While staring at a vending machine one day, the following thoughts circulated in my brain...
- If you think about it Dark Chocolate and Swiss Chocolate are really the classiest chocolates there are. Milk Chocolate comes second, with Semi-Sweet chocolate following.
White Chocolate is the kind of chocolate living on welfare who has his car up on cinderblocks.
After my tirade against the religious oppression of gays inherent in their propositional efforts on Tuesday, I decided to flesh out my political exploits by including a score-sheet of what I voted for or against this year. Amidst raving, rabid political rants, of course.
A Blue November
President/Vice President of the United States: My Vote:Barack Obama/Joe Biden Outcome:Barack Obama/Joe Biden (with 53% of popular vote)
Everyone with a pulse knows of Obama’s victory, and the hope and joy that it caused in multiple communities. Anyone watching on television would call the victory a landslide, with Obama coming away with 364 electoral votes, McCain scrounging to pick up his 162. But, like many people, I find the electoral college to be an outdated model of polling in this country, as it was first designed when the country slightly more than a dozen states. Ah, who am I kidding? I want popular vote to supersede any other polling data because if that was the case in 2000, Al Gore would have been president by a solid margin. Speaking of margins, a lot of people believe that the 53/47% break between Obama and McCain on the popular vote is not a huge difference, and mathematically speaking, they’re right. But Obama came away with the highest margin in the popular vote since Bush Sr. in 1988, and the highest of a democrat since Johnson since 1964, according to The Wall Street Journal. I am extremely happy with the outcome of this election, even though it wasn’t the most difficult one to predict. Between Obama and McCain, I side with the democrats on more than 70% of the issues this time around (McCain’s stance on nuclear power is the major thing I stand by with him,) and therefore gave my first legal vote in a presidential race away to the guy that I knew was going to win anyway. The selection of vice presidents only made the decision easier, with political veteran Biden against retarded housewife Palin being one of the simplest decisions I’ve ever made, up there with the time I had to decide between a fish hook shoved down my urethra or a nice slice of chocolate cake. Will Obama change the world as much as he says, not in one term, and most likely not even in a second. But electing him definitely put us on the right track to re-establishing alliances overseas, and the man can definitely put forth the beginnings of changes that those after him can continue. Among my expectations for his term in office is a possible rise in the minimum wage, pressure on businesses to adapt cheaper alternative energy products, practical discussions into alternative energy power, with funding possibility going into development of solar and wind energy plants, a withdrawal of troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, and the beginnings of a new, affordable healthcare system. The one thing Barack Obama can do while in office, to guarantee continued support from both liberal and conservative constituencies, is right before his inauguration speech, directly after taking the Oath of Office, he turns to the microphone, and with his newly established presidential powers, calls for the citizen’s arrest of John Ashcroft, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, David Wolfenstein, and Dick Cheney, with accessory charges against George W. Bush and Condoleezza Rice. If we can get pictures of PC police and secret service apprehending the inner Bush Cabinet and placing them under arrest, Obama can rely on solid support from at least half of the 76% of America that hates that administration. The dude’s got a lot ahead of him, especially with assigning “change” as his word of choice. Let’s hope he patch up the failures of the last 8 years.
California Senate/House of Representatives: My Vote:N/A/Steve Young Outcome:N/A/John Campbell (with 55.8% of popular vote)
California didn’t have anyone under senate election this year for office, but my congressional district did have two guys up for the House; the greater county, thankfully, gave both establishments Democratic majority. Although the Senate didn’t get the 60-seat majority (they gained 6 seats that the Republicans lost, giving them 57) that would allow them to bust up filibusters, their slight majority will give them the edge for the surely liberal policies that will be coming from the Obama White House. Democratic control of Congress, the Senate, and the White House; this is going to be fun! The House, on the other hand, elected against my vote for Democrat Steve Young, instead re-electing Republican John Campbell. Although he is a fiscal conservative (the only kind I like), his views on Immigration are a bit off in my taste, except for making English the national language. Despite his social conservatism, his financial stances seem solid enough, so I’m not too sad over the loss. As for the lack of Senator to vote on, I’m extremely happy with Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein, both share strong Democratic values and fought hard when against a Republican majority in the past. Go Women!
