TGWTG User Blogs

When a good artist foists a terrible creation upon the world, it's essentially an admittance of humanity, that they are incapable of perfection. (Unless of course the bad album is from a BAD band, in which case that's just them being them.)

I'd like to take this opportunity to highlight 10 different instances where perfectly legitimate, often revered bands/musicians/artists strayed off their beaten paths and unleashed musical pain upon an unsuspecting public. Who knows why the albums in question were so reviled? Maybe they were just trying to build off of previous success. Maybe the frontman's ego got too big. Maybe it was a contractual obligation. Maybe it was "The Drugs."

Whatever the case, these were pretty bad, and often you'll be hard-pressed to find people willing to defend them.

Comment (4) Read More...

It's gotten to the point that even the handicap of non-existence doesn't deter people.

Yes, even a fictional character can have a career in music, touch hearts with their songs, crash and burn horribly, and get into confusing royalty disputes.

With that in mind I'd like to take this opportunity to highlight and honor 10 groups and musicians that for all accounts never existed...because I guess someone had to do it. Though for the purpose of this list I'd like to toss out some of the most well-known and revered fictional groups like The Monkees, The Chipmunks, and The Banana Splits, because groups like them, who've been around since the 60s, have become cultural phenomena FAR beyond their own domain of dominance, (Music, yo.) so I don't think they even NEED mentioning.

Comment (5) Read More...

Let me be up front and frank right now: This ISN'T something I originally planned to do, because even though I mentioned in my BEST of 2008 article that this was a great year for music, it was in no way perfect. Like every year that I can remember in addition to all the awesome releases from great artists, you had to wade through elephantine mounds of crap. And oh, was there a lot of crap to wade through, since every year the music industry seems more focused upon ringtone sales than album sales.

But people kept asking me, so for the purpose of this tiny little article I'm going to limit myself to half the amount of CDs I reviewed for my best of list, because if I were to go through the entire spectrum of garbage that was released this year it would take me all damn day, and that's not how I wanna spend my afternoon. Sitting at my computer listening to crappy music.

So here we go. I'm sure to get a lot of flack for this from people, but here it is anyway. And as usual there's no reason to take my angry opinions with too much of a grain of salt...

Comment (6) Read More...

Whatever the case, the good stuff was there, but in many cases you had to look extra hard. I'd like to take this opportunity now to highlight the 15 best albums I've heard this year. (Also because noone ever takes me up on my willingness to take list requests.) I know it's not particularly funny for me to be positive, but these were great CDs, and people ought to pick them up or illegally download them. (Not that I condone that.)

 So here now is the 15 Best Albums of 2008. Why 15? Because it's like going a step further...except 4 more.

Comment (5) Read More...

12.09.08

Yo,



Sometime’s it takes a video game a full soundtrack to set the mood, tone, and atmosphere needed to evoke a certain feeling in the player. Other times, by luck or talent, composers need only a single song to capture the entire essence of a game and its characters. It could be three minutes or fifteen seconds, a repeating melody or a lyrical track played over the end credits. Attached to a single character, they can add layers to the psyche that would take hours of cut scenes to put to words. In the background of a level, the tune can remain etched in the player’s memories, keeping the feeling of what it was like to play it long after the console is off. Each generation of games had its masterpieces, narrowing it all down was almost impossible. Needless to say you’ll disagree with us, but we love that, inspiring response and forcing people to explain why we’re wrong and they’re right gets them thinking of the songs they choose, and on video game motifs themselves. Quiet in the audience, the orchestra is warming up. These are The Top Ten Video Game Themes in all of Video Game History.

The Top Ten Video Game Themes

#10: Contra - Jungle Theme

 

In the olden days of cheat codes and coin-operated gaming systems, an arcade measured its worth by how loudly and how often you heard this little ditty. It was not only the theme of one of the most challenging arcade experiences, but it also stood for the entire second generation of arcade gaming, of blistered thumbs and the fervent searches for that one quarter deep in your pocket as the Continue? timer ran down. But beyond the metaphysical nostalgia, it’s just a damn rocking tune, fit for the millions of covers done with electric guitars over the years since. You knew as the first level loaded and your commando fell onto the jungle terrain that you were in for the undeniable fun of spread shots and huge bosses. The rest of the soundtrack packed the same punch, but its this first track that takes us back to laser-sighting our focus and cracking our fingers above the trigger button in readiness for the first wave of enemies.

