I never really got the popularity of this argument, it never seemed a fair comparison to me. First of all, unless I am miles off, the plural of Ninja is Ninja. No fucking 's' required, you juvenile quasi-historians. Second of all, let's run through an analysis the two specimens up for comparison here and see if we can't figure some things out, hmm?
First of, Pirates. I pinpoint the resurgence of these guys being 'cool' with the 'Pirates of the Carribean' trilogy. Why? Two reasons. First of, the power of cinema makes almost anything that is shot well seem attractive and awesome to its viewers, and it acts still as a main determinant of everything 'cool' in our cultural lexicon. Can you think of anything that gained widespread popularity in this day and age without some help (in some form) from the cinema? .... Webcam cunts don't count, jerkwads. The main point I'm making here is that to attain some level of fandom, you usually have to have at least a slight footing in the movies. Taking away the 'Pirates of the Carribean' trilogy, at what point do you remember Pirate films selling well, or indeed being made en masse? In terms of what I can remember, before 'Pirates,' there was a nearly half century of a gap in the cinematic idolization of pirates. The last true, epic, and entertaining film retellings of swashbuckling adventures was with the Errol Flynn films earlier last century. That is a huge fucking gap here people! What happened in the meantime? Pirating devolved into parody, common cartoon villains and reference points. They didn't make movies of them anymore because they weren't cool anymore! Cowboys really took off between Errol Flynn and 'Pirates' and many other genres overshadowed the once great privateers of the sea. With the manliness of Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, and the plenitude of sexy male and female Film Noir leads, Pirates were fruity afterthoughts, in the immortal words of many Halo players, 'we don't care about that anymore, that's gay.'
Another huge factor in making Pirates cool again was Johnny Depp. Now, now, don't bullshit me into thinking you went to those horrid sequels for the effects or Stellan Skarsgard's performance, it was the Peppy the Pew and Keith Richards combination of Jack fucking Sparrow that took those flicks from average blockbusters to one of the highest grossing franchises in fucking history, don't deny it. But is this the first time Depp has solely lead to the genesis of a culture surrounding a trend? No sir. I ask you to remember this, what do you think started the wardrobe fads of the goth culture (and its posers), actual angst and stress building up to the point of depression? Or seeing Depp all made-up and emo as Edward Scissorhands in the early nineties? The art design for that movie alone inspired Hot Topic's first mega-selling fashion line. And with Johnny making them cool again, their presence in the Pirates vs. Ninjas argument went from a joke to an actual viability.
Now, onto the Ninja. Anyone with a brain can easily determine the cultural origins and significance of the stealthy assassins, so I won't bother to retell them here. ... ... ... Ok, yes I will. Legends of Ninjas stretch back far beyond anything the Pirates lore can lay claim too, practically as long as there has been a stable culture in the Far East, rumors of ninjas abounded in one form or another. History is now telling us they may have never existed, but we know better. Although tales of this tight-wearing fuckers have gone back many generations, the true cultural penetration of the ways and awesome-ness of the Ninja came about in the Western world around the same time as the Samurai (to my cultural awareness.) Akira Kurosawa's masterpiece 'Seven Samurai' made the more aggressive Asian death machines popular, but even then the seeds of the Ninja were planted in the minds of film-goers, granted they had to find the very sparse releases of films covering the Ninja around that time, but it was possible! Give it two decades, and we see the spirit of the Ninja entering Popular Culture with the barrage of Hong Kong, Korean, and Chinese action films the 1970's cheap-o theaters saw. The 80s had a VHS collector's culture that is still unmatched in terms of dedication and collection size, and the same chop-socky action flicks from the East had at least a single shelf of space in most tape collections. I mean, if these fuckers have Napster, Corporate America would have sued the internet down to porn sites and product registration hubs. In contrast to Pirates, Ninja haven't really gone too much out of style, it just took them a long ass time to get here in the first place, and to build up 'cool' steam. Needless to say that the thousands of books detailing the exploits of both Pirates and Ninja have prodded the fire of interest and acted as the bedrock to the now-pervasive argument.
Now that we got some background going on both of these bad-asses, let's take a look at their abilities. Here is where the argument trips me up. If accounted for strictly ability, Ninja are the clear victors. Hell, take into account which each sect must have been like personality-wise gives the Ninja a clear victory in that regard as well. What are pirates? Gaudy bearded men fearing the presence of any female on their ship, spending months to years away from civilization amongst at least 20 other sweaty, hairy men, decorating themselves in pimped out jewelry that they took without permission, and keeping themselves drunk and dying from lack of proper dietary produce through most of the daylight hours. Sure, if this is to be a recipe for the greatest Gay Cruise in recorded history, we have a fucking winner! But in terms of giving these guys any amount of street cred, it does not. Sure, the ideas of lawlessness and shifty morality is incredibly appealing, but as my friend has said, Cowboys embody many similar aspects of Pirate coolness without the flamboyant hazards. Most people in the Pirate line of thinking say that it is the swashbucklers mastery of the singular element, water, and they absolute domination of combat on ships as marking their superiority. But even this isn't true if you think about. Ninja are trained to personally withstand as much pain as possible - I should now, my friend went through Ninjitsu as I grimaced and whimpered at his stories of it - certainly some part of the curriculum had to be 'do not drown?' And in terms of ship-bound combat, well, all Ninjas really need is stable footing to gain momentum, and unless the Crown Marie is in the eye of a fucking hurricane, ships run pretty smoothly.
