn't available at the time so they've decided to go for the less creepier girl from the Silent Hill movie, Jodelle Federland.

This movie doesn't make a lick of sense... OK, none of the movies you review do, but seriously. It's like they wanted to write a serious drama about an abused child that becomes the abuser, but then they decided to add in a possessed demon storyline and it's all just stupid.

And man does this movie have a lot of unintentionally funny scenes, like the broken jaw and hornets scene (really how in the hell did the hornets happen??? :eyebrow: ).

The ending was hilarious, though! Nice Duck Hunt reference!

Well, the reason why it ends up adding in a possessed demon storyline at the end is because this movie was in the middle of the "Exorcism of Emily Rose" craze an the producers wanted to bring that element to the movie.

And thus this movie was shelved for 4 years: the producers are bandwagon-jumping assholes.

Oh and here's something stupider: They marketed this movie with "co-starring the guy from The Hangover". I had to facepalm so hard over that.

I see. Thanks for the answer! =D

Jeez, what a shame that they couldn't manage to make this movie scary (the hornet scene could have been if it wasn't so goofy looking) or suspenseful, it had an interesting premise.

I dunno though I actually tend to really like Renee Zellweger in the movies I've seen her in too. So I was actually thinking of seeing this after seeing the commercials which looked kinda cool, thank God, I didn't after seeing how bland it was on this review. Great review by the way it was pretty funny. =D So many awesome parts in this review. Great job!

And the fact is this: RENEE ZEWELLEGER IS NOT THE RIGHT FACE FOR HORROR!

Seriously, who the hell thought it was a good idea to have RENEE FUCKING ZEWELLEGER as the lead?!

Cameron Dias, Renee Zewelleger, Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway and Hilary Swank are not horror scream queens. Unlike Jocelyn Donahue and Linda Blair, these A-List Actresses do not possess the screen presence and the fear factor that is needed in a horror film. They need to be believable to the audience's eyes if they are playing scared or scary.

And if you want them to be in a horror film, give them a role that doesn't require them to be scared or scary. A role like Ellen Ripley or Cherry Darling would be perfect for the A-Listers, not your usual "i'm so scared like a 20 year old" or 'I'm the evil possessed bitch" type.

Wait, bees can snap spines? :scared: Those bees are deadly!

A deadly bee weapon...

Bees. My god.

ah hornets

Exactly, hornets snap spines, not bees, that'd be silly.

Lesson learned: Never question the logic of a movie about an ice-cream-demanding demon child. :uhh:

....ahem it looks like the villian was a man ...and the begining of the movie was the real movie the end was something they added because of whatever was popular at the moment in horror movies my guess is they didn't pick up the first idea but so they edited the movie so it would be picked up while completely making it unwatchign and plothole ridden

This movie was awful. =(

The Duck Hunt bit at the end was hilarious! =D

I just saw the trailer after I watched this on your website, you were right, it tries to trick people into thinking it a whole different kind of movie.

In the trailer, it looks like the little girl might have a poltergeist haunting her or something, and that she's the victim, and not that she's some kind of demon.

I actually don't think that little girl is that bad of an actor, hopefully she or her parents will pick better roles for her.

The last role Jodelle Federland played (that I am aware of) was playing this teenaged vampire chick named Bree in Eclipse. You can make the call if that was a better role or not, since her screen time was brief and her character dies by being tortured by Dakota Fanning then ripped to shreds and burned.

Well, Case #39 is going on my list of "Awful Movies with Cool Trailers" list.

Ouch, she was in Eclipse? That's not good, haha.

Then again, the Twilight movies are really popular and make a lot of money, so I guess that would technically be a better career move for her.

Plus side: -Had a role in a popular franchise, especially in a movie that was significantly better than the other two.

Downside:-Bree is not a very popular character. As a Twilight fan, I can tell you that when a novella about her and her involvement in Victoria's minion army that was set out to kill Bella was published, a good majority of the fans (including myself) were all "Hey, Stephenie, while you're at it, can you finish Midnight Sun? And The Host sequel? And write a novella about the Cullen's backstories? Thanks."
-Screen time was brief and was not a memorable character. Also, female audience members were too busy staring at Riley to care about Bree.

awesome warcraft reference man

HAHA! Duck Hunt end for the win!

They were trying to cook her so they could make a Lilly Sandwich.

Or a California Cheeseburger.

No, wait, it has to be an [i]infant[/i] for that, I think...

This movie just reminds me of Orphan. It's basically a carbon copy. (I don't know who stole, from who first though.) And of course these are ripoffs of movies like The Omen. The whole evil child thing, was dead before anyone even put it to film. It's just way too over used, and you can basically figure every plot point out after that. If you've seen one evil child move, you've seen them all.

When Zellweger smashed the TV and the popcorn and started screaming at Lily, all I could think of was "I'M ACTING!"

Also, lol'd at the Wickerman bit.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EES

OHMYGODOHMYGODBEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEES
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEES
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEESincaseyadidn thearmethefirsttimeBEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEES

YES!!! A Red Green reference, Phelous you're doing our country proud =D

Haha well the duct tape demanded it.

Great, now I'm gonna be covering up my windows to make sure no creepy faces appear... I wonder if anybody else catch that as well?

Apparently they can't enter the red frequency.

creepy face! wonder if it will be brought up in the next episode... is it bad when Phelous' review is scarier than the movies he reviews? Nah

I know! Right? The face appearing at the window and the sudden cut was actually more suspenseful and creepy than ANYTHING in this movie, or most horror movies i've seen these days. It was the one thing modern horror writers are no longer capable of doing...SUBTLE. Subtlety adds to atmosphere and atmosphere is creepier and has a longer lasting effect than stupid jump scares.

