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Posted by: Gavin Greene in The Fro, short review, Random Review, myblog, Mulled Over, movies, film reviews, entertainment, blog, 1 sentence review on
Nov 29, 2008
 11.30.08 Yo, Another review for the campus newspaper, my final freelance project for them before I can get the interview for a permanent Staff Writer position. Wish me luck! With the 650 word limits, I'm going to need it.
Mulled Over: Australia (2008)  Somewhere between the Westerns of the 60s and the Melodramas of the 30s lies Baz Luhrmann’s original vision for “Australia.” The outback native’s fourth film strays far from his close-up happy, slingshot camera to give a sweeping epic view of both the breath-taking Aussie landscape and the epic romance he created for it. Nicole Kidman plays Lady Sarah Ashley, a prim and proper model of British circumstance, who leaves her comfortable life to investigate her husband’s extended stay at their cattle ranch in Northern Australia. There she becomes aware of her husband’s death and her inheritance of almost 2,000 head of cattle on the only land not owned by a vicious beef-market monopoly. She enlists the expertise of the rough-and-tumble Drover, Hugh Jackman, to help herd the cattle down to the wharf in the nearby city in time for a huge deal with the hungry military. As Australia’s rainy season comes, so does the tail-end of World War 2, with the Japanese bombing of the continent splitting the pair, and their adopted Aboriginal child Nullah (adorable newcomer Brandon Walters, the film’s most genuine actor), apart.  The story as a whole is a predictable one, key plot points can be seen miles away with anyone with a romance novel fix. The actors know this, their characters dancing in stereotypical line when appropriate. Kidman is amiable and sweet as the oh-so-proper English girl that finds her rough and unwomanly side in the saddle, and Jackman is incredibly comfortable and magnetic in a role likely envisioned for him by his female fans with the least amount of personal romantic satisfaction. Some subplots are original and absorbing, but we’ve heard this tune before, the script drips with enough sap to make Shirley Temple projectile vomit. As much as that is a bad thing for most films, the tired narrative shines here. Luhrmann’s “Australia” is like an old photo album, more nostalgic than cliché. Although you know what’s going to happen, you can’t help but be engrossed in the characters and world. Kidman and Jackman are noticeably enjoying themselves as they imitate – and flatter - film convention, so much so that watching them throw themselves headfirst into the cheese makes us cringe less when we hear that same line of undying affection for the millionth time in our lives. The entire film falls together this way, the soaring, varied orchestral score and gorgeous zooms over cragged Australian canyons are more than enough to make you forget how CG those cows across the plains are.  However, knowing the film’s plot points may make you realize how long the movie takes to get to them. Like the classic romances it emulates, “Australia,” nears the three-hour mark closer than most audience members will stand, especially with the many subplots; Nullah’s narrative tradition of the Walkabout conflicting with his new mother’s protective wishes, the racist nature of the local Church Missions and their breeding of local Aboriginals for subservience; taking up more than a fair share of what could have easily been edited into a director’s cut, despite their dramatic and heart-wrenching intentions. When the film slows down from cattle wrangling or corrupted meat industry inter-politics, the scenes can drag on until a watch check, and it happens more than anyone with a “300”-sized attention span will be able to take. Those that can weather the dry periods, however, will be glad they did.  Like the continent of its namesake, “Australia” is a frontier of endless visual splendor, and with many stories scattered across its acres. The film’s noticeably long, with enough slowdown to make you wonder how much you really like this first-date of yours, but when we’re galloping alongside 2,000 head of cattle, it feels like “Gone with the Wind” was released yesterday, and we’re still in the era of Big Stars, Big Sets, and Big Stories. 
One Word Review: Gargantuan
One Sentence Review: “Australia” faithfully recreates the feeling of the corny romances of Classic Hollywood; audiences will have to determine if that’s a good thing.