Now, Ninja aren't all good, and Pirates aren't all bad. There are a lot of aspects that the Ninja requires to be efficient, and Pirates can most likely exploit that to their advantage. For example, usually a bit of darkness/shadow is needed for Ninja to make the kill, on a boat in most hours of the day, they are at a disadvantage. Ninjas need speed, Pirates have speed-interrupting power... .... unless they are busy fucking cabin boy. A lot of the Ninja creed is particularly unattractive too. Discipline, Honor, Servitude, CHASTITY?!?! Hmm....are they anthropomorphic turtles? No? Then FUCK THAT! The one-hit kills, accuracy, and stealth are a sexy counterpoint, and make up for some of the flack, but not all.
A main irritant in this argument for me is the underlying value comparisons here. In terms of dichotomous relationships, you always want an opposite pair to compare and contrast against, right? White versus Black? Tall versus Short? Anal versus Blumpie? The problem with the Pirates versus Ninja argument is that, though they have a lot of opposing aspects to differ on, they are the same on at least one level. They have the speed versus power, quasi dark versus quasi light, stealth versus blunt, quiet versus vocal (seriously, how many fucking Pirating songs are there?), they got a ton of antagonistic values to but heads with. But on one level, gender, they are too similar. I'm going to have to explain, aren't I? Ok, think of it this way, I am comparing with age-old (and very sexist) associations, but this is what we have to work with here.
Women? Sleek, stylish, not as strong, so we can associate a lot of the feminine way of homicide with the Ninja. Men? Built stronger, more aggressive, and emotionless. You'd think that Pirates fit this creed perfectly, but take a look again. Yay, the rampant materialism and accessorizing really doesn't bode too well for their masculinity, does it? Don't try to pull any metrosexual bullshit on this, yeah, they can make themselves look pretty, but they still can't clean themselves worth shit. If the inventors of this argument wanted a truly masculine counterpart to the Ninja feminine, my instincts would have lead me to Vikings. No gaudy-ness on the person, but in the hold for bargaining and hording. And they still have the rough and tumble attitude, the macho bods, and the lawlessness and shifty morality. Another thing that's different, no piddling the oar master. These fuckers waited until either shore leave or pillage, and they made a point of raping and capturing as many women as they could carry. And they weren't pussies, women stayed on the fucking boat sir! Hell, if it was Ninja versus Vikings I'd be hard pressed to come up with an answer, wouldn't you?
Episode 13 of Ranting and Raving featuring the latest trailer for the movie Watchmen, a film adaptation of one of the greatest graphic novels of all time. Concludes with a look at the novel, Alan Moore adaptations and speculation/fears of the new movie.
Enjoy, rate, comment, subscribe, tell your friends, rinse, repeat :D
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Forgive the delay, fair reader, for the seas of third-year university midterms were misjudged on my part, and it took a bit more of time than I had predicted to properly wade through the study process. On the melodramatic side of my affairs, it seems I have lately been stricken with a bit of gloom and glum as of late, making it difficult for the motivation to do anything besides stream old episodes of The Drew Carey Show rather insurmountable.
Thankfully, this is where my ‘favorites’ column on Youtube comes in handy, and where the meat of today’s humorous little revelation begins.
Mickey Mouse is a Satanist
Despite my friends sharing a similar mindset to mine own, I am often alone in the gleeful titillation I receive from watching documentaries made by the nuttier cases of the great Christian peanut butter. I always seem to find videos of Christians making odd social links to things we all know and love, and Satan. It usually begins with the general assessment that all publicized media (save for God’s chosen station, Fox News) is under the talon of Beelzebub, and from there, progresses on to more in-depth condemnations.
I’d like to first point out that my Disney discovery began, in fact, with the most over-analyzed movie ever made, The Matrix. In the video, discussions of the film’s Gnostic elements, including the revelation of Thomas Anderson’s unreal Matrix world, and his later becoming a messiah-like figure as Neo, were the main cause for concern for the spiritually dedicated narrator. Like most subscribing to the righteous dichotomy of literal Christianity, there are only two ways to live: with God and Heaven, or without him and Hell. Thus Gnosticism falls into the same category as Satanism, and our ever-pleasant narrator mourned what he saw as spiritually lethal non-Christian worldviews replacing his own and teaching their foul ways to the ignorant masses. Hilarious in and off itself, this man took a simple misreading of a single film, and created a mass media conspiracy that took him 15 other videos to explain, what he and his church (Fight the Good Fight ministries) called Hollywood’s War on God.
For those that want to grit their teeth through it, enjoy:
This is a list of 12 things that piss us off about Driving. Something I'm sure all of you who drive can appreciate, especially Doug the NC. He was on the road for days to fight the AVGN :P.
So this is better than Road Rage; this is The 12 FUCK YOU's Of Driving. By Aron With 1 A
Episode 12 of Ranting and Raving featuring Jenny reviewing Quantum of Solace in Chris' place. Enjoy, rate, subscribe and comment :D
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TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to Ranting and Raving where i praise or abuse the stuff that i review. I am Jenny, covering Chris after he suffered a freak peanut butter and jelly accident. Today I want to talk about the new James Bond movie Quantum of Solace.
Quantum of Solace is the 22nd James Bond movie since Dr No in 1962 and the series has come a long way. 6 different Bonds, 5 different decades and a series reboot later and we are given the most recent Bond movie.
The movie picks up just hours after the previous outing, Casino Royale and straight away we are thrown into the action. I fell for the movie as soon as the standard pre-opening credits chase between Bond in his Aston Martin DBS and some assailants began.
