Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Written by Phelous Monday, 09 November 2009 00:25
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Comments (117)
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11.09.2009 - 01:20 | The sad panda
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11.09.2009 - 01:50 | Da Erkka
Shhhhh!! Don't give the directors any more dumb ideas!
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11.10.2009 - 17:19 | Phelous
Heh well I think they all ready had the stripper in this one with the name Alice.
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11.09.2009 - 01:30 | edge4552This was so good, I can't wait to see the third movie... and then the fourth, which from what I hear is all about Alice and has nothing to do with RE.
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11.09.2009 - 01:40 | TamLinYou know Phelous really does have a pretty decent resemblance to Barry Burton. Not sure what to make of that...
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11.09.2009 - 01:48 | Da ErkkaThis movie is literally the point in the series where the shit hits the fan
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11.09.2009 - 01:49 | Coldguy
I think this entire movie was a who's that character experiement
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11.09.2009 - 01:54 | LunarLycan
The Naked Alice Count should shoot up alot in the next movie. As long as you count clones that is.
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11.09.2009 - 02:05 | Firefly567Great review as always, Phelous.
Can't wait for the conclusion. ;)
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11.09.2009 - 02:10 | Deimos1984rd
When I first saw this movie I could not keep watching...I had to change the channel because I was in so much disgust, they just studied little parts of Resident Evil and just through junk in there...what a shit movie. I like the cartoon sound effects you use in this review, it's hilarious.
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11.09.2009 - 02:19 | Malt Frisky
Is it me or does Nemesis remind me of an extra from Hellraiser :huh:
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Pinhead would have sodomized his ass with fish hooks the second he attempted to walk in the casting door.
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Even though I know this movie didn't care but why did the sniper on the roof shoot Nemesis in the chest several times thinking that would stop him....He obviously shot several zombies in the head and snipers in general are taught to shoot things in the head SO WHY DID HE SHOOT HIM IN THE CHEST?!?!?!!
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11.09.2009 - 02:51 | houiostesmoirasPoint of order: he shot Dr. Ashford in the head. The good doctor shouldn't be coming back as a zombie no matter how much T virus he's been infected with. I'm just gonna guess you just became too inured to the inconsistencies of this movie from reviewing it to notice such a minor detail.
I'm having a lot of fun with your reviews, but I think you overdo the laugh tracks a bit. Once in a while to make a point is fine, but it starts getting annoying when you just leave it on over a whole half-minute or longer clip. However, the interview with Barry was just hilarious.
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11.10.2009 - 17:11 | PhelousIt looks to me like it was the chest but yeah either way it didn't make much sense. I don't think I left any laugh track going that long in this one.
Might have been guilty of that in other ones though. :whistle:
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11.09.2009 - 02:50 | SoulReaverPhelous you've exagerated your review this time try not hang with all the jokes and try to realizes what would you do if you made a movie like this?
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I loved how U talk abt this Movie. U are totally right. This Movie sux ass.. I went too see the frist movie in Theaters.. After that I was so disappointed too see ever go see another RE Movie. I think the Director really had never played the frist Game and just went on and made a Movie by lookin @ the Characters that where based in the games. It seems like the Director played only RE3, and tryed too make a back story that based on Jill's RE3. Y can't the make a movie that was more like the Game instead Garbage like this..
I wish I could go too the Director and say WTF!! Well, maybe I shaould clam down, and make me a sandwich..
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11.09.2009 - 03:19 | Desertpunk23Ah this movie sucks major league,m i feel bad just seeing a review lol
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Yeah what a piss poor excuse for a movie based game. Really how can you call this a movie based game since they don't even give the proper respect to its characters and keep saying yeah here are the names but they are completely different because the director wants to get in the pants of Milla Jovovich.
Here's hoping that the fourth sucks the same and bombs at the box-office because I'm sick of this guy who have the Resident Evil movie license.
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11.09.2009 - 03:29 | LittlePancakeWhy do Nemesis say "stars"? In the movies, does he have anything to do with them, I'm confused.
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11.09.2009 - 19:16 | Shadowdancer21b
In Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, he has the mission of taking out S.T.A.R.S members and will say "STARS" while chasing Jill.
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11.10.2009 - 17:11 | PhelousAnd in the movie all those people Nemesis kills right away were supposed to be STARS members.
Though I'm surprised he didn't start saying "ALICE" after that point.
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11.09.2009 - 07:41 | Fluffyman
Wonder if the rest of Alice's name is Mary Sue? Saying that, this movie series is just Paul W.S. Anderson's fan fiction.
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11.10.2009 - 17:14 | PhelousYeah pretty much.
Plus when it's his wife he's doing this with there's probably a little extra motivation for him to make her such an 'amazing' character.
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01.20.2010 - 20:47 | Spiffy_the_WonderkidNope. It's actually Alice Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. 8D
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11.09.2009 - 08:00 | MobiusThey basically turned Nemesis into a pussy in this movie, removing all traces of scariness from him.
First time I played the game, I was on the edge expecting him to pop out the next corner (or worse, behind me). In this crap movie all we get is an oversized lunk playing punch-up with Alice.