Proposition 1a - Safe, Reliable High-Speed Train Bond Act My Vote:Yes Outcome:Yes (with 52.2% of popular vote)
This proposition was a measure to use 30 billion of the State budget, taken out over ten years, to construct a high-speed mass-transit rail system that goes from Los Angeles/San Diego to San Francisco, effectively connecting the two major cities and halves of the state together. Even though I won’t, most likely, be able to use it to see my friends in Nor Cal (as completion dates for the earliest sections of the rail is 2011, the latest 2030), it’s a safe, reliable travel option to leave for those that can make the trek. It cuts down on congestion, interstate travel cost, and carbon emissions for the State. The upfront costs aren’t as steep as you think (estimated costs to fix the Santa Ana Highway alone rank up to 25 billion), and it’s a good way to connect the State and add a high-tech way of travel, with possible expansions to the rail being laid open for the future (entire West-Coast/Canada/Mexico connections……sweet). Awesome sauce in a can.
Proposition 2 - Standards for Confining Farm Animals My Vote:No Outcome:Yes (with 63.2% of popular vote)
The proposition sounds good, and makes farming business owners out to absolute villains. The measure would require farm owners to place creatures into pens that allow them the mobility to turn around completely. Sounds terrible, right? Must have been what everyone else thought, to. Philosophically, at least for the meat producing animals, I think it’s just polishing the deck of the Titanic; requiring an animal birthed and primed for the specific purpose of slaughter to be given living conditions seems a bit counter-productive to my ears. On a financial level, it’s going to cost California tax payers 9.5 million dollars a year to assure legal practices and government interventions are able to take action if a farmer doesn’t comply with the new regulations (giving him a fine or jail time.) Doesn’t sound like much next to the bond measure, but every little bit helps. On another financial level, every time with update farming regulation, it costs farmers money, to produce and maintain new cages and what not. Not that I am a stalwart ass-monkey for big business, but for California, agriculture and farming are huge, if not the biggest, exports we give to the rest of the country and world, and I just don’t really want to get in the way of that, in any way I can. We supply the majority of fruits and vegetables to the States, after all.
Proposition 3 – Children’s Hospital Bond Act. Grant Program My Vote:Yes Outcome:Yes (with 54.8% of popular vote)
As much as I don’t want to trust any federal employee that tells me that this money cannot be re-regulated to something other than what this bond act states, there was no way I was going to vote no on this one. Our hospitals are pathetic in this country, except when you can afford and need the cooler surgeries, and Children’s Hospitals are especially bad. This proposition will authorize $980 Million in Bonds be spent on the rebuilding or renovating of Children’s Hospitals across the State. Yeah, special interests will obviously get in their and muck things up, but this is California: if industries and corporate greed aren’t involved in all of our dealings, its not true Western spirit.
Proposition 4 - Parent Notification Before Terminating Minor's Pregnancy My Vote:No Outcome:No (with 52.2% of popular vote)
[img]http://www.ppshastadiablo...ion 5[/url] - Nonviolent Drug Offense. Sentencing, Parole, Rehab My Vote:No Outcome:No (with 60% of popular vote)
Sounds nice, especially in our pot-loving Golden State; it increases the State’s required oversight of rehabilitation of convicted drug users and reduces consequences of non-violent offenders. But, in reality, the money we save on prisons (since the druggies aren’t cluttering them up), we are spending on drug rehabilitation processes that have no guarantee of actually working (think “AA”.) On top of that, criminals can lessen their sentence on other crimes by claiming they were under the influence of drugs (making everyone an unhinged celebrity, apparently.) Unfortunately, marijuana is still being lumped legally in the heavy drug category, comparable to heroin and meth. And as much as this proposition claims to help reduce their sentence or not even be sentenced at all, the benefits of the proposition are far outweighed by its detriments.
Proposition 6 - Police, Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Laws My Vote:No Outcome:No (with 69.4% of popular vote)
Not a single county in the state had a “yes” vote on this proposition. It would essentially place additional penalties on drug and gang crimes, adding over 30 new laws in the process. Big problems with this little ditty is that the money used to pay for additional law enforcement and legal fees would be re-allocated out of the money used to pay for Schooling, Health Services, Transportation, Housing, and Environmental Protection, leaving us safe, but stupid, sick, and homeless. It would eliminate bail for illegal aliens convicted of the aforementioned crimes (meh), and would charge 14 year olds as adults for the same crimes. With only 30 some-odd percent of the vote, it didn’t qualify to be adopted and/or amended, thankfully.
