Vampire Reviews - Top 10 Good Things about Twilight

(224 votes, average 4.65 out of 5)
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Comments (246)
  • armagod679
    Congratulations. You survived.

    I have to admit, though, you do have some really good points about the come-back of literature. However, comparing this to Harry Potter is low.

    Anyway, hope you get your revenge on Linkara soon.
  • da_manningman!!!  - How about this...
    Hey, she could have him list top 10 good things about Spider-Man: One More Day. And that's excluding Aunt May, no shortcuts.
  • otakuchick45  - nella
    when I heard her start to talk about people who are 'different' and 'away from the popular crowd' i was waiting for nella to burst in with an apple, or something.
  • Lemmon
    avatar
    You are truly a brave person on the internet.
  • Merklyn236
    Surprised Maven didn't open the video with wine glass already in hand, or something even stronger. Full marks for trying to do the impossible.

    Um, Linkara - I'd watch my back if I were you. Esp if she somehow aligns with Moarte.
  • geoviker
    hahahahahahahahah her oppening "ahhh she tries to stake herself "

    and linkara shall never need to watch his back because he is A MAN
  • Fiang
    I dunno about that. Now that Maven actually pulled it off, I'm pretty sure Linkara can meet her half way and...say a few 'good' things about One More Day.
  • tecpaocelotl
    avatar
    I like that Andre 3000 song.
  • aibr  - Lament of the lamb
    How about reviewing Lament of the Lamb (Hitsuji no Uta) manga/anime? It's kind of vampire story.
  • Hentai Slayer
    avatar
    I prefer that she does Shiki! Now that is a vampire anime! Reminds me a lot of Salem's Lot!
  • vangelis996  - Shoot me now lol
    avatar
    while I do admit that although I am by any means not a fan it is a guilty pleasure to say the least because of how awful it is in the form of hilarity. This in a way reminds of The Room only a lot less subtle especially when we are dealing with "vampires" and emo abusive psychopaths in many ways its just to funny to ignore this because this crap is everywhere. I will say this though can it get any worse. By the way great review as always Maven keep up the good work.
  • Laxpolilla  - Me too
    Agreed. I get a big kick out of reading anti twilight blogs and reviews. I even still have my copy of Twilight, complete with red pen grammar corrections; notes in the margins when plot, dialogue, research, and historical context don't line up; and almost every single adjective used to describe Edward highlighted. I say almost because my highlighter gave up a couple of chapters from the end.

    To this day, it is the only book I have ever written in.
  • Fooldartz
    Okay, this review has taught me that there are way too many Twilight based cakes out there.
    Also, great job on managing to actually come up with good things.

    And sorry geoviker, Linkara may be a man, but Maven will still somehow make him pay. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off woman.(insert PMS joke here)
  • SaratheAwesome
    I have to admit that this brings up a lot of good points. I never thought about Twilight as popularizing the genre, just that it sucked...no pun intended.
  • fangirl21  - A Challenge to The Maven
    You've survived Twilight. Congrats.

    Can you handle the good, and the bad, that is The Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series?
  • rockybalboa211
    avatar
    'Sparkly Vampires' was the perfect song for this review (Since I totally just got my tickets for the Birdemic review tomorrow)!

    Also, get your swift revenge on Linkara!! :D
  • Contrarian  - Love the corset
    avatar
    Let Me In was better than Let the Right One In. 30 Days of Night was awesome. I only saw the first Twilight movie; it was okay. My complaint was that Bella had no problems and whined anyway. Wish I had it that easy in high school.
  • Beta Link
    avatar
    About that point that the books led people to start reading other, better books... Kind of reminds me how I first started watching Irate Gamer before discovering AVGN, Nostalgia Critic, and everyone on this site. So yeah, not a bad point.
  • Fiang
    You drink that wine, Maven, you deserve it! I seriously can't believe you did it. You actually did it. You gave an in-depth review of why Twilight is actually...good! Yeah, there were only four ways, but c'mon now. I think any more than that would be really stretching it, lmao.

