Bad Movie Beatdown - xXx

(81 votes, average 4.67 out of 5)
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Comments (70)
  • JBrodah
    first comment
  • BaltoStephenWinter  - new time, new movie, still not Eragon
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    JBrodah:
    I baked you a cake... and then I ate it.
  • BaltoStephenWinter  - "The Naruto Abridged Comedy Fandub Spoof Series Sh
    avatar
    You were like the Sasuke's guinea pig Sasuke never had because Sasuke's brother killed him noooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo.
  • ladydiskette
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    *sighs* you know, seeing what lackluster movies Vin is doing now, kinda makes me wish he was back to doing over the top action movies like he used to.


    I will give the movie this, it gave Vin Diesel more diginity in this than it did for him in "The Pacifier".


    On the subject of the prostitue scene, I am courious how she was able to stay on that bedpost wiggling around like that on the smooth wood. Espically climbing up that high, poor lady could have slipped and broke her neck.

    Then Triple X would have no one to screw.
  • TheBechtloff
    avatar
    I remember when I first saw the promo poster in a magazine saying "Vin Diesel is XXX" I thought Diesel was going to be playing a porn star.

    When I see three Xs I think either porn on moonshine bottles in old cartoons.
  • fanime1
    avatar
    How you pronounced Jefe is so adorably wrong. XD. It's Spanish for Boss, and J's in Spanish are pronounced like H's. The rest of your pronunciation was fine. I remember when this movie was coming out. I did notice the extreme fad and didn't care for it. As such, I wasn't looking forward to this movie. I also didn't enjoy Fast and Furious, but my dad did. I tried explaining to him why movies like this are bad, but he still enjoys them. What I didn't know was that this movie was trying to "improve" James Bond. Yeah, they totally didn't work out. I sure hope the third movie stays a rumor. We honestly don't need another dumb action flick, especially now that we have smart ones like The Avengers and SkyFall. Anyway, your comments on the film are similar to what I would have thought if I watched the film. Are you considering reviewing the sequel as well?
  • WolfyD  - oh god...
    I was going to write a long rant about how f*cking annoying you are, when i realized i actually sat through this so... i guess I'm the stupid one.
    two things tho #1 i totally agree with the review
    #2 if you like your fans, doN't ever try to forced-laugh again... they will thank you
  • Wallydee
    Dear Mr Buck,

    I really like your reviews! both BMB and Projector.
    But please do us all a favour and please please please stop the fake laughing!
    Its honestly just as annoying as the Nostalgia Critics screaming!

    And on a side note there, Xander actually KICKED the guy and he didnt PUNCH him like you said when he was on the motorcycle.

    ''nobody does it better then James Bond''

    Ethan Hunt...
    Solid Snake :-P
  • ToruKun1
    avatar
    Solid Snake and James Bond are two totally different types of espionage agents, tho...
  • Brooklynmario@msn.com  - Ignore user above
    Obviously the user Wallydee does not get you nor the Nastalgia critics humor and that people like his screaming and your laughing!
  • Wallydee
    I get his humor and the critics humor as well.
    I honestly love it!

    Why would i not be getting their humour just by pointing something out i sometimes PERSONALLY find annoying......?

    Bad Movie Beatdown and Shameful Sequels are the main reason i keep coming back to this site.
  • Mr Tweetems
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    gotta love film brain, great review in my opinion
  • OptimismPrime
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    It's RamSTEIN, pronounced like Ben Stein. The Band is German, not stereotypically jewish.

    Also, multiple times when you say "Agent" it sounds like "Asian"....like "Secret Asian"
  • Lasius
    Especially since he could have learned how to pronounce "Rammstein" properly by just listening to the first line of their first song.

    I don't get why most English speakers think that their Great Vowel Shift applies to all languages everywhere.
  • vyleside
    I think it's because English has so many loan words that pronunciation is all over the place based on the origins of the words. If a word is of french origin, it's pronounced different to words of german origin or chinese origin, or nordic... It's a pain.

    If FB didn't know that they said their name in the first line of their first song, then the odds of him guessing that and listening to it are quite slim.

    I've always called them Ram-s-TINE but I have sometimes doubted myself because so many people pronounce it the jewish way, that it's not just FB making the mistake.
  • Lasius
    Jewish way? That's just the German surnames of the Ashkenazi Jews mispronounced so often that it stuck. Originally they were pronouced like Rammstein too. By the way, a st makes a "sht" sound in Standard German. So it is more like "Ramm-shtine", the a pronounced like the u in cup or nut.
  • ColeYote
    avatar
    One of the things that annoys me about this kind of movie is how the protagonist(s) are so often on an elite level at everything. I'm no expert on extreme sports (I like it, but don't follow that closely), but I'm pretty sure if you put Shaun White on a dirt bike he's not going to do very well with it.
  • Guild Navigator
    avatar
    This movie was one huge commercial for Sony products. 2002 was the peak year for all things extreme. After it you didn't saw as many videos nor as many videogames (except for fucking Tony Hawk before the series burned itself out).
  • True Grave
    Haha! Matt is usually hyper and long winded in his reviews, but this was probably the closest i've seen to him flipping out. Good points all around, he really tore this crappy movie a new one lol.