#9: Duke Nukem – Megadeth Theme

This little ditty is badass in the way that Black Sabbath’s opening riff to “Iron Man” made the trailer for the superhero movie badass. Within the first few opening notes, you know shit is about to go down, a prologue of epic manliness. Toss in the Duke spitting one of his famous sound bites, “Come Get Some!” and there is no way someone could mistake the game to count for anything other than violence in glorious gratuity. With the 3D interation of this franchise being reborn on Xbox Live, a whole new generation of Halo-ites and Gear(s)Heads can return to a time of media-driven rebellion, back when First Person Shooters were good. When the Duke ruled alongside “Doom” and “Castle Wolfenstein”; a generation of gamers that found solace in gore after the world around them just didn’t understand the bloodlust. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, maybe its just badass. Ya know what? That works too.

#8: Guilty Gear XX #Reload - Megatona Furioso

Kicking someone’s ass has always been an activity made better by kickass tunes. It just makes the impact of fists and groans of defeat that more ego-stroking. Never is this more apparent than in Guilty Gear games, Megatona being the most lauded example. Hard hitting riffs complemented the sheer machismo that oh so often comes with the supreme combo execution. It was the character Potemkin’s theme, but the hardcore track soon became synonymous with the series itself, giving it a reputation for a wicked anime aesthetic that permeated from its character animations to its menu screens. It may not have the sales of “Soul Caliber” or the sophistication of “Tekken”, but no one can deny Guilty Gear its rocking style. Naysayers are called to look up Furioso as exhibit A.

#7: Mass Effect – M4 Part II

The completion of any role-playing game, even without side quests and ultimate weapons, bears a sense of accomplishment, especially at Mass Effect’s length. These feelings of elation at one’s ability are made even better with a triumphant ending theme, something that puts a cap on your contentment. Mass Effect's opens with a guitar riff halfway between the latest alternative rock single and the victory theme from Top Gun, acting as a modern take on the “epilogue montage” moment that often accompanies the main credits, with a little bit of a electronic ambiance thrown in to prevent it from descending too much into Kenny Loggins-levels of cheese. This piece makes it on the list for the moment when we first hear it, in addition the song's own merit. More so than any other credit music, this primped, Emo-esque ballad caters to the feeling of finality and accomplishment felt at the end of an adventure only a role-playing game could provide. It doesn’t hurt that Part II follows one of the best games of last year, either.

#6: Silent Hill 2 - Theme of Laura



The Silent Hill series is unrivaled in atmosphere. The game’s uncanny ability to maintain a state of constant tension and unease was always aided with a claustrophobic level design and, more importantly, Akira Yamaoka’s score. His predilection towards sounds both weird and alluring was never more beautifully demented than in this tune. Despite the soothing melody, there is something unnerving crawling beneath this tune's surface. This theme epitomized the series’ motto of “simultaneous attraction and repulsion;” a perfect medley of an electric and acoustic guitar, with a haunting undercurrent of echoed strings and computerized sound effects, not to mention the famous mandolin of the series's opening. Not quite gothic, not quite horror, the song bleeds atmosphere and haunting beauty; everything that makes Silent Hill the ultimate series of survival horror.

#5: Chrono Cross - Time Scar


It was buried under its popular brother, Chrono Trigger, but not for lack of quality. In fact, many fans’ cite the sequel’s soundtrack as just one of the ways this RPG is superior to Trigger, offering up Time Scar as evidence. It’s not difficult to see why this one song could be held up to such a standard, being one of the most self-contained musical pieces in the genre. It begins as a light and airy piece, a relaxing Celtic melody, useful for gameplay in towns and inns. Without hesitation, it slips into a string-heavy, fast-paced drumbeat set, exceptional for combat and exploration gameplay. It’s the game itself set to melody, a poetically paced narrative coupled with a deep and rewarding combat system. If Square's smart, gamers that made the mistake of passing this one up will be playing Time Scar re-made for this generation.

