10,000 B.C.

(303 votes, average 4.71 out of 5)
Comments (258)
  • Damonashu
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    Oh hey, Film Brain is left-handed, awesome.

    I recall my friend talking about this movie when it first came out, she said that everyone in the theatre was laughing. Having only seen commercials, because I never have the money for movies I had no idea why. That was until I watched it when came to cable. It was bad, but I do remember laughing at the guy telling the tiger not to eat him.
  • Gethenian
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    "Oh hey, Film Brain is left-handed, awesome."

    I love that this is the first comment. Because that was exactly what I noticed, too. XD
  • PLA
    Yeah, that was a good scene.
  • Opera Guy  - My experiences
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    I have to admit, when I saw the telescope, I felt really freaking dumbstruck and angry. It is truly amazing they expect us to believe telescopes existed in 10000 BC.

    I do like the Patriot and Independence Day.

    I have talked to Jason Issacs from the Patriot during filming of a TV show I was on.
  • Dreadwing
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    I liked the Patriot too, though I did think they went quite a bit too far demonizing the British. Sure, maybe some were like that but nowhere near as many as what the movie portrayed. However, it's still a great story otherwise.
  • Squeejee
    The one that pissed me off the most was the fact that they had corn. In Africa. A mesoamerican plant.

    The Patriot is good, though - there were a couple British guys in that movie who were cool, seriously!
  • hannibalbrown
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    In an episode of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris just stares at a wolf and Cherokee music plays with pics of the moon flying by, and the wolf runs away cheesy yet awesome. The tiger scene reminds me of that bit too much lol.
    Awesome review FB I wish you would review Angels & Demons ;)
  • Ela
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    I enjoy noticing left-handed people too.

    http:// lefthand.wikia.com/wiki/ Famous_left_handers

    They left out Ron Perlman there. I noticed that in "Beauty and the Beast" when Vincent wrote in his diary.

    Harpo Marx was also left handed, but due to that being something "bad" during his time, he was taught to write with his right hand.
  • Victor Clark
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    This was one of the only movies I ever walked out on in the theater, and I'm still glad I did! Great job, Film Brain!
  • Vismutti
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    Oh god, I wish I had too... I shudder when I think of wasting my time on this shit. Even though it wasn't even that long. IT FELT LONGER, I SWEAR.
  • EliteKitty  - Cool!
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    Hey! I'm in the top three comments! Anyway, love your videos, short time fan. Love the accent. (A petal of my rose drifts to the floor as the wind outside blows) SYMBOLISM!!!! GENIUS!!! I LOVED the Equilibrium review.
  • Fanofyou
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    am i in a minority if i say i liked "The Day After Tomorrow"?

    also it not where they are its when. Their in 10,000 B.C!
  • ThatGeekWithTheTemper
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    Yes. It was contrived, something of an idiot plot, the political allegory was irritating and the 'littlest cancer patient' hackneyed, but that's all I'll say.

    (For instance: Why didn't they burn the furniture?)
  • USSManhattan
    No worries, I liked TDAT too... for what it was (brainless CGI/popcorn fun).
  • dennett316
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    Nope, I liked that, Godzilla and Independence Day. Dumb and flashy, but very fun movies. 10,000 BC though looks to take the dumb too far and has left out the fun. Haven't seen it yet, and don't intend to after this.
  • TheCooper
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    Completely agreed.I'm mean at least Independence Day was just so bad it's good kind of bad.As for Godzilla I was just more sad and dissapointed but that's because I'm a Godzilla fanboy.
    But I mean the problem 10,000 B.C. is that is was just so BORING!Emtionally lagging and can't feel for that characters as much due to the terrible script and dialouge.Which is actually sad because this movie actually had potential to be good but it's just so boring!
    Even that Rip-Off Scene from Jurassic Park couldn't save it.
  • laughterandcandy
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    Wow. Just wow. I've heard from a couple friends this was a bad movie, but I didn't know the degree of it. Those glaring historical inaccuracies are obvious enough for anyone who's been in the world. You don't need to be a history buff. I mean just wow. What's the point in adding dates when you aren't going to abide by them?

