OK, I know that there's at least more than one of these already on the blogs, but as some will say there's no official sign up sheet, and even though I hate repetition in TGWTG.com's blogs I still feel like posting this as I feel mine offers a more opinion based list and less an excuse for discussion, and is more for parody than to be taken seriously.
When it comes to big blockbuster Batman movies, we couldn't give a damn about the caped crusader. Generally we assume it will be the same actor as the last movie or it's announced around the same time as the film, and in the end they always play the same character: A cocky millionaire whose voice suddenly and inexplicably becomes deepened when he dons a bat suit. As well as you can play that role, it honestly doesn't matter, because the show is always stolen by the polar opposite: The villains.
Think about it. In every Batman film, the film always revolves around the villain, one in particular. The original Tim Burton Batman? The Joker, played by Jack Nicholson. Batman Forever? The Riddler, played by Jim Carey. Batman and Robin? Mr. Freeze, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger (unfortunately). The Dark Knight? The Joker again, this time played by the late Heath Ledger. The exceptions would be Batman Returns, where the villain hold is more spread out, and Batman Begins, where it actually revolves around Batman, who'da thunk it?
One of the many disaster movies of the '70s, 'Two Minute Warning' rightfully gets forgotten along the dozen upon dozens of bad disaster movies made in the era. The plot is simple enough to follow, a mad gunman guns down anybody who's anybody at a major football game that happens to be at the LA coliseum, while SWAT and Charlton Heston try to deal with the situation. Interesting plot, but is really flat. I mean theres nothing worth mentioning here, except for the really bad moments. There's absolutely nothing to the characters in this one, the characters are the same recycled cliche that populated 70's movies. You got the elderly crook, the obsessed gambler, the wife and husband that are having hard times, flat performances infect almost the entire movie and none are really noteworthy, let alone memorable. Charlton Heston who was by this part of the 70s was really being overused in these kinds of films. The character he plays is an exact copy of other characters he's played in the other disaster films he's been in. His character in this film acts like he's macho-wacho and knows what he is doing even though I didn't pick up on any competent act performed by the character. It's not your fault Charlie, its just bad writing. The only actors that really stand out in the movie are Beau Bridges and John Cassavetes, who oddly for supporting characters possess the most intelligence. Bridge's character is the first character to notice the sniper and keeps telling his wife in the movie what he keeps seeing who keeps dismissing him as seeing things. Cassavete's character is the SWAT team commander who actually steals the show from Heston and is actually responsible for my only favorite scene in this film, when Cassavete's character talks to Heston's character about how the now dead sniper will glorified by friends, relatives, and the media as someone was nice and kind hearted who didn't deserve to die.
The film takes roughly an hour and a half to take off, and even after the then it doesn't really take off. During the first hour and a half nothing really happens, various POV shots follow the sniper from his apartment to the coliseum, a wannabe suspensful moment and a tired 70's cliche to boot. When we first see the unamed/faceless sniper, we the viewer are witness to him randomly taking out an eldery bicyclist who happpens to be riding with his wife (ala very Zodiac Killer-ish). On any other day this wouldn't even bother me except in this case, they show the guy going down and show A WHOLE LOT OF BLOOD on him. Right there its obvious that the film is gonna do two things:
It's gonna glorify random acts of violence.
It will show a helluva alot blood in the process.
Once the still faceless gunman gets into position a TV crew sees the sniper and brings Charlie and co. in, and then basically everything else that follows falls like a line of dominos. A stupid maintenance man foolishly (Note the emphasis on foolishly) tries to deal with the psychopath, Heston silences any chance of ending the crisis peacefully, dumb asses keep spooking the sniper, and the SWAT guys getting themselves into position. After all these shannagans the sniper knows people are on to him. Shortly after the gambler character plays make up with his current flame all hell breaks loose. The sniper easily takes out most of the SWAT guys like its nothing (even though the SWAT guys are supposed to be better than this untrained, amateur sniper), a bunch of the older actors characters bite the dust, blood starting showing (in that bright 1970's saturated style), chaos erupts and the sniper starts picking off people as they flee the coliseum. The fleeing scenes are well done, but drag on for way too long, and are essentially the same scene repeated on a loop. We get it, chaos is gonna go down, but please don't shove this down our throats and drag it on for five plus minutes. The police finally gain some common sense and raid the tower where he's at (Heston wears his sunglasses inside for the entire scene) and bring him out, barely alive and dies almost immediately thereafter, without even giving his motive. This is the only time I give whoever made this piece of crap some balls, and it is especially eerily after all these new shootings that have happened in recent memory.
