and to think she used to had bad ache...
Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life Review
Written by MikeJ Monday, 12 October 2009 03:26
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Comments (121)
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10.12.2009 - 03:40 | Coldguy
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10.12.2009 - 04:12 | cheesoid
I'm the best wooooooters
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10.12.2009 - 03:44 | Dude
Wow, I've never been one of the first people to watch a video on here before.
I love all the lines stabbed at us English :D
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10.12.2009 - 03:52 | darkpice
nice review as always. god this movie was trash
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10.12.2009 - 04:04 | T5seconds
Ok the Cloverfield moments were funny as was were boob jokes keep it up ...
PS: If you ever lose that awesome accent I will stop watching...
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10.12.2009 - 04:01 | Evil Betty
Your little story-like shenanigans between the clips of the movie aren't all that interesting and only serve to make my attention wander. You really need to focus on one or the other or you'll lose your watchers.
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10.12.2009 - 09:28 | mexicanwaluigii disagree i find the clips more interesting then the movies cause the movies are garbage. and his clips are hilarious and random.
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10.12.2009 - 04:10 | Timeswordsman
That shiny bowling ball is full of dominoes.
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10.12.2009 - 05:56 | powermad9And the dominoes open up to reveal little dust mites that spit and bleed shiny orange acid.
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10.12.2009 - 20:16 | zimmaster4
LITTLE KNOWN FACT!:
The orange acid is actually the remains of Dr.Wilys first ever sneeze
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10.12.2009 - 04:11 | cheesoidpoo on eggs
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10.12.2009 - 04:19 | J.D. Griff
Worst movie youve reviewed? Hmm I would have to say Jaws the Revenge actually.
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10.12.2009 - 12:19 | The Mellow Filmmaker
He actually made this video before he made his Jaws the Revenge video.In fact Jaws the Revenge is actually his season. It's kind of confusing that the site decided to upload his videos in the most random of order.
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10.12.2009 - 04:27 | ----xXx----
I've never seen this film, and thanks to this, I never want to see it :0
The bit with the blackout and the ring-tailed lemur was a little random. A nice idea, but I'm not sure it worked...
However, overall, pretty amusing :D
Although I cant believe you passed up the opportunity to point out the 'Chinese' terrain they were biking around was very obviously filmed in Wales...
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10.12.2009 - 04:45 | The Cheap-Arse Film Critic.
This movie was doomed for a couple of reasons. Firstly, like you pointed out, the first movie wasn't that great to begin with, but mostly because, and I'm expecting to get flamed up the arse here...
... Lara Croft is just a BORING CHARACTER. I'm not knocking the games, I like them... well, I like the first three... but the fact is, they were good games because they were GOOD GAMES. The main sprite you were controlling contributed nothing to that fact whatsoever. You could have been controlling a suitcase, and they'd still have been good games.
And I know they've tried to flesh her out in the most recent installments, but in my opinion that's just made her worse. She's not boring anymore, now she's annoying.
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10.12.2009 - 09:33 | mexicanwaluigiuh yeah I think the original game designers designed her around her female body. 3d gaming was just starting to come into its own, you wanted fleshed out characters too? But exactly one of the reasons why movies based on games don't work, there isn't much to go on so the writers just make stuff up. I tend to enjoy them because they're just crappy, like street fighter and mario brothers. but yeah thats me. Cartoons are sometimes good tho, like sonic. (I liked both sat am and that other one.)
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04.19.2010 - 20:54 | rei dollI agree. Men are so caught up in Lara Croft's looks, that they forget the rest of the game. If they want to watch a naked woman leaping across platforms, they should rent some porn.
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lol! i was just waiting for you to call him rimmer and you did,brilliant as always and i'll see you at the next annual tea meeting.god its good to be british! :D
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10.12.2009 - 06:34 | Rimmer
>_>
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10.12.2009 - 04:48 | GrevenAwesome stuff :D
As a fellow european I can say that I love your British humor :D
Great job there Mike
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10.12.2009 - 05:13 | fattymaximus
Jesus Christ, you seem to be producing gold like this at an incredible rate. Keep it up.