    However, I think the literary aspects of it are kind of 'bad' but it's only my opinion. I liked it back in the day when vampires were only cool to a select group of people. The 'goths' and the 'nerds'. And now they're popular with...everyone. So called 'normal' and 'preppy' people like them now and thanks to Twilight, just about the only vampire literature you can find on the bookshelves these days is that which follows in Twilight's footsteps. Today's vampire literature panders to the young at heart adults who want to take some time out of their busy schedules to indulge in a little 'vampiric' romantic fantasy or to the people who've outgrown Harry Potter and want something more...sexy. Nowadays, if you buy a vampire costume...people are going to assume you're a Twilight fan, when you might be quite the opposite. You might be like me and hate the very mention of the series. You might even hear the word 'twilight' even in reference to the time of day and roll your eyes in the attempt to not groan. *guilty as charged*

    But I will fear not and hopefully you won't either, Maves. The Twisuck/50 Shades of Suck craze will eventually die out and HOPEFULLY by then, werewolves will be the new hot thing...and vampires can go back to being mysterious, dark creatures meant to illustrate the 'dark side' of humanity. Rather than being merely sex symbols for teens and forty year old women who didn't have much of a teenhood.
  • EpicFish
    avatar
    No. Just no. There is nothing good about Twilight. I'll save my ranting about pointing out every flaw of this sort of thinking but suffice it to say Maven, there's a difference between "creativity" and "hackneyed bullshit pulled out of one's ass with gusto". Twilight is not creative, nor does Stephenie Meyer have any creativity. She didn't do any research because she's an idiot that assumed she didn't need any. And giving the excuse "Hey at least it got people to read and write", is ridiculous because all it does is reinforced the idea to authors that people will happily buy poorly-written crap and they don't need to put in any effort in writing a book, which is why we have the 50 Shades trilogy that is nothing more than a poorly-written Twilight fanfic that the author decided to publish by just changing character names to prevent being sued.
  • ybrevo
    avatar
    ditto
  • Fangheart
    avatar
    okay, I can't really watch this review because I know Maven's going have clips from the movie and I can't really "look" at the Twilight movies without vomiting so.......yeah. instead of writing an actual comment on the video, I'll put down some of the things that, I do admit, I actually kind of.....partially..... "like" about Twilight. maybe some of these will be the same..
    I "like" how they come across as very powerful, and well, I actually basically really enjoy the biology of the vampires and how they're undead bodies work (obviously excluding the sparkling and lack of fangs) I do enjoy how some of them have powers, they all have super strength, bullet proof skin, super speed, and basic heightened senses that vampires typically have, they don't need to sleep or breath....all that stuff.
    I also "like" how they don't follow many of the stupid cliche weaknesses like crosses and holy water and running water and garlic and stake through the heart and "must gain permission to enter a house" (although in Edward's case, that probably SHOULD have been used) and many many others.
    I also kind of "like" how the werewolves work, how they can communicate telepathically and, as much as I hate to admit it, yeah I can sorta see how that imprint thing can be a good source of drama (although the way SHE uses it is just plain awful).
    so, all in all, I guess I do actually really 'like' the UNIVERSE that Twilight takes place in and how things work in it (again, except for the sparkling and lack of fangs). The premise of that universe and it's rules do have some good potential for a story.
    The problems come from the CHARACTERS THEMSELVES. Their personalities, the way they think, the stuff they say and do, that is were all the retarded bullshit idiocy come from. the story itself is God awful and nothing more than some pathetic self-hating whore's wet dream. the plot is just stupid, the characters are idiots, the author mentally challenged, the characters are idiots, the potential for the universe is thrown out the window in favor of mind-numbingly sappy melodrama that a soap opera would cock an eyebrow at, and did I mention that THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!!! yeah, the MAIN characters. some of the minor characters weren't that bad. I actually kinda liked that Alice chick, and that Emmett guy. they were kinda funny, they had some potential, they were actually, dare i even say it, a little bit interesting for the all of 5 seconds that they actually mattered in the story, but again, Stephanie Myer in all her retardation and moronic fuckwadicy, decided to just ignore those characters and go for the retarded, annoying, idiotic, bland, melodramatic, sappy has hell, dumbshit dipshit dumbass asshole bimbo fuckwad shithole cuntfaced mind-numbing brain-melting cock-craving sigh-heaving simple-minded self-loathing self-worthless pessimistic whiney craybaby spineless MMMMMOOOOOO...
  • Fangheart
    avatar
    why the hell does it cut me off? oh whatever, as I was saying;
    OOOOOOOOOOOORRRRROOOOOOOO NNNNNNNSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! as her main protagonists. and that's why Twilight's a loathsome sack of shit not even worthy of being fuel for a fire that's giving warmth to freezing child.
    but like I said, if someone were to write a story that did take place in the Twilight universe, and was about maybe a special kind of vampire for that universe who DIDN'T sparkle, and DID have fangs, and whose personalty and character was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like any of the Twilight cockfags, then yeah, I'd probably give it a shot and read it....maybe.
  • cannedfury
    You tell 'em, Fangheart! You show 'em what good writing looks like! I'm so tired of these hacks droning on about their personal wish fulfillment power fantasies and what they think vampires should be like, it's about time someone hit them with the TRUTH!
  • Fangheart
    avatar
    I strongly sense sarcasm in your words. look, I have never said that vampires HAVE to be what I want them to be, there is no "true" way to depict vampires. I'm just saying what I personally prefer in a vampire story and why. do I think I can write a better story than Twilight? well, yes, I like to think that I can. do I think I can write a better story than Dracula? HELLZ NO! do I think I can write a better story than the Buffy show or any of the other really popular vampire stories that depict them as what I don't personally like? no, not really. I know I probably can't do any better, but that doesn't change the fact that I still don't really like how they depict vampires. so I like to try and think up a way that I would prefer, and see if anyone else just so happens, by chance to like it too. and if they do, great. if they don't, fine. it's their preference. I'm not trying to "drone on about what I think vampires should be like" I'm just expressing my opinion on vampires. and because this is internet, I'm doing it rather loudly and obnoxiously. because that's the internet. you don't agree with me? fine, great, but I don't care. don't read my comment if I annoy you so much. you don't have to agree with me, you don't even have to put up with me. but I'm still going to express my preference and opinion anyway.


