Kazaam PDF Print E-mail
Written by That Guy With The Glasses   
Monday, 06 October 2008 19:52

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written by ThatdudewiththeDVDs , October 06, 2008
shaq sucks!
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written by NegaJoe , October 06, 2008
I agree.
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136
Woa.
written by blushapple , October 06, 2008
That beginning caught be off guard. Must be really bad if the Nostalgia Critic starts off yelling.

It's a Dr. Suess genie.
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written by batsy2 , October 06, 2008
once agian your reviews are victoriuous
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written by DaMentalTeen44 , October 06, 2008
Shaq + Rapping = Sign of the Apocalypse.

Another awesome video. The movie did have a lot of pedophile moments... A LOT!!
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written by JinLee86 , October 06, 2008
This is probably my favorite movie-related episode. What a great birthday present! Hilarious as always.
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written by IceDragon , October 06, 2008
I remember seeing this movie in theaters. Ouch.
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written by MetalHeadMat , October 06, 2008
I find it odd he didn't mention it was directed by Paul Micheal Glaser (Starsky from the original Starsky And Hutch Series)
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written by chewee123 , October 06, 2008
One of your best!
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written by Oreo , October 06, 2008
HE WENT THROUGH A HOLE, WHAT DO WE DO?!
Oh we go through the hole..

These reviews just keep getting better and better!smilies/grin.gif
(brb nice rhymingsmilies/wink.gif)
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5360
haha omg!!!!
written by nick_izzy92 , October 06, 2008
BAD TOUCH!!!!! lol

fortunately for me i cant remember this horrible movie

great review i look forward to your nextsmilies/grin.gif
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6467
Damn
written by Gammelmann , October 06, 2008
Your reviews just keeps on getting better, awsome job!smilies/grin.gif
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6616
OMG LOL ROFL BBQ
written by John Dagger , October 06, 2008
These movies just what I need to get through the day...and a hole in a fence!
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written by Rockula , October 06, 2008
Green eggs and ham it? WHYYYYYYYYY?
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6470
Best Parts
written by SpadeAce , October 06, 2008
"The movie stars Shaq O'Neil"
*gets up out off chai in attempt to leave*
"Sit back down!"smilies/cheesy.gif

"There's a difference between rapping and rhyming. This is rapping."
"Now this is rhyming...I saw a duck. I got a lot of luck...This movie's fucked.

"...But Max doesn't believe him -- imagine that,-- and so Shaq tries to show off his powers but......Wow...my wish actually came true."
*Kazoo? Kazoo?*
"Right here Dumb-Dumbs."

*Look, Max. I don't intend to try and take the place of your real father.*
"I just wanna be the guy who humps your mother. smilies/cheesy.gifsmilies/cheesy.gifsmilies/cry.gif

"Am I the only one who's freaked out by this? A tall, beareded man with an evil grin is following a little boy around, (SpadeAce: Oh god. I already know where this is going. smilies/cheesy.gif) offering him treats, and saying he can make all of his dreams come true......This is a family film, right?" smilies/cheesy.gif

*What's the matter? Is ur tongue broken? Times like this, u should be stokin'*
"U want the smell 2 b good and I'm not jokin'? Grab urself a J and get to smokin'. No truer words have ever been spoken. It'll seem better once u've been tokin'. See? I can do it too. It's not that hard." smilies/cheesy.gif
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written by JustSomeDude , October 06, 2008
Wow, that movie really is horrible!
I never new Shaq was such a pervert smilies/sad.gif

Brilliant work again from the NC.


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4405
lol
written by Aguyok , October 06, 2008
That was awesome.
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written by capnlove , October 06, 2008
Good thing you remembered it. That way, I won't have to.

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written by moscoweddie , October 06, 2008
I actually dont like citizen Kane that much. I think it was revolutionary, but not an entertaining film.
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3579
Horrible Movie
written by ivanvas55 , October 06, 2008
Bad movie, great review but I think no one was really taking this movie seriously, not even Shaq so give the guy a break he just wanted to have some fun.
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4903
great review
written by phastman , October 06, 2008
Yet another great review, I can't wait for the AVGN vs NC showdown im a huge fan of both. lol when he said "ON MY HAIRY ASS!!!!!!"
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4078
He went through a hole!!
written by Sjuge , October 06, 2008
What do we do?!

Ow. Laughing pains.
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written by Rash , October 06, 2008
I actually rented this as a kid.