The story follows Bond played once again by Daniel Craig as he is in search for an group called Quantum. Quantum apparently has moles in groups such as Her Majestys Government and the Central Intelligence Agency which leads to some scenes where double crosses and second guessing might happen. It might be because The Dark Knight rubbed off on me or something, but I seemed to be thinking too far ahead of the story trying to get in front of the double-crossing but it turns out the movie actually under-delivers if you take that approach.
The bad guy is a Mr Dominic Greene, a businessman and provider of a legitimate cover for Quantum with his environmental company so originally named Greene Planet. One thing I love about James Bond movies is that their plot is somehow related to current events in the world and this movie doesnt disappoint. There is a whole influence on the state of the planet with global warming and natural disasters and this is assimilated in the bad guys cover by apparently providing solutions to better the environment. There are also small things such as the US Dollar not being too strong leading to the bad guys to request Euros instead which is a nice touch.
The bad guys plan involves oil and land. Another current issue cleverly included into the plot. It has a sort of relevance that adds a little bit more realism to the movie and makes it more current. No idea if this element will age well in the later years.
If youre a big fan of James Bond like me then you will be satisfied with all the action that takes place. Youll also enjoy the development of Bond since Casino Royale as he begins to shape himself more and more into the Bond hell eventually become.
The two main Bond girls deliver what theyre supposed to. You have the minor, stock M I 6 agent Strawberry Fields who offers the concerned, but easily swayed female character after a bedding by Bond and then you have the main Bond girl, Camille who like many other Bond girls in recent years is more of an equal to Bond and not completely incompetent.
The other acting is great as well. Craig is a great Bond and you can feel his softer side towards the ill-fated Vesper killed in the previous movies as well as the anger and aggression when faced with his adversaries.
The stunts are great but some seem a bit lackluster compared to the last movie where they had Parkour and runway chases. That being said, the vehicle chases are fast paced and well-filmed and some of the shootouts and fights scream classic Bond.
I love the look of the movie. Each location is completely different and relevant to that point in the plot. There are some scenes where the normal goings on are juxtaposed against the violence going on with Bond and some henchmen and how the action swaps from one to another was pretty effective.
There are things there for the Bond fan to love. There are references to previous movies that are either obvious or a bit obscure as well as maybe a few faces popping up. However there are also a few things the Bond fan will have problems with. Just the little things youre used to seeing or hearing in a James Bond film either in the wrong place or missing entirely.
If I were to give this movie an arbitrary score I would give it an 8 out of 10. One of the better Bond movies of recent years. Not as good as Casino Royale but not as bad as Die Another Day.
This has been Ranting and raving, I was Jenny, your beautiful virtual host, Chris might be back sunday, but for now, have a week.
The release date for Sonic Unleashed, the latest adventure of video game's only blue, spiny, hyper-kinetic mammal is but a few days away, and Sonic fans have their hopes high that this could be the return-to-form that Sega had been hyping over and over. Let me address those Sonic fans directly for one moment:
Stop it.
Speaking as someone who hasn't enjoyed a Sonic game since he left the 2nd dimension, let me say that while I'm intrigued by the return to 2D gameplay, mark my words, this ISN'T the return to form that you've been waiting for. There's a very good chance that this game will be just as bad as Sonic 2006.
Okay, maybe not THAT bad, but still...There's not much cause to get your hopes up as high as you're getting them.
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HERE'S HOW I KNOW:
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1. The Humans Are Still There
I can't begin to fathom why there'd be humans in a Sonic the Hedgehog game. Sure Dr. Robotnik sort of resembles a human, (And it IS Dr. Robotnik if you're American. If you call him Dr. Eggman you are a whipped, Japanophile pansy, and I invite you to go stick some pocky up your ass.) but I thought that it ended there.
Surely I wasn't the only one getting a "Nature vs Humanity" vibe from the first few games, as though the anthromorphic creatures were defending the habitat of their slightly less evolved bretheren. If they had any sort of sense, shouldn't the rest of humanity be seen as some sort of antagonist?
But no, instead we've got humans associating with giant bi-pedal animals as if there's nothing wrong. Ridiculousness aside, the inclusion of humans and human cities has added NOTHING to the gameplay. (It's taken plenty away however, in the form of moronic side-quests in Sonic The Hedgehog 2006.)
2. The Music Still Sucks
This is more a personal hatred than anything else, but I can't stand how just about every level in the 3D Sonic games are filled with chunky guitars and shrill-voiced pop-punk vocalists. I think it takes away from the game when the background music barely fits the stage scenario, and sounds extremely annoying.
While not a lot of info has been leaked in regards to the music, after hearing what HAS been available on YouTube, and the godawful theme music, which features of all people, the guy from Bowling For Soup. (Never a good sign.) I can honestly say they're doing it all over again.
I've never liked the soundtracks of any of the 3D Sonic games. They're just completely unpleasant to me. The last Sonic-related song I genuinely liked was when Green Hill Zone was remade for Super Smash Brothers Brawl. That was pretty cool, because anyone who's a Sonic fan pretty much considers Green Hill Zone to be THE signature Sonic song. (Okay, there's the intro to the original, but that's barely more than 7 seconds long.) Lately though it seems as though Sega's been trying to distance itself from its old and BETTER soundtracks from it's Genesis/CD heydays. And that's a really bad idea.
3. Sonic Gets Turned Into A Were-Kratos
I'm sure much of the video game community, Sonic fan or not, all raised a collective eyebrow of confusion upon the discovery that Sonic Unleashed would include a strange new feature in which Sonic can transform into a were....thing...that was stronger, slower, and had impossibly elasticine arms.
I watched many videos of gameplay footage of that, never sure what to think until Yahtzee Croshaw summed it up best during an episode of the Australian Gamers Podcast, when he compared the new gameplay style to God of War. (Prior to that, I thought it looked more like Wario World.)
