Incubus
Written by Phelous Wednesday, 01 September 2010 22:27
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Comments (127)
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09.01.2010 - 23:27 | CaptainArsenic
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09.02.2010 - 17:47 | BIRAthat guy has to die first cause he is the worst actor
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09.01.2010 - 23:24 | summernight
Another Pulse! :psychotic: Scratch that, almost called Pulse. I loved the ending with the shotgun and your eyes turning white. I almost chock myself from laughing to hard. :drunk:
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09.02.2010 - 00:42 | whatever42
Yeah, that part at the end was hilarious. I love how you reacted to being possesed, or whatever it was, and I always like seeing your "I got a shotgun." In fact, I hope that you use that ability the next time you have a crossover. =D
I honestly didn't think we would ever find a movie that [i]totally[/i] embodies your "reasons for actions are stupid," but ... dang. This movie had about -100 logic to it and even that's being generous. There's only one thing on the writer's minds while "writing" this ...
[size=medium] :gah: [/size]
Seriously though, great job Phelous. This is one of my favorite reviews of yours recently. I can only hope that the next movie you review at least tries to have a plot, no matter how badly it fails. :sigh:
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09.01.2010 - 23:27 | Taufiq91
I think the movie is a metaphor for Tara Reid's career
Let's see:
The van crash - getting kicked out of American Pie 3
Going to the building - A metaphor for going to nightclubs
Friend abandoning them for cellphone signal - a metaphor for her agent abandoning her career choices
The psychic monster - a metaphor for her boyfriends
The ending where Tara becomes a psychic monster - a metaphor for the death of her career
That's how i see this movie, a metaphor for Tara's post-American pie career.
And Phelous, no jokes about the band incubus? After all, you forgot to mention the fact that the DJ & the lead siger of incubus almost sued the filmakers of Incubus.
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09.01.2010 - 23:55 | badgersprite
Your theories are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Wow. This movie really does look as bad, if not worse than Hostel. I mean, at least Hostel actually had the impact of making me physically ill afterwards. Incubus doesn't even seem that memorable in anything other than its wanton stupidity. Were the filmmakers even trying?
"Reasons for actions are stupid"
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09.01.2010 - 23:30 | Opera Guy
HA! I knew it! Suffer Phelous! Suffer the drug sandwich known as Tara Reid!
(Epic evil laugh)
Seriously I think were actually done with Pulse now.
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09.01.2010 - 23:37 | Transient Pulse
:eyebrow: you know I think I saw a movie simmilar to this on MST3k... something to do with potatoes. also, there is that episode of Invader Zim where the idiot brainwaves of Gir radiated out like a concussion wave of ignorance.
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09.02.2010 - 00:29 | EarthboundXE
I'm not remembering a movie like this from MST3K.
Other then Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell, no movies to do with potatoes, hehe.
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09.01.2010 - 23:39 | Fanofyou
i bet the name "Pulse" is cursed. Thats why all the movies called Pulse suck
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09.02.2010 - 02:48 | PLAMaybe idiots are more likely to be attracted to the word "pulse" as a byproduct.
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09.01.2010 - 23:46 | bojak90
That was an awesome review.
Yeah, that movie made literally no sense (if they had a grappling hook why didn't they use it?). I think this is actually worse than the Shatner Incubus.
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09.02.2010 - 14:15 | Phelous
Because they NEEDED to find the key for the door. Even buddy's plan to just make a pile back up the the skylight is just dismissed.
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10.21.2010 - 19:36 | edzoologist
Well, of course the Shatner movie is bad. It was shot in a pratically dead-before-its-time language. Although I do love me some Esperanto.
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09.01.2010 - 23:50 | pap64
Quick! Alert Linkara! Phelous has Youngblood's Disease!
Great review, Phelous! Loved the Clue scene the best. Hilarious voice work!
But man, what is it with these movies having neat concepts ruined by piss poor execution? The killer had no real reason to kill other than he was an abused experiment of some sort. OK, that provides enough of a reason, but still, we spend so much time following these stupid characters that very little is focused on the actual killer. Why should we care for him and the other characters?
Just plain stupid I tell you... :uhh:
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09.02.2010 - 14:16 | PhelousNo he has no motivation. He WOULD have had motivation to make one of the scientists let him out while they were under his control but of course that would have made sense so it's a no go for Incubus.
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09.06.2010 - 11:08 | SmokeyLeKiller
REC =D
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09.02.2010 - 00:05 | TheJackal
Phelous,please review Mean Gun (1997) Dark comedy/action flick. Thanks
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09.02.2010 - 00:09 | YetAnotherGeek...what the hell was WRONG with these writers!? What PLANET were they from!? No, I can say with absolute certainty, without hesitation, that this has to be the WORST script for a movie I've EVER SEEN! This is something ANYONE could do better than, because NOTHING MAKES SENSE! The sentences spoken don't even appear to be spoken by HUMAN BEINGS! God!
Now I have to actually see this movie...
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09.02.2010 - 04:50 | dennett316
This may not be the worst movie Phelous has done - although it's close - but it's certainly the worst written. I simply can't believe that one guy contradicted himself twice in one sentence and it was edited in such a way as to show off just how retarded the statement was.