Proposition 7 - Renewable Energy Generation My Vote:Yes Outcome:No (with 65% of popular vote)
This measure didn’t pass mostly, by my opinion, because it would require Californians to pay a higher electric cost. This proposition would require California utilities to produce 50% of their power through reusable means by 2025, meeting the challenge in increments (20% by 2010, 40% by 2020, and 50% by 2025.) Those against it claimed that it was poorly written (conceited) and that it forced wind and solar power out of the market. Admittedly, I did misinterpret the proposition, probably due to its poor literary quality, but I do think a similar measure needs to be adopted in the country, if only by replaced “reusable” with “alternative.” Forcing utilities to adopt alternative energy solutions by the same date could lead to huge investments in things like biogas, solar, and wind power, leading to advanced development of emission-reducing products and services. Let’s hope next time, the Energy peeps will know how to write.
Proposition 8 – Eliminates Rights of Same-Sex Couples to Marry My Vote:No Outcome:Yes (with 52% of popular vote)
Here’s the big one. There is now an initiative being sent to the State which will change the California Constitution to define marriage as strictly between a man and a woman. It’s absolutely terrible, and it was so close for the longest time. The archaic values of the world’s largest cult now become the word of law, and gays are forbidden to hold marriage documentation in any legality. There is no way to describe it other than discrimination. Marriage is not a religious institution; the causal definition of the term has just been monopolized. I already did a diatribe on this issue in my Last Blog, so make sure to check that out.
Proposition 9 - Criminal Justice System, Victims' Rights, Parole My Vote:No Outcome:Yes (with 53.5% of popular vote)
This one greatly extends the rights and notifications of the victims of violent crimes during the incarceration process. Sounds like something everyone can agree on, right? Well, Californians seem to have forgotten that they already passed most of the measures of this proposition twenty years ago! This means that this proposition is completely toothless, only now it will cost us more money with the cost of this year adding onto the passed measure from 2 decades ago. Yeah yeah, the rights of victims are important, but enough to get bloated, useless policies passed around them twice?
The rest of the propositions were more or less throw-aways, with a veteran’s bond measure that easily passed, another alternative energy initiative that didn’t have a prayer, and a confusing revamping of re-districting (the act of shifting county and city lines based on population and other elements every decade or so) which also passed. All in all, the election paned out well, although I gladly would have exchanged a high-speed train or the rights of food for gay marriage. But alas, I am not yet master of universal opinion, and must deal with the decisions of the people.
here's another little article I wrote for the campus paper at UCI...that 650 word limit is KILLING me!
Denizens of Orange County couldn’t escape the barrage of yellow lawn signs that littered the landscape these past weeks, demanding a Yes vote on Proposition 8 in the upcoming election. Beneath the picture of a happy stick-figure family was the simple tagline, “protect marriage.” It’s as if the “Yes on 8” camp wanted voters to envision themselves galloping to the rescue of Maiden Marriage, imprisoned in the castle of the godless sodomites, creatures of no morals, content to ravish the modern family in between bouts of drug abuse and deviant sex. An overzealous description, perhaps, but the “Yes on 8” movement succeeded largely due to illustrative rhetoric that glazed over the holes in their logic. “Traditional Marriage” and “Sacred Institution” are the most potent mudslingers in their vocabulary, not directly insulting homosexuals by giving heterosexuals way too much credit, “where not against gay people, we’re just FOR traditional marriage.”
There is no such thing as a “traditional marriage,” like there is no such thing as a “traditional family.” The blanket term given the right way to marry could, and does, include: a beaten wife staying with her husband out of fear, a couple who won their marriage as a prize on a reality show, and a drunken mistake in Las Vegas; as long as the two people are of opposite gender. The outdated-ness of the term is astounding; not only was it used verbatim when interracial marriage was attempting to “destroy the foundation of society,” but “traditional marriage” comes from the nonexistent roots of the nuclear family of 1950s America. The idea of “traditional marriage” back then meant a housewife and a factory-drone husband. If Mom went to work while Dad raised the kids, it was sacrilege. True Marriage, as with everything else involving humans, evolves with time, changing and reflecting shifts in societal advances and ideals. But Traditional Marriage never has to grow out of its archaic values, but it has the two magic words.
“Sacred Institution.” That’s the kneejerk response you’re given when those against gay marriage realize they don’t have any logic to debate with. You can’t argue with the phrase, because it hides behind its haughty religious ties, like a child sticking out its tongue behind its mother’s arms. Never mind that those able to marry don’t treat it sacred; a 60% divorce rating and the ability to get an annulment faster than a pizza doesn’t make a dent in their argument. Want to know why it’s sacred? They’ll tell you. “Every study since the beginning of time...” – because cavemen were equipped with polling data – “…shows that a heterosexual couple is essential to the upbringing of sensible, moral children.” Somehow a penis and vagina are so important after the birth, that they MUST be equally present in every strong household. There is no way to justify this argument without assigning each gender their individual roles and emotions within the household. One parent has to be comforting and sensitive, the other tough but fair. Despite both genders being able to interact with children on either side of the equation, the Traditional Marriage argument dictates that there is something engrained into the DNA of men and women that make them inseparable in child-rearing. What it is, they have no answer. Science kinda requires proof, rather than hot air.
