Twilight - Breaking Dawn, Part 1

(98 votes, average 4.48 out of 5)
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Comments (59)
  • TimX7
    YAY FIRST! I've only seen New Moon and I have no intention of watching the other films. As I find these films as crappy chick flicks. Which also ruined vampires and werewolves forever.
  • Spanky-Dingle
    I had the displeasure of seeing this movie. I will admit the father is kinda funny,but there was a part that really made me laugh. The part where you find out Edward is a minute man.
  • littlelili
    I would love to see a movie about the Sheriff of a small town who's daughter has a vampire and a werewolf fighting over her. Seriously if it was all about Charlie then the series would be absolutely amazing.
  • Fiang  - In Twilight's defense...
    Yes, I'm going to defend this piece of shit and I'm probably going to go to Hell for it, but here goes.

    Twilight is so boring, so bad, and so shitty for one because it's not about excitement, adventure, or even story telling. All it's about is love, an overly idealized, romanticized version at that. I can understand why this movie is so horrible, even offensive depending on how you look at it. You've heard it all before. It's Mormon propaganda, misogynistic, and can't for the life of itself handle its themes in a mature, careful manner; so on and so forth. It sounds like a book that you'd expect a 'good girl' teenager to write. Very little violence, very littler drama, very little excitement, and a whole lot of sappy wonderfullness and rainbows. So I am far from surprised that this movie turned out to be what it did.

    I used to write crap like this that was just as bad if not worse, so I know how it goes, lmao. Every character has to end up with someone and if you're out of characters you actually WANT to pair up with other canon characters...you make up an OC! Which is what Bella's daughter reminds me of. "Aww poor Jacob didn't end up with the heroine, even though, I kinda wanted him to because...who can NOT love Bella, man, she's like...so BEAUTIFUL! So he'll end up with the next best thing. Her daughter! Who I just now made up!"
  • Lone Wolf
    avatar
    It's not really about love, It's about lust and obsession and in the worst way. It's not self aware enough to realize it's about lust and obsession, it plays the lust and obsession as if it's love.
  • Dust
    "So I was breaking into your house to watch you sleep last night, and noticed how much I love the smell of your blood."
    "Haha, you're so emo and dreamy when you sound like a violent stalker - let's get married once I finish high school!"


    "Oh crap, Meyer just realised I make a much better character than those two... I'm getting derailed! She's going to have me fantasise about a baby!... 'Newborn porn!'"
  • Sewblon
    avatar
    I did not find this review funny. But that may just be because the subject matter is so dull that commenting on it in a way that is interesting, let alone funny, is difficult if not impossible.
  • sonicmaster103  - One more to go sadly but it been long ride
    • Enjoy watching your reviews

    • I bet the fan of twilight would like the kissing scene for hours lol

    • What the hell Jacob supposed to be okay after the whole message

    • Nothing happen in this flim boo

    • Babies look creepy like have no expression just look cute
    I cant wait for this whole twilight series hype be over it with. There be better no remake that be a nightmare. Fun review but nothing much to say compare to other twilight reviews because there was nothing happen with boring film. Nice editing in the end.
  • the gangsta of love
    Wow it's almost as though ignoring what everybody tells you that sex with a creature of monstrous strength before you could handle it , when you could have just so easily postponed the honeymoon until after you transformed was a really bad idea.
  • Sgt. Swatter  - Being perpetually topless makes pedophilia A-okay!
    Shitty pile of incompetence, this movie is. So Sharky and Hairgel are fine with each other now? Okay. At least they didn't have that shitty blue tone. Last Note: SKIN ON SKIN, LET THE LOVE BEGIN!
    PS: Those who say the Twilight hype is over, you forgot 50 Shades of Gray.
  • AnvilPro
    Yeah that ending was 100% badass
  • SRanger1071  - Fun fact
    According to the Maven of the Eventide, Stephanie Meyer did absolutely no research on vampires, other vampire-related media, or other vampire authors. She didn't want her vampires to be like the other, gross and disgusting vampires. Believe it. or not?
  • SRanger1071  - Other fun fact
    The dumbbutt (nothing against the actor exactly, except his horrible taste in scripts, projects, and possibly agents) playing Jasper played Sokka in The Last Airbender. NOT the cartoon, the live-action abomination.
  • fanime1
    avatar
    This is the only Twilight movie I didn't see and it's because I found the book so stupid and offensive, I turned from a neutral Twilight reader to a Twilight hater. It mostly had to do with the pro-life message, as I felt Mayer had No Right to write that topic in a book aimed at tweens.
    As for your review, I loved your montage of beating the past films. I also loved the dubs you put into the film, especially the Lion King one. Also, I had NO idea the birth scene caused seizures. How am I not aware of that? BTW, in the book, the birth scene was really gory, and I actually would have like to see Twilight go that direction. Apparently that didn't happen, so...DISAPPOINTED! And I loved the song you used in the credits. I also like the scene in the beginning about the vampire monologing about falling in love. Where did you get it from? That was funny.
  • Volare3  - About it being a part two...
    avatar
    I completely agree with you about it not needing to be a Part One. Milking it for money knows no bounds.
  • rippedcinema  - Baby ufcking is ok with twilight
    This movie pants pedophilia in a positive light hahahahahahahahha
  • JoeDawson15
    5:30 I'll give you this Erod, that's a great song.
  • FishEyenoMiko
    avatar
    "Ew, I use that ocean!"