    on the off chance you are not being sarcastic.... yeah I still don't think i can write better than all the old classic vamp stories. and I still don't think there is any "truth" to be said about how to write vampires. so......don't think that.
  • ghazzterThaOG
    avatar
    DOMINATION: she also ruined Shakespear
  • illuminatiprimus
    avatar
    Holy shit you have NO idea how long I've been waiting for this review to go up! YOU SAID TUESDAY IN THE LAST VIDEO!!!!!

    What can I say Alyssa? You've outdone yourself. If you can pull of that kind of coup you could probably write a sympathetic memoir of Chairman Mao (but you won't because he wasn't a vampire).
  • SanguineSushi
    avatar
    Props Honeybun! Twilight is pretty "eh" for me, but I gave it a shot specifically not to be on the "I hate Twilight" bandwagon without having actually read the books or seen any of the films. In the end, it remained "eh" for me personally, but you've enlightened me quite a bit with your perspective. I'm still not a huge fan or anything, but I feel a bit more educated on other ways you can consider it. Especially the whole "new and creative" take on vampires not being a lazy, uninspired, teen fantasy god-like super people aspect, but a more "original and interesting" idea from someone who just wanted to make something their own. I don't think I'll ever understand how an older woman writes these stories though, I know it's the books themselves that matters, but I just get a bit perplexed imagining my mom writing about teenagers...
    Anyway, loved it Maven! It takes awesome confidence to speak out about things that the vast majority might disagree with and you did spectacularly well. It's videos like this that peak interest in what else you're up to, that's for sure. I'll definitely be checking out more of your other videos later ^_^
  • Youngbountygirl  - I do agree!
    There are alot of bad things about Twilight, but also good things too and the idea that there are good vampires that drink animal blood is a good thing. I did do a vampire fan fiction similar to the idea of Twilight, but not even close before the movie came out. You can tell that the Twilight version of Vampires is good creativity.
  • Evil King
    avatar
    I have actually sort of made these points before. Haha. I view the "they sparkle" as a not bad plot point. People argue against it when it is really only somewhat important in the first book. Slightly more in the second one and is never a big deal in the next last two. So the complaint is just being a little nitpicky.

    I don't love series, but I think they are "okay." The books are better than the movies, but when is that NOT the case? I have deemed in the past that this vampire is creative. Different than all others and for that I admire Stephanie Meyers. She created a whole new vampire. That is a good thing. Yes afterwards writers kind of went the way movies do and wrote a bunch of vampire novels to cash in on the current fad. Some weren't THAT bad.

    I do think that Twilight got really, REALLY big because the HP books finally ended. I just know that I read the first three in middle school. As those were the only ones out at the time. About seventh grade. Which was...around 5 1/2 years ago. The world needed a new series. Then...the teenage girls and soon after their romance deprived moms found...the Twilight Saga. Around my freshman year they gained extreme popularity. And a bunch of sexually frustrated moms and teenage girls jumped into the bandwagon.

