Well I would have committed suicide but being an immortal Indian (The country) Deity I really couldn't, but I'm glad I didn't...Err, couldn't, whatever, good review.
Intermedio
Written by Diamanda Hagan Saturday, 04 February 2012 21:09
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Comments (40)
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02.04.2012 - 23:00 | LordChhaya
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02.04.2012 - 23:57 | Wolfmane
I especially loved your bit with the resurrection. Don't worry, Hagan. I'm sure with practice you can get your speed up!
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02.05.2012 - 01:09 | ninethrizzle
I first heard of you from Linkara's blog post of a panel at magfest I think it was and decided to check your videos out. This is the first review of yours that I've seen, and well done. very funny, you've got an awesome motif going on that I haven't seen before. I love it, so fresh, I'm looking forward to the black gestapo review now lol :D
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02.05.2012 - 06:18 | DiamandaHagan
these are goin up in the wrong order (long story) black gestapo was the first of my reviews that was put up here!
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02.05.2012 - 14:55 | FishEyenoMikoAre you going to put your Twatty DW reviews here, too, eventually?
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02.05.2012 - 16:37 | DiamandaHaganProbably
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02.05.2012 - 19:18 | FishEyenoMikoYay!
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02.05.2012 - 20:35 | Keiji
I got the impression that Mistress Hagan actually died, since the old "head minion" (forgot his name, damn.) Was there, and it was like she had actually gone to hell.
Then I saw the black gestapo is next part.
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02.06.2012 - 20:22 | ladydiskette
I loved the "Sephiroth theme" (especially the way it was done) I love it.
If it wasn't already Sephiroth's theme music it would definitely fit Diamanda Hagan. :)
Wow, it really tells you something when the studio who does a poor job of making thier own original movies does worse than when they rip-off a Hollywood studio film.
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02.05.2012 - 01:58 | Beoftw
These videos are awesome. Keep em coming! About time we got someone as sadistic as I am on here.....well aside from vangelus lol.
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02.05.2012 - 02:32 | otherNoah
it's sad that it took me 10 minutes to figure out that was Edward Furlong..
favorites would be the minion dance, the "hey, your knife is bleeding." and the doorknob part. i can't imagine watching that movie even once, let alone 3 times.
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The review was pretty darn good. Amber Benson...NOOOOOOO! Oh well, every actor has to have at least one movie they're not proud of. Bill Murray had Garfield, Amber has this one.
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02.05.2012 - 02:49 | Mr.Evil
Three weeks to come back alive? You should have taken that short cut through the Astral Plane... you know, right after Purgatory but just before the Seventh Circle of Hell. Personally, I always carry DPS with me (Divine Positioning System... though it keeps nagging me to repent).
Thoughts:
- Amber Benson? NO! This is why you should never get killed off in a TV show. It does nothing for your career prospects.
And she dies here, too. Is she being type-casted?
- An Asylum film that's NOT a rip-off? Asylum, that's not what we expect from you. Stop it.
- Sorry, I couldn't find my poison pill before your Suicide Ad went down. After that, the magic was gone and my free will returned.
- I was oddly enthralled by the Dance of Exposition. It's only slight less entertaining than the Polka of Plot Holes.
- If you don't know what's causing the bubbles in a pool of water, DON'T STICK BODY PARTS INTO IT!
- 9:55: Railsback reminds me of a less handsome version of Daniel Craig... and that's all I got.
- Remember the days when ghosts couldn't actually harm you directly, even in movies? Those days are long gone. I blame Japan for this.
- Three times? If I wasn't so evil, I might feel empathy.
Good review.
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02.05.2012 - 05:55 | kagella
The dance of exposition is a brilliant idea. I'm going to place an mp3 player (back in the days when I was of appropriate age to peruse web sites like this one (when there weren't any websites (containing any color but green) I would have used a tape recorder (and why am I writing all this)) with the exposition music turned up to maximum volume and drown out all expositions in everything I watch (even my wife). Carry on.
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02.05.2012 - 06:18 | kagellaSomething I noticed in this video: pay attention to Karl's shirt.
Her shirt is normal length right until the moment Amber gets cut in half, then suddenly her shirt is cut in half too while they run through the tunnels - within the same scene (14:00 shirt whole, 14:04 shirt cut off). What the hell happened in those 4 seconds? Did she rip off her shirt to mend Amber's torso, didn't find her and went back to the others within 4 seconds? WHAT?
But it's slight consolation that we get to see the bottom of her jugs when she climbs the ladder. So at least now we know WHY her shirt got torn off.
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02.05.2012 - 07:59 | Poipoi
The Sephiroth Theme fits Diamanda.
