The lack of grammar compels me to read a novel now....Ah War and Peace, a book that needs to correct me from horrid drabble.

How on EARTH can you keep a straight face reading crap liek[sic] that?

Notice there are some cuts in the vid. Obviously he couldn't keep a straight face through it all.

I must admire how long the spaces between cuts are, though.

How does one have sex with a Raptor?

Very sensually....and perhaps careful as well >> Have you not played Turok!!

Really wish I saw this video and message 4 months ago.

I always knew 7 year old kids were playing the game but writing fan fics too. *he let gasp and felled to flor shackin wif teh lulz*

It seriously seemed like a mix of bad grammar, leet and street talk.

There's a science to it, though I'm not sure.

I would offer to find out for you but I have no penis nor raptors...

Is it just me, or does something drip into Sage's drink at about 10 seconds into the video?!

Anyway, great job - I don't know how you can finish reading this crap out loud without ripping out your hair.

Yes, between the 10-13 second mark.

Anyway funny stuff. Do the Half Life one sometime.

Probably the happy pills he needs in order to read this swill without his head exploding like mine did at the exceedingly bad grammar...

Good lord. I was DYING in this video. I can't remember the part that set me off, but when you said it, I had to cover my mouth so I didn't wake up the rest of the house.

You know, I have to believe...HAVE to, lest I lose what little faith I have in the intelligence of others...that the story was written by someone not fluent in English. I'm not saying that to defend them; it DOES beg the question of why they'd write in English to begin with. To reach a broader audience? Surely they couldn't have expected the audience to RESPECT that...but the reason I bring it up is that MAYBE in the person's native language, the story might have been passable. For a normal story anyway. But squirrelking clearly didn't even know the names of the various Covenant races or, even more outrageously, the Covenant itself. I heard "The Flood" be mentioned, but everything else was just "the regular aliens." And the Marines were "human guys" for crap's sake. Why write a story about Halo when you clearly know nothing about the game? I have NEVER played the story mode on a Halo game, and I rarely play multiplayer. It's probably been a couple years since I touched it. I know WAY more about the story and races and whatnot than squirrelking does. I mean...if you're gonna write a story set in an existing fictional universe, don't you wanna at least know how that universe works? You can introduce new elements (characters, settings, whatever), but it has to be grounded in what's already there, and that's impossible when you don't freaking know what that stuff is called! *sigh* Maybe it's the writer in me talking, I don't know... The other two stories, for all their faults (and there were many) at least had this basic concept down: base the story around what you know of the characters and worlds you're using. This...I'm not even gonna call it a story. This diarrhea of the imagination broke one of the most fundamental rules of storytelling. If it weren't for Sage's deadpan delivery and knowing winks at the right time to point out the faults and make them funny, I honestly might have cried about this thing.

I have to say, I nearly died laughing at that story. How old is that Squirrel King anyway, 12? Well, I bet you had to laugh for hours off screen after reading this stuff.

...He swung his arm really, really, really fast (you couldn't see it because it's a blur), he punched the alien, and the alien exploded?

...that's a hell of a punch. O_o

Come now linkara if any one could explain the logic its you.... perhaps he was a man! HAhaha haha...ha.... man I'm lame

oh god

I can't breath

my stomach is killing me

that is the best thing I have ever or will ever see

omg

Fo tight.

Alright. I tried. I tried really hard not to burst into laughter. Well; too late. "Fo Tight" did it.
Seriously - does that even qualify as fiction (or any other literary form for that matter)? I mean, it's not even similar to any language conceived by man!

Anyway, as usual, amazing job - looking forward to the next one.

PS: According to Fanfic.net, the author is Canadian.

HAHAHAHA WHUT

I couldn't helping thinking of those Crocs from the Pearls Before Swine comic strip with the way this author writes, only less intellegent.

A man has sex with a velocoraptor....

Excuse me while I get my vommiting out of the way a week early.

Also, really good video. I woke up my room mates because I was laughing so loud. XD

Good episode, but I dunno. I'm half convinced squirrelking does it 'for the lulz.' That barrel roll is a bit of a tip.

Carefully?

Awesome story! Wow! That's so freakishly amazing. Now there are few things, that I would fix in there. Small things. Let's see:

1) Grammar. The author should attend at least 3rd grade. If he's not natively speaking english person, he should at least take some basic english lessons. and no, games don't count as "english lesson". Um... "All your base are belong to us", anyone?

2) Dynamics. The characters are all bland and painfully one-dimensional. Nobody has a name or a rank, or whatever (this is military, right?) The author shouldn't let lose with the names, like Rumiko Takahashi, where she had to name EVERYTHING, but calling everyone "another human person..." Well...

3) Plot. That's it. Just... Plot...

