The Black Gestapo

(196 votes, average 4.16 out of 5)
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Comments (165)
  • walrusgumbo
    Really Great. I hope to see more of you on the site!
  • ladydiskette
    Wow, there are no words to describe this movie Hagan, no words, other than...WTF!?!?

    Though to its credit its probably one of the very rare Blaxipotation films that doesn't always make the rich white guy the enemy. It kinda shows a anti-hero fighting agains the chaotic evil character. But it seems to have been excuted horribly.

    And I loved the police raid part during your reviews. That was funny.

    How did you escape arrest to review the next movie? lmao XD
  • LikaLaruku
    If you get impatient, she's got backlog at Reviewtopia. Highly recommend the "Story of Ricky" review.
  • Joezilla
    Yay, more
  • ThatDouche
    This is one of my all time favorite Hagan reviews! The "I'm doing my part"/starship troopers parody thing is one of my favorite jokes. Glad to see it up on the site!
  • saint23thomas
    Starship Troopers is already a parody of propaganda films. So, did you mean something like "homage", or are you implying that Hagan is the kind of idiot that would do a parody of a parody?
  • DiamandaHagan
    I view starship troopers as a progoganda film that would be made during a 'real' war with the bugs. So i homaged it in a minion propoganda film.
  • gomer21xx
    Hooray! =D This review is awesome! =D

    And I know what comes next in continuity... X3
  • Wolfgar
    I only wonder how long we'll have to wait before we know if you'll be on the site as a regular.
  • DiamandaHagan
    soon as I know I'll tweet it. and one side can go 'nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!' at the other.
  • DJTRGirl
    I have a crush on Diamanda now. :( Please keep her and her reviews on the site! We need her :(
  • Atwosheds  - re: DJTRGirl
    You took the words right out of my mouth.

    Diamanda Hagan came out of nowhere and blew my mind. Shit, she's better than the nostalgia chick, and more beautiful to boot. Sorry Lindsay. Not talking shit just my opinion. Diamanda is more evil, and therefore hotter. IMHO of course.

    Keep up the good work. ;}
  • TheDVDGrouch
    Classic Hagan need I say more.
  • killa_kid
    This is one of my favourite reviews as well. I cracked up numerous times and am glad to see it made the site!

    Can't wait to see more from Diamanda.
  • The_joshua
    funny as hell couldn't stop laughing
  • Kev N.
    YAY! A Police Academy 4 reference.
    Citizens On Patrol = Best movie theme song ever
  • Silence
    Oh man, fantastic work, as usual. The world needs more Diamanda Hagan!
  • Relaxo  - You're doing great!
    I really dig your dark but friendly style, really got that cool and funny trip workin'.

    Great review, I can see you doing Brad proud with this'un. ;)

    Godfather music and Little Green Bag's a nice touch, too.

    And I love the castration pointers XD.

    11:43 Ah, the iron law of oligarchy at work.
  • dde12321
    I will do my part, all hail Hagan!
  • Strigiforme
    Keep Hagan!

    Diamanda, please let us know on twitter once you get the word on your status either way. :) Thanks!
  • DarkMessiah
    Diamanda? Hi. You don't know me, and I don't know you. But I would like to say that your reviewing style is quite awesome. And even better? This review is 21 minutes long. Not 33. :P That is a huge plus.

    Here's to you hopefully keeping this job! *cheers*
  • TheBlackMage
    Rufus T Firefly? Must be either a fan of the Marx Bros... or The Devil's Rejects. I'm betting the later.
  • DarkChiron  - Eeeeeexcellent
    It's good to see you getting considered for this site, Mistress Hagan. I always thought you should get moved on to better things, and when the Team Grue stuff fell through I figured you'd be the one with the best shot of making it.
  • grendle1853
    Wow, you have quite a range of movies you'll review. Good to watch, I hope to see more!
  • dakostro
    This was the second time I watched this (1st time was on the forums) but it still cracked me up so many times. The video/audio clips, plus Hagan's comments and of course the goings on in her lair. Can we keep her? Please, please, please!
  • Heckfire
    ...I am SO looking forward to the inevitable Hagen/Linkara crossover.