    Which is great. I always thought this movie was idiotic and cheesey. James Bond for the "X-treme" tweenage crowd?
  • Goatboy
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    Asia is pronounced as Italian Ah-zia, I used to have a massive crush on her and was the only reason I saw the film in the cinema when it came out.
  • ladydiskette
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    Isn't her father Dario Argento?


    I just wondered because the last name sounded familiar being a fan of his classic horror movies and all.
  • EonTheBlackGuy
    Gotta love how he pronounces El Jefe wrong. It's pronounced He-fay, not Jeff-fay.

    Otherwise, cool review of a guilty pleasure of mine.
  • Taboggon
    avatar
    Torque would also make a great candidate for Bad Movie Beatdown, hilarious movie.
  • bificommander
    I only saw the last bit of this movie, but I was laughing my ass of when they showed a heat seaking missile, winding through a narrow corridor without a missile lock to hit a smoking sigaret. That missile would've been ridiculous as a Bond gadget, but it's just supposed to be a weapon the police had lying around?

    Also, the fake avalanche still looks better than the fake Tsunami.
  • jaltesorensen
    avatar
    i always hated this movie..... it's just so stupid. but the sequel was so stupid that it became very funny. The sequel was a bit like ali g on crack.
  • tyroflion  - As a guy who LIVES in PRAGUE
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    I have to say xXx is one of the most hilarious movies ever shot in Prague. The best part being the submarine on Vltava. Why is it so hilarious that every single czech viewer rolled of his seat laughing hile he watched that scene? Cause in the 20th century there were several dams built on the river and the river bank was lifted to protect it from flooding. So if you ever come to Prague you'l notice that Vltava is deep enough for you to STAND in it! You can't even get a proper swim unless you know exactly where it is the deepest. So yeah. U dive in a submarine in a river that's 2 METRES DEEP!
    Apart from that, you won't see any rusian mafias or any other gys in baggy fur clothes in Prague. If you do, than it's mostly the tourists trying to "blend in" and looking like total morons.
    Also, we have NO MOUNTAINS ANYWHERE NEAR PRAGUE. You have to drive for more than an hour to get to a nearest mountain range.
    Furthermore. Czech highways and motorways are NOTORIOUS for being horrendously bad. Usually you can't drive much faster then 100 km per hour, unless you feel like destroying your tires under 5 minutes and possibly wrecking your car in the process. I don't know where they filmed the sequences, but it sure as hell wasn't in CZ.
    One thing that was portreyed at least half decent were some of te Prague clubs that do take advantage of the old architecture combining it with neons and creating quite a nice mix of style in the process. Also the cars used by czech police were actually cars that the police used. Like 15 years ago, but that's the time period when this piece of crap was shot, so they did get it right.

    Overall it's one of the worst portrayals of Czech Republic and Prague I've ever seen. and if I wasn't laughing so hard through whole movie, I'd be seriously pissed off.
    But hey, cultural stereotypes are great. So I know for sure that all Americans have to be young (cause you know - young country) and hunt indians every other Thursday. And American law is mostly a matter of who has a better tear-jerking soundtrack while preseting his case, not really about who is right, since one good nationalistic speech of freedom can win any court. Well I could continue by insulting the British but since Film Brain represents the epithome of all british stereotypes I won't. HOWEVER how come you haven't had a tea-party in Bad Movie Beatdown yet Mathew???
  • Carteeg_Struve
    avatar
    I remember when this came out, and right from the get-go it was an obvious Hollywood-Factory movie.

    In other words, shit.

    When the reviews came in, I noticed the wide range from some who jumped on the "It's a cool and rad film for dem youngsters, man!" to "Crap. Just to crap."

    So I rented it.

    It wasn't that long before I completely forgot everything that had happened in the movie and never looked at the "franchise" again.

    As an American, I wasn't insulted by "our version of Bond". Mainly that's because I had no hope for xXx to begin with.... and I'm surprised nobody tried to make a parody of this shit called "NC-17".
  • jesper  - Fantastic, a BMB that I don't agree with!
    I usually agree with your choices FB, but this was enjoyable because I do like this movie. It's a guilty pleasure of sorts. As for the Bond comparison, there are so many Bond movies that are catastrophically bad compared to this one -- Quantum of Solace, Die another day, The world is not enough and Moonraker just to name a few. Then there are Bond films that are a lot better, so I do agree that Bond is the better franchise (if you can even call xXx a franchise).

    I was also surprised at two statements.... Praag is not in Germany, and the time difference between Praag and the US is not 12 hours. As a non American, I expect you to not make those types of mistakes ;).