    The kidnap story at least sounds interesting in theory. Gives the protagonist a goal which some mediums forget.
  • Alandree
    "for anyone who's been in the world"

    xDDD That made me smile.
  • Vent
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    I'm totally calling it:

    You're going to follow up with Asylums 100 Million BC.

    And WOW, had no idea the movie was this bad. It's worth noting that the first "sacrifice" was totally unceremonious, rather just a random murder. Yea, way to keep up up the presence of a deity.
  • TheCooper
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    No don't do it.

    No one can survive that horror.It'll kill'em!
  • The Court Jester  - Sound
    What's with the audio changing. It sounds like you're doing the voice in a gymnasium.
  • Film Brain
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    I had to do some re-records at my uni house.
  • MrMoiztBrown  - what....
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    so obviously this movie takes place in some other time dimension that has nothing to do with real life or earth history for that matter. Back when this came out it was trendy to make a movie about the origins of mankind...i.e. apacalypto and such...

    in the end....Not believable at all and a complete waste of time....

    great review film brain...yet again!
  • Desertpunk23
    This movie wasn't that horrid, as far as bad goes it was just bland boring bad, not insultingly bad.
  • punksweets
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    I have to say he direct Stargate and i love Stargate
  • Dorran844221
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    Yeah... the anachronisms are rampant. One that you missed is that there appears to be -corn- in that bag of seeds, which was developed in the Americas and didn't make it over to Eurasia until around the 1500's.

    Still, the globe hopping isn't necessarily -quite- as bad as it seemed. All they'd need to do is to start off much further east, coming down across either China or India to get the jungles and bamboo. Then, it's across the middle eastern deserts and to the Nile. However, while there's a path for them to follow, that does not excuse everything. First off, I may not know much about the Nile, but it's much wider and... well, not as winding as they make it out to be in the movie. It also doesn't really have tributaries that far north. Also, that massive geographic disparity begs the question of why in the name of all that is good and holy did the slavers go -that- far in order to get slaves?!? I mean, sure, in this day and age, getting things from a quarter of the way around the world is rather simple, but the journey involved must have been weeks if not well over a month on foot with a chain of slaves. That's... a really long way to go for something they could probably snatch much closer to home. So... yeah. they could have done a lot worse... but they still screwed up royally.
  • The Grey Prophet
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    Actually it is even worse if you think about it: In a time and age without streets and moving almost completely on foot, it would have taken them years to travel from China or India across the middle east to North Africa. And China and India are LARGE: They all have their own jungles and deserts to cross.

    Ironically around "10.000 B.C." the middle east was quite fertile -the deserts started appearing only after the first humans settled there and ruined everything. And that happened approximately 4 to 5 THOUSAND years after the time of the movie...

    Really, the more you now about human history and geography, the stupider the movie gets. Thats quite an accomplishment.
  • That German Guy
    Humans had nothing to do with the Sahara desert and this attitude of "we're so horrible, we're sinners, we ruin everything" that seems to be the fashion of today isn't going to be used to explain the largest desert in the world. Sorry.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/ wiki/ Sahara_desert#Climate_his tory

    Educate yourself.
  • Leonca
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    I almost saw this in theaters, but I never got around to watching it. Probably a good thing XD

    I have to admit I loved the effects used on the Smilodon-like cat. I wish Ice Age wasn’t the only good movie that used saber toothed cats.

    Some really funny stuff here, but for my favorites I’m going to go with 1) pyramids being built with wooly mammoths and 2) the deus ex machina ending that saves the love interest’s life. Bad storytelling at its worst.
  • Shinigami
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    As cat person I have to agree. Sabertooth cats deserve to be in more good movies even if its imppossible to make them be in movie realistically. You know right place, right time and right prey.
  • Mizerables
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    Theoretically you could globe hop like that if it was Pangaea, but seeing as that definitely had drifted into basically what are the continents today as we know them, still pretty impossible for that time period.

