For a guy who committed a train robbery that killed several Federal agents, he sure does seem nice. And why didn't he tell the agents where the money was when they caught him?
Half Past Dead
Written by Film Brain Thursday, 28 July 2011 22:39
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Comments (69)
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07.28.2011 - 22:48 | The_Phoenician
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I've got an idea. (Narator) Join Film Brain as he dives into some of the terrible movies that feature one of our favorite fantasy creature; the dragon.
Did you miss me?
I still challenge thee to review the disaster that is Eragon.
Think of it this way; no more Steven Segal. Instead you get a blond, pretty boy who can't act, a rushed story, repetitive action scenes, mostly terrible acting except for Jeremy Irons and Rachel Weis, and Johny Malchovich in possibly the worst performance he's ever done in his entire acting career.
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07.30.2011 - 22:21 | DangerasTMoh god i know i read the first book (not after that i grew out of it) buit still me not careing that much about eragon the movie still royally pissed me off
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10.20.2011 - 15:29 | ThatPersonintheSweaterSomeone can be nice and evil at the same time
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07.28.2011 - 23:09 | Jackass Mask
Call me crazy, but does anyone actually get executed for robbery? And with the people dying by what was an unintentional consequence of the means of robbery, that makes its 2nd degree murder, right? We only execute for 1st degree, right?
Please correct me if I'm wrong.
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07.29.2011 - 01:11 | Heisanevilgenius
They were treasury officers. Murder of a police officer is considered 1st degree even if it's not planned.
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07.29.2011 - 02:42 | Jackass MaskI still don't see that flying to well, especially for the death penalty.
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07.29.2011 - 09:25 | JetstreamGW
Actually I think that would be manslaughter, seeing as he didn't intend on derailing the train.
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07.29.2011 - 18:57 | Jackass MaskEven more reason why execution would be a bit much.
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07.28.2011 - 23:25 | SpeedyEric
I really need to see "Machete," but not before "Grindhouse."
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07.29.2011 - 01:01 | TheDogSannin
Ah yes, Half Past Dead 2, which proves that there are depths even Segal won't go.
But don't worry, because the Jewish man who played a satanic Father Christmas will go to those depths.
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07.29.2011 - 01:49 | mehja20:20 The bad ass prisoners are jumping down, wildly firing machine guns while crossing their passes in midair - that guy in the front would be a sieve and quite dead.
At least Seagal got something right:
Lie detectors are bullshit.
They can detect if you are nervous, not if you are lying.
A recent metastudy showed lie detectors get you the right results 50% of the time - flipping a coin is cheaper.
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07.29.2011 - 01:18 | Kooshmeister
Yay, another Seagal movie! I just wanna say, Matthew, your Seagal reviews are some of my favorites, as you do an excellent job of calling these atrocious movies out on all that they do wrong. Might I recommend Submerged for next year's Seagal Month?
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yesss more seagal month! you also have one of my favourite opening theme sequences ever. It gets stuck in my head right next to the cinemsnobs :P.... and ducktales :S thanks for another awesome review dude!
what was the name of the kurt russel movie where steven seagal dies in the first like 10 minutes of the movie falling out of a plane? i'm gonna hafta look that up and come back.. lol that scene alone makes the movie worth it.
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it was called executive decision! I paused before u said it :P just thought of it randomly watching the review lol my bad.. watching seagals acting just makes me want to see him fall out of a plane.. and this movie does that :D
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07.29.2011 - 01:27 | Forever_K1NG_
Shitty Movie.. Good Review
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07.29.2011 - 01:37 | justanotheronionhead
Segal's bad acting...it's tearing me apart....
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07.29.2011 - 03:00 | AndrewDPCBoth of my ear drums are screaming at once.
The acting...
The acting is taking me to pieces.
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07.29.2011 - 02:39 | Flaregun
In an early scene in the prison, you asked why the guards didn't pull out their guns to quell a disturbance. I'm not entirely sure, but I don't believe that prison guards who are on the floor mixing with the prisoners actually *have* guns. They just have nightsticks and radios, pretty much like a mall cop. The guns are kept locked away in armories and up in guard towers out of reach of the actual prisoners.
And I loved the shot where the guy was knocked back on his ass after firing that rocket launcher. Damm, that thing must have some recoil. No, wait, rocket launchers don't have *any* recoil at all.
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07.29.2011 - 06:23 | jdreyfuss
It's because of the Law of Inverse Recoil
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07.29.2011 - 03:19 | Kaiju-Z
Wait a moment. Wasn't the sequel with Bill Goldberg as the protagonist?
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07.29.2011 - 05:35 | txcforeverMathew if you don't review Belly of the Beast I will never forgive you :'(
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07.29.2011 - 05:47 | Film Brain
Spoony plans on re-visiting it, so I'm not touching it.
