For the gritty opening narration, this film has quite a bit of 80s cheesiness. Haha. Awesome review. : )
Cobra
Written by Film Brain Thursday, 08 July 2010 20:49
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Comments (176)
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07.08.2010 - 21:00 | aurum-femina
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07.10.2010 - 19:07 | kristofor
[color=red][/color][b] Yes, I replied to the first comment to get on the front page, call me scum but please, Film Brain, change you goddamn intro![/b]
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07.16.2010 - 14:31 | Penguin General
Why should he change it. It's pretty decent
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07.08.2010 - 21:29 | rudy023
Damn! This has nothing to do with GI JOE! At least they didn't screw up Cobra Commander like in that movie last summer. They just screwed up the whole movie!
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07.08.2010 - 21:55 | moviemaster8510
in fact, you should review that in the future.
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08.06.2010 - 20:34 | edzoologist
Well not the whole movie. I thought that the tree in the live action G.I. joe movie played their parts faithfully to the original series. Also the rocks and the houses. They all did top-notch jobs being faithful to the original series. IN fact, all the inanimate objects did their jobs well. And i just killed the joke that would be funny if I had ended it at the begining. I am now officially qualified to write for an Adam Sandler film.
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07.08.2010 - 21:30 | StonedHorrorCritic
Dude, I'm loving the reviews, but Cobra kicks ass. It has to be one of my favourite Stallone flicks (besides First Blood 1&2, anyway). Still, great review. Can't wait for the rest ;)
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07.08.2010 - 21:32 | srv_is_god88Am I the only one that has to rewind and listen to stallone's lines over again just to understand what the fuck he is saying?
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07.08.2010 - 21:43 | Boomer
Film Brain, a 1950 Mercury, chop-topped and lowered is an AWESOME car!
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07.08.2010 - 21:55 | iwant2go2thereSince this is just the beginning of Stallone month, does that mean the films are going to progressively get worse? If so, I'm scared.
Film Brain is the most adorable thing of this site. :lol:
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07.09.2010 - 13:31 | NintendoFanboy
It says so right on the licencse plate! :lol:
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07.08.2010 - 21:59 | artsybobBlech, this movie reminds me of an old Bloom County strip about seeing action movies in the 80s: "Well, we can see a Chuck Norris right-wing action movie, or a Clint Eastwood right-wing action movie, or a Sylvester Stallone ultra-right-wing action movie...so many choices!!!"
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07.09.2010 - 20:54 | Lan
[color=green]And now they're all left wing.[/color]
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07.13.2010 - 23:24 | Chase357
How is that exactly?
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07.11.2010 - 10:10 | ZeldaQueenReminds me of a HP fanfiction where the author has Harry run around kidnapping Death Eaters, transforming them into stuff, screwing with people's memories, killing people that commit two or more crimes, and continually hating on Dumbledore and the Ministry for being too "soft" and "corrupt".
Apparently the dude who wrote that fic also saw this movie. :S
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07.08.2010 - 21:59 | Fracassi
Isn't there a Punch-Out! cabinet in Over the Top? I freakin' love Andy Robinson - his butchering of syllables is hilarious... my favorite lines are from Hellraiser, when he says, "Come to Dad-dy," and Pumpkinhead 2, when he says, "Pump-kin-head." They should put Stallone and Bill Dee in a movie as a pair of cops.
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[quote=Fracassi]Isn't there a Punch-Out! cabinet in Over the Top? I freakin' love Andy Robinson - his butchering of syllables is hilarious... my favorite lines are from Hellraiser, when he says, "Come to Dad-dy," and Pumpkinhead 2, when he says, "Pump-kin-head." They should put Stallone and Bill Dee in a movie as a pair of cops.[/quote]
They already did, dude. It was "Nighthawks". And yeah, Andy Robinson is awesome, lol.
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07.08.2010 - 22:11 | NasikomanYou know you're dealing with deep, reflective political and social criticism when the ACLU's position is put into the mouth of the Snidely Whiplashiest possible serial killer villain. Next week on BMB, Hitler defends Obamacare and Sylvester Stallone ends World War III in [i][u]Teabag[/u][/i].
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07.08.2010 - 23:21 | bloodrunsclear
Sorry. Teabag is already the name of an upcoming Oliver Stone documentary in which Hugo Chavez personally saves the USA from right wing insurgents on his little girly bike XD
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07.11.2010 - 10:11 | ZeldaQueenNo, isn't it some sort of a porno? :P
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07.08.2010 - 22:12 | shameonpretzel
Well, at least we can all agree that Stallone looks damn fine in them jeans, right?
[size=x-small][i] ...right...?[/i][/size]
BTW, the stats spouted at the beginning of the movie reminded me of this:
[img]http://www.upload- jpg.com/view_thumb/ 967e1611/funny firth movie poster.jpg[/img]
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07.08.2010 - 22:13 | CasioArgento
:0 What the Hell do you consider "BAD MOVIES"???
