I'm super glad that a horrible, horrible movie like this got the beat down it deserved. I will admit though, Disaster Movie is much worse. =_=

It can't be any worse than Meet The Spartans.

Or Disaster Movie...

or date movie

You're right, SuggestionsMaker. Disaster Movie can't be any worse than Disaster Movie.

Try watching it. Emphasis on "try".

It´s a horrible movie.

Yeah, the only clever joke in the whole movie was her discovering the wardrobe. I watched this on Encore and when I saw that I chuckled and thought "Ok that was pretty good." but it never made me laugh before or after that scene. It was a waste of two hours that I wish I could get back.

This is the movie that cemented in my mind that cinema is a dead medium. Haven't gone to a movie since then.

[quote=DorknessFalls]This is the movie that cemented in my mind that cinema is a dead medium. Haven't gone to a movie since then.[/quote]

[color=purple]I don't think cinema is a completely dead medium. I just think that Hollywood itself is dead. The medium can, and I think should exist without Hollywood. Hollywood provides the lowest common denominator as far as entertainment, and unfortunately, the mainstream audience supports it because they have been programmed into not knowing what a good movie is.

The newer generations have been taught from an early age not to question logically what they see on screen by the media in general, not just Hollywood, and in exchange, Hollywood can get away with horrible atrocities (like the Movie/Movies), and the mainstream audience eats it up, thinking it is original and biting comedy, or in the case of Horror, they accept the cheapest cliches as deep and original. There again, the newer generations, generally speaking, are taught not to question, or actually use their brains to figure out they are being treated like idiots, and so of course a lot of them are ignorant of all of the best of the genres that came before what they are being handed now.

So, yeah, film isn't and shouldn't be a dead art. Hollywood's monopoly of it should be. I'd love to see the fall of Hollywood in my lifetime. [/color]

You're probably right, but really just meant that I've completely given up on theatrical releases of movies.

When looking at this movie in comparison to say Airplane!, I'd say there is a steep enough quality in writing that I can safely claim that even monkeys with typewriters would do better.

Speaking of airplane, that contained senseless nudity as well. Just shows that nudity, when used correctly, can be quite hilarious.

NOW did Airplane I or II had the x-ray gag were it showed tits on the TV screen?

I felt this way once, but the real home runs keep my faith alive.

Simply put, we look back on the history of cinema with very thick nostalgia goggles because movies like Epic Movie fall out of public consciousness and are forgotten - when future generations look at our age of cinema, they will remember Inception fondly and curse their own shallow imitation of what Hollywood was in the good ol' days of the 2010s.

Mainstream audiences have existed as long as the medium has, and they have been shelling out millions on crap for that entire time. It's the nature of the business. That said, it's not like non-mainstream audiences don't also spend a lot of money on shit movies, either - again, it's the nature of the business.

That's exactly what I've always said. It's the same with all forms of art.

Agreed, Film is not a dead medium, but I'm not about to fork over hard earned cash to see a theatrical release.

really? because this movie somehow triggered something in my mind as well, i even can't get over the fact that this movie got me into making a parody script, at least my script was better, and longer!

There's nothing wrong with trying to succeed in something others have failed at. If you see potential in the art of parodying movies, good for you!

The Dark Knight, Inception, Toy story 3, WALL.E, Slumdog millionaire, District 9, Let the right one in. I can go on if you wish?

The medium is as good as ever. There's just more crap about.

Rango. That movie did things that I thought were nonexistent in PG rated movies. Rango helped me forgive Nickelodeon Movies for The Last Airbender. Also, despite what others say, District 9 was awesome, and Splice, with Adrien Brody, just blew my mind. Juno was pretty good.

splice, scott pilgrim vs. the world, inception, etc. A lot of good to great movies have come out just in the last few months. And I think it's important to note that even from your perspective, Hollywood needs to make money, otherwise they won't be able to make films. That being said, a lot of times when Hollywood tries to put money into something more cerebral, or even mildly off the beaten path, the general public completely rejects it. This doesn't always happen (see inception), but more often than not it does (see SPvsTW and Splice). So can you really blame Hollywood as a whole? Though, I can name a few directors who are prime culprits in propagating bullshit. Also, if you just look at bigger distributing companies more "indie" branches (such as Universal's focus features), you'll find most of those films are of a much higher quality (at least in the critic's eyes), than a lot of the big budget shlock Hollywood produces. I'm sure if DVD and limited release sales of these films were higher, than we'd see more and more of them getting real budgets and wider releases. Even big companies like Pixar are compromising by making an effort to create movies that appeal to a brooder range of intellectual demographics, and so far have had a fair amount of success. I've never looked at Hollywood as a huge evil cooperation that's trying to brainwash the general public by continuously spoon-feeding them crap and telling them they like it. I think Hollywood just gives people what they want, and it's our responsibility to tell them we don't want bullshit on the menu with ticket sales and user reviews.