Whatever the case, it's not a good omen. Everytime Sega has had to introduce new elements of gameplay to Sonic games as means of "mixing things up", it generally means one thing: You don't get to play a genuine Sonic game.
What is a genuine Sonic game? Really really inhumanly fast platforming. It's not a God of War-style brawler. When you drive a wedge in the game to block off what people EXPECT from the game, I have found that the hypothetical player enjoying the game now hates you for it.
4. More New Useless Characters
Think back long and hard. When was the last time that you truly embraced the introduction of a new character in the Sonic franchise? Sonic 3, right? When Knuckles was introduced. After that it was just one long trip towards expanded universe Hades.
If there's one thing that Sega likes to do more than shoot its own hardware in the foot, and release its entire Genesis library on Greatest Hits packs, it's add more completely superficial characters to the Sonic franchise, and Unleashed at least holds back a little bit, with only two new characters; an extremely annoying sidekick thing, (Because Tails apparently wasn't enough.) and a new villain, which is unacceptable considering how long it's been since Dr. Robotnik hasn't been a complete joke.
I wouldn't mind the introduction of all these new faces so much, (Heck, the Super Mario RPGs do it all the time.) but Sega is always carrying these characters over into the main canon, and it gets to the point where they have as many characters as The Simpsons. WHO THE FUCK IS G.U.N., and more importantly WHY SHOULD WE CARE?!
Which is another point I ought to bring up: Sega just keeps adding and adding and adding to their already expansive castlist inconsequential character after another. I defy you to name one person who is a fan of "Marine The Raccoon." You can't name any, can you? Am I right? I'm right, aren't I. 9_9
5. 3-D
While I'm ever so slightly optimistic about the "seamless 3D-to-2D" system of camera switching that Sega has been hyping so much, and I'm genuinely pleased that they're making something of return to Sonic's 2-D roots, I shudder thinking about the 3-D portions.
Why? A while ago I played Sonic Adventure 2 which I had lying around, just because I hadn't played it in a long time, and as I played it the game was made far harder than it should have been because their camera system is one of the WORST ONES I'VE EVER SEEN IN A VIDEO GAME.
Regularly I found the camera getting stuck behind walls, (Leaving my character completely obscured from view.) switching to dramatic angles at the least opportune moment, (Which is another thing I dislike. the pretention that the game was some sort of dramatic epic.) and the sudden perspective switch, where I suddenly find my character turning around in the opposite direction, into the oncoming truck I was supposed to run away from.
This god-awful camera system carried into Sonic 2006, which was one of the worse games of the year, and if Sonic Team didn't learn from their blithering mistake then I shudder to think.
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These are just MY perceptions of what I've seen so far. Who knows? Once Unleashed DOES come out, the game might be a glimmering gem of good game design, they might have fixed up the camera angles, and they might have gotten a better writing staff and voice actors that don't always sound like they're reading their lines out of context. It could be good, but heed my words, and take caution.
After my tirade against the religious oppression of gays inherent in their propositional efforts on Tuesday, I decided to flesh out my political exploits by including a score-sheet of what I voted for or against this year. Amidst raving, rabid political rants, of course.
A Blue November
President/Vice President of the United States: My Vote:Barack Obama/Joe Biden Outcome:Barack Obama/Joe Biden (with 53% of popular vote)
Everyone with a pulse knows of Obama’s victory, and the hope and joy that it caused in multiple communities. Anyone watching on television would call the victory a landslide, with Obama coming away with 364 electoral votes, McCain scrounging to pick up his 162. But, like many people, I find the electoral college to be an outdated model of polling in this country, as it was first designed when the country slightly more than a dozen states. Ah, who am I kidding? I want popular vote to supersede any other polling data because if that was the case in 2000, Al Gore would have been president by a solid margin. Speaking of margins, a lot of people believe that the 53/47% break between Obama and McCain on the popular vote is not a huge difference, and mathematically speaking, they’re right. But Obama came away with the highest margin in the popular vote since Bush Sr. in 1988, and the highest of a democrat since Johnson since 1964, according to The Wall Street Journal. I am extremely happy with the outcome of this election, even though it wasn’t the most difficult one to predict. Between Obama and McCain, I side with the democrats on more than 70% of the issues this time around (McCain’s stance on nuclear power is the major thing I stand by with him,) and therefore gave my first legal vote in a presidential race away to the guy that I knew was going to win anyway. The selection of vice presidents only made the decision easier, with political veteran Biden against retarded housewife Palin being one of the simplest decisions I’ve ever made, up there with the time I had to decide between a fish hook shoved down my urethra or a nice slice of chocolate cake. Will Obama change the world as much as he says, not in one term, and most likely not even in a second. But electing him definitely put us on the right track to re-establishing alliances overseas, and the man can definitely put forth the beginnings of changes that those after him can continue. Among my expectations for his term in office is a possible rise in the minimum wage, pressure on businesses to adapt cheaper alternative energy products, practical discussions into alternative energy power, with funding possibility going into development of solar and wind energy plants, a withdrawal of troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, and the beginnings of a new, affordable healthcare system. The one thing Barack Obama can do while in office, to guarantee continued support from both liberal and conservative constituencies, is right before his inauguration speech, directly after taking the Oath of Office, he turns to the microphone, and with his newly established presidential powers, calls for the citizen’s arrest of John Ashcroft, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, David Wolfenstein, and Dick Cheney, with accessory charges against George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice. If we can get pictures of PC police and secret service apprehending the inner Bush Cabinet and placing them under arrest, Obama can rely on solid support from at least half of the 76% of America that hates that administration. The dude’s got a lot ahead of him, especially with assigning “change” as his word of choice. Let’s hope he patch up the failures of the last 8 years.