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Girls are really not good at this comedy stuff.
I would love to see diamanda in some adult movies though.
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02.05.2012 - 11:22 | DiamandaHaganwell that comment was the definition of sexism.
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02.06.2012 - 10:00 | MPSai
You need to flail your arms and scream fuck more, then you'll be funny.
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02.05.2012 - 11:24 | The_Awesometeer
me too
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02.05.2012 - 11:09 | DirtyHippie
I've come back from the dead more times than Optimus Prime and Jean Grey put together! I have my music on a constant loop!
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02.05.2012 - 11:17 | MPSaiAh classic episode, the gag of Hagan holding the mirror up to the camera and the whole lesbotron 9001 bit always get me.
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02.05.2012 - 12:25 | FishEyenoMiko"holding the mirror up to the camera"
I know this isn't a term often associated with Diamanda, but I thought that bit was cute. (-:
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02.05.2012 - 12:35 | soulalcatraz
I think as a fellow atheist I always get a little extra kick out of your reviews, Mistress. The irreverence is just extra hilarious to me.
Love the review, as always!
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i would like to apologize to Diamanda for my earlier comment, After watching some videos of the other guys im not really here to watch i can honestly say that your humour is far superior to most of the guys here.
Still hope you change career to adult movies though.
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02.05.2012 - 16:38 | DiamandaHaganUm.. thanks, I guess...
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Great review Diamanda, and yeah I didn't like seeing Amber die again, even when not in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Oddly, my first introduction to Edward Furlong was not Terminator 2. In fact it was when I was fourteen watching the 4th of The Crow sequels. At the time I was one of the few "goth" kids who hadn't seen the original Crow yet. Because of this, I actually really liked the movie. Then later I saw the original and facepalmed myself.
So, I have a request! Review "The Crow: Wicked Things"! I'll also mention that David Boreanaz is the villian!
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02.05.2012 - 14:58 | KeijiEven as an Atheist, I believe there was a Jesus, but he was a normal guy. A matyr is the single most powerful person for any cause, and in those times, an Immortal AS a "Messiah" would likely bring a dying 2000 year old religion around for another 2000 years.
And This is possibly the only movie you've reviewed that I've actually seen.
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02.05.2012 - 16:39 | DiamandaHaganyeah most atheists believe there was a jesus. I wasnt trying to make a point or anything with the line, just hagan justifying why shes better than him when she took longer to return from the dead.
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Because jesus DID exist, and saying otherwise makes you sound stupid or ignorant.
The idea that he was a god-child wizard of abstinence and divine power, is silly, of course, but saying a major historical figure didnt exist is ridiculous.
Then again, people dont think the Holocaust happened either.
Also, ignore the other post saying to review Crow 4. You can't handle the sad.
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02.07.2012 - 20:13 | LikaLaruku
He didn't exist; he was a fictional Marty Stu blend of 3 different men who were claiming to be the son of god.
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02.05.2012 - 16:58 | Orpheus of the Darkness
Things like this film make me wonder how Miss Benson got from The Crush and Buffy The Vampire Slayer to that abomination. Shenanigans maybe?
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02.05.2012 - 17:15 | JetstreamGW
Sooo, what was that resurrection music? It sounded familiar but I can't place it.
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02.05.2012 - 18:34 | JethroQ
@Jetstream: It's Sepiroth's theme from Final Fantasy Seven.
Anyway, loved the review, I think series 3 was when you really started to shine. The first two have good episodes, but this is when I really start to see the episodes as consistently good whole.
And waht is it with internet comment sections that makes some men think it's a good idea to suggest a carreer change to porn to all/any women?
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02.05.2012 - 18:38 | Creature SH
"Higher than a nerd's cock at a museum of naked Lucy Lawless" is a quote I shall use henceforth... if I'm not lying and HAVE already been using it.
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02.05.2012 - 23:14 | Loric
Just chiming in to say I like Hagan's reviews. Not everything is perfect but I find most of the videos thoroughly enjoyable - sort of like any TV show, you like some episodes and others you're "meh" on or even dislike. But I like the series overall - I think Hagan gets too much crap from people who are too rigid and feel their need to express that they don't "get it" is somehow warranted or justified.
Anywho, just wanted to say I check thatguywiththeglasses for nostalgia critic, nostalgia chick, lupa and hagan. The others I might check out if they cover something that personally interest me, but she's in my "faves" so to speak. :)
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02.06.2012 - 01:06 | zepolmasI'm waiting for you to meet Snowflame.
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05.14.2012 - 02:40 | Thessa
Three times! You lady are a masochists! Why I´m not supprised? :D Hmm, I´m still thinking Allyson Hannigan with a harem of hot women. :3
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