4) Wait, what? *headbangs*

Somehow, in the middle of the story I was kinda expecting, that the Chief (whatever the hell that could be), would shout "I am a MAN!" and beat the crap out of the aliens...

Other than that, it was made out of sheer awesome

Oh come on don't forget the gripping moment when Another Human Person #3 lost his brother Another Human Person #5. I cried man. That is deep character driven writing right there.

Dont forget how he immediately slept after wards.

I know man. That is literary genius. A normal writer would have him morning the loss of his brother, but he dared to be bold and had him sleep. The sleep symbolizes he rather be in the eternal sleep in place of his brother.

"Another Human Person #5, who was Another Human Person #3's brother, was one day in an office..."

Is there something wrong with squirrel king? Mentally I mean? There seems to be something wrong

I think Squirrel king was only 6 or 8 years old when he wrote that and English isn't his first language. That being said:

2nd Grade + No speaky teh english = Hilarious.

Ugh...this is a perfect example of someone who should not write and post the results on the internet. God, this was painful. At least Until the End of Time was a well written story with a strange premise. But THIS, this is just a sad, sad, sorry excuse for a fanfic. What was he trying to tell? What was even happening here?

My inner editor is sobbing now.

Oh God... that grammar was horrific... and the sad thing is, I have a player in one of my RPs on a RolePlaying Forum who writes like this. But at least he has an excuse, being swedish and all. I actually have to fall in with charlotte here in believing that Squirrelking is mentally ill in some way or another.

Yeah. I don't even think the Flash can do that at superspeed. Can he?

Anyway, so many grammar mistakes. Grammar nazis must be arriving at his house with giant number two pencils used as spears. Yeah. This fic sucks.

Like everyone else said. It's just wrong.

Wow, you got this put up fast!

Anyway... Ohmigosh, that TOTALLY made my morning! Funniest (and most painful)...grammar errors...ever! Great ep, Sage!

And oh man... That raptor one... *shudders* I'm gonna be afraid to listen...

.....does anyone have brain-cleanser?!

ok...where do i begin this thing...well it was...unique, it was very different from other fanfics i know of, for it lacked...spelling(hint: F7 is the spell checker most of the time), grammer (again, F7, its a useful button), and well...KNOWLEDGE OF THE DAM SERIES!! its called a fan fic, cause Fans write them, and a fan is some one who is FANATIC about something, so...yeh...whatever, this ear sodomy is over so now i am going to drink, a lot

I'm going to be a party pooper and complain.
Yes, this was funny... but far from as funny as the previous episodes simply because I found the whole fanfic to be too awful.

I think the reason is that anyone can write a truly terrible story with awful grammar and structure at some point of their lives.
It's just so much more absurd when someone has decent writing skills and not only uses it to write fanfiction out of all things, but fanfiction crossovers about the AVGN and the Nostalgia Critic having sex.

Anyway, just throwing in my two cents here. Keep up the good work.

...I have never seen a Lolcat write fanfiction... until NOW! Really, though, it does seem TOO bad to actually be a real piece of writing. Oh well.
Bestiality in the next episode? I'm curious to see how this is written out... Good job, Sage, and I can't wait to see more.

Sage, this is by far the best series you've done, all these fanfics are hilarious!

I hope Joe Cheif and all the human guys made it out ok.

Hilarious.

This SquirrelKing guy... I don't know if I need to buy him a beer for being a brilliant comedian, or if I should break a bottle over his head for being the worst thing to happen to the English Language since Texting.

I've always wondered where, exactly, stories like this one come from. There must be another dimension or something. Or, it could just be, as other people have suggested, that for some combination of reasons, authors like squirrelking just don't have anything like a firm grasp on proper use of written English.

I say this because I've known more than a few fanfic authors in my time, and have been one myself since high school. Even when we were intentionally writing badly, our worst was better than that. With that in mind, allow me to recommend my own works hosted on ff.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/~jesseshearer , with special notes on *Red Green Meets The Warners*, *Red Green Meets Mummies Alive!*, *Grand Theft Ham-Ham*, and *Aqua Teen Hunger Force: PokeMix*, which has actually stirred the biggest response I've ever gotten out of a fanfic.

Anyway, pure brilliance as always, good sir! I look forward to more!

I have to agree with some others, this had to be written by someone whose first language wasn't English.

Or it was written by some kid under 10.

That was the funniest one yet!
Keep it up Sage!

I generally chalk up his fanfics to be for the lulz. There's too many similar themes and gags ("Wepon", the main character's brother) for me to think that this was a joke fanfic rather than a real one.

It's still funny, though.

Even if I don't think this one was as brilliant as your other readings I still enjoyed it thoroughly. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Also, you should totally do the Harry Potter fanfic known as "My Immortal".

Shadow Leggy on Youtube has links to others reading it. She has drawn some pictures and animations for it. Watch the preview, it's hilarious.