awesome
The Reaping
Written by Phelous Thursday, 03 June 2010 18:58
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Comments (132)
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06.03.2010 - 19:08 | DoomPL
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06.05.2010 - 01:48 | Justice for none
This movie looked pretty decent for a horror movie, it just needed some fine-tuning. Funny review as always though Phelous, very enjoyable.
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06.03.2010 - 19:16 | snakestealth24
We need another Canadian on this site I volunteer :P
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06.03.2010 - 19:41 | ShmooglavoueI concur! Come to think of it, I should really get back to recording my own series-in-progres...
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06.03.2010 - 21:40 | snakestealth24Oh great more competition ;)
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06.03.2010 - 19:27 | Xandos
Gotta love it when they use plant-eating grasshoppers, whose plague was significant because they ate all manner of plant material and prevented people from doing so--to attack people...because that's totally what grasshoppers do. :whistle:
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06.03.2010 - 19:28 | NEUTRO!
A dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream dot com.
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10.27.2010 - 16:08 | edzoologist
STOP DESCRIBING INCEPTION!!!
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06.03.2010 - 19:30 | Graylander TaggerHAHAHA, sorry, I still can't get over shitty films that never are reviewed such as Tokyo Gore Police. Why not do that instead of a good movie like say... the Army of Darkness.
http://www.amazon.com/ Tokyo-Gore-Police-Eihi- Shiina/dp/B001I82RVS
You have to see it to believe have painfully stupid it is.
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06.03.2010 - 22:47 | Strider_Reborn
To be Fair Tokyo Gore Police in some ways kinda ripped off RoboCop's Satirical Commericals and also bashed on the Idea of Privatizing Law Enforcement. It was entertaining to watch through my eyes. But if you want a really silly and offensive film for Phelous to review I recommend Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein girl. It's from the creator of Tokyo Gore Police and it won't come out till October of this year.
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06.03.2010 - 19:45 | Fluffyman
Man what the hell is up with Best Actress winners and immediately deciding to do crappy movies after their win. Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, and in this case Hilary Swank, it's like they want people to forget they did roles that they were awarded for as quickly as possible.
This movie comes from "Dark Castle" too, one that specializes in crappy schlock horror films, especially remakes like "House on Haunted Hill" and "Thirteen Ghosts", and were also responsible for one of Halle Berry's post-Oscar flops "Gotika." With such big production companies like Dark Castle and Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes producing such crappy horror movies it's no wonder people think the genre is almost dead.
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06.03.2010 - 20:30 | SSH
Actually the remake Thirteen Ghosts, is much better than the original, for the remake actually have a plot, is scary, it actually makes sense! the original is terrible, and I should know I like black-and-white movies, and the original was in black-and-white, and was god-awful!
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06.04.2010 - 08:26 | dennett316
The original may have been god awful, but the remake was no prize either. Absolutely scare free, overly glossy visual style, annoying characters and HUGELY annoying actors (Lillard, I'm looking at you buddy).
It had precisely one good scene, the lawyer being cut in half, and that minute could not save the other 89.
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06.04.2010 - 14:42 | mrskippy
Well, maybe they think that after winning an oscar, they have a kind of buffer to protect their reputation against shitty appearances.
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06.03.2010 - 19:48 | heatherwright24
that guy's supposed to be British? I thought he was a local yocal.
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06.04.2010 - 00:43 | Pay-Ten
[quote=heatherwright24] that guy's supposed to be British? I thought he was a local yocal.[/quote]
I haven't seen this movie, but I think he is. That's sounds like the usual "I am definitely from the South" accent that actors use, because they think we talk like that.
The other reason I think you're right is because that "Go Tigers" part shows that she's working at LSU (I think it must have been filmed there, since that's a LSU classroom).
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06.04.2010 - 10:06 | Phelous
The actor is British. He is supposed to be a local but I didn't even realize he was until he said it. I think his real accent was getting through at points.
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11.15.2011 - 15:19 | jdreyfuss
That's a dead-on New Orleans accent. It's called Yat and sound about halfway between Brooklyn and RP.
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I think I noticed a pattern. The image burned into the pictures is the Japanese character for "SA". SA can stand for "arrow". The kanji for arrow looks like ET with a baseball bat. A baseball hit in a vacuum with travel in a parabola; with alien technology, the atmosphere of Earth could be compensated for, in some incredible way. Parabolas are expressed by quadratic equations. Equations are used to find unknown valuables. This movie is full of unknown values (plot holes).
My conclusion: this movie is bullshit.
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First of all i'm not christian but i know lot about mythological creatures and images.
Actually the symbol is the angelic glyph for Lucifer composed of the symbol of the cross turned up side down as an image for his betrayal of god and the "morning star" of greek mythology (looks like a sickle moon) because the name of Lucifer actually comes from greek meaning "bringer of light"
which can be transferred to the bible because when ever Lucifer is described as an angel he is described as the shimmering, shining cherub
or in other words bright shiny angel.
Hope that helps someone ^^
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07.03.2010 - 06:06 | HentaiGuy42Which can be transferred to the Bible? The only time Lucifer is ever mentioned in the Bible is in certain translations of Isaiah 14:12, and that's a reference to a Babylonian King whose name meant "Day Star."
That symbol was the symbol of Saturn, who was the Roman god of harvest...which ties into the whole "reaping" theme.
