This movie sucks but glad to see you finally put steven up on the chopping block alot of his newer movies really deserve it. Btw loved your acting in the new suburban knights special was awesome:P

Beyond Awesome Review. Glad to see a new review up. Can't wait to see what's happens in Suburban Knights. Also can't wait until you do Half Past Dead, horribly bad movie

How dare you insult Steven Seagal! Don't you know that he claimed to invent the front kick to the head?! :)

he also claimed to invent the Crane Kick that Machida used to send Couture into retirement which is actually pretty bad ass but yeah seagulls a bit of a poser...fun b-mo vie action star though

and also the Anderson silva front kick to belfort

Thank god Franchise Pictures isn't around anymore. I wonder what would happend if they were still around and helped produce the Transformers Trilogy (Note: I love those films).

6:28- That was a nice American acsent, Matthew.

J3$u$. Seagal is such a lazy @$$.

Nicely done with the "Bruce Almighty" joke.

Brad Jones' voice is so awesome.

14:44- Shouldn't *** --- *** mean SOS, aka "Help me?"

17:24- I REALLY don't think she should be laying against that painting of naked women.

I've actually saw the ending fight of this film.

"Shouldn't *** --- *** mean SOS, aka "Help me?"

Not when it's spelled with cocktail entrées.

You've made your point. =)

I loved how surprise you were Brad dubbed you randomly.

*warning the first part of the following comment does not have to do with Film brain or anything related to him* I AM SICK OF THAT STUPID BIMBO PLAYING HER PIANO FOR YOUTUBE PHONE COMMERCIAL........on to the review. Segal Month huh???well that shouldn't be too hard, has he made anything good?

Calling a girl who looks to be about twelve a "stupid bimbo"... that's classy.

Under Siege. Some of his 80's stuff was OK.

Mozilla Firefox adblocker.

EEE-GAD! I have only seen 4 of Seagal's DTV movies and THIS ONE has to be the worst. Into the Sun was OKAY, Against the Dark COULD have been good, Black Hawk or whatever it was called was lame and Belly of the Beast, the video Spoony reviewed was lame too, short of seeing Kevork Malekiyan.

Please review King of the Ants

I second that! It's an Asylum film, I believe... I watched it one evening before I knew Asylum's reputation was. That had to be one of the worst evenings of my life, though that was probably due more to all the dead kittens outside my dorm than to the movie. Nevertheless, King of the Ants certainly didn't improve things.

So many dead kittens, their furry little paws sticking up in the air... I couldn't save them...

The reason why I want him to review it, is because I want to see what he thinks about it, because the asylum says this their best film they made.

Excellent collab with Brad there. You two do such good work together.

You'll have a long month ahead of you Flim Brain so you should prepare accordingly. Hopefully you won't suffer too badly.

If Pushing up roses were here, I think she would say "You're out of reach, I'm out of time..."

But Mathew will be out of his head at the end of this month.

brilliant work. i know steven was getting slower, but i had no idea had had given up action scenes almost entirely. truthfully, i havent seen a seagal movie since exit wounds. lucky me, eh?

I laughed pretty hard at the clip from To Catch A Predator, since I saw this on Twitter:

@FB_MBM: The day I put a To Catch A Predator reference in a video and then this happens. Oh, the irony. http: //t.co/c4Rkz6R

I like how people who fall out of windows always land on top of cars.

Franchise pictures also created Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. You might want to review that abomination.

The Distressed Watcher already covered that one, if you're interested.

Yeah, but no one cares about that asshole. So it's more than fair to just pretend that review doesn't exist.

No one cares about your personal gripe. If you don't like him, that's your issue but don't act like the authority on all our opinions, makes you seem sanctimonious.

Oh god, Film Brains American accent at around 6:23 cracked me up! Awesome!

Oh yeah! new Film Brain! Steven Segal is classic cheese, waay to creepy with the BFF stuff tho, lol.But I did enjoy him in Machete

nice Brad Jones overdub too!

The bad guys own the brothel - but Seagal knows the secret passage ways better than any of the trafficers?
How? Is he such a regular visitor that he knows the place inside out?


Also: you write buttloads of letters but never included a photo?
I guess they have no cameras in Poland so she could never send him one and he didn't send a photo so she would not feel bad about living in backward country without cameras.