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07.29.2011 - 05:39 | Shinigami
I would love to see Matthew review Seagal movies before he started to use so much body doubles.
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07.29.2011 - 06:08 | DrMcCoy
Seeing Claudia Christian in this shit movie makes me sad :(.
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07.29.2011 - 06:19 | StripesZB
I like that scene with Twitch in the crashed helicopter. The little trickle of blood going out of his mouth looks so fake, it looks like they just smeared lipstick on his cheek.
Nice review, Matt, good job. :)
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07.29.2011 - 06:20 | jdreyfussI know this is nitpicking, but that's not how pardons work. Sentences can only be reduced or commuted by the Executive, not the Judiciary. And a Supreme Court justice couldn't just spring a prisoner on her own, even if the Court as a whole could.
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07.29.2011 - 06:24 | LevelUpLeo
God, the scene with Ja-Rule flying out the car... So much more like a parody of an action movie than a real one... Especially since he was perfectly fine! Really, that's the stuff you'd see in a Scary Movie spin off.
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07.29.2011 - 07:35 | Drake666
You know what, the only good Seagal movie I can remember are the Under Siege movies... and I think its the nostalgia goggle that are talking...
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07.29.2011 - 08:58 | Carteeg_Struve
It's not nostalgia. It's the memory of Tommy Lee Jones being bad-ass and single-handedly saving what was an otherwise dreadful film.
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07.29.2011 - 08:22 | EP.PixelsGod this movie was BORING. By the way, did they ever bring up that Segal was brought back from the dead again?
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07.29.2011 - 08:32 | Film BrainAfter the discussion in the helicopter, no.
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07.29.2011 - 09:04 | Arppis
This movie was amazing, me and my cousin couldn't stop laughing at it! It's one of those movies that are so good because they are so silly.
You should watch it with comment track. The director says how he loaned some of the prison shots from "his good friend" Michael Bay. :D
Awesome stuff. XD
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07.29.2011 - 09:49 | Cheshire Kitten
Anyone else think that the title sounds more like a half-assed zombie film than something set in a prison?
Anyway, nice review.
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07.29.2011 - 09:58 | alexthed
You know, I remember thinking it was unfair that Segal was played by a fatso like Will Sasso on MadTV, but these days I think Will Sasso is a little more slender.
BTW, when it comes to the title reveal, I liked it when it was in The Terminator - not so much here.
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07.29.2011 - 10:23 | KamikazeKitten
This film is so half arsed it makes me feel ill.
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07.29.2011 - 10:44 | IL Principe@FilmBrain: Actually, you can be clinically dead for quite some time, as long as measures such as CPR are taken, 22 minutes is nothing out of the ordinary.
But I agree that the movie is crap =)
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07.29.2011 - 10:45 | Mr. FowlTwo little nitpicks people have probably touched upon, but are stuck in my mind:
1. A rocket launcher can't knock you back that way. The jet of flame you usually see shooting out the back (which, oddly, I didn't seem to notice in that scene) counterbalances the recoil.
2. If a stun gun could be used as a defibrillator, it would kill you. It uses a high voltage, low current charge. It's not a matter of how many times you use it, it just won't work.
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07.29.2011 - 10:57 | Mr. Fusion
awe Seagal is all washed up and no where to go.
can i keep him as a pet or something?
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07.29.2011 - 11:43 | crowtr0botSay what you want about the elevator gun scene. Delayed reaction or not, that was pretty fun. And apparently the only fun thing about the film.
That said, how could you not make a Red vs. Blue joke given that Seagal saved a guard with a bullet wound to the chest with a taser? Sure, it's not CPR for a bullet wound to the head, but it reminded me of it.
As for the bullshit about the prisoner with the rocket launcher, there's still one important question you forgot to ask: Where the hell did the recoil come from? The open-ended tube design of a rocket launcher pretty much means that there's almost no recoil whatsoever. He should have barely even felt it take off!
That said, Seagal...Say what you want about Chuck Norris's politics and own relative egotism, he's pretty damn humble compared to Mr. I-don't-wanna-die! >:(
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07.29.2011 - 12:31 | Cassave
"Noooh, not the fat guy, he was my favourite, he had a big ass gun!"
Best "noooh!" line ever...
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07.29.2011 - 13:43 | BooRat
So the month is over but are you reviewing HPD2 next or something else?
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07.29.2011 - 13:43 | Mythoclast
Heh, the scene where Seagal learns where the gold is kinda reminded me of Shawshank Redemption actually.
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07.29.2011 - 21:45 | Moomoof
holy crap me too i was actually thinking he was going mention that but he didn't lol
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