    Also, the Egyptians did actually cap the pyramids with gold or electrum, it's just that over the thousands of years it got stolen. So one point for semi-historical accuracy, minus a couple million for everything else
  • sprezzatura
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    that's true they did that, but I'm hoping the wooly mammoths figure prominently in the everything else category!
  • Darks63
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    I think they were trying for a atlantis legend in this film thats how the guys have all that stuff because they are the survivors of the fall of atlantis, plus u have the map in the movie that shows a island in the atlantic as well which is another clue. If u watch some of the extras it shows the pyramids being buried under the desert and it makes it look like the egyptians just dug them up and claimed them as thiers. but if u dont pay attention u wont catch this stuff and thats anther fail on the filmakers part. as for the geography i think they actually were supposed to be starting in south africa and working their way up to eygpt but again the need to throw bullshit in and illogical terrian changes screwed that up.
  • EuromanMovieReport  - Was the plot of this a mirror of Stargate???
    But without the Aliens???
  • Lupanari
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    That's exactly what I was thinking as well when they reached the pyramids. And I wasn't happy about it. Stargate is too good to be tied into this piece of...
  • CoolislandSong
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    not trying to defend the movie but:

    1) Bamboo isn't exclusive to southern asia. It's found into northern Australia, Africa, and even the Americas. You can find bamboo forests like that in the Congo. Nonetheless the movie still screwed that up.

    2) I can't read Roland's mind, but i wonder if he threw in the pyramids because of that crap about some 12,000 year old pyramid in Bosnia.
  • Escelante  - Gold Topped Pyramids
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    The tops of the Great Pyramids were actually topped with gold, that wasn't contrived for this movie. On a second note, I'm so glad I never watched this movie. Keep 'em coming Mathew.
  • ThatGeekWithTheTemper
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    It may also have been electrum, a mixture of gold and silver, but again...that's 8,000 years too early.
  • Film Brain
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    More a question of where they got it.
  • TheCooper
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    Up the directors ass.
  • mrrubino
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    Sadly, Emmerich's ass is at best filled with pyrite.
  • Divide By Zero
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    A small note in addition. While the brilliant white perfect dentition may have been slightly over the top, ancient peoples (contrary to what many movies depicting them would have you believe) did not necessarily have bad teeth.

    Certainly gum infections could do damage, and a tooth knocked out by accident couldn't be replaced, but tooth decay due to cavities was actually pretty low. Probably a lot lower than it is now. The reason for this is of course sugar. In modern times we eat a lot of sugar which the bacteria in our mouths pig out on and in turn excrete acid which erodes our teeth.

    No coffee, no red wine, no coca cola, no sweets, no most of the stuff our dentists tell us to lay off means low dental decay, so being a cave man wasn't ALL bad. =)

    Ancient Egypt however... not so much. They had pretty bad teeth. Not from sugar, though. In their grinding process for grains for breads and such a significant amount of sand would enter their diet. Sand being the abrasive SOB that it is gave them a lot of trouble with their teeth as they got worn down very quickly.
  • DuosAngel
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    Great review as always. It's odd but I actually kind of liked this movie when I saw it; even though when I saw the trailers for it I pretty much knew it was gonna suck. Guess I'm just that good at turning my brain off and enjoying the pretty pictures. I did have a hard time accepting the climate changes and anachronisms, things I'm usually good at ignoring.