Considering that during my time in high school I had questions like:

"Do you still have a Kaiser?"
"Do you have refriguators in Germany?"
"Isn't it hard for you to cross the street when you guys always drive on the wrong side where you come from?"

- believing that there are no cameras in Poland seems like a valid explanation.

I'm from Poland. I was once asked (by a Brit) do we have TV there. My answer was "No we don't. We used to have but the polar bears ate all the anntenas"

LOOOOL!
I wish I would have been so witty in high school :)

On Deadly Ground is one of my favorite reviews of yours. You say it was actually one of your first? Man, it's taken you *way* to long to get back to him.

I couldn't help but notice that To Catch A Predator was included in the list of films that provided clips for this ep. You know, the one that ends with the claim that these videos "are found in good video stores"? Really? They sell DVDs of Shows about American pedophiles being humiliated on American television in British video stores? Don't you guys have your own pedophiles you could be harassing? I mean, half the fun of watching that show is the possibility that the creepy guy you see every morning down at the Dunkin' Donuts might turn up on it. Or are your perves just not stupid enough to get caught and then immediately sit down & talk about it right on camera with the guy who caught them like ours do?

(Somehow I doubt it. More likely, the actual clip is just something you got off Youtube, and the "Available in fine video stores" thing is just a cruel lie you stick on at the end of any "clips used" list whether they're available there or not.)

I was thinking and hoping you'd do a Seagal Month as some kind of annual tradition of bashing the worst of famous action stars with minimal acting talent. Here's to Van Damme or Norris Month!

And Flaregun? [i]Really[/i] hope you were kidding around there.

Maybe they should change the name of 'Taken' to 'Improved'?

You haven't seen a bad DTV Seagal movie until you've seen Attack Force.

Poland is in Central Europe and you constantly misspronounce Irena's name - Segal is pronouncing it right at one point but then it's wrong again. Siiiiiiiiiiiigh. And why the computer interface at the police station is in English, even if it's in POLAND?!?!

The beginning is just creepy, I expected this to be a creepy film about forbidden love, that would have been much more entertaining. The dubbing and body doubles are just lolworthy.

Very entertaining review of a very boring film.

Taken was a pretty cool movie

I agree, and besides, it had an action star who didn't act like a total moron throughout.
This movie, on the other hand...

As great a review as Ive come to expect from you. Im so pleased to see you are attacking Segal this month, as Ive had issues with a lot of his films through his whole carrer, not just the direct to video ones on the tail end of it. He's just rarely come off as believeable in his roles, and his action usually seems forced, or melded around his martial arts training, rather then letting it flow from the plot. Even Van Damme let a large majority of the action scenes (not all, but more then half) in his movies be plot driven, in both context and content - even in his prime (tho Kickboxer and Bloodsport are two arguements there, tho I say they were plot driven). And JCVD is a TERRIBLE actor. Segal's limitations as an action 'star' are just more glaring because movies have to work harder these days to fit around what he can do. It was easier to cover up a bit earlier in his carrer.

Cant wait to see how you tear apart the next one.

BTW, I want to credit you for giving me the hardest laugh Ive had at Suburban Knights so far. When you had that scene in the first episode with Luke, "Thats as British as being Turkish you tit!" - Im Canadian, and I have a hard time even thinking about that without laughing out loud. The whole of TGWTG has done an awesome job on that. 2 Eps to go, and its leaps and bounds better then anything you review on BMB, or heck, ANYTHING Obscurus Lupa or Cinema Snob does as well.

If it was a theatrical release I could easily say it would be the best high-fantasy movie released in years. Certainly the best Ive seen since the last LOTR. Grats.

I haven't seen a Seagal picture since I was a young boy, I am glad to see he still has that special magic going for him.

Gonna cach up with his newer work!

Thanks Film Brain.

Steven Segal? Easy pick. I watch his movies as a guilty pleasure. I even got one on DVD and never watched it! ...odd...

You forgot to mention that the sushi doesn't spell 'this is a trap' but ...---... S O S: Save Our Souls. Anyone knows that. Right?

I'm surprised it took around 20 minutes for the video to have a "Taken" Joke in it.

Godammit I love the Kung Tai Ted theme