awesome been waiting for this one knew it would show up here eventually

I gave up caring for this film when I heard it stars Steven Seagal and it's direct-to-video. BTW, most of the best kinds of DTV movies are animated.

Isn't "mercenary for justice" a bit of an oxymoron?

Not necessarily. Mercenaries are freelance, they don't HAVE to take a job if they don't want to. I imagine real-life mercs aren't too fussed about the moral ramifications when compared to how much they're getting paid, but I figure you have a few more high-minded guys out there who won't, say, kill women or kids. I'm aware that I'm talking out of my ass at this point since I don't know anything about mercenaries, I'm just tossing around possibilities. :P

Well, they say crime doesn't pay. Perhaps justice is a little more lucrative?

Why do I feel like Seagal was trying to speak Ebonics in some scenes, like when Dresher signaled the cop to come to his car?

I was wondering the same thing! I guess he was trying to update his lingo to stay hip or something XD he failed pretty hard.

"Black opps" is short for "black opppperations."

Or it could be "black opportunities"?

Wetwork's so much easier to spell, especially for an old idiot like me :)

Ow... ONly Arnold could get away with that "Explosive personality" bit = A =;

"Dirty Deeds Man"? Even if that's the unofficial nickname for whatever shadowy bit of the CIA he's from, that's some pretty silly shit.

6:18 XD I love how Seagal sounds Cajun all of the sudden.

Great point about the hyporocy but Segal is not that fat.

Great review Mat.

mmmmmm... Cheese. Yes Mat I am as baffuled as you are about this "movie" and what the frick is up with the orange Tank.

you say Seagal funny

Wow I'm surpriced you didn't use any Will Saso from MADTV as body double jokes!

Holy crap, Film Beard!

Maybe he can teach Linkara how have a beard without using marker.

Film Brain with a beard is going to take some getting used to.

Seriously how lazy is Segal when he cant even climb through a window without a body double? What a lazy jerk!

Thanks for pointing out the "Double Chin" shadows and camera angles. It was great fun seeing how consequently they used that.

The Frensh ambassador has the same music taste as Alex from Clockwork Orange - really deep political satire?

Or really lazy stereotyping?

Who is Seagwow. It's SeagALL

Douchey McNitpick strikes again!

Great vid FB.

And it's just too bad that Steven Segal thinks he's still an action hero. That time is over.

17:50 Ummmm...
I am fan of Star Wars and Audrey Hepburn too... and also huge collection of anime and most of Oancitizen's reviews movies.
Such random taste could be possible.

I, myself, like heavy metal and swing.

The fact that, in real life, one can read about the dealings between the CIA and Blackwater for various undisclosed activities of violent nature for free, makes this movie even more ridiculous

16:29

The quarterback is toaaaast! Sorry, couldn't resist.

19:18

Um...fingerprints?! What about the fingerprints?!

Are you, are you growing a beard? Got to say it's weird for me only cause I always think of you as young. I'm pretty sure you're just a couple years younger then me. But I could be wrong, you could be my age. (22 btw)

Ok, it looks like Stagal is moving much slower and such. But do you really need to lay the fatty jokes on thick, I'm somewhat insulted being a bit overweight myself. It's actually plenty possible to be fat and fast, it's stamina you have to worry about.

I think the fatty jokes were justified. Seagal is supposed to be a mercenary with exceptional fighting abilities and lighting fast speed according to that scene where he got out of the car and got in another to escape. Besides his weight, he is old, lazy and nonathletic so he is not believable in the role of an action hero. I'm sure Film Brain meant no disrespect to people who are overweight, his jokes were just directed at Seagal.

Before watching whole review I thought "how confusing can action movie be" but after watching whole review I don't think that any more.

Great job Film Brain.

Seagal month. This is not going to be fun. Great review, Matty!

There was actually a mistake at the beginning of the movie that was missed: CIA headquarters isn't in McClean, VA. It's in LANGLEY, VA. Kind of a big detail to screw up guys!

Also, on a semi-related side note: If you want a confusing movie, check out "Entrapment" That one definately deserves a beatdown.

Wanna ease up on the fat jokes? They're getting a bit malicious.

Steven Seagal in HUNGRY FOR JUSTICE, AND DELICIOUS PIE

Copied. Pasted. Saved

"He's Seagals best friend, his life expectation was in negative numbers!"

"What just made the building explode. Can you see why I'm so confused?!?" *lol*

Nice review again and also I watch the Seagal-flics because of all the bullshit you pointed out here (Shadow Chin [damn, that sounds like another seagal-movie], bodydouble-galore or the incomprehensable storyline), it's fun to see another one making the same smart ass remarks like we do in the cinecellar with the buddys. (And, oh boy, the "Seagal and his stund double are two different persons"-thing, very nice, that someone made the joke, that's one of the running gags while we watch these movies.)

And I'm not really thin, but I must say, yay, the Seagal-Fat-Jokes just come natural with the prepostures scenes he's in.

By the way:
Best (and most action packed!!!) excample, the brilliantly trashy "BELLY OF THE BEAST". Go check this movie out, if not for a review, then just for a funny evening with the friends. It's that awesomly campy! And has Wire-Fu, kung-fu transvestites, Seagal staring on boob-massages, bullet- (or more precicly "arrow"-)time scenes and evil wizards!

One fun fact: If you "want" to see a Seagal-Movie where he has his most "range", check out "Pistol Whipped" (here in germany retitled as "Deathly Weapon" *lol*), where the Seagull plays with his little grandchild (or was it kid?), a little girl and has the ability too look like a friendly grandpa WITH A SMILEY ON HIS FACE. Quite astonishing after 20 or so movies!

P.S.: Hooray for the Voice-Double-Running-Gag at the end!

Matt has to review this, its so terrible.

EVIL WIZARDS AND SEGAL!

Its a must.

That last Body Double, #5 looked nothing like Seagal Body type and moved very differently. If fact, it looked like a woman! And she had a ponytail, even though Seagal doesn't sport a ponytail in this movie.They weren't even trying!

There were only three people at his friend's funeral? Must've been some guy.

Mat: "CREDITS PLEASE!"

LMAO

Normally I find your reviews terribly funny, but this one made my girlfriend want to cry from all the fat jokes... the fact of the matter is he might be overweight for an action star, but compared to quite a few reviewers on this site he isn't all that big. A FEW choice snarks are fine, but it seemed your whole review was underscored with fat jokes.

I'm a slightly pudgy guy but I'm not all that offended by the fat jokes. The point is Seagal is supposed to be an action star and it's apparent he is not in shape to do the action, thus has a bad double do some of the work for him.

Besides, a real "action star" would make sure he's in good enough shape to continue starring in action movies. Steven doesn't do that. He doesn't even get a personal trainer! Lazy.