California Senate/House of Representatives: My Vote:N/A/Steve Young Outcome:N/A/John Campbell (with 55.8% of popular vote)
California didn’t have anyone under senate election this year for office, but my congressional district did have two guys up for the House; the greater county, thankfully, gave both establishments Democratic majority. Although the Senate didn’t get the 60-seat majority (they gained 6 seats that the Republicans lost, giving them 57) that would allow them to bust up filibusters, their slight majority will give them the edge for the surely liberal policies that will be coming from the Obama White House. Democratic control of Congress, the Senate, and the White House; this is going to be fun! The House, on the other hand, elected against my vote for Democrat Steve Young, instead re-electing Republican John Campbell. Although he is a fiscal conservative (the only kind I like), his views on Immigration are a bit off in my taste, except for making English the national language. Despite his social conservatism, his financial stances seem solid enough, so I’m not too sad over the loss. As for the lack of Senator to vote on, I’m extremely happy with Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein, both share strong Democratic values and fought hard when against a Republican majority in the past. Go Women!
Proposition 1a - Safe, Reliable High-Speed Train Bond Act My Vote:Yes Outcome:Yes (with 52.2% of popular vote)
This proposition was a measure to use 30 billion of the State budget, taken out over ten years, to construct a high-speed mass-transit rail system that goes from Los Angeles/San Diego to San Francisco, effectively connecting the two major cities and halves of the state together. Even though I won’t, most likely, be able to use it to see my friends in Nor Cal (as completion dates for the earliest sections of the rail is 2011, the latest 2030), it’s a safe, reliable travel option to leave for those that can make the trek. It cuts down on congestion, interstate travel cost, and carbon emissions for the State. The upfront costs aren’t as steep as you think (estimated costs to fix the Santa Ana Highway alone rank up to 25 billion), and it’s a good way to connect the State and add a high-tech way of travel, with possible expansions to the rail being laid open for the future (entire West-Coast/Canada/Mexico connections……sweet). Awesome sauce in a can.
Proposition 2 - Standards for Confining Farm Animals My Vote:No Outcome:Yes (with 63.2% of popular vote)
The proposition sounds good, and makes farming business owners out to absolute villains. The measure would require farm owners to place creatures into pens that allow them the mobility to turn around completely. Sounds terrible, right? Must have been what everyone else thought, to. Philosophically, at least for the meat producing animals, I think it’s just polishing the deck of the Titanic; requiring an animal birthed and primed for the specific purpose of slaughter to be given living conditions seems a bit counter-productive to my ears. On a financial level, it’s going to cost California tax payers 9.5 million dollars a year to assure legal practices and government interventions are able to take action if a farmer doesn’t comply with the new regulations (giving him a fine or jail time.) Doesn’t sound like much next to the bond measure, but every little bit helps. On another financial level, every time with update farming regulation, it costs farmers money, to produce and maintain new cages and what not. Not that I am a stalwart ass-monkey for big business, but for California, agriculture and farming are huge, if not the biggest, exports we give to the rest of the country and world, and I just don’t really want to get in the way of that, in any way I can. We supply the majority of fruits and vegetables to the States, after all.
Proposition 3 – Children’s Hospital Bond Act. Grant Program My Vote:Yes Outcome:Yes (with 54.8% of popular vote)
As much as I don’t want to trust any federal employee that tells me that this money cannot be re-regulated to something other than what this bond act states, there was no way I was going to vote no on this one. Our hospitals are pathetic in this country, except when you can afford and need the cooler surgeries, and Children’s Hospitals are especially bad. This proposition will authorize $980 Million in Bonds be spent on the rebuilding or renovating of Children’s Hospitals across the State. Yeah, special interests will obviously get in their and muck things up, but this is California: if industries and corporate greed aren’t involved in all of our dealings, its not true Western spirit.
Proposition 4 - Parent Notification Before Terminating Minor's Pregnancy My Vote:No Outcome:No (with 52.2% of popular vote)
[img]http://www.ppshastadiablo...ion 5[/url] - Nonviolent Drug Offense. Sentencing, Parole, Rehab My Vote:No Outcome:No (with 60% of popular vote)
Sounds nice, especially in our pot-loving Golden State; it increases the State’s required oversight of rehabilitation of convicted drug users and reduces consequences of non-violent offenders. But, in reality, the money we save on prisons (since the druggies aren’t cluttering them up), we are spending on drug rehabilitation processes that have no guarantee of actually working (think “AA”.) On top of that, criminals can lessen their sentence on other crimes by claiming they were under the influence of drugs (making everyone an unhinged celebrity, apparently.) Unfortunately, marijuana is still being lumped legally in the heavy drug category, comparable to heroin and meth. And as much as this proposition claims to help reduce their sentence or not even be sentenced at all, the benefits of the proposition are far outweighed by its detriments.
Proposition 6 - Police, Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Laws My Vote:No Outcome:No (with 69.4% of popular vote)
Not a single county in the state had a “yes” vote on this proposition. It would essentially place additional penalties on drug and gang crimes, adding over 30 new laws in the process. Big problems with this little ditty is that the money used to pay for additional law enforcement and legal fees would be re-allocated out of the money used to pay for Schooling, Health Services, Transportation, Housing, and Environmental Protection, leaving us safe, but stupid, sick, and homeless. It would eliminate bail for illegal aliens convicted of the aforementioned crimes (meh), and would charge 14 year olds as adults for the same crimes. With only 30 some-odd percent of the vote, it didn’t qualify to be adopted and/or amended, thankfully.