Hnnn... :angry:
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04.21.2010 - 16:47 | TheRocketMechanic
What did you expect? This movie series is, at both its core and cover, nothing more than a blatant attempt at gloryfing Milla Jovovich. I guess they figured turning Nemesis into a loser was the best way to do it.
But hey, let's look at the bright side: according to "The Raccoon City Times" (check the RE wikia for more details), Jill was dismissed from S.T.A.R.S. after the death of her partner. And who's her partner? Well, apparently some moron thought that it should be Leon.
That's right: Leon S. Kennedy is dead. So don't expect him to get ruined anytime soon.
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08.08.2010 - 23:11 | OtakuWerewolf
Naw instead we get Clair in Extinction and if the rumor mill can be believed Chris in Afterlife :grr:
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11.09.2009 - 08:31 | loveu
im not sure how many movies there is on RE but i have seen one animated and it was so bad i acturally froze while watching it, while talking to my friends how stupid the scene were.
And Phelous can you do me a favor, review the movie "The Prodigy" its a 2009 animated movie. im not gonna spoil it but be warned it makes batman and robin seem like citizen kane in comparison
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11.09.2009 - 09:09 | M.Seijin
Why does Alice being naked annoy you, Phelous? I mean, you do have a libido, don't you? You can somewhat forgive a bad movie if it has some nice T&A.
Also, I've noticed the addition of black, fingerless gloves to your Sub-Zero costume. Sweet!
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11.10.2009 - 00:14 | anaeuphisIn this day and age where everyone has access to petabytes worth of porn, T&A isn't much of a saving grace anymore. Besides, this series handles it so ham fisted you feel treated like an idiot.
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11.10.2009 - 00:33 | TheAtomic
I think it's because it's Milla Jovovich. The directors find her an excuse to be naked in every movie she's in. Some say that movies are made around her being naked. But why not just get her into porn? Why ruin the RE series with her?
I'll never forgive her for Ultraviolet, and everything I see her in (Fifth Element included) makes me despise her under-acting, emotionally cold, martial arts proficient, one-dimensional idiot characters even more! Screw you Jovovich! Screw you Paul W.S. Anderson!
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I hated that scene in the church [b]SO MUCH[/b]. How the hell did Alice get enough hang time to come flying through the window? And how did she know she was gonna land on a licker? She could have landed on someone's head!!!! And was that bullet-time BS with the motorcycle really necessary?
And how could the T-virus affect corpses in caskets six feet under? Why does Nemesis look like a bad halloween costume? Exactly which part of the T-virus gives you telekinesis and super powers? WHYWHYWHY!!!! .....*cough**cough*....I' m choking on my own rage. :(
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11.09.2009 - 09:36 | KarnotHmm...why is it that when i look at Phelous clips i get the image of drunk retard with barely any muscle control ? Must be the crazy eyes and constant head/hands shaking.
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11.09.2009 - 11:30 | LLon
DUDE, THIS WAS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REAAALLLYYY FUNNY
this reviews are getting better and better, you're doing really well.
expecting a big ending for the third one :evil:
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11.09.2009 - 11:33 | Eyeshot
Well, it had to take Phelous to jolt my memory and make me realize just how awful RE Apocalypse really is.
A large wall around the city? Cops not realizing that people were becoming zombies? The dead rising from their graves because the virus can crawl through the ground? And worse of all, a version of Nemesis that just mopes around and doesn't act like Michael Myers?
RE Apocalypse is SHIT!!! If only the right moviemakers - people inspired by George Romero - had gotten the rights to RE, we'd be instead arguing about which are better, the movies or the games. But in the reality we happen to be stuck in, there's simply no contest.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get me a Jill sandwich. Nom, nom, nom ...
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[quote=M.Seijin]Why does Alice being naked annoy you, Phelous? I mean, you do have a libido, don't you? You can somewhat forgive a bad movie if it has some nice T&A.[/quote]It's annoying because it's just this movie treating Alice as the central figure of the franchise so much in every possible way, as the action star, the innocent-turned-super heroine, the sex symbol, etc...while at the same time pretty much utilizing almost no one from the original franchise, or at best mitigating them to the side lines.
That's my take, at least.
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11.09.2009 - 12:02 | LordOrin
Fluffyman's right, this movie was basically a bad fanfic. Hilarious review.
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This film looks fucking abysmal. I'm so glad I managed to stave off all my friends' attempts to get me to watch it.
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11.09.2009 - 13:46 | Hex3nHoly shit Phelous you're my hero you bashed this god awful piece of hollywood shit that they made. And listed all the things wrong with it> I fucking hate Millia Jovovich.
And the "I got a shotgun" line is awesome!
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11.09.2009 - 15:20 | Doresh
You gotta love the message for the RE fans:
"So you like Jill? Forget her! Our Alice much cooler than her! And she's in no way a Mary Sue!"
And instead of letting her mutate like every good RE-person with a virus, they... I really don't want to say it...
The third movie ends with ATTACK OF THE CLONE ALICES :s !!
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like dr mario plumber,or a hot stripper named samus aran.
maybe that could have saved the movie.
No,of course not.
good review!