Troll 2
Written by Phelous Tuesday, 26 May 2009 23:47
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Comments (182)
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05.26.2009 - 20:01 | Linkara
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That line had me cracking up to! Back in the early 90s Troll vs. Goblin prejudice was a serious problem. It was just as bad as mistaking a Chinese person with a Japanese person. So many lives of Trolls, and Goblins were needlessly lost in the species riots of 1993, where the streets ran green with blood & yummy nutritious goo! Damn this movie for exploiting all that pain!
As for the review Phelous knocked it out of the park! This might sound weird but even after seeing the notorious line in various "worst scenes ever" lists on youtube, it wasn't until seeing the rest of the parts here that I realized I saw this drivel as a young kid. While I was only 11 or 12 at the most, I am embarrassed to admit that if memory serves me correct it actually freaked me out. Now it's time for me to utilize "selective amnesia", and put the memory of this film in limbo where it belongs. :)
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05.27.2009 - 12:21 | benzaie
excellent review
this movie is out of this world...
the special effect killed me
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05.27.2009 - 20:29 | Phelous
It was pretty awesome huh? I don't think even Joe has done lightning effects quite that amazing.
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09.26.2010 - 18:01 | Haon
You look funny without a beard! I love it!
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05.26.2009 - 20:01 | coolbeans14eh. . . it's alright I think you could work on your acting just little but it was an OK review.
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05.26.2009 - 20:16 | Pcnerdjack16Personally, Troll 2 will always be review proof, no review can do it justice, but other then that, this is pretty good. ;)
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05.26.2009 - 20:18 | LinkaraJust finished and it was friggin' hilarious. XD Phelous, you get better with every review. Keep it up!
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05.27.2009 - 20:28 | PhelousThank you kind sir.
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01.02.2010 - 01:46 | EIXoPThe camp level truly was over 9000.
This movie is so random it makes you laugh, but at the same time, the randomness makes this movie unbearable to watch.
Grandpa was still kind of bad ass. :lol:
Anyways, great review and keep up the good work.
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05.26.2009 - 20:19 | goukisamaLooks like dick cheney's hometown. Man i don't care what they say about you phelous, These videos are funny. Anyone of those other haters can go to hell and make their own.
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THIS JUST IN!!!! I REPEAT, THIS JUST IN!!!! The original Troll film, the REAL one not this shitsack, is getting a remake by the origial one's director!!!! Get ready, people, because 2012 is..... THE YEAR OF THE TROLL. (That's the film's current tagline)
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05.26.2009 - 20:19 | rabbitinred
I am ashamed to admit that this scared me when i was about 8..mainly because i had the flu when i saw it, and at age 8 it looked to me like they were melting in puddles of puke. now i have a copy and i force people to watch it with me. it's the only way i'll let them be my friend.
i have no friends.... :(
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05.27.2009 - 06:51 | ghazzterThaOG
The Kid has a poster of the joker from The Killing Joke, in the background. WTF
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05.27.2009 - 06:52 | ghazzterThaOGno kidding on the friends comment
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05.26.2009 - 20:21 | Roach
"What did Peter do to the goblins?"
"HE CALLED THEM TROLLS."
EDIT:
Wait, I just realized Linkara said that first.
Disregard that, I suck cocks.
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11.29.2010 - 19:37 | sprezzatura
Haha, is your avatar a nod to the "I'm a dinosaur." guy in Nostalgia Critic? lol.
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05.26.2009 - 20:31 | soldierstar
I don't remember much about this movie cept the ending which was totally awesome by the way. Nothing says Hollywood magic like scarring a young boy with images of his moms body being devoured in an orgy of blood and evil...brings a tear to my eye every time
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05.26.2009 - 20:35 | OldGreg
Troll 2.
One of the worst movies ever made.
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I gave myself a headache from laughing so hard, that movie was such a trip and the characters overacted BADLY er uh TAD overacting especially The pale witch Ms Bug eyes.
"NOW HAVE A FUN TIME TRYING TO GO TO SLEEP YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!"
I was dying of laughter when I heard that.
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05.26.2009 - 20:47 | EarthboundXE
This is the first movie that you've reviewed that I've seen.
It's an awesomely bad movie.