I remember seeing the commercials for this and telling myself "No way are people that stupid to give this a try". The several other movies that are like this that spawned afterwards still haunts me...

Going after Seltzberger! I pity you.

I don't get it: How are these losers still getting directing jobs? It boggles my mind how despite really harsh reviews by critics on their abominations they call "movies," people still pay money to see it. I have never seen anything those two dickholes have released and I never will.

I love that you were gradually losing your mind as this movie went on!

I have a theory:

These movies are made specifically to entice people to deride it. They sell tickets and DVDs to people who "want to see how bad it really is" or wish to tell the Internet how they feel about it.

What I don't get, however, is how lately people seem to have mixed up "so bad it's good" with "it's just plain stupid." Vampires Suck has two guaranteed audiences: Twilight fans who want to laugh or get pissed and Twilight haters who want to point at the screen and say "That's so right." Both may think they're just watching something "so bad it's good/entertaining," but neither camp realizes their indulgences are feeding a monster.

Well said.

Please, Film Brain. Review more movies like this!

I'm glad to say that this review is a hundred times more entertaining than the subject matter.

I saw it.... :psychotic: I still have nightmares. If only you had done this sooner I might still be sane T_T

What sucks is that this movie had potential. Just a lot of bad directing. Spoofs aren't the same as they used to be like Naked Gun, Airplane, Spaceballs etc. We need more Mel Brooks and David Zucker and NONE of the Wayans.

I completely agree. Brooks and Zucker were the masters of satire.

Sadly Zucker is responsible for the last two "Scary Movie" films and produced "Superhero Movie"... how the mighty have fallen. T_T

What's even more sad is I actually enjoyed those films. T_T

Superhero Movie was the epitome of comedy compared to this crap. =_=

Bad directing? I'm guessing the direction went exactly as intended.

This is the fault of a shitty screenplay.

God this movie was terrible. It came out on my birthday so i took some friends to see it and i am still appologizing to them. I am surprised that there wasn't a Sean Fausz cameo for epic fails, but other than that, this is your best review to date. Does this mean you will review the other shit movies you talked about? (I.E. Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans)

The gag with the river of chocolate is really does sum up Epic Movie.

17:11 Kevin MacDonald, why?!
17:35 Kevin MacDonald, WHY?!!

"river of chocolate really does sum up"

Will you need a tetanus shot after scraping the bottom of the barrel?

[quote=007italianguy]What sucks is that this movie had potential. Just a lot of bad directing. Spoofs aren't the same as they used to be like Naked Gun, Airplane, Spaceballs etc. We need more Mel Brooks and David Zucker and NONE of the Wayans.[/quote]

Well first Scary Movie was all right. Thing is spoofs need to be good and not be rushed out. They seem to be cranking out these horrible spoof movies one after the hour and they seem to be from the same people.

That's why they need to get these kind of films out quick, otherwise the references would be outdated by the time the film is released.

That's the thing, they've completely missed the point of a parody. The references they shoehorn in between the shitty rap numbers are not funny, add nothing to the 'plot' and are not what a parody is about. Parody is about mocking the conventions of genre movies in subtle ways and using jokes to do it. Empty pop culture references mean absolutely nothing on their own, they're essentially saying "Remember this?", and drooling simpletons apparently lap it up.

I agree. I never said it was a smart plan, but it's the plan they've used for the last several of these things and it's worked so far. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

Well the reason the first scary movie was entertaining, was that they actually followed the plot of a movie and attempted to make something in the direction of a slasher movie. And it worked. As for the other "movies", I don't know what they were trying to do but it sucked ass.

Disgustingly bad film. Not as bad as the pure turd that was Disaster Movie, but still horrific.

Related: I saw Vampires Suck the other day and was surprised to see that it was not worse than Disaster Movie... still didn't change the fact that it was bad though.

I keep seeing everyone say that Disaster Movie is [i]worse[/i] than this. o_O

I haven't seen the movie, but that seems almost completely impossible because this movie is so utterly abysmal. Is it really that bad? :scared:

Anyway, great review Film Brain. If there was ever something that needs every possible bashing it could get, it's these parody movies after the Scary Movie series. In all honesty, I didn't even mind Scary Movies 3 all that much. If you think you can withstand it and keep your sanity Film Brain, might I suggest eventually doing the other movies in this series? Every one of them deserves it.

Loved your reaction to the Full Frontal Nudity scene. XD

This is the kind of crap that makes me weep for our generation. Epic Movie was an abomination, but I think they hit rock bottom with Disaster Movie. I won't watch ANY of their stuff after that load of shit.

Not Crispin Glover!

Looking at Crispin's movie credits in recent years (Charlie's Angels Full Throttle and Like Mike come to mind), I can only think of one thing to say:

"Hello? Hello, anybody home? Huh, think McFly, THINK!"