Please don't ask me why.
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written by Rhomega , October 06, 2008
Wow...what's up with the glass of water...and the flying bicycle...and those kids who took 10 seconds to figure out to go through the hole in the fence?

This movie sucks. My brother saw it in theaters, and I feel sorry for him.
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5561
OMFG
written by Mr Insert Random Color Here , October 06, 2008
TGWTG, you are officially an internet MASTER!!! Seriously, awesome job; I was laughing like a lunatic the whole time.
Ah, Kazaam, the only movie that makes you want Michael Jordan back on screen...on second thought, I'd rather they both be restricted to corporate whoreing.
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written by Dr Dib , October 06, 2008
I heard of Kazaam and maybe watched parts of it on the Disney channel, but I am glad I never watched it in full. I probably would have been scarred for life. The video review was also hilarious with all the different innuendos. I was a little surprise that he didn't mention Sonic the Hedgehog warning kids about pedophilia, but that was probably because Doug wouldn't have watched a show meant for preschoolers in 1993.

I was a preschooler at the time so all is fine for me.

P.S.: Rob needs to practice his shooting somewhere else.
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Well done
written by Cferra , October 06, 2008
Good work! If only it was that easy to erase movies like that. Sadly, this movie's with us and is panned by everyone. And Shaq? Well, I think we all know what's happened to his carrer and we all know the Celtics rule. They just won't be acting any time soon.

Good review. Can't wait to see the epic battle later this week. Keep up the good work! Way to keep 'em wanting more!
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written by SMcCall64 , October 06, 2008
I remember seeing this movie in theaters with my family because it was my birthday.

It was the worst birthday ever.
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written by M. Mori , October 06, 2008
New Nostalgia Critic and Nostalgia Chick in one day?

BEST. MONDAY. EVER.
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4423
SHAQGASM!!
written by TheDramaticMonarch , October 06, 2008
I'm so fortunate I was never suckered into seeing this movie when I was a kid. smilies/tongue.gif

Though nonetheless, I was laughing my ass off over the Pepsi! Gatorade! Viagra! sponsored Mortal Kombat style fight and near screaming in horror over the pedo moments (and you just had to use that pedophile from Family Guy, didn't you?! *shiver* ).

Oh god...and the Bodyguard moment too. What a fine display of Shaquille O' Neill's extraordinary acting skills. smilies/tongue.gif

This review is totally worthy of the Shaqga--erm, Nostalgiagasms. Um...I mean...you get the point. smilies/cheesy.gif
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written by BatOtaku13 , October 06, 2008
a genie doesn't believe in fairy tales? What in the...fuck?!
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1085
lol, Herbert.
written by Swamphunter , October 06, 2008
"Get yo' fat ass back here."

Great use of the Family Guy quotes.
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written by SpadeAce , October 06, 2008
GAHAHAHAH!
The whole "Bad Touch" thing was THE BEST running joke in this review.
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written by kevenz , October 06, 2008
do you like popsicle? haha, funny.
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written by Meru-Sama , October 06, 2008
I have always heard of this movie but never knew anything about it until now... and now I wish I could turn the clock back ten minutes and just say NO! NO MERU! DON'T CLICK THE LINK! IT'S FULL OF BAD TERRIBLE THINGS!

But alas... Arabian genies are only in fairy tales...
Oh and if I heard that correctly and he said DIJIN.... THOSE ARE FUCKING GENIES!!!

... why? D: Was a shitty Super Nintendo/Genesis game not good enough?
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written by iamnotincompliance , October 06, 2008
Can't act, can't rap, can't license his likeness to a decent video game, can't play basketball... WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ALLOWING SHAQ TO DO THINGS? Why do they keep giving him money for this crap?! Could it be? Could it be the path to true success is epic failure at everything? It explains too much... I believe I've broken the code! To the Batmobile!... no, wait, wrong reference... umm... damn.

That made my Monday. It also makes me glad that, even back then, I avoided everything even remotely trendy, never mind my use of "epic failure."
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written by F1315NJ , October 06, 2008
my god, i have never laughed my ass off this hard while watching one of these NC reviews. this was true laughs galore!
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6590
mmmm
written by Destron D-69 , October 06, 2008
mmmm... you gat your fat ass over here and grant my wish.... mmmmm
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written by Paranormal Rob , October 06, 2008
lol why are movie bullies so stupid?
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C U Soon, Lowly rated comment [Show]
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written by JudgeSim:K , October 06, 2008
Green egg and ham it.
smilies/wink.gif
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2997
SHAQGASM!!!!!
written by omegasinnocence , October 06, 2008
Funniest damn thing I've seen all day.
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written by OuijaSlayer , October 06, 2008
What more DO they need!?
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written by Curiosity Inc , October 06, 2008
I can't remember laughing so hard in my life.