Yeah, the rifftrax for it is pretty damn good.
"I'm sheriff Gene Freak"
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When they make a sequal in name alone. Especially when the first one gave them no fan base.
Seriously, how much plant gunk did the movie's creaters down before making this monstrosity?
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05.27.2009 - 20:36 | PhelousNot even the same creators, even better!
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05.26.2009 - 20:49 | J_Conrady
Hey, where's Phelous?
Just kidding...did have to do a double take, though. You were probably much nicer on this film than I would have been, but you managed to bring the funny.
I'm dying to see "Best Worst Movie" about Troll 2 from SXSW this year, made by the kid from the movie. The docu actually has been getting great reviews, I find that pretty funny considering the subject its about.
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05.27.2009 - 20:36 | PhelousHere I am!
Yeah I'd like to see that myself. But all I could see was the trailer. I assume it's not yet had a public release.
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05.26.2009 - 20:51 | DesertEagle
Nice review! All the jokes were spot on except maybe the repeat of the 'You are all weirdos!' line.
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05.26.2009 - 21:37 | LinkaraI don't know, I kind of like it as a recurring gag, because it really just sums up what one can say about movies like this.
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03.03.2010 - 06:10 | GuywithTheBigStick
I agree, Hell I'd like to see someone put more Statler and Waldorf commentary to movies like this... Better yet, give a them MST3K style job!
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05.26.2009 - 20:54 | Lotus Prince
This movie is utter genius.
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOODDD!
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05.26.2009 - 21:07 | Prowl
At least at one time, that movie has to have set a record for WTF moments.
Great review! Though the mystery of it's title may very well haunt me to the grave... :huh:
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05.27.2009 - 20:38 | PhelousIt's best not to think of these things. Especially when there is even... Troll 3. :dry:
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05.26.2009 - 21:14 | laserlambert
lol that laugh track will never get old.
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05.26.2009 - 21:19 | SomesortofRobot
I like how you edited in "okay..."
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05.26.2009 - 21:20 | Gorvar
Good review dude, laughed my ass off.
Wish my grandfather would kick ass like that, one fucked up family that is.
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05.26.2009 - 21:20 | A Knothole Resident
I’m still deciding what’s more hilarious. The horrendous acting or the deplorable plot. :lol:
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05.26.2009 - 21:22 | Chosen Zelos
I thought friends WERE for filling that exact void for not having sex. I for one see no other use for them ...
My gaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwd, this movie is awful ... awfully hilarious.
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05.26.2009 - 21:24 | Anumber1
I liked this one.
I have question though; amongst all the stuff in the background I cant really see what it is but it makes me curious, what is that black box with the purple man on it?
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05.27.2009 - 20:43 | PhelousHmm... I'm not quite sure what your looking at by that.
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It's Nightmare II: Zombie. That fella on the box is Baron Samedi. Outside the United States and Canada the series is called Atmosfear.
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05.26.2009 - 21:28 | Blizzard JakkalThis movie is so dumb, that even if it had a sex scene with main girl fully naked it would still be stupid. It would be less stupid than this but still stupid. I`m your cometary, i watch it so you wouldn't ;) .
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05.26.2009 - 21:30 | Evil Betty
I wasn't a big fan of your on-screen personality when you started out, but your stage presence is improving over time. This was an insanely-bad movie in the likes of Rocky Horror, and you did well pointing that out. Keep up the good work. :)
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05.26.2009 - 21:33 | KucemanMan, the actor playing the Dad is actually a dentist now. Now this maybe one of the worst movies ever made but man does it have a fan-base. Maybe due to such memorable lines like,
"You can't piss on Hospitality! I won't allow it!"
Or
"They're eating her... and then they're going to eat me... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
I guess the old saying goes its so bad it's good is evidence enough. Great review Phelan and can't wait to see more.
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05.26.2009 - 21:38 | DanManX
That was pretty funny. I loved how you integrated the Muppet clips, that was good. Anything with Sam the Eagle in it gets points from me. ;)
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Wow, this is a huuuuge improvement over the past reviews. Keep improving and you might get my praise!
:lol:
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05.26.2009 - 21:43 | Xylon Lionheart
Read Linkara's second post.
Those are my thoughts.
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"He called them Trolls!" XD