    LOL!

    Nice cameos by SheRod. I'd love to see more of her, maybe even another guest review. (-:
  • Dark Jak
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    Is it wrong that i am almost glad these movies exist because it means we have people like Erod and Jeremy Jahns to give us funny reviews on them. Nice work as always Erod.
  • Eyeshot
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    You gotta love how the three vampire lords have nothing better to do than sit on their thrones all day and wait for messages to be delivered to them.
  • ladydiskette
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    Wow, this movie is as hilariously bad as Spoony said it was in his vlog and more.


    ERod, you have guts tackling this bad movie, lots of guts. I pray you have enough for when Breaking Dawn part2 comes out on DVD.
  • ParaChomp
    avatar
    Just noticed, Edward and the voice of Optimus Prime have the same surname. Yup, I'm a pest.

    Anyways, this review was okay, I can see how the movie was awful but I didn't find your harping on it as funny as your previous attempts with other films. Oh well, as they say; try and try again.
  • qazox
    avatar
    E-ROD, I really, REALLY REALLLLLLLLLLLLY feel sorry for you now. GOD couldn't pay me enough to watch this crap.
  • Seikjo  - if there is something I despise more then life...
    It would be Medusa heads in castlvania... but well the stupidity of Twilight is a close second.

    For one thing, you can not DRINK blood to gain blood. Meyer obviously knows nill about biology as well as pregnancy. When she has had two children of her own. The baby does not sit in your body cavity like Alien and claw food out of your stomach. It drains nutrients out of your body. Meyer seems to think it is the former, and even if she could not eat, there are several ways of bypassing the gag reflex right into the stomach and keeping food into a body.

    Not to mention human beings can NOT NOT NOT NOT process blood. I would say maybe it is possible if she didn't need to be bit to become a vampire after wards, but that is not what happens. In this it seems to say: yeah people can drink a gallon of blood and not even puke it up! Which is so utterly wrong about basic knowledge of what a human can eat that four year olds know. Now a 'vampire' bat does live on blood alone, but it EVOLVED that way. Just like there are moths that ONLY feed on tears. It is the way they grew in order to fill a niche and survive.

    There is not much else to say, other then this serious is thnakfully dieing. Once the last movie came out... didn't it come out? Ehh... I don't remember. That this book, and this series is dead. I was a long time member of a anti thread on a forum site. And all of us on there used it as a basic chat for two years. The ONLY time anyone cropped up that liked the series were trolls or people that cropped up because of the over hype of the movies. Its a boring series and a boring set of movies.
    The only good part was me and my sister watching them and riffing them as we watched them. ((Only reason to watch? Shirtless Lauter, me and my sis agree on this.))
  • MialeeFaeshy  - The books were a million times better!
    avatar
    Now, until . . . about the release of New Moon (the movie) I considered myself a pretty big Twilight fan, having read all the books before the first movie was released.
    Unfortunately, after watching Doug's scathing reviews of the movies, and after seeing the epic fail of Eclipse, I have realized that the movies are awful. As a result, even I refused to go see Breaking Dawn when it came out, and I still refuse to see it.
    This review is the most I have seen of the movie, but even from just watching the trailers I could tell you that the book is better. The characters have more depth, the scenes aren't boring, and there is actually a reason and set up to the "talking" werewolves.
    Also, the book doesn't 'show' Bella and Edward having sex. It gives you a lead in to it, and that's it. (Who takes their 11 year-old kid to see a movie where people have sex anyway? They clearly show it in the trailers)
  • THOOM
    avatar
    The 2nd time E-Rod mentioned that the birth scene make jim Lee's son vomit, he sounded like the most annoying "comic booky guy" level of fanboy.