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09.02.2010 - 00:09 | Deimos1984rd
[color=green]Incubus, because every question to this "plot" will end up with the same answers...the movie said so.[/color]
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09.02.2010 - 00:16 | Dechha1981(Typed this before I even saw the video) Incubus was a wierd movie. The only scene that has even the most vague refference to the actual mythology of teh Incubus was a dream sequance, and even THEN... nope, Tara Ried still wasn't raped in her sleep by a demon.
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09.02.2010 - 00:36 | angel85
no, I can see his blood logic, he's saying if someone killed them and then walked away there would be a TRAIL of blood leading away from the bodies, or bloody footprints. But all of the blood was in that one spot, suggesting the people attacked each other in that spot. But why couldn't he just say "If someone else did this we'd see a trail of blood leading away." Oh wait, that sounds intelligent and the plot hinges on these guys being retards.
btw, isn't an incubus just a male succubus?
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09.02.2010 - 02:43 | PLAYes. As the name suggests, an incubus lies on top.
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09.02.2010 - 14:18 | PhelousHaha yeah but in the end he's just agreeing with Tara so I still don't know why he bothers to say it... and make it sound like he's arguing with himself.
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great review phelous. i especially liked the clue joke XD. i think im going to go watch that movie now(clue not incubus lol, that movie looks like crap)
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09.02.2010 - 00:57 | Heriophant
good work
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09.02.2010 - 00:43 | ProvocativeAmbulance
This movie makes me angrier than ALL pulse movies to date. INCLUDING Pulse 3.
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09.03.2010 - 17:17 | DorknessFalls
Really? The internet ghost of a record player has almost become an in joke for my friends when we see something completely stupid that shouldn't ever have been made.
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09.02.2010 - 00:49 | ginger0215
This was your best review yet! But i'm still wondering when you are going to take on Uwe Boll.
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09.02.2010 - 04:54 | dennett316He should definitely do a series on Boll's game adaptations so he can compare the two and point out just how badly he screwed them all up. Alone in the Dark has been done thoroughly by NC, Spoony and Linkara, so not sure what he could say that hasn't already been covered, but House of the Dead, Bloodrayne and the like would be perfect.
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09.03.2010 - 17:41 | SmilentRip66BloodRayne has already been done by Rifftrax.
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09.03.2010 - 18:37 | Morgoth Bauglir
what movie [i]hasn't[/i] been done by Rifftrax?
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09.02.2010 - 00:58 | SpotTheShingoAlso, does the bit where people possessed by the killer bite off their tongues remind you of that episode of Twilight Zone where they cut out that one guy's tongue, put it in a jar and it wouldn't die? It just grew and [b]pulsated[/b] and gave birth to baby tongues!
Pretty cool, huh?
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09.02.2010 - 04:56 | dennett316What movie is that from??? I know it was in a movie but I can't think what it is....please tell me. =(
**Edit - was it Wayne's World?? I've got an image of Garth saying it, but I'm not 100%.
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Awesome as always Phelous.
So did my PMs actually go through? You don't have to give a real response, I just need to know if you even received them or if you did reply and for some reason it's not coming through to me. Even keyboard mashing response like hgfhhf would at least answer my nagging question. Reply to this post even, help me confirm my shit is working.
Yes I am a persistent little bastard. OCD.
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09.02.2010 - 02:41 | PLATry a few other random people to check more effectively.
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This movie is so stupid that hitting yourself repeatedly over the head with a large 2-by-4 with 7-inch nails would make you SMARTER!
Awesome review btw.
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09.02.2010 - 01:09 | jnywest
A HP Pavilion keyboard in your closet too..lol :)
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09.02.2010 - 14:22 | PhelousHaha yeah old HP Keyboards are the best for monitoring magic physic monsters in your closet. Which is why only a good ol CRT can go with it.
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09.02.2010 - 01:11 | Uberpig
What an incredible movie.
As in, it had absolutely no credibility.
How do you keep finding these disasters? =D
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09.02.2010 - 14:22 | PhelousI guess I attract disaster to me.
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09.02.2010 - 01:20 | jalford
They should've just let Tara play a scientist again. She's so convincing with her glasses [u]that she only wears once in the entire movie[/u].
[img]http:// www.stomptokyo.com/scott/ blog/C964161838/ E959281125/Media/ alone11.jpg[/img]
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09.02.2010 - 14:23 | PhelousHaha maybe I could have believed some of her random facts he kept pulling out of thin air if she had been wearing those glasses.
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09.02.2010 - 01:29 | Furore23
Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in.
Thanks Mr P! Or may I call you P?
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09.02.2010 - 14:24 | PhelousNO!!!! Or ok. Whichever.
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09.02.2010 - 01:44 | Catey
Wow... just... wow. I think we've found the holy grail of shitastic horror flicks.
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09.02.2010 - 01:56 | GameKeeper28
That one teen must shop at the same jacket store as Angry Joe.
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09.02.2010 - 02:07 | ggbhtg
You can keep stalling with these Pulse movies, but we ALL know you're still gonna have to review the House of the Dead movies!
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09.02.2010 - 02:38 | PLANo.
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..And apparently, is it just me, or is pretty much every movie named Pulse in some way that you've reviewed, that pretty much must of the characters dialogue, well, stupid, or quite obvious?
Nevertheless, great review as always Phelous! =)