This was hilarious. The new camera tricks, the red title cards, the audience shout-outs... this whole review was a perfect blend of tried-and-true NC schticks with some brilliant new jokes.

Easily your best review ever.
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6458
Halarious man!
written by FREAKFANATIC , October 06, 2008
One of your best reviews yet, you never seez to amazme!smilies/grin.gif
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written by GamerKT , October 06, 2008
Wow, this review was great. I was tearing, it was so funny.
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written by NotPigeon , October 06, 2008
Haha, man, I've been waiting for this ever since it was announced and That Guy does not disappoint!
Hilarious.
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written by Grimezy , October 06, 2008
Haven't seen this since I was a kid, I couldn't even remember how it ended until today.

Another great review!
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written by Exaggeration17A , October 06, 2008
For some reason, I'm STILL laughing at the scene where you dubbed a T-Rex roar over the image of Shaq yelling. It drives home just how ridiculous basketball players (and other athletes) look when they make such faces for photo ops.

I actually did rent this movie just to see how bad it was, but I blocked out the line "green egg and ham it," apparently. Recalling it now makes the laughter go away.
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written by stansimpson , October 06, 2008
If Shaq were my genie. I know exactly what I would wish for. I wish I was little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her. Well... I had more, but it looks like my 3 wishes are used up. What a crapshoot.

Btw, around 6:11, he says Cadbury egg. I'm pretty sure he means faberge egg.
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written by girlwiththeglasses , October 07, 2008
When I was younger I didn't see much wrong with the movie..but this is definitely one of those movies you look back on and say "wait a minute...who thought up this shit?" ..lol

Great work I loved this review :0)
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written by Green-Hell , October 07, 2008
I wonder what was worse. Shaq-Fu or Kazaam?
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written by cleoambrosia , October 07, 2008
Shaq-fu! I almost want to see this movie now, just to make fun of it. Haha!
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143
Wow.
written by darthragar , October 07, 2008
Now that this review is over, I'll ask which you thought was worse.(btw great job)
Kazaam! or Space Jam?
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5621
It is like a long NAMBLA ad
written by Tbuck , October 07, 2008
smilies/cry.gif very bad
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written by Soan , October 07, 2008
Amazing. One man starred in both a horrible movie and a horrible game.
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written by Rowmen , October 07, 2008
Good Job Keep em Coming
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written by Spike Terra , October 07, 2008
MORTAL SHAQ-FU COMBAT
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4655
oh dear
written by sandell124 , October 07, 2008
what the hell was with the noises he was making whilst showering!?
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written by ErynCerise , October 07, 2008
I think the first "BAD TOUCH!" bit was the hardest I've ever laughed at a Nostalgia Critic video (at least when watching on my own). My sides really hurt and I was almost going to reach for my inhaler. That was just perfect timing, perfect delivery, and perfect text/sound effects. XDDD

The rest of the review was also amazing. I can't remember if I ever actually saw this movie or not as a kid, but I'm glad I don't remember it after seeing this. Good show, NC!
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6526
Scary
written by marcs , October 07, 2008
This movie is scary... it's creepy... it's wrong...

Anyway the SHAQGASM part it's just SUPER HILARIOUS... i love the Godzilla/T-Rex grawl, when i saw it on the Bebe's kid review i laughed my ass off.
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written by Vash3001 , October 07, 2008
Hey Kobe...tell me how my ass taste.
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6628
Kazaam... Damn.
written by saber16 , October 07, 2008
While I never had the PLEASURE of watching this... whatever it is in theaters, that's not to say I didn't hop on the the *cough*popularity*cough*. I recall not only owning (and enjoying) this piece of shit of VHS... I actually had the backpack.
Ah, childhood... when we thought playdough was a snack and diarrhea on film could pass as a movie.

Great review, will your random bursts of swears and hyperactive insanity ever fail to please...?
... To anyone thinking yes, your dead to me.
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5509
Shaqgasm!
written by staplerinjelle , October 07, 2008
Did anyone else get subjected to this movie in elementary school during those days when it was too rainy to go out for recess? God, I hope not. Between this and Space Jam it's a miracle I didn't kill myself with my spork during a closed-in lunchtime.