Proposition 7 - Renewable Energy Generation My Vote:Yes Outcome:No (with 65% of popular vote)
This measure didn’t pass mostly, by my opinion, because it would require Californians to pay a higher electric cost. This proposition would require California utilities to produce 50% of their power through reusable means by 2025, meeting the challenge in increments (20% by 2010, 40% by 2020, and 50% by 2025.) Those against it claimed that it was poorly written (conceited) and that it forced wind and solar power out of the market. Admittedly, I did misinterpret the proposition, probably due to its poor literary quality, but I do think a similar measure needs to be adopted in the country, if only by replaced “reusable” with “alternative.” Forcing utilities to adopt alternative energy solutions by the same date could lead to huge investments in things like biogas, solar, and wind power, leading to advanced development of emission-reducing products and services. Let’s hope next time, the Energy peeps will know how to write.
Proposition 8 – Eliminates Rights of Same-Sex Couples to Marry My Vote:No Outcome:Yes (with 52% of popular vote)
Here’s the big one. There is now an initiative being sent to the State which will change the California Constitution to define marriage as strictly between a man and a woman. It’s absolutely terrible, and it was so close for the longest time. The archaic values of the world’s largest cult now become the word of law, and gays are forbidden to hold marriage documentation in any legality. There is no way to describe it other than discrimination. Marriage is not a religious institution; the causal definition of the term has just been monopolized. I already did a diatribe on this issue in my Last Blog, so make sure to check that out.
Proposition 9 - Criminal Justice System, Victims' Rights, Parole My Vote:No Outcome:Yes (with 53.5% of popular vote)
This one greatly extends the rights and notifications of the victims of violent crimes during the incarceration process. Sounds like something everyone can agree on, right? Well, Californians seem to have forgotten that they already passed most of the measures of this proposition twenty years ago! This means that this proposition is completely toothless, only now it will cost us more money with the cost of this year adding onto the passed measure from 2 decades ago. Yeah yeah, the rights of victims are important, but enough to get bloated, useless policies passed around them twice?
The rest of the propositions were more or less throw-aways, with a veteran’s bond measure that easily passed, another alternative energy initiative that didn’t have a prayer, and a confusing revamping of re-districting (the act of shifting county and city lines based on population and other elements every decade or so) which also passed. All in all, the election paned out well, although I gladly would have exchanged a high-speed train or the rights of food for gay marriage. But alas, I am not yet master of universal opinion, and must deal with the decisions of the people.
here's another little article I wrote for the campus paper at UCI...that 650 word limit is KILLING me!
Denizens of Orange County couldn’t escape the barrage of yellow lawn signs that littered the landscape these past weeks, demanding a Yes vote on Proposition 8 in the upcoming election. Beneath the picture of a happy stick-figure family was the simple tagline, “protect marriage.” It’s as if the “Yes on 8” camp wanted voters to envision themselves galloping to the rescue of Maiden Marriage, imprisoned in the castle of the godless sodomites, creatures of no morals, content to ravish the modern family in between bouts of drug abuse and deviant sex. An overzealous description, perhaps, but the “Yes on 8” movement succeeded largely due to illustrative rhetoric that glazed over the holes in their logic. “Traditional Marriage” and “Sacred Institution” are the most potent mudslingers in their vocabulary, not directly insulting homosexuals by giving heterosexuals way too much credit, “where not against gay people, we’re just FOR traditional marriage.”
There is no such thing as a “traditional marriage,” like there is no such thing as a “traditional family.” The blanket term given the right way to marry could, and does, include: a beaten wife staying with her husband out of fear, a couple who won their marriage as a prize on a reality show, and a drunken mistake in Las Vegas; as long as the two people are of opposite gender. The outdated-ness of the term is astounding; not only was it used verbatim when interracial marriage was attempting to “destroy the foundation of society,” but “traditional marriage” comes from the nonexistent roots of the nuclear family of 1950s America. The idea of “traditional marriage” back then meant a housewife and a factory-drone husband. If Mom went to work while Dad raised the kids, it was sacrilege. True Marriage, as with everything else involving humans, evolves with time, changing and reflecting shifts in societal advances and ideals. But Traditional Marriage never has to grow out of its archaic values, but it has the two magic words.
“Sacred Institution.” That’s the kneejerk response you’re given when those against gay marriage realize they don’t have any logic to debate with. You can’t argue with the phrase, because it hides behind its haughty religious ties, like a child sticking out its tongue behind its mother’s arms. Never mind that those able to marry don’t treat it sacred; a 60% divorce rating and the ability to get an annulment faster than a pizza doesn’t make a dent in their argument. Want to know why it’s sacred? They’ll tell you. “Every study since the beginning of time...” – because cavemen were equipped with polling data – “…shows that a heterosexual couple is essential to the upbringing of sensible, moral children.” Somehow a penis and vagina are so important after the birth, that they MUST be equally present in every strong household. There is no way to justify this argument without assigning each gender their individual roles and emotions within the household. One parent has to be comforting and sensitive, the other tough but fair. Despite both genders being able to interact with children on either side of the equation, the Traditional Marriage argument dictates that there is something engrained into the DNA of men and women that make them inseparable in child-rearing. What it is, they have no answer. Science kinda requires proof, rather than hot air.
People fell for it. Despite pompous overtones and ridiculous claims, people bought it. Do they hate gays? Do they really care that much about the issue, or their religion for that matter? Of course not, it’s all spin, the easiest trick in the book. The “Yes on 8” camp used their scripts to make something simple into the first step on the path to anarchy. They stroked the egos on heterosexuals and their marriages in order to maintain religious dominance in a world that could give a crap. Love just isn’t a factor in marriage anymore.