I believe everyone knows Stephen King. You know, the world-famous horror writer. You might also know that the most of the movies and TV-shows based on King's material tend to be below average in quality. Unfortunately, (Stephen King's) The Mist (2008) also falls on this list of potential chillers. The Mist's plot goes pretty much like this: one night a storm comes, the next mourning The Mist comes, something in The Mist kills people, everyone go hide in a food store and try to stay alive. That's it. There's really nothing else I could say about the plot to make it sound more interesting. Basically The Mist is a monster movie where creatures, of all size and shape, hunt and eat people and for some, unexplained reason, there is mist wherever these monsters occur. There is also a tribute to Drew Struzan (probably stole the idea from NC :D ) at the beginning of the movie, where we can see the main character, David Drayton (Thomas Jane), painting the cover/poster/illustration art for The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. You can also see The Thing on the background wall. I think this was rather weird and I have no idea why it is there, since I haven't checked the dvd extras about this consern yet.
Blood Omen 2: Legacy of Kain is a third-eye adventure/action game. It was released in 2002 on Play Station, Xbox, PC and even GameCube (few months later). It was developed by Crystal Dynamics and published by Eidos Interactive. There is one reason why I saved this game last: it doesn't follow the main storyline. Although it claims to do so by making a short reference to Soul Reaver at the very beginning. However, there are few character related flaws, that simply forbid this game being a direct sequel to the first Blood Omen and a predecessor to the rest of the games. Despite the fact, this game works well as an alternative story (kinda like twin-timeline theory in Zelda): an independend timeline of it's own. The opening scene of BO2 shows a war between human and vampire race that took place decades after the final events of BO. Kain and his vampire army were victorious and taking over the world was almost done, until Kain was struck down by the mysterious Sarafan Lord. The battle between the two leaders almost cost Kain's life, but he remaind in coma-like state for 200 years, awekening in the city of Meridian. With the assistance of a female vampire, Umah, Kain's new goal is to kill the Sarafan Lord and his former vampire lieutenants, who have sided with Sarafan. After that Kain would rebuild his army and resume his world conquest.
Legacy of Kain: Defiance (a.k.a. Soul Reaver 3) was released in 2003 on Play Station 2, Xbox nad PC. It was developed by Crystal Dynamics and published by Eidos Interactive. Legacy of Kain: Defiance is the latest (supposed final) part of the LoK series. It continues from the final events of Soul Reaver 2 where Kain created a massive time paradox by preventing Raziel from being devoured by the Soul Reaver sword. Thus Raziel did not become the ravenous, soul devouring entity captured within the blade. This cataclysm freed Raziel from the Wheel of Fate, making him an unbound creature of free will. This event had it's cons as well. Now Kain and Raziel has to fight, not only with humans, but The Hylden race as well in order to reach the final solution: restoring Nosgoth to it's former clory without sacrificing Kain's life. The development team did some awesome-dramatic changes to the gameplay with this one. Both Kain and Raziel are playable character, fighting is way faster and way cooler (*cough*Air Combos*cough*Telekinesis) then it was in the previous two games, you get exp. by killing enemies thus learning new special moves that allow you to perform even more insane combos and both Kain's Soul Reaver and Raziel's Wraith Blade (spectral form of Soul Reaver) get power-ups that allow you to do magical/elemental area attacks in order to cause damage to multiple enemies and possible mass death. The game is as linear as SR2 was but the lack of wandering has been replaced with a ton of battle. This can be either good thing or bad thing depending on what you like. But I still wonder, why is it so hard to put both good action and epic adventure in a same game? They already did it with BO:LoK so why can't they do it again? I know BO:LoK had a different development team than all the other LoK games from that point on but that is not an excuse.