    Anyway, nitpicks aside (if you nitpick movies we can nitpick your reviews of them), keep up the good work. I enjoy both Projector and BMB a lot.
  • Film Brain
    avatar
    Where did I say Prague was in Germany? Edit: Ah, it's a reference to the GTO being found in Germany, which I did not say Prague was in. This something taken from the film's dialogue.

    The 12 hours line is based on the fact X says it upon his arrival.
  • JoeDawson15
    xXx is so bad it's good, it's harmless fun with Vin Diesal, i see nothing more or nothing less, Matthew. Can you review that terrible "Christmas" movie, Surviving Christmas with Ben Affleck??
  • Kurvos
    avatar
    With full respect for you, I just feel like sharing some criticism about your way of reviewing. Please don't get me wrong - you're an okay reviewer with some interesting points occassionally.
    But first of all, you never seem to relax or take a time to breath. You always talk in a frustrated and stressed way - and it makes it harder for the viewers... at least for me.
    Second... I've never understood this, but why are you always slowing down the last vocal of your sentences? You know, "like thiiii... -s"? I'm not trying to make fun of you - but when you talk like that, it's really distracting to me, and I lose focus from your review. Maybe you can not help it? I apologize in that case, but... you've never explained it as far as I know, so I don't really know.
    Third, it feels a bit annoying to see you try to force laughter in your videos. If you're going to laugh - do it natural... to see you try too hard to pretend to laugh is just annoying.
    Lastly, I just want to say... try not to nitpick so much. You really overall seem to have a hard time letting yourself just simply enjoy a movie. You can almost at time feel snooty and like you're "too good" to like a dumb action flick. Granted, same thing goes to all of those people whining about the Transformers movies and the Star Wars prequels, but anyway.

    Again, I mean no disrespect. I'm just sharing my constructive criticism on your reviews. I can enjoy watching your videos; but since I've now been thinking through what can make it hard for me personally sometimes to watch them, I felt like telling.

    Oh, and please don't call me out for loving the Star Wars prequels, by the way. I've already been writing my final words to all prequel haters over at DeviantArt: http://fav.me/d5jlrj5
  • TonySki
    That bit with the Corvette, it was a satire on Jack Thompson. The Florida lawyer that kept trying to get Mature rated games get stuck behind the counter or in the back room where the young children couldn't get to them and also threatened Penny-Arcade with a lawsuit when they made fun of him in a comic.
  • Moon Spirit
    avatar
    Man, the only thing I remember about this movie was that Vin Diesel is in this movie, after his big hit in Fast & Furious. This movie wasn't bad, but c'mon, it's Hollywood's attempt to try to make a spy that can appeal to the younger generation. But nope, I only feel "meh" for him because Bond is the ultimate spy.
  • Mulletmanalive  - Echos
    avatar
    Is anyone else hearing sections of this sounding like it's underwater? Maybe the reverb is just my speakers...
  • confusiongrows
    I wouldn't have said it sounds like it's underwater. Occasionally I can hear a bit of ringing at the top end that sounds like room echo but not heavy echoing. Mat often has a little of this on his videos but I usually don't notice it unless I'm listening on headphones and paying attention.

    I liked this review. I barely remember the film itself, I know I saw it on DVD but nothing in it is really memorable. I have clearer memories of the second, perhaps because it's just that much dumber.
  • Kaygeebee
    avatar
    It's a stupid action movie for guys, just like Twilight is a stupid satire for girls. Violence, explosions, cool tech, titties, cars, guns and one liners.
    It wasn't directed to be remembered in hundreds of years as cinema's crowning jewel but to make money and be entertaining for an hour or two. And it did just that. I was entertained and did remember some things from the movie. Rammstein's performance was awesome, Samuel L. Jackson was cool as always and the action scenes were pretty impressive.

    I think that you, Matthew, are taking this movie way too seriously and simply not getting that it doesn't even take itself seriously. Sometimes you don't want to watch a serious thinker's movie but just sit down, turn your brain off and have fun.
  • MoonBlade
    avatar
    I remember the stunt company coming through my town and getting help from my dad's company on their way to Sacramento. It was pretty cool to see, but it didn't save this movie. :/
  • jeshnyx
    avatar
    Oh my god Film Brain you just referred to Boom Boom Sabotage... Don't review it for your sake because I already have!
  • Eleanor
    I love you reviews, but you have missed the point of XXX (as most reviewers do). This movie wasn't about holding up its 2 fingers at bond, but to pay Homage to it. It was either Vin Desel, or the movie's director said this in a interview in (I think) Closer Magazine (English, not French). Also the CGI is bad, but then again, it was back then. they were tryig to copy WETA, as they were the most up to date CGI at them time.
    Also, I really love this movie, as I loved the fac t that I could turn my brain off for a while, and think about it too much. Sometimes I like watching movies like that, where I don't have to think and excape for a while.
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