What a horrid, horrid film. THANK YOU for giving it the verbal slaughter it deserved!
The Unborn (2009)
Written by Film Brain Thursday, 24 March 2011 18:41
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Comments (153)
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I wish Eragon and The Last Airbender movie were Unborn.
(Stares at Film Brain) Eragon wants to be reviewed now.
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03.25.2011 - 21:26 | SickBritKid
I agree. The Last Airbender's been reviewed by others on the site, but I'd love to see Matt take a whack at it.
Eragon, too! And I'm a fan of the book series!
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03.28.2011 - 17:59 | Byzantine19I agree. Eragon would be good cannon fodder for a bad movie beatdown. It is not the worst movie ever, but definitely bad enough to not warrant any sequals, which does say something.
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09.26.2011 - 01:15 | Orial1987
considering how badly they screw it up from the books....it deserves it. X3
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03.25.2011 - 12:11 | montanker
Am I the only one that thought her mom in the dream looked like a Left 4 Dead Spitter?
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03.26.2011 - 14:50 | ladydiskette
Great job on the review Film Brain and your theme song rocks :D (well, I know its not YOUR theme song but I like the song you play during thier opening intro its awesome!)
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03.25.2011 - 01:39 | YetAnotherGeekOther Troll 3.
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03.24.2011 - 21:40 | Seiryu64
Is she?
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03.24.2011 - 21:47 | SpeedyEric
I know. She was in "Cloverfield," for God sake.
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03.24.2011 - 21:07 | Foobeh
That dog in the mask creeps me out for no particular reason.
However, nothing else in the movie even comes close.
Nice Ghostbusters shirt, by the way.
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03.24.2011 - 21:11 | PC
Wait wait, what the heck happened to that little kid Matty or whatever his name was? I mean, didn't he kill his little sister and survive being hit by a car? Aren't they gonna do something about that?
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03.24.2011 - 21:39 | LevelUpLeo
I just posted like a list of 20 questions, and I can't believe he wasn't on it... Why wasn't HE the subject of the exorcism? I don't get why the woman was being exorcised when everyone ELSE had the demon inside them...
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03.25.2011 - 13:29 | No oneAlso, the kid who plays him is now on a comedy show. Just throwing that out there.
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03.25.2011 - 16:13 | FoobehYeah, the kid plays Brick on the Middle.
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03.26.2011 - 00:59 | SkullCap
The Cook Book for the Crappy Horror film
6:40
Once film has hit rock bottom add 1X dead baby to your film if you want to break through the granite floor of failure to dig even deeper.
7:50
Add 1X Unlikable, disrespectful bitch of a friend (preferably a sassy black girl, to fill-up that token niche).
10:05
A liberal serving of Nazi experimentation
Let cook in the oven for about an hour and a half and BOOM! A horror film flop, cooked to a golden-brown pretentiousness.
Jumby sounds like a creation by Art Clokey. Goyer, that kind of name doesn't strike fear into the hearts of the audience. Neither will turning the boy into an obvious blend of Damien and pale asian kid from the Grudge (y'know the one that meowed).
On a more personal note, when a killer hurts a child in a movie. I no longer have fear, just pure hatred towards the killer. Thank you Goyer that baby's death was vital to your piss soaked story.
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03.24.2011 - 21:15 | SnorlaxShamen
I found none of these jump scares frightening at all in fact I the whole mother moment kinda just made me admire the effects put into this shit. You should really check out Quarantine a movie that isn't scary but makes zombies sound legitimate.
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03.25.2011 - 06:10 | mrskippy
...Except that they aren't zombies, they have super rabies. And Phelous already did it.
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03.26.2011 - 02:26 | Redd
And it's a pretty shitty remake of a not so bad spanish horror flick REC,(which is short for record, by the way, so please people stop spelling the letters when you pronounce it, it's not an acronym). And yes, Phelous already destroyed it. So why recomend it?
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03.24.2011 - 21:19 | Vee
Is it bad that despite this, I still want to give this movie a shot? Not that I expect it to be very good--the characterization is shit, the plot-line overdone, and incorporating the Nazis is just...I'm torn between being content they referenced actual experiments the Nazis conducted, and being horrified that they used that for their frikken plot.