Posted by: Gavin Greene in The Fro, short review, Random Review, myblog, Mulled Over, movies, Movie Reviews, movie, Films, film review, film, comedy, blog, 1 sentence review on
Nov 03, 2008
11.03.08 Yo, Mulled Over: Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)  You wouldn’t think a film with a title as blunt as “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” would be this season’s mushiest movie, but there is an undeniable charm sprinkled through Kevin Smith’s latest post-Jersey flick, somewhere between the anal sex and bubbles blown from below the belt. Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks star as the titular friends driven to smutty creativity by their piling bills. Driven to their inspiration by a disastrous turn at a high-school reunion, the platonic couple decides to invest their remaining cash into an adult feature, using friends as crew and hiring a local cast, all while fervently ignoring the chemistry between them. Rogen (Knocked Up) continues his streak as the believable and loveable schlub that bags the girl eons beyond his league. Banks (W.) is wonderfully charming and cuddly as the fire-cracker best friend, despite not fitting in at all in a cast that uses curse words like punctuation.  A funny but incoherent Craig Robinson (Pineapple Express) is Delaney, Rogen’s fellow employee at a Starbuck’s knockoff, and the porno’s producer, who hires actresses Stacey (Kate Morgan) and Bubbles (Traci Lords) to star in the film and serve as parodies of their real-life porno-star counterparts (both of whom give surprisingly competent performances, despite their resumes.) Deacon (Jeff Anderson) is hired to shoot the film based on his previous experience (he filmed Zack’s high-school sporting events), with Brandon (Ricky Mabe) and Lestor (Jason Mewes) rounding out the cast as the two male leads. Both Brandon and Lestor parody the provisions of adult film acting with visible enjoyment and zest, but they amount to little more outside of the smut scenes. Anderson’s Deacon comes away as the most underused of the film, giving an entertaining performance of a down-to-earth pal everyone wants to have at least one of. The true gems this film has to offer is the gay couple of the wry, impossibly deep-voiced Brandon (Justin Long of Mac ad fame) and the insecure jock Bobby Long (newest Superman Brandon Routh), appearing at the high school reunion with endearing charisma.  The story is a spunk-filled re-telling of a classic idea, how sex affects previously platonic relationships. Not the strongest of prologues, but, as in all of Smith’s work, the film’s draw is its dialogue, and thankfully “Porno” doesn’t disappoint. Though not as sharp a wit as Smith’s earlier work, like “Chasing Amy” and “Dogma,” the film’s banter still serves in immediately establishing the characters and their personalities. The film’s script maintains a sense of simultaneous immaturity and wisdom, leading the audience to eventually fall in love with everyone appearing on screen. The line between Smith’s love of scripted word and Rogen’s improv tendencies is practically invisible, and the film acts as a nice mesh of the two schools of delivery. Some running gags (like Delaney’s bitch of a wife) don’t have as much staying power as the production team thinks, but generally the plot moves on at a smooth and funny pace. The film ends up buried in sappy cliches towards the end of the two leads’ romantic angst, but thanks to a wonderful turn by cinematographer David Klein – who makes suburban Pittsburgh look idyllic - the dated fluff is given a new visual life.  There are a few nitpicks; Kevin Smith’s love of Star Wars leads to a funny but useless pornographic parody of the saga, and his odd fascination with dance sequences has our cast thrown onto stage at one point for a pointless montage; but the film cannot be denied its overall magnetism, especially given the possibilities of its subject matter. I doubt we are going to get another Kevin Smith film as biting and sarcastic as we have come to expect, but Silent Bob has found an entertaining second home as the re-imaginer of the mushy love stories you can take your drinking buddies or your girlfriend to. Way to f**k, Zack. One Word Review: Snug One Sentence Review: Its not as sharp as 'Dogma', but you can't deny Smith and Co.'s charm, even in the most taboo circumstances
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver 2 was released in 2001 on PlayStation 2 and PC. The Game was developed by Crystal Dynamics and published by Eidos Interactive. The story of Soul Reaver 2 begins were Soul Reaver ended. Raziel has just fought with Kain in the Chronoplast chamber (a huge time machine), but instead of any final solution, Kain activates the chamber during the battle and flees by casting himself through a timeportal. However, the portal leaves suspiciously open, as if Kain wants Raziel to follow him. After a prief moment of hesitation, Raziel gains his determination to do so. After some cool timetraveling effects, we can hear a familiar voice that doesn't belong to Kain. And then, from the shadows and a clous of dust, walks Moebius the Timestreamer. This was (I believe) a real Zomga (FF8 reference: ZOMG - ZOMGRA - ZOMGA) -moment for all of those who have played BO: LoK. I seem that Raziel has traveled over a millenium into Nosgoth's past (into the day of human Kain's birth to be exact)! Thus a new page has turned in Legacy of Kain. The gameplay and controls are basicly the same as they were in Soul Reaver. Everything is just smoother and better-looking. The graphics look good in PS2 standards and it really shows-off in the design of castles, temples, shrines, monoliths and other buildings: they look awesome. That's because the development team had a real architect to design them. The development team took a lot more linear approach to this one: the focus in on developing the story forward with major leaps. For some reason, this has been done in the following formula: run from point A to point B (, solve a puzzle) and watch a cutscene. There are NO hidden secrets to reveal in this game (not counting unlockable bonus material). No new magic-skills (in fact, no magic-skills at all), no cool power-ups, no nothing, that would put more adventure into the game. This game must be viewed a video/audiobook, but instead of simply watching and listening, you have to play "minigames" in order to get the rest of the story. This game is also farely short (5-6 hours or so if you know what you're doing) so it's optimal for speed-runs.
Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver is a third-person adventure game developed by Crystal Dynamics and published by Eidos in 1999. It was released on Playstation, PC and a year later on Dreamcast. "Kain is deified. The Clans tell tails of him. Few know the truth. He was a mortal once, as were we all. However, His contempt for humanity drove Him to create me and my bretheren. I am Raziel, first-born of His lieutenants. I stood with Kain and my bretheren at the dawn of the empire. I have served Him a millenium. Over time, we became less human and more...devine. Kain would enter the state of change and emerge with a new gift. Some years after the master, our evolution would follow. Until I had the honor of surpassing my lord. For my transgression, I earned a new kind of reward...agony. There was only one possible outcome - my eternal damnation. I, Raziel, was to suffer the fate of traitors and weaklings - to burn forever in the bowels of the Lake of the Dead. Tumbling, burning with white-hot fire, I plunged into the depths of the abyss. Uspeakable...relentless agony...time ceased to exist...only this torture...and deepening hatred of the hypocricy that damned me to this hell. An eternity passed, and my torment receded, bringing me back from the precipice of madness. The descent had destroyed me and yet...I lived." This is the beginning situation of the game. It has been about 1500 years since the events of Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain. Nosgoth still lies in ruins and the balance of the world is yet to be restored for it is Kain who is the last remaining Guardian of The Pillar of Balance (the end of BO:Lok): by refusing to sacrifice himself, he damned the world to become a lifeless wasteland as it is in Soul Reaver.
All right! This the first part of my Legacy of Kain short reviews. Of course I could say A LOT more about these games since I'm a diehard fan of the series, but I think a man must have principles and style so I'm gonna keep on walking the road I've have chosen. Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain is a top-down (kinda like Zelda but better) action adventure game created by Silicon Knights and the first game of the series. It was first released November 15, 1996 on Playstation and later on PC. A Saturn version was also announced but it never saw the light of day. The game is a story about a nobleman named Kain who gets brutally murdered by assassins. Later he is resurrected as a vampire by The Necromacer Mortanius who offered him a chanse for revenge. Soon after Kain finds his murderers and brings them death only to find out that his guest is far from over: hoping to find a cure for his vampiric curse, Kain is sent out to kill 9 corrupted Guardians of The Pillars of Nosgoth in order to prevent the world from destruction. During the game Kain (and the player) learns about Nosgoth's history which, for example, includes a war against the vampire race, that once ruled the land, and the corruption of The Circle of Nine. A lot more could be said about the plot but that would take A LOT more words, but overall, it's a very well written, epic story which is the heart of the whole series. The only games that could match the storyline of Legacy of Kain would be Metal Gears and some of Final Fantasies. A great story, mixed with good balance of action and adventure, makes Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain a game that is commonly considered to be the best of the series among the fans.
"Hellooo...I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to." "He's the angriest gamer you ever heard, he's the Angry Nintendo Nerd...He's the Atari-Sega Nerd, he's the Angry Video Game Nerd." Well, that was enjoyable, wasn't it, folks? These two well-known Internet icons of the reviewing industry have pleased us to no end. And I assume the battle shall come to a close fairly soon. But before that happens, I have constructed this fan viewpoint to explain why we love these dashing figures of pixels that appear on our screen in video format.