    EDIT: OK, I posted that before I got the the end of the review and saw her wielding a lookalike to his Magic Gun, I swear.
  • Gweskoyen
    Linkara had already a cameo in Hagan's Raspberry Reich review.
  • ThePinkLadyJ
    Great review keep em coming
  • MrThorbjoern
    even the name of this movie is stupid...
    they are wearing uniforms of the SS, not the GESTAPO, cause they didnt have any...cause its means geheime Ssaatspolizei, wich means secret police...and if they are wearing uniforms, they are no secret...
  • screamingturnip
    Love this review but something has been irritating me, something that if unanswered could stop me from liking Diamanda ever again...
    Was that guy on Night Court?

    I'm of course kidding, she's like heroine. I couldn't give her up but still, weird.
  • OmegaGeek
    Another one of my favorite reviews! Mistress, when are we going to see the return of the Castration Options Minion? Your show is awesome and I still definitely think you should be picked up for the site!

    (PS - I still want a bath-tub like that...)
  • ZetorTSR
    I was a bit skeptical at first, but I really like Hagan's style. Let her on!
  • Herpmcderp
    I swear to all that is the internet, this show sucks. It's so droll and only gets props from it's already accumulated neckbeard, metal-head, wanna-be juggalo/Joker audience from before it was on TGWTG.

    I literally hear like the first two words this thing says and it hurts my soul. Not in a cool, Shang Tsung kind of way, but in a makes me want to stab my face with dull rocks until it stops kind of way.

    Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, and your desire to be internet cool, but it's just pain. Terrible, terrible, unfunny, lame-ass pain.

    Kindly go back to Blip, or youtube, or wherever you and your mouth breathing cronies came from.

  • anaeuphis
    It hurts my soul, emo much? I'm not a fan of this show either but seriously dude, get a grip on reality. It's not only a fucking stupid hyperbole, it shows how much of a child you are. This is the worst level of tragedy you can imagine? You could be in war. Or have your safety helmet taken away by some bullies and getting a swirly during lunch break I suppose.

    Kindly crawl back to Spoony or whatever den of adolescent exaggerating douchebags you crawled out of.
  • dennett316
    Nice way to sink to his level mate, top notch.
  • Gweskoyen
    You are severely confused. "Metal-head, wanna-be juggalo"? These are two completely different scenes, metal heads and juggalos have nothing in common, even the music itself bears no resemblance, not even in passing. If there is a musical scene I would say Diamanda is in, I'd say Industrial, although I could be wrong.
    Oh, and to the question where Hagan originated? From the forums of this very site. She is TGWTG-affiliated (in a way) from the very beginning. Her haters seem to force a meme about her "invading" TGWTG, which is simply factually wrong. She even already had cameos in Lupa's videos long before she was picked up. Do your research before commenting.
  • DiamandaHagan
    actually having hagan invade woulda been an epic way to introduce her character. alas, the road not taken.

    Im a metalhead (fave band is bal-sagoth), but I like stuff in just about every genre (fave song is the sex pistols cover of my way)
  • Gweskoyen
    Ah, good to know! ^_^
  • Professor_Jack  - Found my knife, i used it to eat my steak
    You... you irk me.

    As I've previously stated, I do not care for your show.

    I feel your jokes are poorly timed, delivered, and in many cases simply badly written.

    You seem to rely on some sort of shock humor which, due to the subdued nature of your review style simply isn't present.

    Again, I can't help but keep watching this out of a fascination with facepaint, but I think you could do a lot better with a better joke set and less reliance on "Oooh, lookamee, I'm weeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiird and kooooky!" which, frankly, undercuts the idea in itself.

    I do however, respect your commitment to the bit, and I can't tell you how impressive I find your active participation in the comment nonsense. I always like seeing internet folk taking the time to be invested in their fanbase.

    dine on, shoe yaisy crymond
  • LikaLaruku
    She's already done 20 episodes & has mostly favorable reviews. She hardly needs to take advice from the minority of people who aren't enjoying the show, especially if they're not going to stick with her anyway. That would be as dumb as democrats caring what republicans think.
  • DiamandaHagan
    yup. i might fly or i might crash and burn but i do it mmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy wwwwwaaaaayyyyyyy

    my fanbase are arent any different from me. we're all people online who like stupid things for whatever reason. plus i have to keep my 'mean character nice actor' trope at all costs!
  • Smdylan
    my way is actually a sid vicious cover from his very brief solo career.. just a little tidbit i thought you might like to know.

    your intro is pretty darn awesome and summed up what you do well as i never heard of you before watching this i was like "oh she does exploitation films good shit!"

    might i suggest "faster pussycat kill kill" if only for the theme song its also where tarantino got ideas for deathproof
  • dennett316
    She gets props from me because she's funny, don't know about other people.
    Oh, and calling her "this thing" immediately invalidates any criticism you have as it's clear the attack is personal rather than critical.

