Emmanuelle 5

(42 votes, average 4.31 out of 5)
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Comments (27)
  • Minion#7544  - Loved it!
    Thank you mistress for granting us the pleasure to enjoy this majesty of visual stimuli! Hail Hagan!
  • ladydiskette
    avatar
    Great review Hagan.

    "Artsy"? I don't see Emmanuelle 5 as anything artsy...Emmanuelle 4 was more artsier than this and that was just because of the fancy-talk poetic narration.


    Also I have to say the sex in this movie was way more toned down compared to the first four movies in my honest opinion.
  • Sewblon
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    3:09 Did Oancitizen just paraphrase Double D from Ed, Edd and Eddy?!
  • rei doll
    Good review, Hagan. Now I'm going to Youtube to watch Thriller!
  • Schizoid
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    Squirrel Girl? No wonder you didn't resist too much against doing this review. I wouldn't want to mess with her. If she can beat Dr. Doom she can take down anyone!

    I never thought I saw this movie but the "dildo" scene reminded me I had. Though I thought it was in one of the Laura Gemser "Emmanuelle" movies. Good thing I saw it when I didn't realize how bad it could be. Thank you early-to-mid 90s Showtime!
  • Mr.Evil
    avatar
    Ugh, I did it again. I had all these comments laid out and I accidentally killed my browser before I hit the "send" button. I can't remember half of it. Let me try to summerize:

    * Suspected inspiration for Showgirls

    * Bad joke about having sex with a bluff

    * Disturbing remark about the overlap between art and porn and how I should get into the business but I can't because I hate movies like Emmaneulle 5.

    Seriously, WHY DO THEY KEEP MAKING THESE? It's clearly not for the art.

    Any case, great review, Hagan.

    Also... blue hair?
  • trlkly
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    People who have followed DH longer than I: why does she HAVE to do what Squirrelgirl wants? Was she bluffing when she said she'd rather have the squirrels?
  • ender1200
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    It's becous Squirrel Girl (marvel comic) has a tendency to defeat A list heroes and villans

    Some names include:
    Dr. Doom (where the squrrly doom refrance come from)
    M.O.D.O.K
    Wolverin
    and friggin DeadPool!
  • Hybrid2
    Squirrel Girl is a Marvel character who as beaten Dr.Doom by using a army of squirrels.

    Now she is the only person Doom his afraid of.
    Later she as beaten other very powerful super-villains.Including Hagan,apparently.
  • chronosXD
    You know i really hated your reviews to begin with but i must say i really liked this one. Like I've previously said i had nothing against you as a person but its just that i didn't care for your writing and the minion nonsense overloading the show. But since you've managed to turn one of your biggest haters into a fan just for this one episode. I sincerely hope that you keep up the good work and continue with more wonderful reviews like this one. My old username was banned for posting negative comments in your first couple videos but now i feel bad about doing so seeing as for the first time I've enjoyed one of your reviews so I'd like to apologize. None of those comments were against you like i said but about the show and writing itself and again I'm sorry. Some reviewers just have to find their niche and get into the whole experience to find a fanbase and i feel as if you're at least trying with this video, since the jokes were clever and funny.
  • Creature SH
    avatar
    Tormented by one of her worst nemeses, Hagan's daring attempt to escape breaks not only the fourth, but several other walls that no-one even knew where there! Behind, there lies madness...!

    Also, I demand that anyone else who might ever dare to review an Emanuelle movie must do so while sporting blue hair. I suspect that I won't see anyone else in a blue wig for a long time, regardless.
  • ThisIsScorpio
    avatar
    Looks like they'll let anyone with a camera onto the site these days...

    By the way, is this a man or a woman? I seriously can't tell due ridicules Juggalo make-up.
  • DiamandaHagan
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    You're a bit late. I've been being talentless and hilariously androgynous on the site for almost a year.
  • ThatDouche  - Re: ThisIsScorpio
    avatar
    I can't believe assholes like you are still making comments like this on Hagan's videos. What is seriously wrong with you and other worthless people like you who have say such horrible mean spirited stuff about my friend. If you don't like her videos, that's fine but you have no reason to make things personal by saying stuff like that.
  • Heckfire
    avatar
    I remember one of my sisters watched this once, and the "towel dildo" scene made her ask "So, what is she some kinda fucking porn Macguyver?"
  • Curnir  - Yay
    SQUIRREL GIRL!

    been wating for this review to hit TGWTG. Good stuff.
  • TBTabby
    Was the sound out of sync for anyone else?
  • Moon Spirit
    avatar
    Well, this is a softcore porn movie that pales in comparison to the softcore movies that is all over Skin-amax. As for the story, yeah, it might as well be nonexistent.
  • axlryder
    avatar
    Still terrible and unfunny I see. Ah well, there hasn't been much quality content on this site for a while now.
  • DisappearingBears
    Be gone, ye amateur provocateurs. Thou shall not find the rage you seek here, but rather, seek it in yourselves when thouest realizes that trolling an internet reviewer's comments shall be the greatest achievement of thy life.
  • axlryder
    avatar
    Thank you for exemplifying how incredibly stupid people on the internet can be.
  • pkingdom
    I love your stuff Hagan, but for this video I really had a hard time hearing some of it.
  • 12th
    avatar
    You know, I actually saw this at some point, I think I was like 15, or something - some point in time when this film would have still be erotic because the only other stroke material I had was Playboys stolen from my friends or ... STOP.

    15:18 - that is a picture of Krishna! A representation of the divine figure in Hindu theology. Hindu! And Makeupistan is OBVIOUSLY supposed to be some kind of faux-Islamic regime (inconsistent uses of burqas, hijabs, repressive sexual mores, etc). Hinduism doesn't have any problem with fucking! Where the fuck do you think the Kama Sutra came from you ignorant fucks?! I'm pretty sure it's canonical that Krishna has a 15 foot snake cock* that vibrates in twelve speeds and causes all women (and men) within 20 feet to orgasm simply by existing! It turns kittens into rubies and rubies into kittens! I'm going to have to give Emmanuelle adoption of a Bindu a slight pass because it's not really any longer specifically tied to Hindu culture - but I doubt the filmmakers knew that! What the fuck?!

    Emmanuelle 5, I am willing to forgive a laughable excuse to plotting, nonsensical rambling dialogue, incoherent editing and an a sucking-chest-wound of pacing - but if you fuck with cultural and religious signifiers and references, I WILL END YOU.

    * No offense to practicing Hindus out there.
  • lizardkitty
    avatar
    I watch quite a few reviewers on this site and you're pretty unique and genuinely funny.But everyone has their own opinion you know.

    I think too many of the reviewers try to make evil alter egos that kind of just suck or are too much like everyone else's. (I do like Insano though). But having the reviews from a 'bad guy's ' point of view, especially an interesting and funny one is awesome :3. I also don't get why instead of trying to invent some alter ego or something they don't use villains that are already established,or villains that can cross to be other's villains as well. I guess they just have stories they want to inact or they are trying to think of a gripping story line.

    Anyway, I really just wanted to say I like you lol.
  • alucardismaster  - Is that?
    Is that the fanfiction critic? Cause if it is, this video got even better.
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