"MEN IN BLACK 2" isn´t that bad - and "COBRA" is AWESOME!
Have you never seen a TRULY Bad Film - like Italian Exploitation-Movies from the 70´s? Those are REALLY Bad! :D
But I loved you in KICKASSIA. ;)
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07.08.2010 - 22:13 | Angrygamersoldier2010What a silly movie. I can't believe stallone though he was making a statement with this movie.
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07.08.2010 - 22:28 | Kheldarn
Psst!! It's Ray-gan, not Ree-gan. ;) I kid!! I kid!!
Great review!! I vageuly remeber this movie from my childhood, but I had no intrest in it. I became an Arnie fan after watching Commando on Showtime or HBO, I forget which...
To me, the worst part of the movie was finding out that they killed off Sledge Hammer. :(
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07.08.2010 - 22:32 | TheBlackMage
Someone really needed to step back from this film and say "COBRA! RETREAT! RETREAT!"
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07.08.2010 - 22:45 | bloodrunsclearWould have been better then the real G.I Joe movie XD
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07.08.2010 - 22:36 | RDClipThis is so weird. About a week or two ago i saw this movie for the first time in years and thought, "This movie would be perfect for a Film Brain review."
I was thinking the same thing that this is Stallone's 'Commando'. A quintessential 80's action movie, complete with cheese plot and over the top action. Even though it tries to have some super right wing political message this movie is totally all style and no substance. And yet, it is still fun to watch.
PS. isn't it funny that Stallone and Nielson were married, but have no on-screen chemistry at all?
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07.08.2010 - 22:39 | Ditty
Loved the spring sounds when the cars were jumping.
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07.08.2010 - 22:45 | bloodrunsclearYou know in the future just say 'Right Wing Ideas'
You don't have to say 'intolerant' or 'foolish' or 'violent' or 'morally questionable'
Everyone on this site already knows that what Right Wing Ideals means anyway!
Its also a darn good thing that foolish quality of political characterization of left wing people is now gone from cinema.
Now we have non-biased movies, like Avatar :)
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At least in an entertaining aspect. Good movie? No way. Fun to watch when there's nothing else on? Sure.
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07.08.2010 - 23:03 | misswhoHilarious and adorable as ever!! Keep up the good work! :cheer:
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Was I the only one who was saying "Don't punch, don't punch, don't punch!" at that last scene? Why so cliche, movie? :pinch:
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07.08.2010 - 23:21 | TrencherI think this is more of a dislike of the viglante genre in general than Cobra actually being a bad movie.
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07.08.2010 - 23:23 | pensador
I'm kinda surprised you didn't give Stallone crap for having what looked like a match in his mouth which seemed a little too "I'm bad-A" even for me to handle. I've never seen this movie, and I gotta say I'm glad I didn't for the very fact that, while it looked interesting, the kill count would have caused me to lack interest entirely. Even in the Die Hard movies he never kills more than would be realistic tops and those movies are awesome. Good review and have you noticed that you've stopped trying to shout as much? I just realized that but it suits you better than trying. Can't wait for next week's review!
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07.08.2010 - 23:24 | Moomoof
ha ....wow this movie...i never heard of it XD
so right wing solution of murderers is become murderers. .....yourself and punch anyone who tells you different....ah weird message movie...then again stallone XD
also he directed staying alive a squeal to SNF and he tend to like dante's inferno alot in the beginning it shows too ....ugh oh well i hope the next one isn't so shitty xD
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07.08.2010 - 23:30 | FullmetalNinja25
What a Dirty Harry ripoff.
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07.08.2010 - 23:32 | Erinaceus
And the reason I can't take this film's villain seriously? He sounds like Patrick fucking Star... :lol:
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Y'know, if cocaine-snorters were responsible for an arm-wrestling movie, then weed-heads (apparently Rightwing ones) must have been responsible for this movie. And if [i]this[/i]movie was originally going to be Beverly Hills Cop, I can see why Stallone was replaced.
And those exploding soda bottles were just...[b]lulz[/b]!:D
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[quote=Erinaceus]And the reason I can't take this film's villain seriously? He sounds like Patrick fucking Star... :lol: [/quote]
:woohoo: Well whaddaya know......he [b]DOES[/b]!
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07.08.2010 - 23:41 | IMChewbaccaNo Judge Dredd jokes :?:
:( But...but....he is the LAHW!
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07.09.2010 - 00:02 | walmoroso
OH NO U DIDN'T! You Fucker ruined my favourite childhood movie YOU BASTERD!
In fact...Ain't this NC material?
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07.09.2010 - 07:14 | Film Brain
I did choose Stallone Month carefully so if Doug wanted to do one of his own, we can both do different material.
I actually asked about this review when I was in Reno. He gave me the go-ahead.
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07.09.2010 - 00:19 | BcForCe
what movie was that clip from around 14:20? with the grenade
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07.09.2010 - 06:41 | Film Brain[b]Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgendy[/b]
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