#4: Legend of Zelda - Overworld Theme

 

If ever there was a tune that embodied the word, “classic,” here it be. For most of us, this song is synonymous with our first fun video game experience, and it hasn’t gotten any less powerful with time. It’s an upbeat and jaunty tune that makes all who hear it want to go out on their own adventure, sword and shield in hand. It symbolized the pure fun one had when playing the game, whether it was in the first few minutes or the last hour. Link has been forever tied to the song since, and developers have carried the mantle with pride, reinventing it each generation with new orchestration. But its the classical tune that will ever be immortal, embedded in minds and hearts of any gamers that long to quest.

#3: Final Fantasy VI - Terra's Theme

“I don’t think I have what it takes to make a good action game. I think I’m better at telling a story.” This was Hironobo Sakaguchi’s response to what type of game would be made with the last of - then-failing - Square’s money. The first Final Fantasy was published under that credo, and each one after it pays respect to Sakaguchi-san’s original vision. For many fans, nowhere is Hironobo’s idea embodied more perfectly than in Terra’s Theme in Final Fantasy VI. This is the perfect song to complement the words “once upon a time.” It’s a sense of weighted whimsy; a folkloric lightness coupled with a dramatic foundation. It’s the first six games of the series brought into a single tune, a reflection on where the series has been with an acknowledgement to what it hoped to accomplish in the future. It’s modern Shakespeare, the perfect prologue to an adventure of Team Fantasy’s standards.

#2: Tetris - Main Theme


Think about how much of your life has been spent playing Tetris. On the Gameboy, the PC, your cell phone, the NES and all of its other incarnations. Think of how long you spent on each playthru, how long it took to beat each level. Add that up over your lifetime, and for many people the total runtime is longer than what it takes to beat all of the Final Fantasies put together. You may have hated it, loved it, or never gave enough notice to it as you watched the blocks drop. But however you thought of the song, one thing is for sure, it didn’t stop playing once the power button was turned off. It was lodged in your head for at least a few days, coming out as humming or whistling or just having it play over and over in your mind as you go about your day. That alone gives it a spot. It’s one of the most remix-able songs in history, it’s a repeatable tune that doesn’t have that snag at the end when the track starts over, and its one of the first tunes we as a generation remember in terms of gaming. It. Will. Never. Leave.

#1: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty – Theme

Harry Gregson-Williams, of the Hans Zimmer filmmaking studio, was tapped by Kojima for the score of Sons of Liberty. Although he produced an intense and cinematic soundtrack for the project, it is this main theme of the game that has become instantly identifiable with both the series and its creator. The orchestral piece has an intense emotional arch, beginning in a traditional covert military style with computerized sound effects and a strong bass, but with a steady speed: strings are added, with their ascending crescendo. A sense of strength and power are built, only to be crushed seconds later as the entire song falls into a silence. Then, from the ashes of the first set comes the slow rise of the familiar tune, the sense of power replaced with a more somber tone as they play out their stanza. The strings are slowly added, also at a slower pace, with triumphant vocals sewing the orchestration together. The sense of strength found in the first set replaced with one of hurt pride; what was loud and chest-thumping returns at a humbled, poetic pace, only to finish with the highest point in the theme, an ultimate triumph after sobering defeat. Intense, emotional, inspirational and patriotic, it acts as a perfect abbreviation of the series, a microcosm of Kojima’s fiction and storytelling capabilities, and a summary of Snake’s philosophical journeys. If ever you find yourself trapped in life, a situation seemingly too difficult to complete, play this tune, just once, and regain back your strength. Remember what’s it like to be moved, to be empowered, to be human. Its a remarkable achievement to capture such essence and depth within just a few moments of music, but Gregson-Williams resounding success, and the powerful feelings across the world that its caused, makes its placement easy to bestow. This is the greatest theme in the history of video games.

Comment (6)

It has officially been more than one day after Thanksgiving, so by the standards of department stores and marketing executives everywhere: The Christmas season has now begun. (Actually that’s not true. For them Christmas began as soon as Halloween was half over.)