Posted by: Eric Modyman in youtube, top 10, sucking, straight-to-video, shows from the 2000s, short review, retro, pop culture, opinion, myspace, myblog, musical, game reviews, film review, entertainment, disaster movie, contest, comedy, awesome shows, awards, art on
Oct 08, 2008
Hello every one. Inspired by The Nostalgia Critic, I've decided I want to start my own reviews of movies. But I didn't want to take nostalgic movies since that is obviously taken. So I've spent the last few weeks trying to think of my own unique movies I could review. And thats when I remembered "hey, I'm an actor!". So I've decided to review musical films! If you have any musicals you would like me to review, lemme know. Films can be old ones, new ones, Disney films, even movies that aren't originally based on a musical but they made one anyways (Across the Universe). So, lets get this underway and start sending me requests! You may send as many as you like. And spread the news to your friends. There's a new critic on the web. Btw, if someone can help me come up with a good name for my reviews, it would be much appreciated. Thank you :-)
Posted by: CultconXIX in Wishmaster, short review on
Oct 05, 2008
What can I say? Wes Craven sure has balls to try out stuff others might wouldn't dare to stumble on: The Hills Have Eyes (1977), Swamp Thing (1982) and later, probably his best known movie, A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). In 1997, Craven produced yet another cunning horror film: Wishmaster. Craven must have certain talent to greate unique villains. A dead child killer who haunted and murdered kids in their dreams surely did the trick and begame one of the most well known villains. In Wishmaster, Craven presents to us The Djinn (Andrew Divoff): a genie of the lamp gone homicidal. This is (according to my memory) how The Djinn was born: "In time before time, God breath life into the world. The Heaven gave birth to angels and Earth gave birth to man. But fire gave birth to The Djinn, creature condemmed to walk in between the voids. One who awakens The Djinn shall be given three wishes. Upon granting of the third his armies of Hell shall be free to to roam the Earth. Of all things only one is all you should ever fear. Fear The Djinn!"
I remember seeing only few climpses of this dark, dark movie when I was a child. Those few moments were forever edged upon my memory: moments so powerfull, I later had to buy the movie on dvd. That unresistable film was called Hellraiser. In short Hellraiser's plot goes something like this: A guy named Frank Cotton (Sean Chapman) buys a cube from an asian guy. Then the guy sets up some kind of private candle ritual in the attic of his family's uninhabited apartment and "plays around" with the cube ending up summoning demons (for some, angels for others) from another dimension and getting his ass (and the rest of his body) brutally torn apart by chains and hooks (total gore-fest). But some time later the guy's brother Larry Cotton (Andrew Robinson), along with his family, moves into the apartment. Larry get's some of his blood spilled in the attic causing Frank getting partly resurrected back to life as a skinless freak. To complete his resurrection, Frank needs to consume a lot more blood and flesh (provided by Larry's wife/Frank's lover Julia Cotton (Clare Higgins). This goes on for a while till the family's daughter, Kirsty Cotton (Ashley Laurence), finds out about these evil deeds and steels the cube. In a safe enough place Kirsty also begins to "play around" with the cube and also ends up opening a portal to a hellish dimension. Thus she meets Pinhead and his gang. Instead of getting her ass torn apart, Kirsty makes a deal with the three demons: she will deliver the escapee Frank back to them...or "die".
SaGa Frontier 2 on ps1 is a turn based rpg game from Squares less known SaGa game series. If you're not familiar with SaGa Frontier 2, I can think only two reasons why: 1. Final Fantasy stole all your attention. 2. This one is for gamers ONLY and it's NOT beginner-friendly. The game features multiple storyline system, placing you into the world of magic and discovery. The story is centered around two main character and their relatives: Gustave (the Steel) XIII and Will (a treasure hunter). Instead of linear storyline the player greates a unique flow of history by selecting one of many story events that lead to new events untill you reach the final event and final "boss". Thus the game doesn't have a plot that could be writen in short review fashion.