Jeez, I remember this movie. I was about 12 or 13 when it came out and at that time I loved the Scary Movies so I was the target audience. I remember me and my friends renting this movie thinking it would be hilarious and we found it to be the worst piece of shit any of us had seen yet. And we had watched Date Movie. Seriously, what is with the random nudity in this movie, or the goddamn flat jokes that they need to point out to the audience to feel clever, or the stupid references (rip-offs more like). It just baffles me that people find this funny, and that people actually pay for it. I mean, I know the only people who watch this movie are washed out stoners, but why sell to that audience, why take away money from much better movies? Ugh, this movie just makes me sick. Thanks so much for beating this movie down.

I saw Meet the Spartans [I know I was wrong!] IN THE THEATER. It felt like being raped by Cthulu.

[quote=DorknessFalls]This is the movie that cemented in my mind that cinema is a dead medium. Haven't gone to a movie since then.[/quote]

Then you're and idiot, and have been missing a lot of good shit.

Some of my friends conned me into seeing this. I just sat there the whole time with my mouth open in shock, with not even a fake laugh. And of course after it was over, some kid came out screaming "That was the best movie ever!"
They really got to stop with the "Movie" movies. I won't go to say that the Scary Movies are masterpieces of comedy, but I did like the first one, 2nd one ehh...3rd and 4th, no way in hell.

Awesome job, Film Brain! I salute your willingness for the past really bad couple movies you've done, and this one is no exception.

ill admit i laughed at the jack sparrow impersenator, but that's ONE FRICKIN JOKE out of 4 movies. these guys make uwe boll look good. at least i laugh during those shitfests

But just having someone impersonate Jack Sparrow isn't a joke....what's funny about that? Now if they did a parody of The Poseiden Adventure and Jack Sparrow was the captain and his drunken antics caused the ship to flip over......that could be a bit amusing. Just jamming the character into the flick willy nilly is entirely why these movies are so ridiculed.

Fuck you Friedberg and Seltzer.

This movie ended my enjoyment of parody flicks. I'm glad you nailed so thoroughly to the wall.

I need to go get the brain bleach out again though. ;)

Thank you for beating this movie down. Its the worst movie I've ever seen

That YTP joke was awesome. Definitely something I wouldn't have expected from FB.

Also, the wardrobe gag [i]was[/i] sort of funny, if painfully obvious and poorly executed.

[b]ep·ic[/b]?
–adjective
1.[i]any work of literature, film, etc, having heroic deeds for its subject matter or having other qualities associated with the epic[/i]

Synonyms: Ben-Hur; Seven Samurai; Ten Commandments; The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly; Spartacus; Lawrence of Arabia; etc.

Antonyms: Nacho Libre; Borat *vomits*; The Chronicles of Narnia (but the books are epic); Pirates of Caribbean 2; XMEN 3; Da Vinci Code; Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (WHY???); Superman Returns; Paris Hilton; etc.

Why not make a movie parody spoof about 2 directors trying to make the greatest epic movie of all time? I can see it now: flying to deserts (TC, LoA, and classic western satire); travel the globe and stop in Japan *insert Seven Samurai & Gojira); go on the high seas and get kidnapped by slave merchants (insert Spartacus satire); guess what they only have 80 days to film the movie. A worldwide race to finish a film or they'll lose their jobs never to work in Hollywood again!

There. In 5 minutes I have thought of the entire plot for an Epic Movie. If a 20 year old college sophmore can think of something so simple how hard is it for two incompetent douchebags to make a film called "EPIC MOVIE" and claim [i]BORAT[/i] is equal to "BEN-HUR." =_=

My boyfriend at the time wanted us to go to this and I had to put my foot down. To this day, he has bad taste in films.

Satire is supposed to have wit pointing out the absurdities of something. How exactly does this do that?

I really think they just got drunk and just made the script out of all the stupid things they wrote on napkins.

It's like they are trying to put as little effort into their work as possible.

Still, I hear "Miss March" is even worse.

When this came out at least five of my friends said they liked it. You wonder why i've lost my mind sigh.

To quote the Angry Video Game Nerd

Star Wars & Spaceballs = bread & butter

Twilight & Vampires Suck = dead skunk & dog shit

I've said it before, I'll say it again--Twilight is funny enough on its own that it parodies itself.

It all went to hell after the first two scary movie's

...why did a lady walk out naked out of the closet...was that funny?....
never seen these movies any of them ....

racial offensive to who? albinos? :drunk: =)
i think the movie looks boring you are right vampires suck ...made alot of money....so we are doomed doomed

I love Hollywood but in this decade they have forgotten how to give us quality entertainment. Almost every movie released in this new melineum and this decade is either a parody movie or based of a book, comic book, or is a remake they have almost no original ideas anymore.

I could flip the coin around and say that movie goers have short attention spans and shut down thier brains at the theater. How many people do you think complained about how confusing Inception was and that was one of the most original moves Hollywood has produced in years.

I have a friend who won't even consider seeing Inception because she thinks the trailer looked too confusing. I should also mention the Twilight movies are her favorite movies. *facepalm*

Think it's time to find a new friend hun *nods*