In light of the new Dark Knight movie, I decided to rank the top 10 best and worst super hero movies that I have seen. Keep in mind, there are plenty I have not seen, but out of the ones I have this is how they ranked. And feel free to tell me what your favorite and least favorite super hero movies are!
BEST SUPER HERO MOVIES 1) Spider-Man 2 - This movie represents the ultimate comic book film to me. And no, not just because I'm a Spidey fan. The action is thrilling, the story interesting, and the characters are well developed. While Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst aren't too special, Alfred Molina steals the show as the charming tragic villain Doc Ock. But what truly makes this movie enjoyable for me is that it's not non stop action. It gives the audience time to relax and throws some great gags their way. A story that is enjoyable for audiences of all ages.
2) Dark Knight - A wonderfully dark and complex story, with an amazing cast. But perhaps a bit too dark which limits it's audience. Still, this did not stop me from enjoying it. This movie keeps it's audience on edge the whole time with spectacular action and sinister characters. I was personally a little more drawn to the under hyped Two Face, who got very little commercial focus after the late Heath Ledger. Yes, Ledger was definitely exciting to watch, but don't ignore other great characters and actors. The only thing that separates this film from Spider-Man 2 is that there were no moments where the audience could relax and laugh.
3) Spider-Man - A great starting point. Like the sequel, the action was good, and had a nice sense of humor. The sequel definitely built on everything this film already had going for it. And a personal side note, the scene where the citizens of New York tell the Green Goblin "if you mess with Spidey, you mess with New York" is very touching.
4) Batman Returns - This is why I don't trust critics. Batman Returns was criticized for being "too dark", but Dark Knight is praised for it's dark and sinister characters. MAKE UP YOUR MIND PEOPLE! Anyways, until Dark Knight came out, this was my favorite Batman movie. I liked it because it was dark, and the villains were incredible. And it has Christopher freakin Walken in it! How can you not like that? The score for this movie is also one of my favorite by Danny Elfman. It's dark, but adds a nice heroic touch.
5) Batman Begins - Well, Joel Schumacher screwed up Batman. Think we can fix the series? No, so let's just restart it! Which was a brilliant idea! Christopher Nolan had a lot of balls when he did this movie. Not only did he dare to make a movie about a super hero that failed before, but he chose to use villains the are not well known, and took his time in showing how Bruce Wayne becomes Batman. And somehow, he pulled it all off. My complaint about the movie was the villains. It seems like Scarecrow is the main villain, but then he gets discarded and Rah's Ah Ghul comes in again during the last 20 minutes. If it didn't work for Venom, it won't work for Liam Neeson. But other than villains, the movie is able to hold up very well on it's own.
6) Iron Man - I was never a fan of Iron Man or Robert Downey Jr. until now. When I heard they were making a movie about Iron Man, I figured it would be a piece of crap thrown together to make some more money. I have never enjoyed being wrong more in my life. Iron Man is just plain fun. My only complaint is the last part of the movie. The end fight was very anti climactic, which is just a nasty little tease. But then Samuel L. Jackson shows up and saves the movie after the credits end. Seriously, that man is good in anything. Hopefully they will learn from their mistakes in the sequel and we can expect another great movie.
7) X-Men 2 - I was not a big fan of X-Men 1. It just seemed too cartoony for me. But this film had a very nice realistic touch that by far surpassed the last film. I particularly liked that Magneto and the X-Men joined forces. The action scenes were nothing amazing, but the story is over all enjoyable.
