Another Damn Breaking Dawn Review
Written by NChick Thursday, 29 November 2012 16:09
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Comments (96)
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11.29.2012 - 16:57 | SickBritKid
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11.30.2012 - 18:14 | otakuchick45OMG I had the EXACT same reaction as you did! I went to go see it with my twi-hard friend, while still hating the franchise, and going into the movie knowing nothing, and then i was like OMFG IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD! but then the whole cop-out thing happened and I gave the screen a big FUCK YOU because that scene literally reduced my friend to a sobbing mass of tears on the floor of the theater but..... anyway...... I liked it. My last sentence? "Kudos, Twilight. Kudos."
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WE'RE FREE!!!!!
("Without You" starts playing)
I am here and I am sane.
I can now be the same without you (holds Twilight DVD)
without out you.
I will run (Chariots of fire scene)
I will dance (Gangnam Style).
This will be your final stance.
No more you.
No more youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
No more Mormon tween porn stewwwww. (DVD being burned).
No more stew.
No more of you.
No more tween porn stew.
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11.29.2012 - 23:20 | qazox
Best song ever :)
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11.29.2012 - 17:56 | Mr.Anderssson
God now I really regret not seeing this in a theater full of twihards. It's probably too late at this point anyway. I would so be there to consume the lulz.
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11.29.2012 - 21:34 | LikaLaruku
There's always those cheapo $3 theaters that are still playing movies until just before they come out on DVD. I'm sure a few Twihards will be lingering there.
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11.30.2012 - 10:09 | Mr.AndersssonThose don't exist in my neck of the woods. The only thing like that is this tiny arthouse movie theater.
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12.01.2012 - 13:52 | TooMuchFreeTimeyou only pay 3? damn i'm getting ripped off for 50 cents! :P
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12.06.2012 - 02:52 | Crystal-Heart
My normal movie theater only charges $3.50 a ticket..$4 for 3D.
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11.30.2012 - 03:19 | Waffle
Agreed. I'm in the same boat. I enjoyed the movie for all it's terribleness, but watching it with a bunch of twihards would've been so much more fun XD
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11.29.2012 - 18:09 | AmorenI'm so very tempted to go see this movie, after all these reviews - even though I haven't seen any of the others. xD
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11.29.2012 - 18:14 | RJ Dalton
"The execution makes me want to choke a bitch."
Specifically, a bitch named Stephany Meyer.
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11.29.2012 - 18:34 | imdb88
Funny story. As I was listening to the national anthem at a hockey game, I kinda snickered when the singer came to "at the twilight's last gleaming."
See if you can guess why.
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11.29.2012 - 18:37 | katsa5
^_^ Don't worry. There's always the Twilight fanfiction known as '50 Shades of Gray'.
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11.30.2012 - 10:05 | Mr.AndersssonOh god don't remind me... They're even making it into a movie. Welp, looks like us dudes have another few more years of being dragged to horrible chick-lit movies.
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12.05.2012 - 21:18 | The Shamster
There allready IS a movie out right now; mind you, it's a XXX rated porno, but that is exactally what the books are: a really poorly made porno.
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11.29.2012 - 18:39 | Ancel De Lambert
Your tears sustain me, mmmm, yes.
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11.29.2012 - 18:39 | Rue_Ryuzaki2
Hahaha! oh NChick didnt know you enjoy tears so much but after this I understand. Now I'm going to sit back and wait to see my niece's reaction to this movie when she finally see it.
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there wasn`t never was a consequence during the battle, even the cullen leader with his head off, he wasn`t dead. they can just attach his head back
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11.29.2012 - 20:35 | FinnishPhenomWell at least there was an illusion... of, ironically, an illusion... of consequences.
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11.29.2012 - 19:48 | LOLZERAm I the only one who hears Avenue Q in the background?
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12.01.2012 - 01:21 | WesleyFoxx
o/' fuck you lady / that's what stairs are for! o/'
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11.29.2012 - 19:50 | CyborgPrince
You're quite the sadist, aren't you Lindsay/Nostalgia Chick? Now we just gotta sit through the bullshit that is 50 Shades of Grey. If you think about it, Twilight is pretty much Stephenie Meyer's sexual fantasy and 50 Shades of Grey is a sexual fantasy fanfiction of that (before the character names were changed), so essentially it's a sexual fantasy of a sexual fantasy. FANTASYCEPTION!!
Here's hoping Midnight Sun never gets released. It probably will though.
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11.29.2012 - 19:54 | SpiralEyedManiacNChick, are you implying that Twihards are evolving from their status as the worst nerds on the planet? that they are starting to understand that perhaps safe, comforting stories will never have the power and gravitas of a risky and compelling one? Intriguing hypothesis....time to let the science begin!
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11.29.2012 - 19:56 | ShiraSaphira
audiences in America always seem to get into movies more than here in Australia. I'm Seeing this tonight with my friend. I'm hoping there'll be similar reactions from the audience as NChick got so that I'm entertained by something... but I'm not holding my breath.
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11.30.2012 - 01:14 | DustIt's been two weeks, you've probably missed that ship, sadly.
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11.29.2012 - 20:03 | PaladinDemo
I'll have what she's having.