    You know about her from before her TGWTG run yet still feel the need to complain and be a wise-ass when doing it. Insulting fans of someone you don't personally like is also an awesome way to allow people to file your opinion under Irrelevant.
  • DerKork  - @Herpmcderp
    Where to start?

    Oh yeah: if you do not like her reviews, watch someone else's. Please, just because you do not enjoy her work doesn't mean that you have to come across as trollish as you (intentionally?) do right now.

    The ad hominem attack you pulled in your comment really doesn't help your point: "this thing"? Seriously? Look, Mr. McDerp, I don't know where you come from but where I live we call a woman a woman, not a thing. We didn't even do so in the 1950s when patriarchic points of view were widespread.

    Oh, and attempting to attack the fandom? That is some high-class discussion style there. Seriously, it seems like you're trying to start a flame war here.

    Before I spend too much time and effort with this (presumeably) pointless discussion, I'm just going to say this: Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but if you want to express them, please do so in an appropriate and civil manner.

    But then I remember that this is the internet...
  • DiamandaHagan
    from the hyperbole and the name im guessing your not exactly giving your real opinions. if you are then I'll just say that calling someone a thing is pretty asshole-y. all that does is make the less asshole-y people be less likely to take your opinion seriously.
  • trlkly
    Ugh. To think I was about to give you another chance, and you have to go and call your critics trolls.

    Look, hon. You deliberately dress so as to appear to be the Christian idea of what a Satanist is. Your entire schtick is trolling Christianity by trying to look and act as evil as possible.

    So don't get all pissed when people troll you back. You are intentionally trying to be creepy, and people are going to hate you for it.

    You have chosen an intentionally provocative persona, and as much as I wish TGWTG was above letting the shit on the site, for some reason, some people actually seem to like your schtick. Be happy that you are being given a chance.

    And realize that some of us are going to continually give you 1 star reviews with the hope that we can get rid of you. And, based on your schtick, you get off on people hating you.
  • Creature SH
    You think that what she is wearing a "satanist outfit" to provoke Christians? Did you miss the part where her character is explicitely supposed to be evil? And not a satanist? Hagan is a Haganist. Satan is a little bitch.

    Seriously, though - Interpreting this as a satanist outfit is entitled Christian paranoia at its finest. Not everything is about your club, buddy. There are people who don't give a fuck about you guys until you go and piss them off. Deal with it.

    And.. "letting the shit on the site"? Seriously? Seriously. That's the best insult you can come up with? You're adorable.
  • DiamandaHagan
    I call my critics trolls? hardly. I said one guy maybe wasent giving his real opinion. and then i reacted to the opinion if it was real.

    I want to appear to be a satanist? and want to troll christians? wow. thats egotistical. in my second series i deliberatly reviewed a christian movie (left behind) second and a satanic movie (faust) second from last so they'd mirror each other. Hagans not a satanist, Im not a satanist and Im not entirely sure you know what a satanist actually is.

    im not pissed when people troll, im amused. But if i think their trolling ill mention it and then answer their points in case their not.

    yes i chose a provocative character. why? because it was more interesting than just another person in a tshirt talking about things. i am not that interesting and i can entertain a lot more with a persona. why that persona? because no other reviewers had done anything like it. simple as.

    keep voting me 1 star, but single-mindedly voting 1 star just because you hate the person is as silly as automically voting 5 stars because you like the person. its your right but its my right to think your a bit silly.
  • LikaLaruku
    Perhaps you haven't seen the ratings since you were a first-page commenter, but you are in the minority.

    The only person on TGWTG who trolls Christians is Distressed Watcher, & he does it with a savage vengeance on Youtube.

    Satanist, really? Guessing Insane Clown Posse, The Crow, or The Ledger-Joker on looks alone would have been less of a BS guess.

    I wouldn't be against Ms. Hagen reading her trollers' worst spelled comments out loud over an open fire, pronouncing them as their spelled.
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