Thank you, NC, for ripping this movie the new asshole it so rightly deserves in what is easily your best review yet. I commend you, oh Guy who wears the Glasses, for your continuing genius.
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!!!
written by orwellianson , October 07, 2008
One of your finest reviews Doug.smilies/grin.gif
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written by mwong04 , October 07, 2008
SHAQGASM I LAGUHED SO HARD WHEN HE T REXED HIS SHOUT
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written by Bogdan , October 07, 2008
Do you like popsickels ? smilies/tongue.gif
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written by Sl0th , October 07, 2008
Shaq should not be allowed to make movies.

...Or non-basketball related video games.

Ya know, Kazaam came out the same year as Space Jam. Anyone else wondering at this point why there haven't been any more movies made staring 90s basketball stars in the years after 1996?

...And if there were, someone really needs to smack whoever made said theoretical movie.
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4921
Truth
written by RaD , October 07, 2008
This is where NC is better than AVGN, you can truly tell that NC watches a bunch of movies and always did so its natural (he probably knows all about any era of movies) but AVGN played most games in the past, you can tell he is over gaming and thats his only bad attitude.
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6374
I Feel Your Pain...
written by SimonW , October 07, 2008
Seriously, I really feel your pain NC.

I watched this movie once when I was 10 or so and it was the only time I saw it because I knew it was so terrible.
For some reason I thought it took place at a beach, but maybe I dreamt something like that.
Anyway, Kazaam was obviously one of the worst films I watched in my life and I am grateful to have not watched it again...once was enough.

Anyway, your review was great though the whole pedophile angle really scared me because (as I stated previously) I have Pedo-Fear (a fear of pedophiles). I won't go into detail and just continue with this review.

I liked the last line though, "Do you like Popsicles?" and your shouting at the beginning.
Great review (as always) and two thumbs up from me. smilies/grin.gif

SimonW.
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written by B gal , October 07, 2008
At least your wish came true.

I never saw this flim, but from those clips I can't tell, I CAN HARDLY HEAR THE DIOLOUGE! I guess I shouldn't.

Oh well, funny expect for that joke on how bad this movie is.
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written by baba44713 , October 07, 2008
Kazaam is just a little bit over a decade old, which I think is quite new to be called "nostalgic", really.

However it IS really, really bad. And the pedo-moments are really creepy, especially taken out of context like this. I mean, a huge dude sleeping besides a small kid, grabbing him with his hand? What were they thinking??

As for the review, it is terrific, it really shows NC is one of the best "comic reviewers" out there. The jokes are great, rage and swearing is not used as a crutch but is integrated well in the concept, review length is just right... I really think Doug deserves his own tv show.

I miss the bum lately, though... smilies/sad.gif
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6629
Comparing with...
written by wolf , October 07, 2008
A mighty good question -- Can it compete with Batman & Robin? If so, which one is worse?

I'd probably vote for this movie :]

And... And... NC will kick AVGN's butt xD
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written by SailorCardKnight , October 07, 2008
I can't belive I actually enjoyed this crap when it first came out, I also enjoyed Space Jam as well, but more so (because of the Loony Tunes). I haven't seen Kazaam sense then, and I barely remembered it (only the part about the genie in a boom box and some kid). After seeing this review, I so glad that was all I could remember....

As for the review itselef, this is one of your funniest reviews ***EVER***!!!! I seriously could not stop laughing though out the whole thing!!!!! Great work as usual NC!
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written by Icycle1933 , October 07, 2008
This was a great movie. I loved all everything about it, especially that bonus line at the end of the video. ^.^ When Shaq said 'Green eggs and ham it" I had the same reaction as the Nostalgia Critic did..."WHAT??!!" ::incredulous look::
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written by Greyarch , October 07, 2008
AUCH, I laughed so much my jaws are hurting like mad xD This was definatly the best NC so far in my opinion. Very nice vid, can't wait to see more
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written by ThatFellowInTheCoat , October 07, 2008
Hilarious review. I never saw Kazaam and I probably won't. Thank you, Nostalgia Critic. smilies/cheesy.gif
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written by darksepheroth , October 07, 2008
love these reviews they really make me laugh my ass off.