Yet from the clips that you've shown, some of the movie actually looks pretty okay. The jump scares themselves seem repetitive and dull, but some of them look legitimately creepy, and I'd love to see if there were any other good ones.
Overall, nice review, always good to see something new from you. :)
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03.24.2011 - 21:19 | warriorwhacko
Love how the close up of the contact lens in the leading lady's eye showed obvious red eye irritation to it. Also, babies are fascinated with their reflections and will certainly not die when they see them before the age of 1. This is just plain stupid. I guess the writer of this thing had no kids or were ever exposed to them in any real way, or he would've known this already. My son was constantly looking in mirrors as a baby and is now 6 yrs. old. Thank you for beating down another cinematic abomination once again. (JUMP SCARE with Symbolism1111!!!Twins!!!)
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03.24.2011 - 22:13 | Rurik
Actually, that's based on a real superstition, if a baby looks into a mirror before their first birthday while their soul is still undeveloped it will cause them to become a stutterer. Not difficult to see why one would exchange stuttering for death, this is a horror movie after all, developing a stutter isn't all that scary.
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03.25.2011 - 04:40 | Lucia32Its a superstition that has been repeated in numerous cultures (the first record of it coming from Mesopotamia circa 3200 BC)
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03.25.2011 - 09:44 | warriorwhackoWow. My bad. Didn't know about that particular superstition. I'll have to add it to the long list that I got exposed to while I was pregnant. Back then I had a whole lot of people tell me I had to get rid of my cats because they would steal my baby's breath away or smother him. Turns out that cats don't want to have anything to do with a small noisemaker that moves erratically. Like a lot of superstitions, it still has no basis in reality. Thanks for the info, but it still can't help this film make any more sense to me. Next time moviemakers, try some character development, less Nazis, a better story, and no more jump scares. Ah, but what would I know? I can't understand your SYMBOLISM111!!!
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03.25.2011 - 11:45 | RurikThis is true, still I have to give them props for knowing some relatively obscure superstitions, too bad that's about the only thing I can give them props for apart from the rare scene that's actually well done and would have been better used in a movie where I actually cared if the characters lived.
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Cats carry a certain parasite that leaves it's eggs in the cat's poop. Pregnant women if exposed to this parasite by cleaning out the cat litter can suffer miscarriages even death.
So pregnant women need to avoid contact with cat litter even breathing near it in can infect you with the parasite. Most people when not pregnant or don't have a comprimised immune system either kill off the parasite or keep it's number down.
The parasite btw has an interesting number of effects. In rats and mice it makes the rat or mice unafraid of cats ,in fact some say it makes tha rat or mice sexually attracted to the cat. This because the parasite uses not only cats but mice/rats as parts of it's lifecyle.
FYI cats don't steal life or breath in all cultures. They can actually bring back the dead in Japanese culture. Which is bad apparently because the dead being brought to life back apparently are something evil.
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04.19.2011 - 20:02 | Sheranda
I thought some people believed that cats steal the breath from babies because the cat is jealous of the new arrival. I also heard another reason which is that a baby's breath smells like milk.
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03.24.2011 - 21:21 | rogueofmv
I am sad to have the dishonor of actually having seen this one in theaters. Which only makes me love this send-up of the film even more.
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03.24.2011 - 21:29 | MrTpug
Ok seriously...all people saying Jumby and not One Jambi the Genie clip? For shame
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03.24.2011 - 21:33 | VoiceAgainstPropaganda
You should keep a counter nearby every time a cliche/jump scare/unfunny joke/symbolism happens.
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03.24.2011 - 21:33 | Isaac232
The Unborn...The Unborn...you'd think with a name like that it would have some good in it. So why the need for Nazis? Um...it's the source of all zombies?
