Bees...My God!
Live - A Deadly Bee Weapon
Written by Nash Saturday, 28 January 2012 00:18
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Comments (55)
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01.28.2012 - 00:31 | Jackass Mask
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The moment I heard bees I remembered Yahtzee's quote from Zero Punctuation "because there's a guy who can shoot bees out of his hand. and once you compare that to anything else, you lose, because he can shoot bees out of his hand!"
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01.28.2012 - 01:25 | 10.0.0.1apparently the guy from Florida missed that part in the bible where someone asked Jesus about paying taxes to Rome. I hope that if it does come to a dispute in court that the lawyer for the IRS's side is smart enough to cite Jesus's own words on the topic, and shame on you Tara for not doing so *wags finger*
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01.28.2012 - 01:39 | Zoreta
Huh, though different towns, both the sprinkler-puncher and the McDonalds prostitute are from towns named Burbank. The McDonalds one actually doesn't phaze me that much- the Burbank in Los Angeles is next to Hollyweird- but what a funny coincidence.
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01.28.2012 - 02:06 | ladydiskette
@ 18:06
Oh no no no no no....
When they say "You should read your bible everyday" THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY MEANT! D: DX
Hope she knew some good Last Rite passages to the poor souls she ran over while driving.
As for the whole "Jesus didn't like tax collectors" I think I seem to recall he did eat with them along with other "sinners" and had a disciple who was once a tax collector, though I can't remember his name at the moment.
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01.28.2012 - 01:57 | wildcat31
This was the first episode of RDA that I listened/watched…Loved it
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01.28.2012 - 02:16 | RestlessVagabond
This woman offering blowjobs for McNuggets was smart. 20 piece chicken McNuggets is only 4.99 right now. At least that's the price in California... A value meal would be at least 7+ dollars. She would have gotten more for her work for cheaper.
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01.28.2012 - 02:46 | DMasterWhen I saw that last headline, I thought back to Todd in the Shadows's "Carry Out" review: "Bada-ba-ba-ba! I'm humpin' it!"
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01.28.2012 - 03:43 | zekoalives
Ah, America... the only country where you can punch a grandma at a Chuck E. fuckin' Cheese and claim you don't need to file taxes because you're a resident of heaven...
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01.28.2012 - 04:16 | LikaLaruku
The Mad Hatter will stick a tiny mind-control card behind each bee's ear &...oh wait....
Google is turning up nothing about Chihuahua-eating fish.
Fuck E Cheese's.
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01.28.2012 - 07:02 | LighticeTechnically you can control where bees go by setting up an easy feeding area for them. They never go farther than necessary to get their precious nectar. There are poorer ideas, though it would create problems for the upkeep of the buildings - what workers would want to maintain the place if they had to wear full-body protective gear to work?
Ofcourse in the promised land of lawsuits the chances are that it would fail horribly.
And Tara, plenty of good has come from controlling nature. Little things like agriculture, domesticated animals, honey...
Also, Jesus liked hanging out with tax collectors, which people complained him about and he kept doing it anyway, so you could say he was a fan of sorts. He also liked to hang out with prostitutes and unpopular ethnic minorities. The one place he threw a rampage was a temple. Make your own conclusions. People who do church sales aren't in good books with the guy.
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01.28.2012 - 10:19 | Divide By Zero
It was the money changers in the temple that got him going on a rampage. So I guess bankers beware?
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01.29.2012 - 23:04 | Fable Architect
He threw a rampage not because they were selling things, but because the people were selling sacrificial animals at inflated prices and were short-changing travelers who exchanged their currency there. Wolves in sheep's clothing, basically.
The tax collector thing is true, though. His disciple Matthew was a tax collector before Jesus called him to ministry.
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01.28.2012 - 07:34 | Sebastian_Havelock
"As soon as Einstein declared that space was finite, the price of building sites, both in Heaven and Hell, soared outrageously" John Collier
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01.28.2012 - 08:54 | FrankN.Stein
Not the bees! NOT THE BEES!!!
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01.28.2012 - 09:25 | JehuTron
They're in my eyes, MY EYES!! AAAAAHHHHH! XS
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01.28.2012 - 09:19 | R1X5.13
The Resident of heaven guy still claimed to still be an american citizen. There is a fun little quirk of american tax law, You owe taxes no matter where you live. So if you have an Income you owe taxes to the American government.
