The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens

(105 votes, average 4.50 out of 5)
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Comments (98)
  • SpeedyEric
    avatar
    The Harry Potter film series is one of my favorite film series, and I hate films that attempt to rip off films I love or love to watch. Screw you, Asylum.

    1:37- I love it when you and Phelous play the same lines over and over when the characters themselves do it.

    2:32- I guess the crew forgot to wear their invisibility cloaks. Herherher =P.

    5:06- When I was eleven, I didn’t talk about too much pointless crap with my friends. Why? Because I enjoy being an average everyday person.

    8:22- I don’t make fun of child actors when they were actual children. Which is why you don’t see me making fun of young Jake Lloyd. Also, I think Jake Lloyd was a good child actor, but these kids act like they’re either related to members of the film crew or were pulled from the street, ‘cause they were to lazy to find a casting director.

    10:07- It would be more wise (and stupider) if you gave him the cake on the ACTUAL 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. …Also, HAPPY VETERANS DAY!

    13:01- So the entire library is this film’s Restricted Section?

    15:31- Best. “I’m acting” moment. EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    Victor is no Voldimort, and the bully kid is no Draco Malfoy.

    I’M more of a Chosen One than this stupid kid who doesn’t know what the hell a freaking map is, and there was clearly a map of Canada if his flapping classroom.

    These movies deserve to be burned to a crisp in a pit full of Hungarian horntail dragons.
  • LikaLaruku
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    When I watched Harry Potter (which I love) I couldn't stop comparing it to Lord of the Rings (books) or The Worst Witch, which are both older.
  • SpeedyEric
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    That's also what I thought when both "The Sorcerer's Stone" and "The Fellowship of the Ring" were released back in Nov./Dec. 2001.
  • rockybalboa211
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    Why won't Pseudo Hermione die? :(
  • HanSK
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    because she owns the Grim Reaper
  • Hinatachan360
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    If Mandy is so smart why couldn't she tell the difference between hieroglyphics and runes? Fun review, Lupa! Terrible movie.
  • EpicFish
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    Wait, there are two characters named Billy and Mandy and they DON'T hang out with The Grim Reaper (who for some inexplicable reason has a Caribbean accent)? WORST. MOVIE. EVER.
  • ladydiskette
    avatar
    I couldn't agree more.


    I never heard of this movie before, until then, I always thought that "The Worst Witch" was as close to a Harry Potter rip-off that we were going to get. At least that had some hilariously bad scenes and a crazy singing number by Tim Curry.

    This movie...really is the worst out of the two.


    T__T
  • mightilymousey
    I wouldn't call The Worst Witch a rip off of Harry Potter. More like the other way around. The first Worst Witch book was released in 1974 and the movie in 1986. The first Harry Potter book was released in 1997.

    Billy Owens is a blatant rip off though, and there is no reason for it to exist.
  • Mides
    Not only that, but Nigel Planter at Toadblatt's was far more entertaining than this drivel.
  • silensho
    My god, that thing had a sequel?

    I can only say one thing:

    If Roddy Piper isn't in it, it's not worth it.
  • NintendoFanboy
    avatar
    There won't be another Hunter's moon for months.

    In all seriousness, Mandy's random spouting off random knowledge could have an explanation: maybe she's autistic. I am, and as a kid, I would just randomly say bits of tivia because I thought it sounded cool. Granted, I stopped when I was, like, 8, but still.