On another note. If this had been written WELL, it could have been a silent hill (pre)sequel/knock off.

=( What a bad movie

Zellweger's acting is laughable and the little girl is far too annoying for anyone to last that long with her crap before severely hurting the lil'Hell Spawn.

Phelous, another great review. I love how someone's taking all these supposed "horror" films and showing them for what they are: Bland, Nonsensical, and filled with unlikable characters and plot holes.

The movie COULD have been promising had it revolved around a Demon wanting to enter the Human world, but the only way to do so would be through the little girl. However, the only way the demon can take over the little girl's body is if she freely offers herself to the demon. So the demon keeps causing her foster families to die as a threat he'll keep causing her to witness death of loved ones until she caves in. "Emily" could've been a social worker looking into the case of a little girl whose foster families keep dying one after another mysteriously. The little girl, tired of all the death, is suicidal. "Emily" pities the little girl and decides to adopt her. Throughout the course of the movie we could've seen the demon try different ways to persuade the little girl. Add creepy atmosphere, build-up the tension, and make the characters 3-dimensional.

Ending: "Emily" offers herself to the demon in place of the little girl and the act of self-sacrifice. The little girl, witnessing Emily's selflessness is filled with the strength to face her demon (get it?) and through her will drive the demon away forever. THE END.

Cheesy? Yes, but when was the last time a horror movie ended on a positive note with a good message like facing your demons and fighting them when they try to bring you down?

And I would watch that movie twice and buy its' DVD.

Hell yes, that's a great way to salvage this shit pile. Unfortunately you can't have a career in Hollywood because that makes too much logical sense and would actually be effective....sorry. They want nonsensical and bland, and lots of it.

Nice idea, now that would have been an awesome movie. It sure as hell would've been better than Lilly being a little brat wanting ice cream and saying "Why Emily?" with no explanation as to how she got her powers and why she does what she does.

Oh god, the haunted Majora's Mask music at the end. Exactly what I didn't want to hear before bed.

Dear God, Megatron and the Decepticons could've flown in for no reason and blasted everyone in this stinker and it would've made just as much sense!

To quote something probably already over-quted:

"Why do you keep touching me?!?!"
"Eheeheeheehee, that tickles!"

NOW THIS IS HOW I STARTED, LET ME GIVE YOU A SHOW
ABOUT HOW I WAS COVERED IN BEES FROM MY HEAD TO MY TOE.
AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE, DON'T YOU GO NOWHERE PLEASE.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HOW I'M FUCKING COVERED IN BEES.

IIIIIN SOVIET RUSSIA, BORN AND RAISED, COVERED IN BEES IS HOW I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS. CHILLIN' OUT, MAXIN', BEING COVERED IN BEES AND JUST PLAYING WITH MY HORNETS, SITTING ON MY KNEES. WHEN A COUPLE OF BEE FARMERS STARTED STEALING MY FUN, HAD TO SPRAY THEM DOWN WITH MY TOMMY GUN.

I WAS COVERED IN BEES WHEN THE BOSS CAME NEAR AND SAID "YOU'RE JOINING THE COBRAS, GO SIT BY THE FEAR."

I HOPPED INTO THE WIG AND WAS FEELING A BIT ILL, THERE WAS A DEAD OLD MAN AND AN ASTRONAUT AT THE WHEEL. IF ANYTHING, I COULD SAY THAT THIS FUCK REEKED OF CHEESE, BUT I SAID "NAW, FORGET IT, I'M COVERED IN BEES!"

I -PULLED- UP TO THE BASE ABOUT SEVEN OR EIGHT, I POSED DRAMATICALLY AND SAID "GRENADE!" I LOOKED AT THE SHAGOHAD, RIGHT HERE AT MY KNEES, AND I BECAME THE PAIN, I'M FUCKING COVERED IN BEES......

niiiice. MGS3 for the win!

the pain... The Pain... THE PAIN!!!!!! (explodes)

Pain was covered in Hornets btw not bees. Nice Fresh Prince parody tho.

Oh God, TOO MUCH WIN

*head explodes*

OMG warcraft 2 refference!
lol Duck hunt closer, ha!

Really wasn't a lot of material with this one.

Lol'd at the Warcraft quotes.

Lol'd hard.

Judging by the very end of your video you've seen Day four.wmv . Whatcha think of that phelous?

I googled that video. That was the coolest blog EVER. I have to wonder what Phelous thought as well.

He shouldn't have done that.

You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

Day four.wmv was creepy...

Not as creepy as the journal entries I read about the videos. That gave me shivers...

But that music is REALLY haunting.....

Anyone else find that one repeated question starting to sound like a string of letters?

Y.M.L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y .M.L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y. M.L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y.M .L.E.Y.M.L.E.Y.M.C.A.

FACE IN THE FUCKING BACKGROUND AT THE END

IS IT BEN FROM MAJORA'S MASK?

God, that was irritating. What a horrible, piss-poor movie.
Throughout the entire first half Renee seemed to have an insufferably smug look on her face.
Then the kid changes character completely and... aaagh you know all this already because you'll have watched the review.
Still, did they ever actually explain how the girl became an ice cream demon?

Renee always has an insufferably smug look on her face. It's her entire screen presence.

And don't worry Phelous.. its safe now.. Pulse can't hurt you anymore.

Nope, unless you count, she brought it with her when she was born as an explanation.

I know how it makes sense; lily was really Gozer the Gozarian. the form of the destructor was a little girl fueled by ice cream.

that's my current theory anyway.