8) Batman - I'm gonna say this right now. Jack Nicholson may not be the best Joker, but nobody ever complained about it until Heath Ledger commercials showed up! I'm telling you, if you put Heath Ledger's Joker in this movie it would not work! Stop comparing the two! They were both fine for their time and separate movie! With that said, this movie is a great 80's action flick. Lots of explosions and guns and cool machines for Batman. It's certainly not the best of the Batman series, but not the worst. It was good for it's time.
9) Incredible Hulk - never really liked the Hulk too much. He's not exactly a super hero in my mind, just a big green disgruntled guy that we are supposed to root for. This movie is interesting and fun to watch, but mainly it gets my vote for Edward Norton who I think is an amazing actor. Blonsky was a pretty cool villain too (up until he became Abomination and was just like Hulk). The fighting was fun to watch, but in the end the Hulk just seemed to randomly get the upper hand. It just did not make a lot of sense to me, but was still entertaining.
10) Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: I HATED the first movie. So I watched this one with the lowest expectations possible. And because of that, it actually seemed like a good movie. The characters were a bit more enjoyable this time and actually got along instead of always fighting with each other. Another reason I was a little more drawn to this movie is because Monsters 2 was filming when I watched it. A movie with 3 guys and 1 girl as super heroes hit home for me.
WORST SUPER HERO MOVIES 1) Spider-Man 3 - This movie single handedly managed to kill the franchise for me. They took everything good they had going for them and fucked it all up. The jokes were so over the top they weren't funny, the acting was terrible and stale, and the music was disgusting (that's what happens when you replace Danny Elfman). And the villains just were not interesting by any means. There was so much they could have done with the "black suit" but was never shown. There is no character progress except for Harry. In fact, the character lose progress. In Spider-Man 2, MJ and Peter are happy, but now their relationship has gone to shit. *Sigh* this movie had so much potential but it all failed. What really sucks is I assumed it would be so good, I bought tickets for two different days! I will constantly criticize this movie until Sam Raimi personally admits he wrong me and gives me my money back.
2) Batman and Robin - Bat nipples and bat asses. Need I say anymore? The plot is just ludicrous. Freeze the world? Are you serious? This movie series has ceased being dark and complex and instead has turned more colorful than a Las Vegas casino. Many often criticize Arnold Swarchenager's ice puns, but in my opinion that is the one and only thing this movie had going for it. It was so bad, at least it knew it could make fun of itself.
3) Batman Forever - Many say they actually like Batman Forever. When they do, I ask them why. "Uh, Jim Carrey was good". I would like to set the record straight. Jim Carrey was not good. Jim Carrey was Jim Carrey! He was over the top and manic, which would have worked for the 60's Riddler, but not the modern one who is much more collected. And second, you should not say a movie is good just based off of one actor. The villains sucked, the scenery sucked, and the story line was "eh" which I guess is a good thing. Not only that, but they totally ignored the last two movies. In Batman, we see Harvey Dent. Yes, he is black, but none the less that is the established Harvey Dent. But in this one we get Tommy Lee Jones, with a totally different story. Actually, we never even see his story really. He's just kinda there. The only real reason this movie is number 3 on my worst list is because they kept Elfman around to score the film.
4) Dare Devil - I don't remember much about this movie. All I know is I hated it. It was just Marvel's attempt to get some more success like they did with Spider-Man. End of story!
5) Hulk - This movie was interesting right up until the Hulk's 3 appearance. By then it was nothing but 30 minutes of the Hulk jumping and smashing military helicopters and tanks. There was no real villain in this story until the very end. And for some reason, they made the final fight (which was very short) so dark you can't even see anything. This movie makes me angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
6) Fantastic 4 - Yet another film that is trying to cash in on the success of Spider-Man. The heroes only fought the villain for 5 minutes. During the other hour and 25 minutes, they fought with each other! And why is it that these 4 can cause a major accident and then make up for it and are considered heroes, where spider-man is constantly hounded by people for doing good things? The only good thing that came out of this movie is my cousins "Fantastic Four in a nut shell" and the song Noots by Sum 41.