Happy Daylight Savings Time! And, I suppose, Halloween to a lesser extent. I'm just happy for that extra hour of sleep, a bit too much I'd imagine.
Main topic for the night tangents from, as many of my thoughts do, my lack of a social life. Halloween has always been a commercial holiday and paper-thin excuse to publicly roleplay in the oddest getup you can find, which is awesome. My hope for some future All Hallow's Eve is to be able to afford the construction of an Evil Mickey Mouse costume (I do a dead on impression, and enjoy making Mickey say horrible, horrible things.) It would most likely be the lame Mickey suit you see on Main Street U.S.A. at Disneyland/World, with a bit of a baroque/gothic touch. Maybe a bloodied mouth here, with a bit of entrails hanging out; maybe more claw-like hands and a forked tail...you get the idea.
I speak of the future because this year was absolutely nothing special. I left University directly after my discussion on the Western genre of cinema and took a direct bus to the local mall to check a screening of 'Zack and Miri Make a Porno.' I was charged to review the flick for the campus newspaper (you'll get the review posted up here around Monday, to correlate with the paper's printing,) and barely made it inside before the previews ended, thanks to an inept bus driver. After the flick ended I chowed down on a Sicilian Burger at Red Robin (burger, mozzarella, pepperoni slices, herb mayo, foccaccia bread), very satisfactorily I might add. I walked the 2 1/2 miles home (no more buses running) and raided my roommate's trick-or-treaters stash before chilling in my room like any other day.
Whenever a holiday rears its ugly head and I'm not distracted by partying or visiting family, I tend to find little factoids about the origin of that Holiday and how it came to be its modern incarnation. Unfortunately, Halloween's origins aren't as fun and scandolous as say, Christmas, being a harvest celebration and all, but some of the iconography of All Hallow's Eve is fascinating. The one that had the most information for me to sponge up was the Witch, that which I relate to you now.
The Origin of the Witch's Image
Christians have been widely successful in pegging anyone practicing earthly religion/tradition as a witch, often times the word has been synonymous with pagan, and heretic (the Christian Church also included Jews in this definition.) The sorted and imperialist affairs of the Christian nomads imposing their claustrophic values on an indigenous culture are for another day, however, as this little nugget of an article gives focus to the kinds of witches that you can stick to your windows, or buy statues of to decorate your spooky lawn. We've all seen it in the Western world; tall, pointed hat, black robes, broomstick, old and warty, with a cackling laugh. But the origins of this gruesome creature is not in the darkest corners of colonial Salem or in hovels in ancient Scotland, but, like many modern icons, in the times of the Bubonic plague.
The Black Death inspired many now blase concepts. 'Ring around the Rosies' is a haunting little children's rhyme that depicted the all-to-common occurrence of people dying in the streets, and the things taken up by those still alive in order to survive. Look up the words, its not particularly pleasant. Our Witch friend, like 'Rosies' has a simple but rather morbid origin in this time as well. Church and Government officials charged elder volunteers within the community to become 'searchers' (if my memory serves.) The duties of this line of work were to enter into areas of high Plague concentration and identify corpses for the families and records. The black garb of the robe and hat were their uniform, used to recognize their profession across town. The reason for this was two-fold; one, many residents hated the idea of people coming that close to infected bodies and returning to civilization, so officials drafted the obvious uniform to placate these protests, and two, so that the support for those employed that didn't flinch away when they saw them could recognize them and give them amenities if needed. It was not a respected job, elders were employed for their already advanced years (better an old codger get the Plague and die rather than a kid, right?)
The broomstick was a simple tool of the 'searcher' trade, used to flip over bodies in order to minimize bodily contact with the infected. It became synonymous with the trade very shortly, as not many 'searchers' wanted to do any alternate means of body-flipping. The warty appearance and cackle are fabrications of these elders that arose from the horrible rumors and children's stories that came later on. It became all too easy to hear tales of little children that wandered too far into plague-riden territory, and saw hunched, demonic looking women roaming around in the fog. The image stuck, and was used more and more often in popular media (Shakespeare's Macbeth trio come to mind), drilled into the public's head, and extremely easy to cast upon a woman to immediately ostracize later on in colonial America.
A Practical Approach to Zombie Survival
Another thing that occupied my mind for much of the Halloween night is deep consideration to how I, personally, would survive a zombie infestation like that in classic horror movies. My former roommate was a horror fanatic, his love of gore and b-horror lead him to a career in special effects (I've spoken about him before, Tom, for those that remember earlier blogs), and one of his favorite books was a dead-pan humorous approach to a guide for anyone wanting to outlive the undead holocaust. He and I would have long discussions on the subject, and that combined with musings last night (and more conversations with my soi bruddah Bennett) lead to me to my plan in case my neighbors suddenly felt hungry for my brain. Maybe others can also use this plan as a jumping off point for themselves...just in case.
First of all, my plan would never attempt direct offensiveness. If we learned anything from Resident Evil gameplay, its that they will just keep coming in droves. So, I go on the defensive. Once a base of operations is established and protected, we can either leave to find other survivors or clear out a couple blocks of zombies. First stop on our way to sanctuary is an Army outpost. These you can find on the outskirks of your town, a few blocks down from the last strip mall, if you will. If one is not available in your area, than any establishment that sells ammunition and firearms would suffice. This is were liberalism would most likely bite us in the ass, as I live in Southern California, and not around any military outposts that I can think of. But, for sake of argument, say we find someone with what we need in stock. The absolute essentials you need to pick up are: firearm (take your pick, we're going for power here though), mine would the strongest shotgun they got, ammo, thick-knit clothing/body armor, walkie-talkies or other radio transmissions, and boots. This list is missing an awful lot, but these are the ABSOLUTE must-haves. See the list of utilities picked up by Marv in Sin City (book or movie) before the 'Hard Goodbye' for more details. I'm also assuming that in the hulla-balloo there is no need to pay for this equipment, as no one in their right mind would think there was enough profit to be made in this occasion. Even so, packing a credit card may not be a bad idea.