    Huh, guess I wasn't very funny there. Maybe my train of thought was LOST IN THE RIVAAAAHH!
  • theseventhdoctor
    I still do that. I just like sharing cool info with people and if they don't appreciate learning then that's their bad luck.
  • BiliousBill
    This movie looks bad. The acting and effects remind me of THUNDERSTORM:THE RETURN THOR.*whoo segway* Shameless Harry potter rip-off, how about a shameless Thor rip-off. A film that is SO bad that I can't think of a funny analogy. It's like if someone took an iron man mask,long underwear and some plastic abs and decided to make a movie around that and threw in some vague Norse mythology angle just for giggles. GLORIOUS. Obscurus Lupa should totally review it. + its Canadian *thumbs up*
    also sorry if this came across as spammy behaviour but I would love to see this reviewed.
  • Coppercredit
    Lightningman the most original thing in this movie.
  • Neo Ultra Mike
    So... are you saying that billy's going to grow up into Wooden Rod? Cause that would make a lot of sense actually. I heard in Birdemic 2 it revealed Rod use to find the number 11 magical because everything that could of possibly happen related to it happened to him for... no good reason.

    Seriously though this movie just looks pathehically bad. I know it's kind of harsh ripping on the effects or even the kid actors but come on, you guys did a better magical adventure in Suburban Knights then they did here. Seriously none of the kids did any sort of good job here IMHO and the plot if not confusing was just so badly disjoineted and stiched together. I mean I knew of Billy Owens since I saw him in the children's book section next to Harry Potter but I didn't know he actually had a movie series. The fact this somehow got a sequel greenlit is just... at least 10 kinds of wrong.

    Really great review though. Loved picking on Mandy, Billy sad about having pizza and presents for his birthday, killing himself for all the number 11s, pointing out how come the kids can use the magic wand, the in the river joke, calling the parents lazy for not helping out and just being befuddled at the ending or lack there of. One of the better reviews you've done actually.
  • Axel Osbourne
    avatar
    Does anyone else think Lupa looks like a female version of The Doctor here?

    Good episode, but really, I'm not sure you want to keep making fun of Roddy Piper, I hear he's a little hot headed, and he's also kicked Mister T's ass.
  • andx0r
    avatar
    either put on those sunglasses, or start eating that trash can....IN THE RIVAAAAARRRR!
  • TragicGuineaPig
    avatar
    Holy Crap! I knew a guy named Billy Owens. I'm pretty sure he wasn't a wizard, but still.
  • 2-B-Animated
    avatar
    I must ask this, How and Why is a chest belonging to a NORSE GOD in the middle of CANADA?!! Why would Loki put this here? Did he think it'd be a good hiding place since no one comes to Canada? (Canadian here) And HOW did it get there in the first place?!! This just doesn't make any sense!!!
  • TragicGuineaPig
    avatar
    Actually, Vikings colonized North America long before the time of Columbus.
  • 2-B-Animated
    avatar
    I did know that, but I thought it was in the US, not Canada. But why would they bring it there? And did Puff the Crappy CGI Dragon follow them there with the chest? And why drag Loki into a Harry Potter rip off?
  • satireknight
    Actually, Leif Ericson did arrive in Newfoundland, not what is now the US. If they had landed further south, they might have stuck around for the nice warmer weather.

    And now I've turned into Mandy.

    As for Loki, maybe he was just flailing around doing random stuff after he found out he was adopted.
  • Sockpuppet
    avatar
    At least you were adressing the subject at hand, not just spewing a random fact.

    By the way, if Billy was born on "the 11th hour", wouldn't they have had his party in the morning, not 11 PM, which is the 23rd hour? I have to assume that was why they did it that late.
  • satireknight
    They didn't so much colonize it as… sort of drop in and out.
  • Sockpuppet
    avatar
    I wouldn't call one shitty little village that died out in less than one generation "colonizing"-- And it was one little coastal island, nowhere near where this movie is taking place. It's like saying the British colonists from Roanoke colonized California.
  • Goat Boy
    avatar
    Was his head supposed to explode after the "too many 11s"?
  • AbsintheMinded
    avatar
    It was like the director told Roddy Piper in the pawn shop scene, "Ok. You know the actor Nick Nolte? I want you to be Nick Nolte. Can you be Nick Nolte for me, Rod?"
  • Skemono
    Wait--"if a second Hunter's moon happens in the same century"?

    But... but we have a Hunter's moon every year! It's just a special name for a certain full moon.