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03.24.2011 - 21:35 | LevelUpLeoA spirit wants to be born, so it goes on a killing spree? How does that make sense? If it just needs a body, why doesn't it just posses one and work with it? Plus, what happens after its born? Is it still evil, or is it at peace and will be kind? If it's the second case, why not just give birth to it and get it over with; surely child birth is better then DEATH, and put it for adoption if you don't want to raise it. Why did the spirit look like a kid; shouldn't it be either a fetus or main protagonist (I suck with names) age? If it had to do with the Holocaust thing, then where did the first spirit come from (you may have explained it, but I didn't understand). Also, did anyone explain how that something that was never born can die and have a spirit? Sounds like pro-life propaganda to me... Finally, is she figured the baby was possessed and evil 9and would stay that) why wouldn't she just get an abortion at the end?
Cue Val Kilmer as Batman saying "It just raises too many questions"
This just looked terrible when it was in theaters; seemed like a rip off mix of the Grudge and the Omen made by something like the Asylum. But I have to admit, seeing a Rabbi scream at a dog with an upside down head is hilarious and reminds me of when Sim characters scream at fire. You shit your pants and run like a normal person Mr. Rabbi.
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03.28.2011 - 23:07 | SerenityMoonstone
My question is why kill the baby sister if not to possess her body and grow up as her. To me, that would only make sense even if you are gender swapped.
There is a lot of ethical debate on when a baby has it's soul. Since this is something science can't prove, it's always going to be a debate unless one of the goddesses or gods wants to come down and tell everyone.
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i almost said 'hey, i liked that movie' but then i realized i was thinking of 'The Invisible' and i never saw I know who killed me lol
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Poor Spuds McKenzie... :-/
Seriously though, that dog is one of the only things I remember about this shit-stain aside from the obvious objectification of the lead.
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03.24.2011 - 21:45 | ChaosLord
Unborn...hm...how about we uncreate this movie ? Oh and Mr. Bay as well.
Can you unzombie a unborn undead ? thats starting to be unpossible...
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03.24.2011 - 21:45 | SpeedyEricI'm one of those people who likes "Blade: Trinity."
5:00- I doubt that. He didn't say "You're gay."
It's films like this that prevent me from seeing films involving religion.
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03.25.2011 - 04:28 | Lucia32Huh? What about The Exorcist? Rosemary's Baby? the Omen? Most every Dracula movie ever?
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03.25.2011 - 11:18 | SpeedyEricI ment films that take religion to the extremely rediculus. Also, I haven't seen The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, or The Omen yet. Sorry, Lucia. =S
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03.28.2011 - 23:09 | SerenityMoonstoneIsn't the omen the one with that creepy kid? If so, watch the old one, I've only seen a scene of the old one and all of the new one and the new one was putting me asleep...did someone review it yet?
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I don't watch movies that over-dramatize and stretch out the act of expelling a demon. I've read about exorcisms in the Bible, and they're actually pretty simple. The exorcist says something like, "In the name of Christ, I command you to leave this body." That's it! No candles. No incantations. No symbols. No reading passages from the Bible. No holy water. Maybe a short exchange of words between the exorcist and the demon beforehand. I guess that's how he makes sure he's really dealing with a demon.
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03.24.2011 - 21:47 | themrginger
Oh man am I really supposed to be afraid of the kid from "The Middle". Come on it looks like he'll pull a book out of no where and start reading it.
Oh well good review man. I hope you realize you opened up a whole new can of bees by mentioning "I know who killed me". Make the review man, DO IT!
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03.24.2011 - 22:09 | Leonca
I never saw this thing, but it looked like they wasted what could have been a cool concept with a different cultural flavor than most of the stuff being made these days. Should have had more possessed people and demon dogs, that looked pretty creepy.
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03.24.2011 - 22:19 | brick mooncode
It's oddly appropriate that Michael Bay produced this, because it's like the Michael Bay version of a horror film. The story and characters barely matter at all, there are way too many set pieces that try way too hard, the camera ogles the hot female lead without shame, borrowed cultural elements are used constantly and without any sense (not even for Auschwitz!), and somehow there's even a wisecracking buffoonish black supporting character. Also, weird Dexter reunion (Masuka and Dexter's dad).
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03.24.2011 - 23:31 | TragicGuineaPig
A blue glove? You know what that means:
RIVER TAM: "Two by two, hands of blue! Two by two, hands of blue!"
Waitaminute Waitaminute! I know whose glove that is!
"Cause this is THRILLEEEER!