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That big anti-climactic middle finger? The book did it to the reader TWICE (the final showdown AND Bella and Edward's honeymoon.)
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11.29.2012 - 23:01 | ladydiskette
I don't know but I think the Twifans may have gotten thier first taste of vampiric bloodlust (the good kind that shows violence not the crappy lustful kind they had to read for pages)and once they experienced it they wanted more. The kind of bloodlust that was denied them in the entire bookseries.
Maybe it will help open thier eyes somewhat, no guantees, but its just hoping.
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11.29.2012 - 20:25 | pkingdomD'awww, look at that smile right at the end!
Well, at least something productive came out of Twilight.
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Weird, why were you playing "I Like It Rough" under it?
Only question about the entire review. I loved this, and I love the idea of people getting thrown from their expectations. As much as I had to tell my former girlfriend how that duel in Deathly Hallows would NOT work on the screen, she seemed to agree. She, however, is not an idiot. (Immature at many times, thus the 'former', but not an idiot.)
She hates Twilight to death, and I have to say, so do I. But hearing about the movie? I wish I could see an unspoiled audience's reaction, too...
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11.29.2012 - 20:58 | Dr Forrester
And a good riddance I say
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11.29.2012 - 21:44 | LikaLarukuThe opening reminded me of this scene from a movie I can't remember the name of where a woman was sitting on a bed, drinking a bag of tears.
Movie Bob from The Escapist said that this movie was practically made for Twihaters, that it was 2ed to Avengers as best movie of the year, & that it's so bad it's hilarious.
It's not fair that Twilight got a dozen movies that were loyal to the books & A Series of Unfortunate Events got a single movie that wasn't loyal to the books. Jim Carey was perfect for Olaf though, I'll give it that.
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11.30.2012 - 01:17 | renjifanatic
Was the movie Cry-Baby, perhaps? That 1990 movie starring young Johnny Depp? The lead girl cried into a jar and drank the tears during a song. Eeeew.
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11.29.2012 - 21:45 | ecyor0
Wouldn't drinking tears make you *more* thirsty? Salty and all?
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11.29.2012 - 22:58 | ladydisketteSome sodium is good for you.
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11.29.2012 - 23:00 | TragicGuineaPig
Add sugar and you've got Gatorade.
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11.29.2012 - 21:52 | Mattmanganon
Twilight amuses me in the fact that... Stephanie Meyer has obviously never read an Anne Rice book (probably no book that didn't have pop up pictures) and yet she feels like she is ripping her off. Seriously, they both write their Vampire books in the "I want to be carried off into the moonlight in the big strong arms of my Edward/Lestat." kind of way.
Yet Anne Rice realizes that sacrifices have to be made. Stephanie Meyer doesn't.
Twilight is an attempt to re-write Romeo and Juliet to have a happy ending... and that defeats the point of Romeo and Juliet. It doesn't matter if you are Blinded by love or disease, either way, if you stumble around blind, you are never going to see danger coming until it's too late.
every danger is averted in Twilight, with every bad thing following a pattern
1) someone says something bad will happen.
2) the bad thing doesn't happen.
3) the crisis is averted.
E.G. "You will die if you have this baby... oh... you didn't... well, crisis averted." "All of your friends are dying around you... oh... this is all just a vision and in reality, everything is fine... well, crisis averted."
and at the end of it all, the time when every character should look back and say "Wow... we sacrificed so much... and what do we have to show for it? was it worth it?" they instead go. "Wow, this was a fun adventure. and nobody had to sacrifice a damn thing."
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11.29.2012 - 22:18 | Romanticide
I will probably wait until it goes out on tv to see it... or it appears on the bus I tend to take to go to my hometown. I don't really feel like spending on it and help it get higher on the box office numbers.
And while I am relieved this nightmare is finally over now there is a new challenger in 50 shades of shit... I do not know if will be able to stand the fans...
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11.29.2012 - 22:37 | ParaChomp
I hear Schadenfreude in the background. Typical but great great review. Interesting reaction from the audience.
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11.29.2012 - 22:40 | ladydisketteOkay, so the only time we get to see Bella finally stand on her own two feet and not only try to fight someone, but battle and kill someone to protect someone ELSE she cares about like her child.
.....and its all just a dream.
Yeah thanks movie! >:(
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11.29.2012 - 22:58 | lithiumgreenYou hear that? That's the sound of a thousand angels rejoicing over the new holiday: No More Twilight Day.
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11.29.2012 - 23:07 | qazoxTo quote ERIC CARTMAN: "Yes! Yesss! Oh, let me taste your tears."
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11.29.2012 - 23:11 | MavenCreeIt's the "And then I woke up." ending.
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11.29.2012 - 23:11 | LouiscipherI wonder if Lindsay has seen the Half in the Bag Redletter Media review of Breaking Dawn part 2?
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If you're gonna do something like that, however, you need to handle it well and be half-decent with the pen in order to keep that situation from turning into sexist bullshit.
Stephenie Meyer cannot write. She cannot write characters, she cannot write setting, and she cannot write fight scenes. It's why Breaking Dawn was such a massive anticlimax.
If I were to use a video game for comparison, I'd say Twilight is like Two Worlds: Conceptually great with massive amounts of potential that it fails to meet due to the incompetent idiots at the helm with the writing.