Next thing you need is transportation. Again, the left gets screwed, because we need big-ass all-terrain mothas here. If there was one at your military outpost, congrats. But, say your local sporting goods store's parking lot is empty. You need to head over to the nearest auto dealership, there is one in every city over a certain population in this country, and they are usually just off a major freeway. We are not looking for Hummers, those things may look hearty, but they aren't built for anything more than showing off in a suburbian area. Kinda like those big butch jocks that pick on you constantly, tough on the outside, a complete bitch whining to be fucked in the ass on the inside (as horrible as that sounds, my personal experiences validates that description.) Most car manufactor's have an all-terrain vehicle in their displayed library of vehicles. Do what you have to do to get you some keys and start up your bad-boy. We need a fully enclosed (no open-roof Jeeps), all-terrain vehicle here, although a solid bodied truck would work in tight circumstances. Make your way to a local gas station and break in to get some of those 2-liter/2-gallon containers and fill them up in addition to your vehicle in order to keep a steady fuel supply on hand. With that, we move to shelter.
Simply put, you are going to live at Costco. Most Big Box Marts will do, but trust me, if you are in the neighborhood, or know of a Costco nearby, get your ass there above all others. Steel shutters that go over double pane, bullet proof windows and doors. Massive supplies of both dried and wet food rations, temperature control, camping equipment if not bedding supplies, internal plumbing/heating, entertainment provisions, direct access to a pharmacy, cooking mechanisms, bulk toiletries and other ammenities, there is no need that a survivor at Costco cannot fulfill at the basic, if not full, level. You get you and your loved ones' asses in, shut the doors and pull the shudders down, and you got feet of reinforced concrete between you and the horde. If necessary, access to the roof is available, with the same protection as the front access. Hook up some electronics to all available news stations and set up camp. Worst case scenario, you are going to be there for a while.
From here you can make trips outside to either locate other survivors to bring back to your base, or to begin the undead eradication process. Always use the roof access, the front poses too many risks for those staying inside (ALWAYS leave someone inside for resource protection and a contact HUB.) Blast your way back to your all-terrain bad-boy and run over some zombie asses on your way out to the city. From here its up to you on how you want to spend the next bit of time. It is imperative that you establish contact with either news stations and/or government operations. Make your presence known, and the least you'll get is a warning and a head start before the federal government takes the iniative of eradicating the menace by bombing your town to Midgar. When you find other survivors, never trust them, check their bodies fully for any signs of infection (private regions, of course, are not included in this search) and assign them a duty in your little clan once you return to base. Have a pecking order established early on, so everyone knows who's in charge. With that, all you need to do is survive until the undead bastards are dust, how that happens is largely up to luck. Just remember: get supplies, establish a safe base and communications, and survive. Good luck.
Random Thoughts
- For the 36 other countries in the world that have better health care than us, I wonder, how deep does the health superiorities go? I mean, we know we as Americans are more likely to develop diabetes than British civilians, but are their arteries stronger than ours? Could Norwegian white blood cells kick our white blood cells' ass?
- How is an institution sacred if you can get an annulment easier/faster than a good pizza delivered in some states?
- If how guys referred to their penises was actual truth, then the manufacturing of jeans and underwear would be extrememly different. And every guy would have to wear platform shoes in order to avoid their little guy from pavement rash. And every erection would lead a guy to black from blood loss.
- Do people really not know why men have nipples? Its because the sex of the children, and the development of their genitalia, is not determined until later in the birth, leading to the unisex creation of nipples. What's so hard to figure out about that?
- We know how most sex positions get their names: doggy style and cowgirl/reverse cowgirl are pretty self-evident. But...when the hell did the term 'missionary' suddenly apply to that position?
- Do most people walk that slow just to annoy the fuck out of me? I know I'm taller than most people I walk next to, but bloody hell!
- I'm pretty sure the Second Coming has already happening. Jesus just had the stupidity to proclaim his truths next to a major freeway on-ramp with a cardboard sign.
Plugs
- As always, check out my best friend for-longer-than-forever, Strayer's, pad here on GT, or be checking out his funny stuff on Youtube at his new contributing position at thatguywiththeglasses.com or alongside myself on Gamepartisan
- Gt user Greeneyedcat1022 had a similar expose on the origins of Halloween in this most awesome blog. Check it out!
In an interview, Hulk Hogan, Legendary wrestling superstar (who couldn't wrestle his way out of tin foil) stated that he wanted to create his own wrestling organization to compete with TNA and WWE. He, along with Eric Bischoff, Legendary president of WCW and best-selling author, were putting together something that was going to, and I'm quoting Hogan, "Revolutionize the wrestling world."
Naturally, this built up a lot of hype and speculation in the wrestling community. "Hulk Hogan running a promotion?" "Bischoff also running Hogan's promotion?" "Will it mildly suck, or will it SUUUUUUUCK?" Well tonight (right now as i type) Hogan's Organization's first show is airing. Preview video's were shown recently, announcing to the world, the debut of HULK HOGAN'S.....
Ranting