Posted by: Colin Kitler in Xbox 360, Video Game Reviews, Video Game Related, video game, short review, Rez, Reviews, Review, Random Review, PS2, Game on
Sep 19, 2008
What is it worth? - Rez It seems that my tiny space of the internets has been seeing a lot more traffic than I predicted, each of my previous blogs have been hit over 100 times! (Hopefully it isn't my mom clicking it 100 times). This time I bring out Rez. Either you've heard of it or you haven't. So for those of you that haven't, I'll try to explain.
The story of Silent Hill 4: The Room begins in the town of South Ashfield where our protagonist, Henry Townshed, awakes from his bedroom after having a nightmare. Soon after he finds out that he's been trapped in hes own apartment...from the inside (thus the games name)! The only way for Henry to leave his apartment is to go through a mysterious hole found on his bathroom wall. Unable to get any contact to the people outside, Henry takes his chances and enters the hole... Another nightmare has begun. Althoug the events of the game doesn't take place in the hellish Silent Hill (but occationally near to it), the player is still haunted by the town through jornals, diaries, letters, new articles and simply because it's the closest town to South Ashfield. This gives the player a third-eye-perspective to Silent Hill which work well in it's own way. Instead of wandering on the streets Silent Hill, Henry travels through the hole and finds himself in different worlds (hospital, subway, prison etc.) with plenty of mysteries to solve. The controls are the best in the series so far (haven't played The Origins yet). Beating up bad guys has never been so fun before in the franchise (MOTH-BASEBALL!!!! ): the melee fight has been updated with a "powermeter" that allowes you to control the might of our strikes. Also the selection of melee weapons is more than satisfying. Guns are still glumsy as a blind golem. The Graphics and sounds are Silent Hill-guaranteed.
To keep my work at balance, I'll now review a good movie called The Call of Cthulhu. Don't know what Cthulhu is? I say you check wikipedia for more details. For those who don't know who H.P. Lovecraft is, I'll quote Stephen King: "I think it is beyond doubt that H.P. Lovecraft has yet to be surpassed as the twentieth century's greatest practitioner of the classic horror tale." And if you don't know who Stephen King is, I assume you live in a barrel. So the movie is an adaptation of the celebtated story (Call of Cthulhu) written in 1929 by Lovecraft. Although the movie has been made in 2005 by HPLHS Motion Pictures, it's brought to life in the style of a classic 1920's silent movie. The idea was to shoot the film with mix of vintage and modern techniques in order to create tho most authentic and faithfull screen adaptation of a Lovecraft story yet attempted.
Oh boy. I thought I wouldn't have to touch this one again... But I think it's my responsibility to warn potential, innocent victims about the horrors of this shit-on-a-film-roll called The Gate. I found this film on dvd at my local dvd-store. The cover was luring enough (google if you wish) so I picked it up and checked the back. The 'K-15' (finnish way to rate films; the number indigates what the min. age of the viewer should be) looked promising enough + the back quoted magazines like No.1 MAGAZINE: "If you enjoyed the horror of 'Poltergeist' you'll love this!" and Göteborgstidningen: "The audience has no time to draw breath!". Also the movie claims to be the 2nd most watched movie in USA (at it's time I assume). The plot summary told me two things that made me to buy it (at price of 4,90 euros): there's a Gate to Hell and it opens. For me that equals "Hell Yeah!!!" So I get home and I pop this "horror" in, hoping to see something good...boy was I fucked. The main character is an 8-year-old kid called Glen (played by Stephen Dorff) who lives in a good neigbourhood. His best friend is another 8-year-old kid called Terry, who listens to Venom and Mid-European ug Black Metal, making him my favourite character and The Cultist awarded The Coolest Kid in The World. Still WTF! How may 8-year-old kids listen to Venom or Mid-European ug Black Metal!? Was this kind of thing common in the end of the 80's? I started digging metal when I was 12 and I got my first Black Metal -album at the age of 16! If you know any kids under 10 who listen to Black Metal, tell them I said "Hail Satan!"
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