My opinion towards the holiday has been a rollercoaster ride, fluctuating between misty-eyed joy and bare cynicism. Lately though, I’ve just sorta let it come and go, celebrating it all the same with my family and not making TOO big of a festivity of it. It’s still a pretty nice time of the year. (In spite of the fact that most fundie christians would tell me I shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate it.)

I can recall having my lowest opinion towards Christmas back when I was in High School. As a way of earning some extra greenbacks, I’d taken on a temporary employment job in mid-October at SEARS. What I hadn’t expected was that I’d be kept on through November, and the biggest surprise came to me when I worked into the holiday season.

Yes. I have experienced the consumer horrors of Black Friday firsthand. It came to be so god-awful working there, and it cut into my school hours, slowly turning me into a zombie, so I quit just as we hit mid-December.

I don’t begrudge the increase in hours at a minimum wage, or supervisors constantly berating me for not offering customers SEARS card plans, or even the customers themselves asking my personal opinion on whether their little Billy would like the red Tonka truck or the blue Tonka truck.

My disdain instead lies in the atmosphere; specifically the terrible, terrible Christmas music that played over the loudspeakers. It’d be one thing if they just played simple straightforward renditions of carols or something, I can handle that, but somehow SEARS managed to get ahold of the most annoying, and disgustingly bad holiday mix CD ever conceived, and thus made what was just supposed to be a couple of weeks of earning some quick high school cash into a migraine-inductive chore.

Which brings me to this list. What’s the best way to vent my rage against these aural eye-rollers that would make Jesus himself shove cotton in his ears? To bring them to your attention and make fun of them. Maybe you’ve heard them wafting through a department store somewhere, breaking your concentration. Sure they’re songs about CHRISTMAS, but that doesn’t make them alright.

The 10 Worst Christmas Songs

Comment (5) Read More...

Call it an early Christmas present, but all the good little TGWTG viewers get a double-shot of Shoot.

If you've seen the front page recently, you'll see that Doug, His brother, and.....someone else,  have done a Rifftrax on The Lion King. FINALLY, a TGWTG riff! Which i did suggest in a comment, so myself, and anyone who also suggested a TGWTG rifftrax, take credit. 

However, because of this, Doug and his crew have had there names added to the list of people i have to ask this to: 

Comment (4) Read More...

    Right now I am in the midst of working on a much grander list in collaboration with fellow writer TheDramaticMonarch. It’s a pretty big article (Which I plan to divide into two parts) so it’s going to take a bit to finish. In the meanwhile I post this list that I have written up in between.

    Fans of music know as good as anyone, that for every awesome artist that succeeds, (Or doesn’t succeed.) inspires, and creates brand new legacies of greatness, there will be about 15 other artists that are also succeeding, but you have no idea why.

    All your friends talk about them, they appear on all the big talk shows, they sell piles of records, they win lots of meaningless awards, but goddammit! Are you the only one in the UNIVERSE who knows they really suck?!

    No. You’re not.

    Listed here are what I consider the 10 most over-hyped musicians, bands, and artists that ever were, many of whom are still working today, despite all odds, still getting far more credit than they’re actually worth.

    And let me be perfectly clear: By overrated I don’t mean unpopular or untalented with either critics or fans. There are already a slew of Hip/Hop fans who will tell you that 50 Cent is garbage, and countless Rock critics to say that Nickelback is just about the lowest common denominator of the genre right now…So they don’t appear on the list. They don’t NEED to.

I’m not going to include a band because they suck, (Though many listed here DO indeed suck.) I’m going to include it because they’ve warranted undeserved critical praise from people who haven’t thought the whole situation through.

    With that I now bring you…

Comment (16) Read More...

It's been a while since I previewed this Top List. If TNA hadn't pissed me off so much with the whole "MEM" Debacle, it would've been up sooner. (Just one more thing TNA fucked up)

Anyway, random quotes are everywhere. But it takes a certian kind of random to be funny out of context. And now, in no order whatsoever, some of the best Random quotes.

Comment (6) Read More...