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06.03.2010 - 19:56 | Dawgstar
I feel really, really bad for Phelous sometimes. I really do. I wish to thank him for his sacrifice the next time he's not dead.
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Yeah I'm still kind of confused as to why the old lady at the beginning of the movie wanted to taste the goo on the dead guy? Does anyone mind explaining it to me? :( P.S. Your deep voice is AWESOME!
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06.04.2010 - 10:14 | PhelousDon't really know, guess she thought sense it was on that body it'd make her body not decompose either.
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06.05.2010 - 11:34 | TomQuoVadis
If his body had not rotted, it would make him incorruptible, a Saint whose body doesn't decay, or decays very slowly. Catholics like to keep relics of the saints as a way of asking for their protection. A first class relic is a piece of the actual body of the saint. However, we don't eat first class relics, we merely preserve them...so there is no reason.
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06.03.2010 - 20:06 | criticalchap
Wassup with the ratio after 0:30? It gets better. I guess the clip couldn't be edited.
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06.03.2010 - 20:06 | ganondorf49AWESOME
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06.03.2010 - 20:09 | takineko
Bwahaha, I loved the Kickassia refrence "*pfft* DOUG." *slap*
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06.03.2010 - 20:14 | thatkidwiththepimples
FIFTEENTH!
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06.03.2010 - 20:16 | foxbomber5
Ghostbusters references always make a bad movie bearable. Except in this mess. Good review. Sorry you die so much, though.
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06.03.2010 - 20:27 | SSHif only this movie was a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream, within a dream within a dream within a dream.com, then it would really make more sense! but I guess not.
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06.03.2010 - 20:32 | Fois33Great review, except that the molecule they show in the movie is NOT DMSO at all!!!! (dimethysulfoxide).
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06.03.2010 - 20:39 | EarthboundXE
Huh, this movie kinda reminds me of Silent Hill Homecoming's story, interesting. Well the families killing their children part anyway.
Is this one of the few movies you've reviewed that came out in theaters? I think Fear.com.com got a theatrical release.
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06.04.2010 - 10:08 | PhelousNah I've done a good amount that hit theatre as well.
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06.03.2010 - 20:43 | whatever42
As always, it's great to see another review from you Phelous. The Ghostbusters clips were especially well placed and I always love the shotgun joke. This movie itself just seems like a ...
:dry:
plothole sandwich :)
Also, can anyone help me identify who plays Lauren? I really feel like I've seen the actress before in something within the last 4 years, but I can't put my finger on it. Much appreciated.
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06.03.2010 - 21:39 | Jael
Lauren's played by AnnaSophia Robb, who was in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the Race to Witch Mountain remakes.
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06.03.2010 - 20:55 | ScionVyse
Is it just me, or do you seem a little more cynical than usual in this review?
Off topic: How tall are you, Phelous? I for some reason picture you being like, 8 feet tall.
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06.04.2010 - 10:09 | Phelous6' to 6'1" or so.
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06.04.2010 - 21:57 | ScurvyDan
People have been commenting on your height since Kickassia. Either it was the shot angles or that many of the other reviewers are shorter than many of us imagined, but you did seem really tall in comparison.
Except for Handsome "I'm the flagpole" Tom. :)
Great work as always Phelous.
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06.03.2010 - 21:06 | Obscurus Lupa
Wow, glad I didn't see that one. That's bad. Great review. :)
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10.01.2011 - 03:09 | PhelousThat's a good comment.
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06.03.2010 - 21:16 | Divock
The Reaplous? I couldn't help but laugh at the sheer awesomeness of that title.
In all seriousness it was hilarious, especially your intro.
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06.03.2010 - 21:19 | Torchic91
When that record was playing, the only thing I could think of was this : http://hysmrr.ytmnd.com/
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06.04.2010 - 00:14 | Ameute
how did they find that song in record form?! lol
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06.04.2010 - 08:31 | dennett316I'm glad your link led to that image....I've seen another, wholly more disturbing version, with the same track.
:X
Not good.....basically a guy swinging his junk around.
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06.03.2010 - 21:22 | Deimos1984rd
[color=green] www.thismovieisacompletew asteoffuckingtimeandmakes nosense.com
Seriously I was going to see this in theatres, thank god I didn't.[/color]
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06.04.2010 - 00:37 | Kimarous
Here's a thought, scientist lady. Why don't you take and examine a sample of the blood-red water before you start asserting your explanatory theory?
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06.04.2010 - 10:12 | PhelousHaha so true. She tries to do that with the cows later saying they got into the river (which she still doesn't even know what it is of course) and the farmer tell her they get well water.
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07.03.2010 - 06:11 | HentaiGuy42Well, blood-red water is not an unheard of phenomenon, in fact in some places it happens at regular intervals due to annual fluctuations in algae populations. So it's probably a reasonable assumption to say that it's something similar until she found evidence to the contrary (which she eventually did).
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06.03.2010 - 21:31 | uberjoe19
Great review. Please keep being funny.
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06.03.2010 - 21:41 | Trillion"Pfft, Doug..."
*Smack!*
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06.03.2010 - 22:22 | Alar
This movie is so bizarre... but angel girl is adorable, if completely stupid like everyone else.
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06.03.2010 - 22:50 | Redbob86
Fun fact:
Maggot eggs take atleast 18 hours to hatch, which makes Swank's bullshit explanation all the more ridiculous.
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