    The only things that bothered me about the story were the tiger and Evolet coming back to life. I'd like to know who the hell thought that killing her at the end only to bring her back a minute later was a good idea.
  • OtakuWerewolf
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    Wasn't the false god guy in this movie supposd to be from Atlantis?
  • Animekitten1992
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    I like The Day After Tomorrow, but this movie just blows.
    And here I thought 2012 was the most insulting movie ever.
    Great review yet again Film Brain :)
  • ChaosBladewing
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    Aww, its a kitty!!! Its a big kitty!!!!
    And obviously this is all in hypertime
  • HedonisteEgoiste
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    Damn, these get better with every episode.

    Great job :D
  • NeoDedede
    Ah yes, I remember this movie. I remember being completely confused about ancient egyptian pyramids in the cave man era, and the saber-toothed cat that served no purpose other than to make the poster look good.

    One thing I will say though, those giant dodo-like creatures were actual animals known as terror birds (I'm pretty sure they didn't actually grow that big, though).
  • TryMe
    Oh some terror birds did actually grew up to 3 meters (10 feet) in height.
  • Iamlucek
    Terror birds got up to about 10 feet tall.
  • Firefightx34  - This movie could have been good.
    This movie very well could have been good if given the right changes. Lets not use a time set from earth, lets use a fake earth to give the mind something to bend around. This would give a faint reason for the shifts of globe popping and such and the tech that would be used and could have added abit more. As for the tiger it could have just been wanting to get out of the hole rather then eat him. As for helping the main lead some animals have been known to have a grateful mind set though most likely they just leave well enough alone or eat you.
  • TheCooper
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    Totally agreed it actually had potential and I was looking forward to it but it's just so dull and boring.

    It's kind of like a history lesson but without the facts and no good acting,no sir.
  • Thioth
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    Wow, bamboo, rainforest, snow, sand, chile peppers, pyramids, I figured out where this is occuring, Springfield.
  • Deimos1984rd
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    Man this movie was such a mess
  • Critic Fan Jill
    That was hilarious. I love your show, never stop doing these. I had a chance to see this movie when it came out but thankfully passed it up.

    Also, The Patriot was awesome.
  • Desh
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    Great review, but one question just pops in my mind. Were they doing most of the things for historical reference or decided to make it an anachronistic movie? still even if you argue anachronistic there movie is still bland and doesn't make us care.

    Ironically the only thing I like of The last airbender was Dev Petal and Cliff Curtis, well A. he must fire his manager for putting him in shitty movies, and B. Even he can make things a bit interesting due to him being in it. Though in both cases it still didn't help.

    Plus, wasn't established in Stargate that the pyramids were built by aliens? Man Roland Emmerich can't keep his movies in order.
  • Buick Runner
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    The giant killer Dodo birds that Film Brain calls them are Phorusrhacids, aka Terror Birds. They were large carnivorous flightless birds that could reach speeds of 30 MPH.
  • SwampThing
    Oh no not thirty miles per hour!!! well I suppose they didn't have cars back then...or DID they??!
  • atypicaloracle
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    Yeah, a mere 30 miles per hour. Of course the fastest Olympic runner might be able to get up to 23 miles per hour in a brief sprint, and Olympic athletes are only generally used as a yardstick for the pinnacle of human athletic achievement, it wouldn't be too hard to escape a hungry terror bird on foot.
  • NintendoFanboy
    avatar
    Personally, I was hoping that with all the blatant disregard for time and logic, the movie would just go straight to the T-rexes in F-14s. That would have been cool.

    Now I'm gonna go read some Calvin and Hobbes, which is far less boring and illogical. :)
  • LimeGreenSquid
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    Calvin and Hobbes, huh? Now that i'm old enough to understand the big words coming from that 6 year old's mouth, maybe i should go re-read some Calvin and Hobbes and see if i can appreciate it better, now that i'm not a kid anymore!
  • Divide By Zero  - We will need a lot more hemp before we're through.
    avatar
    "Personally, I was hoping that with all the blatant disregard for time and logic, the movie would just go straight to the T-rexes in F-14s. That would have been cool."

    This movie doesn't have a patch on Yor, Hunter from the Future.
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