THRILLER NIIGGGHHHHT!!"
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03.24.2011 - 22:23 | Hardin
Ah yet another fine example of a film spawned by nothing more than the desire for financial gain.
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03.25.2011 - 00:28 | TroodonEr, duh. All films released for any amount of money are produced for exactly this reason. Maybe it's not always the only reason, but it's usually the primary one. What's your point exactly?
I don't care if a movie is made merely because the studio wants my money... as long as it's worth my money.
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03.25.2011 - 11:25 | TragicGuineaPigJust this: that the best art is made by those who love their art. The best musicians tend to be those who most love music. It stands to reason, then, that the best movies would be those written, produced, directed, and acted by those who love their professions and film-making in general.
All crafts are there to generate money - to earn a living for those who practice them. But the difference is how much they love what they do.
Of course, these are only generalized tendencies. It's not universal. There are plenty of examples of people who loved their craft, but executed it in very goofy ways.
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03.24.2011 - 22:54 | rockybalboa211
NOOOOOOO!!
Awful child actor from that stupid horrible show that Scrubs Janitor is in!! Why Scrubs Janitor Why??
4:38 - What the heck? Is that an actual old wives tale??
7:25 - I agree, it would be the equivalent of naming a child Gumby lol! :D
8:18 - I volunteer with old people, and I hope that stupid girl dies horribly.
10:44 - Well at least they got the "jewish people don't believe in hell" part right.
12:12 - My latin professor is an 84 year old priest. If I asked him to translate a latin text of similar size, he would cuss me out! :D
Jew Wario makes an excellent cultural consultant!
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03.24.2011 - 22:52 | SerenityMoonstoneNah, I thought it was going to be another rule of 3 and it was going to be the boy completely.
My guess is since he's a rabi, he can command stuff and it'll be done. I'm more thinking, my, how pointless.
PAZUZU!!
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03.24.2011 - 23:04 | TheDued92
The Uninteresting.
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03.24.2011 - 23:08 | rei dollI actually rented this movie. I thought it was okay for the piece of shit it is. It's by no means memorable, but I did get a little scared when I saw the jump scares that took place in the mental hospital.
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03.28.2011 - 23:01 | SerenityMoonstoneBut that just blatantly rips off the ring.
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04.19.2011 - 20:27 | SherandaOkay. I'll say it:
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!
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I can't exactly speak for Jews, considering my knowledge of the Sabbath is more Christian than Jewish. From what I remember in Seminary, though, it seems that there are a long list of things you can and cannot do on the Sabbath in Jewish tradition. I seem to remember the Jews of the time getting into an uproar because Christ performed a miracle on the Sabbath, the day of rest. So it would seem that a Jewish exorcism is either exempt from that rest because it is a religious ritual, but a case can be made for it being work. It depends on how orthodox the Jew in question would be. At least, that's just my opinion based on what little I know. Considering I had never heard of Jewish exorcisms, I guess it can be said I don't know very much. :)
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03.25.2011 - 07:36 | ender1200
I do belive that Dibuk exorcisem is not premitted to be conducted during sabbeth becouse it is not considered an imidietly life thretening condition.
From a littel google serch i manneged to find a date of an exorcisem that was held in bnei brak in october 6 2010 wich was wednesday.
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03.24.2011 - 23:21 | Shinigami
Michael Bay should not produce or be involved with horror movies becouse when he does result is shit like Unborn.
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04.19.2011 - 20:32 | SherandaWell, Shinigami, what is Transformers 2 a result of? Maybe he shouldn't deal with toy franchises either? Maybe he shouldn't do sequels?
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03.24.2011 - 23:28 | ChaosLord9
Gasp! James Remar? Nooooo! At least he made it. Also, C.S. Lee? What are you doing here? Kind of funny to see these two actors together in such a crap flick after watching Dexter...
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03.24.2011 - 23:41 | LikaLaruku
Seen this & found it forgettable; like 90% of the stuff on Fear.com On Demand.
Is there a law that all women in post Y2K horror movies HAVE to be annoying turds?
Jombie? As in "Mekka lekka hai, mekka hiney ho?"
Oh yeah, heterochromia is totally caused by being a twin.
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