i was wondering something, theres this as thats been popping up for a new show and iw as wondering if anyone could please tell me the name of the song being played in it.
id really appreciate it
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written by Skelosk , October 07, 2008
ROFLMAO slavery!
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written by StinkyJoe , October 07, 2008
Herbert quotes are awesome.
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written by Lord_Order22 , October 07, 2008
"Shaaaqgasm!" That's a word we need to use more often lol. I think this is my favorite review yet!
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written by Rattrap007 , October 07, 2008
You've outdone yourself! This is easily one of the best things you've ever done. I'm in tears. LOVED the bad touch bits, Shaqfu Kombat, slavery, T-Rex yell, everything. Seriously. You sir are a master!
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^^
written by Charlie , October 07, 2008
Surely one of my favourite review... I loved it and the slavery joke was well found XD.
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written by DragonTyph , October 07, 2008
LMFAO

This review is AWESOME!!!!
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written by Quang , October 07, 2008
Lol hilarious review xD
I love the pedo-alert and the thing about the mario-terrorist thing XD
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written by insomniac , October 07, 2008
5/5 Best review ever! haha i have that exact same Citizen Kane dvdsmilies/cheesy.gif
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4949
Brilliant!
written by Badly Drawn Manchild , October 07, 2008
I just could not stop laughing all the way through this review, especially with the whole "BAD TOUCH!" alarm. The humour and sense of comic timing is impeccable. Great job; this definitely ranks among my favourite NC episodes.
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written by Dweeb , October 07, 2008
Please do Shaq Fu next. Just to compliment this and show the lack of talente Shaq has.
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written by NuclearOmega , October 07, 2008
SHAQGASM!!!!
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1972
Bloody Hell!
written by MetalDane , October 07, 2008
I remember when this came out, I remember thinking "That looks like crap"

Now I thank Oden that I didn't see it and I thank you Nostalgia Critic for mocking it so well smilies/smiley.gif

5 star video, as always smilies/smiley.gif
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92
HE WENT THROUGH A HOLE! WHAT DO WE DO?!
written by Lordifani , October 07, 2008
Awesome video, as always! smilies/cheesy.gif
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awesome
written by Nick3889 , October 07, 2008
Awesome just Awesome
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written by Hawkster , October 07, 2008
Did Kazaam just go back to the future?

XD!

Ha this movie is at #93 on IMDb's Bottom 100.
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written by Oatmeal , October 07, 2008
It's pretty funny when I, the viewer, tries to get up, but he insits that I sit down. Love that stuff.
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3351
BAD TOUCH!!!!
written by Sgt. Reed , October 07, 2008
smilies/cheesy.gif One of the best NC videos so far.

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6332
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written by -Jerry- , October 07, 2008
I dont think this movie is the badest movie of all time.
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313
NC, you've done it again.
written by Bohemian Piratess , October 07, 2008
I laughed so hard when Kazaam slapped his hand on the kid's face.
That movie looks awwwwwwful. Plenty of WTF moments, and not in a good way.

Herbert reference FTW!
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written by Macgyver24 , October 07, 2008
I remember being 9 years old and renting this movie from blockbuster, and being excited to watch it,and afterwards thinking this is the worse movie I have ever saw....as a 9 year old I can accept allot from movies but this was so bad after I saw it that one time I went on with life like it never existed.


you know a movie is bad when 8 and 9 year olds think its a piece of garbage.
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written by Spumis , October 07, 2008
I do remember the days when Shaq was on everything. Pepsi, All Sport, everything. He had a rap song called "What's up, Doc?"

Just. Awful.
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3727
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written by Rebochan , October 07, 2008
Wow...this is a movie even I never had the guts to try watching. Seriously. Good on you, Nostalgia Critic. Way to take one for the team.
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written by Jasbond , October 07, 2008
LMAO! Great work NC! smilies/grin.gif
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written by Serenity Phoenix , October 07, 2008
Oh my gawd, that was seriously one of the best NC ever! Especially the pedophile gig!

Awesome video, thanks for being crazy!! smilies/grin.gif
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written by BBQ Platypus , October 07, 2008
WHAT!? How DARE you mock a classic like Citizen Kane! And I'm TOTALLY not buying your excuse! A movie about a rapping genie starring Shaquille O'Neal...how absurd! Why would anyone make a movie like that!?
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written by InsrtCoins , October 07, 2008
Wow. Probably your best review yet!
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written by timbobway , October 07, 2008
I saw this movie years ago it was horrible and mad no sense. But Shaq is A #1 rapper.
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written by Gentleman , October 07, 2008
"OH MY GOD, SHAQ'S GONNA EAT ME!"

Wait a second, what DO you taste like?
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