7) Hellboy - another movie I don't remember much about except the fact I did not like it. Many say "Guillermo Del Torro does good movies" and think this would be amazing like his other stuff. Something I've learned about movies. Don't think every movie a director makes is going to be good or bad just because one is. Judge each movie independently. I think I was one of the few people that was not looking forward to Hell Boy 2.
8) X-Men Last Stand - This movie isn't necessarily bad, but it's not very good. It focuses pretty much on Wolverine and only him (like we have not got enough exposure of him from the last films). Almost any other character takes a major back seat, but we're still expected to connect with them. The end fight could have been seriously epic, but wasn't. And Magneto got taken out in a matter of seconds. I think the only part that lived up to the hype was the infamous line "IM THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!"
9) Superman - I don't think this is really a very bad movie, I just personally did not enjoy it. I can't really explain it, it just was not my cup of tea. Maybe I would have loved it if I was around when it came out, but I didn't.
10) The Spirit - This one is personal! There is already a Spirit in a movie, and that's The Spirit in the Monsters trilogy! FUCK YOU OTHER SPIRIT! FUCK YOU!
Hancock......why they decided to call him that, I'll never know... So, after hearing that it's actually a good movie, I decided to go see it. My expectations what that it was going to suck. I was kinda surprised, but not that surprised. The movie was good, not great. It was okay. It was like a comedy/drama/action and it switched between these things kind of awkwardly if you asked me.
I think that above everything, the comedy was the best. When it wanted to be funny, it was. I thought the guy that was also the adopting husband in Juno was hilarious and I did have some laugh out loud moments. The action was pretty good. I have still yet to see when a movie can actually get a real actor flying through the air look real, because this looked pretty bad and even though the CGI for the explosions and breaking of the buildings and stuff was okay, it still didn't make me believe that it actually happened. And apart from that, the action was nothing I hadn't seen before. But, it was still entertaining.
What attracts people to this movie? Is it the premise? The trailer? Nope, none of those. What it is, is the voice-acting cast. Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan. Lucy Lui, Angelina Jolie, Jack Black and Seth Rogen. That's what made people go see this movie. So me and my friend went to see it just because of the cast, and guess what? The only people in that cast with more than about four lines was Angelina, Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman! So obviously, that should've made me angry, right? Well no, because this movie didn't even need those other three people in it, it could've had random janitors off of Redfern for all I care! Because this movie was hilarious and the action was awesome!
The movies about Po (the panda, aka, Jack Black) going up to the Jade Palace to hear the announcement of the Dragon Warrior. A warrior who will bring peace to the town. Po tries to get over the palace walls and accidentally drops in front of the master as he's pointing down at Tigress (Angelina). So Po now has to become the Dragon Warrior. Also, Tylon (an evil tiger, banished into prison after going on an angry rampage because he wasn't allowed to become the Dragon Warrior) has escaped and Po must train up so he can defeat him. What follows is hilarious scenes with some amazingly done action.
Gargoyles are strong nocturnal creatures that turn to stone at night. In 994 AD, they were betrayed by the humans they once protected, resulting in the Gargoyle genocide. Goliath, the gargoyle leader, finds out that the only members of his clan still alive are cursed to sleep in stone until their castle rises above the clouds, in other words forever. He decides to have the same spell cast on him in order to kill the pain of being the last of his kind. He basically asks to be killed.
1000 years pass and a billionaire, David Xanatos, purchases their castle and has it placed on top of his skyscraper. This breaks the gargoyles' curse and awakens them in modern New York. Xanatos uses them to create a steel army in their likeness and betrays them with it. The Gargoyles defeat his army and now must find a way to survive in their new surroundings.
This definitely wasn't Goof Troop or Recess. Disney's highly underrated action cartoon didn't hold back much and wasn't always concerned with a happy sing-along ending. This dark cartoon had people saying hell and showed blood all it wanted while killing any typical Disney feeling. Sadly, they stopped releasing season sets due to it not reaching Disney's ridiculous sale expectations.
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