    "This movie made JIM LEE'S kid vomit!"

    So what? The kid is okay.
  • PurpleTiger
    avatar
    He wasn't making a big deal out of it being a singular incident. He was simply using the kid as an example due to the fact that Jim Lee is a recognizable name. Chill out, you're nitpicking something really silly.

    Also, as he pointed out, epilepsy is a serious issue, so saying, "So what?" about it is kind of insensitive. Just saying.
  • redjirachi
    14:23-Aaand Old Azrael just gave us the middle figure. Why Stephanie Meyer's publishers, why? Why did you fund Meyer's wish fufillment fanfiction?!
  • DisappearingBears
    Yeah, no thanks to this movie, THOOM.

    Also... did they use a CGI baby? What? Ah, well, at least we have the Pattinson/Stewart breakup which will live in infamy and serve as a fitting counterpoint to the movie they starred in.
  • PAPOUCHE
    avatar
    Karmaloop Rep Code: "PAPOUCHE" (20% off all purchases).
    Booger Kids Clothing Representative Discount Code: "PSICARD0319" (10% off all purchases).
    Invite to PLNDR.com: http://www.plndr.com/ plndr/MembersOnly/ login.aspx?r=2560944
  • Goat Boy
    avatar
    Did they really use a shitty cover of a song from The Lost Boys? Those fucking douche-nozzles!!!
  • UchaNekome
    avatar
    When my friends were into twilight I was forced into reading the book. (By forced I mean pursuaded.) I couldn't make it through the first book. Unfortunatly I had to supposedly, "read all of them otherwise it won't be good." So I read the first and last two chapters of each book and concluded that the series was crap. From that allown.

    The expirience was tramatic...
  • tomrule123
    This is only part 1. FUUUUUUU-

    0:48 Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of E-Rod!
  • That Anime Chick
    avatar
    Nicely done E-Rod!

    I for one, am glad the Twilight fandom is slowly dying down... (...Hey wait, what about 50 Shades of Gray? ...F**k.).

    The worst part about this series is that it COULD have been interesting, but no... all we get is filthy tweenie and Twi-Mom bait.

    *SIGH* I really f***ing hate people sometimes...

    (Though say what you will about "Vampires Suck", I found the scene with "Team Jacob" and "Team Edward" fans beating the shit out of each other delightfully cathartic.)
  • J0hnny0hm  - Very Nice
    avatar
    As always, I like the points you make. I'm also glad that you didn't talk about the moral standings of abortion in this movie. Doug Walker already got really pissed about how they talked about it when he did his Bum Review.

    Of the Twilight films, I think this one is the....least bad. There are logical things they could do to avert the crisis, yes, but I got attached enough while watching it that the tension was rather palpable to me.

    Aren't things that are supposed to cause seizures supposed to have a warning slapped on them or something? I guess that became news because it's a Twilight movie. (And possibly because of Jim Lee as well.)

    I've baselessly hated Twilight for a while, but I've been watching the films over the course of several months with my friend who said "they weren't that bad". After constantly making fun of them while we watch it, I have succeeded in ensuring he'll never be able to take them seriously again. We're going to go to Breaking Dawn Part II while it's in theaters, so that'll be fun.

    I'm glad the craze for this is going down and I really hope it's The Hunger Games that takes over the spotlight because I really like that movie, not to mention it has a story worth telling (even if it is heavily inspired by Battle Royale). Just no 50 Shades of Gray....that would be the worst thing ever.

    Mirror Mirror is next? I guess I'm glad I didn't see it. This should be fun.
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