    Hot guys, romance, fantasy-driven relationship. So yeah.
  • midnight-tea
    Hmm... there are many immortal, undead blood-drinking creatures in many mythologies - they're not vampires though, they're bloodsuckers.
    Vampires are bloodsuckers too, but not all bloodsuckers are vampires :P
    So while I agree about creativity and playing with/changing the formula, I have hard time accepting going with it as far as making the thing basically unrecognizable. We know they're vampires, only because the author keeps constantly telling us that they are. If she didn't, we probably would have hard time guessing what kind of monsters they are.
  • Ravensong
    avatar
    Great Scott! That corset sure is becoming on you. Though that seems to be only natural since if I was on you like that I would be comming too...
  • trlkly
    avatar
    Dude, really? It's one thing to gush about her looks, but did you have to take it there?
  • Minion of Yahtzee  - So you've conqured Twilight
    avatar
    Good for you, now for next time why don't you review the "parody" Vampires Suck? If you thought that showing Twilight in a good light was hard, how's about reviewing a Twilight parody written by the two lobotomized chimps that gave us Epic Movie?
  • Redninetailfox
    avatar
    I still count this as 10. There may only be 4 good things that twilight has done for itself but it has done other good things outside of it and it dose count still. I know it was a long joke but they are good points. Ohh and I never thought the sparkle as number one but you make a good argument for it so I approve. Good job.
  • Rue_Ryuzaki2
    avatar
    Oh Maven you pulled through.
    Linkara buddy you need to make sure your magic is at 100% because Maven is coming for you. lol
  • Kamary  - Twi Moms
    avatar
    Remember at the beginning when you said that the viewer's mother hated Twilight? Well, that's not always the case. Oh, the shame of hearing one's mother squeal or the trailed for Breaking Dawn part 2...

    Well, at least you managed this. Poor girl. I pity you.
  • that guy: not him whit the glasses
    avatar
    great video!

    I haven't seen twilight or read any of the books. As Dr gonzo says: I am Counted Among the Blessed.
  • ColossalChaos
    avatar
    So what are you going to do to get back at Linkara? Team up with Dr. Insano? Cast a spell on him to make him do the same thing he did to you and force him to say bad things about Maximum Carnage? Turn Iron Liz into a mindless slave? Ask a favor from Diamanda Hagan to have her force Linkara into a crossover with her where they review Tarot Witch of the Black Rose #53 and talk about that vagina line he hates so much? Send Dark Nella after him? Convince 90's Kid to leave Linkara to prove he is more than an idiot? Or just repeatedly send him a series of bad comics? If your going with that last one, here is a small list of books on ebay you can work with:

    Conservation Corps #1-3
    Daredevil #317-318
    Red Hood and the Outlaws #1
    Sonic Super Special #7-12, #15 ESPECIALLY #15
  • TheGreatEscapist
    avatar
    Wow. I'm actually really impressed.
    You not only survived, but you've just presented a very sound argument to "Twilight" having a silver lining. Great job! :D
  • Blizz3112
    avatar
    Never did a cake look so disgusting... :-P

    Great Review, Maven... It was hard, but you still pulled it off, ;-)

    And I'd say Alucard from Hellsing is probably the strongest and most broken Vampire in existance, haven't met anyone stronger than him in books/anime/movies... XD
  • thorondragon
    i would say the castlevania dracula and vampries would properly be close or more powerful than alucard. that dracula can project magical energy.
  • Animikean
    avatar
    An Alucard vs. Nightroad fight would be awesome,

    An Alucard vs. Edward fight would be... short
  • Give1Take2
    avatar
    Nice effort Maven, I can see you gave it your all!

    However, I really have to disagree about the sparkling being a good thing. I don't disagree because "sparking is gay" or anything like that, but because I don't think it's a good thing to take a pre-existing mythological creature you know absolutely nothing about, actively avoid doing any research on it, and write about whatever the hell you feel like writing about. It's ignorance and laziness, not creativity. Unfortunately, it was also popularized by Meyer. *sigh*

    Otherwise, nice attempt! ^^
  • mrrubino
    avatar
    See http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=0PlwDbSYicM At 15:25.
    That's the way I've always looked at it, really. So this radical and major change wouldn't bother me in most contexts.
  • Thatpirate
    avatar
    I completely agree Give1take2, also it reminded me of the character The Sentry from Marvel Comics. It's basically the same thing, it's a character created solely to be absolutely perfect and have the most awesome epic powers ever, but to be flawed emotionally (he's agoraphobic and schizophrenia). According to popular Marvel lore, Stan Lee created the character and immediately threw it away stating that it was too boring to base a series off of. It's the same way with Twilight vampires. They are way too powerful and emo to be interesting.
  • trlkly
    avatar
    But she didn't do that. She specifically wasn't using vampires as we knew them. She instead borrowed some elements of vampires to make a statement about teen romance, particularly the kind done by those who choose to remain virgins until their wedding day.
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