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10.12.2009 - 05:17 | Chris P Bacon
This guy's a great video gatling gun!
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It's one of those flicks that is so bad no one really remembers it. The characterization was all over the place, the plot was one of the worst McGuffins ever and - worst of all - the action scenes made even less sense then those from Mission Impossible 2.
But it was all for the best. Lara Croft always was a rather bad Indiana Jones copy (remove personality and charm, add boobs). Sure the games were fun, but noone payed attention to the plot there as long as the puzzles were good and the scenery was nice. In the movies, scenery can only take you so far, and Angelina's boobs aren't really that spectacular to carry the whole movie. All in all, good riddance to bad rubbish.
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10.12.2009 - 06:07 | Suntiger
Cradle of life wasn't exactly a masterpiece, but I rather liked it. It was a good action flick with an ending that raised it beyond other mediocre action flicks thanks to Lara killing her love interest. (The producers wanted them to go off in the sunset together more or less. Jolie and Butler held out for the 'shoot him' ending though.)
I also think it flowed much better storywise than the first film, which admittedly doesn't say a lot, but it had some flaws as well. Most notably the terrible blue-light sequence before they get into the caves at the end.
However, the pointless action scenes were rather good and entertaining and, at least for me, expected.
Also, Lara's love interest was handled much better than in the first film, where he was a non-entity that barely registered.
They guy with her butler is her tech geek that builds a lot of her fancy gadgets btw.
Haven't played any of the games though, so that might explain why I like the sequel better than the first one, which I think was a lot worse. They shoehorned in so many nods to the games that the plot was chaotic and went all over the place. The only saving grace was that Jolie played the role of Lara very well.
The in between sequences were a bit distracting, but also quite funny. ;)
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10.12.2009 - 06:07 | Aardvark
Rimmer!... What a smeghead!
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10.12.2009 - 06:18 | Nephilim
Very funny as always Mike :)
One thing though. While probably not as effective as in the movie, punching a shark in the nose may deter them. Apparently they're very sensitive there. Some special organ or something that helps them navigate.
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10.12.2009 - 06:24 | masterowl
he's a goner
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I watched this one twice on the big screen before watching the first one. I liked it, LC in wetsuit rules,
+ the cave setting at the end was impressive, too...
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10.12.2009 - 06:31 | AdventChild
Really liked the Cloverfield moments along with the "underwater punch".
Yeesh, that movie was bad, good thing I only saw the 1st which was decent at best, but the sequel has needless and bad action scenes and a poor plot.
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10.12.2009 - 06:33 | Machalllewis
How long before you start releasing new stuff MikeJ? I mean stuff that you haven't already released on your blog? I mean its all really funny stuff and crucial to introduce to people who haven't seen it before but I was just wondering like.
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10.12.2009 - 06:33 | VossLoved the 2 Girls 1 Cup bits. You're really funny - keep the reviews coming!
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10.12.2009 - 06:37 | TheXell
Funny, this movie was on yesterday.
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10.12.2009 - 06:43 | Krav1novMy money's on the 87-foot ringtailed lemur.
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10.12.2009 - 06:43 | Ticklishsocks
Good thing your eyes always stuck on her breasts.
You lose your eyesight if you look into Angelina's face, you know?
(Awesome review)
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10.12.2009 - 06:44 | Freezbieyou review is too pervert.
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10.12.2009 - 09:35 | mexicanwaluigii think the guys that designed laura craft were perverted.
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10.12.2009 - 09:45 | SuperRoosterBlock
Actually, Lara Croft wasn't meant to have big jugs. One of the designers "accidently" inflated her bust size and they decided to keep it :P
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10.12.2009 - 06:56 | Zoahunderwater punnnnch! :D
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10.12.2009 - 06:58 | mwong04
Good luck Mike British people are awesome
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