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01.28.2012 - 10:08 | Mr_Frump
Is it possible the guy in Florida might have *thought* he was in Heaven because he was surrounded by old people who look like they're dead? Just asking.
I never understood the "Jesus, take the wheel" concept either. He's never piloted anything more complex than an ass, so why would you call on him in this situation? I'd be like, "Dale Earnhart, take the wheel! Oh crap, wall!!"
McNuggets are a hell of a drug. "So, what can I get for a 20-piece?"
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01.28.2012 - 10:39 | kharneth
So many Wickerman references, so little time
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02.05.2012 - 06:10 | Captain Wow
WHY IS IT BURNED?!?!? WHY IS IT BURNED, WHY IS IT BURNED?!?!
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01.28.2012 - 10:39 | That Anime Chick
A Deadly bee weapon. Bees, my God...Sorry, I've always wanted to say that.
Using bees to protect buildings. REALLY? Nothing good can come out of this...
...Wait, a guy PUNCHED a sprinkler? How far up was the sprinkler anyway? ...6 feet? How low is the ceiling in that place? (And I liked "Accepted"...)
I didn't even think a Chuck-E-Cheese party could get violent! I hope the guy responsible gets the book thrown at him...
...Wow, is that guy high on something or is here just crazy? I'm leaning towards the latter, personally. And if someone thinks Heaven is Florida, then Hell is... yeah, I'm not gonna make a New Jersey joke.
Christ, and they say texting while driving is bad... Just read the Bible at the funeral! ...you stupid bint.
And that last story... what, just... WHAT.
Geeze, and my folks wonder why I don't like people... (Wait, have I said this before?)
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01.28.2012 - 11:01 | kharneth18:40 facepalm. although, maybe she thought that if she's reading a bible when she dies, it's like an ezpass to heaven.
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01.28.2012 - 11:13 | kharnethWho wants some McHookers? 25:00
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01.28.2012 - 11:13 | MaleficiousTrying to use bees to deter vandalism.
You know, I hope the vandals respond with, "What are you going to do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with the bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well do your worst!"
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01.28.2012 - 11:55 | The_Awesometeer
I want McDonalds
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01.28.2012 - 12:43 | Metroid51
[insert Wickerman reference]I all have to say use hornets instead of bees, they leave if you leave them alone but hornets just fucking hate you and will chase you down.
America where people are crazy as shit they think they live in heaven, heres what you tax in heaven, Hauntings pay up and scare the crap out the living
why do people try to multi task while driving that just say "lets see how long till I crash!"
for the hooker an the mc nuggets I'm surprised no one took that offer.
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01.28.2012 - 12:55 | B-NavigatorActually Jesus was close friends with several tax collectors. When they asked him about getting into heaven his response was "Do your job, just don't be corrupt about it."
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01.28.2012 - 13:43 | JethroQ
On the woman driving with the bible: http:// chzragecomics.files.wordp ress.com/2011/06/rage- comics-seriously- jesus.jpg
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They discovered them at one of the original Manhattan Project sites. Apparently they nest there. http://io9.com/5292744/ radioactive-wasps-swarm- out-of-former-nuclear- test-site
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01.28.2012 - 14:53 | JetstreamGW
"They gave them a refund!"
To be fair, it isn't Chuck E. Cheese's fault they had a douchy patron. They could've just called the police and called it done ;)
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01.28.2012 - 15:08 | TheIrrehensibleTJ
That gives a whole new meaning to "they f*ck you at the drive-thru".
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01.28.2012 - 15:37 | Shadowdancer21b
Jesus was all about people paying taxes. Like the time he miracled a fish with money in its mouth to pay taxes. Also, one of the apostles was a tax collector. Then, as was mentioned prior, is the "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's"
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01.28.2012 - 20:00 | FishEyenoMikoYeah, Jesus got mad at the tax collectors being in the church, not just them... existing.
Actually, was it even tax collectors? I thought it was money changers. Basically, people were doing business in the churches, and Jesus wasn't down with that.
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01.28.2012 - 20:38 | replyman
Still, he always lumped tax collectors in with sinners. So he thought they were on an even footing.
That said, he did specifically say that one should "render to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's." So he wasn't opposed to taxes per se, just the crappy people who collected them.
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