Half Past Dead 2
Written by Film Brain Thursday, 04 August 2011 22:50
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Comments (52)
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08.04.2011 - 23:29 | Dawn_Heart
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I told to myself
"I'll never touch a post 2001 Steven Seagal film"
And thank God Film Brain filled me in on that role.
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08.04.2011 - 23:42 | Mythoclast
Was that Film Brain at the end of the Matrix Reloaded SS? I sure hope so! I really like your style.
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08.04.2011 - 23:48 | TheDogSannin
Wow, it has the production values of the "movies" the TGWTG crew make. And it was made by an actual movie company, and not a bunch of people in a suburban neighborhood.
That's sad.
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Ok I admit as a little kid when I saw Half PAst Dead I enjoyed some of the action scenes, but the "story" and all those bad-ass moments left with just one reaction: It's Segal he's like God ... booring. I actualy thought it was interesting when he died ... but no chance. And I saw it aired on TV, I didn't buy the DVD. Anyway the movie was bad, the action while entertaining to look at didn't have the finaly I expected (hell I was playing MK4 I saw this movie, all it took to ruin the single good thing I liked about the movie was turning on my PC and that happedned in about 5 min after the closing credits) and the story and charecters forgetable. With that said ... I just can't believe there is a sequel to that.
And what a sequel ... FB you said everything that needed to be said in this review ... I truly envy and respect you for beeing able to subject yoiurself to such abominations. With that said ... has there ever been a good sequel in the history of cinema? (SW & LotR movies not accepted since those where 1 story divided into several movies)
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Terminator 2, Aliens, Magnum Force, For A Few Dollars More, The Good The Bad and The Ugly, and Star Trek 2.
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08.05.2011 - 00:01 | neytari
ALONA TAL? *cries* Why can't she be in good movies? She's good on TV.
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08.05.2011 - 00:22 | donnabrutta
You should really do Death at a Funeral with Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock
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08.05.2011 - 01:22 | BooRat
I 2nd that! It fits your kind of reviews and there are pletty of jokes you can make of it!
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08.05.2011 - 00:31 | Supergamer81
sorry but i have to do this 7TH
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08.05.2011 - 01:10 | mehja13:09 You have two rescuebait females.
You want the blond, hurt daughter character to tie up the annoying, busty girlfriend character.
You use:
A) a flimsy, plastic, flexible infusion tube
B) metal handcuff that can easily obtained as you are in a prison
If you chose A) - Congratulations! You qualified to direct Half Past Dead 3!
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08.05.2011 - 01:24 | BooRatRescuebait was at least the tamist thing they could've done with thier characters as this is a prison movie!
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08.05.2011 - 01:20 | BooRatWow this movie was terrible! This is like if they made a Transformers sequal and the only origion characters were Skidz and Mudflap and Devastator's balls!
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08.05.2011 - 01:51 | OtakuKittenFor a moment during your opening I thought that this one might be the cross over with Shameful Sequels. I can't wait for that one!
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08.05.2011 - 03:16 | illpropaganda
Another arch I'm going to miss!
Thanks for all your hard work on these!
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08.05.2011 - 03:28 | Shinigami
First Half Past Dead was bad enough but this is even worse.
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08.05.2011 - 05:14 | Zerbrennendannrennen
What's Harry Potter doing there @ 4.10 minutes.
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08.05.2011 - 06:09 | KainGerchey, who has a bigger salary a warden's assistant or an assistant warden?
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08.05.2011 - 12:05 | Hardin
The assistant warden would be paid more...he's not a secretary (which is what the warden's assistant is). These are common terms in any office environment really.
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I think this movie shows even more of a problem with Hollywood even more so then just their BULLSHIT Copyright Laws,Editing scenes from the previous movie just so they don't have to pay the original actors, O_O REALLY!? THAT'S A NEW LOW,I couldn't even see the rest of the first review Film Brain did of Half Past Dead 1 due to how bad the movie was...BUT THIS IS A DISGRACE TO EVEN BAD MOVIES,especially the bad movies that rip off famous franchises at the time...hell EVEN TRANSMORPHERS HAD A DECENT BUDGET even though it sucked!