    "Believe in your friends, Billy. And yourself."

    "Believe in my friends? Even Devon? He doesn't even know what a map is!"

    "...okay, don't believe in *your* friends. Your friends suck."
  • Leonca
    avatar
    Who would want to look for stuff left behind by Loki? It should have been nothing but booby traps and the ancient equivalent to whoopee cushions and rubber chickens.
  • Falconfly
    avatar
    Or maybe himself disguised as a female horse...
  • Bowser the Second
    Guess who it is that narrated the trailer at the end?

    Here's a hint: "Autobots, roll out!"
  • StorminRoo
    avatar
    21:40 had me Lol'ing so hard
  • Rue_Ryuzaki2  - ..
    avatar
    Great review. Roddy Piper awesome. Those kids terrible. Also Billy to me kinda looks like that kid on that Dino Dan show my nephews be watching. But I doubt it.

    All with a hint of Optimus Prime.hahaha
    Looking for it to the sequel.
  • DoubleJay
    avatar
    After becoming witness the trailer at the end of this thing, and listening to it carefully I am shocked that one of my favorite voice actors Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime actually did the narration for this pile of junk's sequel. The universe weeps.
  • ColeYote
    avatar
    Wow. That kid is a worse actor than I was at that age. And I have Asperger's. Which is good for deadpan snark, but not for sounding like I care about things.
  • Mikemaniax
    avatar
    All those 11's and no Spinal Tap jokes?
  • DrMcCoy
    avatar
    "Interesting" fact: 11:11:11 at November 11 is when the Karneval season starts in Germany.
    So maybe they're not actually wizards/witches, but Funkenmariechen.
  • ohe
    avatar
    "Please?" Pfft, ain't got nothing on "Would you kindly?"
  • Perzyn
    avatar
    I am all for Billy Owens obtaining the Secret of the Runes. But only if he does it properly, id est by hanging for 9 days and 9 nights on Yggdrasil.
  • satireknight
    And losing an eye in the well of Mimir!
  • Henshin
    avatar
    This review was lost..ON THE RIVER!
  • ladydiskette
    avatar
    At least when Hermione sprouted out information it was useful to the book and movie's scenes and related to the situation at hand. She was a bit of a show off but that was only early on the books when she was a kid and strived to be the top of her class. Later on when she got older she was still a bit sassy but not much of a intellectual show-off or at least used it to help her friends.



    This girl on the other hand says useless gibberish just to remind the audience she is there, while contributing nothing to their situation.
  • LikaLaruku  - Cut n paste answers.
    avatar
    Mandy is the demon spawn of Hermione & Colin Creevey! Take a drink every time she says "did you know" or "for your information."

    My prediction for next year's Harry Potterish movie: The Ultimate Book of Spells, which untries even unharder to be an unripoff. I watched it anyway....

    Wait a minute, is this a Harry Potter ripoff or a spoof of The Never Ending Story 3?

    26:40 What's the Koreander creeper doing with his left hand?

    What's a map? What's a paladin?

    Sorry Lupa, it just doesn't have the same cheesy effect without the cheesy CG effects & scruffy beard.

    The longer I listen, the worse the acting sounds.

    As soon as the adults are "in on it," the movie totally retards* itself. (*In the literal dictionary sense).

    That Viking ghost was the weakest Balrog ever.

    The early 90s called; they want their crappy CG dragon back.

    Isn't that the narrator from Voltron: Defenders of the Universe?
  • Blizz3112
    avatar
    Hehe, that's exactly my reaction to annoying little children too... Along with the: "Shut up! Shut up! Stop talking! or breathing! Don't make me pull out your lungs!"
  • ladydiskette
    avatar
    That is what candy is for...shove it in thier mouths and you get at least a half-hour of peace and quiet.



    Just make sure its sugar-free candy.
  • neytari
    avatar
    Why does this movie use the sound effect SecondLife uses when you teleport?
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