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08.05.2011 - 07:55 | BaronGrackleAh, straight-to-DVD. Of course, I actually enjoy "Return of Jafar" and "King of Thieves". But that's about it.
But that'd be fun to see if you ever do a crossover with Nostalgia Chick or such... a straight-to-DVD Disney sequel. Most of them are... uhh...
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08.05.2011 - 08:24 | Mucca
Well... at least Bill Goldberg can do his own fight scenes.
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08.05.2011 - 09:42 | alexthed
Dammit, Matthew, why did you have to remind me of Thing I Can't Remember?
Watching this reminds me of one of the shortcomings of Goldberg as an actor. As a wrestler, he really wasn't known for his promo work - like say The Rock - and it shows.
BTW, loved the Jim Ross impression.
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08.05.2011 - 10:45 | morphman86
Half Past Dead 2; Twice Past Dead!
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08.05.2011 - 11:30 | Mr. Fusion
i was happy knowing that half past dead 2 never existed, but now you tell me to ignore it? i'm sorry, but after seeing how horrible it really is how can i?
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08.05.2011 - 11:31 | Arppis
What? I loved the first movie. It was hilarious film! I laughed trough the whole damn thing!
This one seems bit boring thou.
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08.05.2011 - 12:05 | KamikazeKitten
...I have no words.
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08.05.2011 - 12:21 | KaedeoftheDamned
Anyone else notice Film Brain tends to repeat the "If you...you know you're..." joke? Verbal tic?
Thank god Seagal month is over, those movies were abysmal. I didn't even watch the last review, even with Film Brain's commentary. In fact, at this point Film Brain you seem utterly defeated by these horrendous films.
And urgh, Twitch's character in general. He doesn't even have a real name? He uses a treasure to buy himself a FAKE GOLD TOOTH when he had fine teeth before? And hell, with the way the prisoners act and the girlfriend is treated, this movie almost seems genuinely racist. At least the main character seems like a hulking monster oh wait no he's surprisingly completely innocent...it's just a movie I should really just relax ._.
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08.05.2011 - 13:38 | WhitestShadow
I have a suggestion, review the movie that you have a poster of on the door, I have seen it and it sucked.
plus, great review :)
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08.05.2011 - 16:25 | SlowkingYou know FB that window is probably bullet proof, so smashing it might be kinda hard...
Can't believe I said something in this movies favor... you know what it doesn't matter. Carry on destroying it.
Edit: Ah never mind. Stupid movie is too stupid to make glass, that seperates murderers from the audience, bullet or even punch proof.
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08.06.2011 - 00:45 | Jof12788
You know a movie is bad when even Steven Segal's ego rejects it. Everything wrong with this movie is what makes me avoid direct-to-DVD sequels. Also, I couldn't watch clips of those movies without having Goldberg's "You're Next!" catchphrase stuck in my head.
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08.06.2011 - 01:28 | CelestialEmpress
Wow, this movie just looks awful. Nice hat, though.
But man, you missed a perfect moment for a "huge tracts of land" reference with the girlfriend.
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08.06.2011 - 10:42 | TechnoStripe
Wow.. I seen flimsy ideas to make a sequel from but this pretty near takes the cake. I can only assume that the producers figured everyone forgot about the plot being wrapped up in the first movie... Either that or they didn't watch the movie in whole..either makes sense to me.
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08.06.2011 - 11:03 | WiiStation360
Judging by the clips I've seen in this review, this movie seems racist. The entire prison consists of Hispanics and Blacks, Goldberg is the only white person there and he's supposedly "innocent" as well as the main character.
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08.06.2011 - 11:58 | beatusbellum
You know a movie is bad if Steven Seagal is not in it. That's why I hated Aguirre, Un Chien Andalou and Nosferatu among others. The Dark Knight Rises will suck, because there's no Seagal.. I'm dead serious.
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BTW: Nice hat :)