People fell for it. Despite pompous overtones and ridiculous claims, people bought it. Do they hate gays? Do they really care that much about the issue, or their religion for that matter? Of course not, it’s all spin, the easiest trick in the book. The “Yes on 8” camp used their scripts to make something simple into the first step on the path to anarchy. They stroked the egos on heterosexuals and their marriages in order to maintain religious dominance in a world that could give a crap. Love just isn’t a factor in marriage anymore.
To be honest, as much as I love Halloween, I can't deny the fact that by the time November 1st seeps in I'm exhausted as death. I'm pretty I'm not a super special sparkly snowflake with these thoughts as I'm sure everyone else on the planet has similar views. It's the kind of day where you don't have the vigor to complete any tasks you may have had nagging away at you but, miraculously, everyone has enough energy left over to pray for a holiday.
Halloween. A time of witches, bats, vampires, and (if you're anything like me) ceremonies meant to summon the Old Ones so that they may come forth and drive the world to madness. (That which is dead can eternal yaddayaddayadda)
And since videogames are chock full of scary beasts and and frightful terrors, I figured it was only appropriate to count down the scariest monsters in gaming. They may not have the clout of final bosses and villains, but these are the guys that terrify us and make us fill our pants with excrement.
'Fro Recommends: Spider-Man: Web of Shadows (2008)
Name:Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
Genre:Action-Adventure
Developer:Treyach/Shaba Games (PS3, 360, PC, Wii) Amaze Entertainment (PSP, PS2) Kriptonite Games (DS)
Publisher:Activision
Rating:T for Teen
Release Date:October 21st, 2008
Platforms:Playstation 3, Xbox 360, PC, Wii, Playstation 2, Playstation Portable, DS
Plot
Fans of the comic will be hard pressed to correlate this one with any of Marvel's timelines for the webslinger. The story takes place after Venom comes to the deadly realization that he can clone himself, in all his symbiotic glory, and thus begins a mass invasion of symbiotic lifeforms in Manhattan. Normal citizens are infected with the alien lifeform and transform into zombie-like creatures out for Spidey's spandex-wearing ass. S.H.I.E.L.D., the Marvel universe's international police force, puts New York under quarantine, and sends in multiple cross-over heroes into the fray to aid Spider-Man. Making matters worse is, at some point, all of them too succumb to viral symbiote, forcing Peter Parker into some presumably awesome boss battles against demonic versions of Wolverine and the Black Cat.
The emotional draw of the tale comes from Parker trying to combat the alien menace without falling into darkness himself. He regains his black spider-suit at the beginning of the events, and everytime he is forced to use it he is drawn further into the same dreaded state as the rest of the NY populace. The plot is usual Marvel fare, fantastically outrageous narrative arch with a central morality ploy, in this case the fight against evil leading to the confrontation of the evil in one's self.
Free-Roaming Goodness
These are the same peeps that doled out Spider-Man 2 and Ultimate Spider-Man, both games with amazing free-roaming capabilities for their generation. We can hope that they continue their streak with Web of Shadows, and by the looks we've gotten from trailers, we can at least expect some open-ending web-slinging. Treyach has confirmed that the player will have the choice on which villains to fight throughout the storyline, hopefully making the game have a chose-your-own-adventure feel as opposed to a half-of-the-storyline feel. The supposed multiple endings should help with that.
Gameplay
Nitpickers will be happy to know that Spider-Man can finally swim when he over-anticipates a jump and lands in the Hudson, instead of automatic death or a cutscene of him climbing out onto land. Most of the updates on Treyach's resume isn't all aesthetic though, players will have the ability to shift between both the Red/Blue and the Black Spidey-suit at will, each having their own combat style and combo mechanics. Spider-Man's black suit often leads to darker moral decisions being easier for the player to do, in addition to giving the player the ability to call in villains from the Spider-Man universe as help in combat as opposed to Marvel heroes. When serving up a steaming plate of pain in the Symbiote Spidey-Suit, expect a more grounded, destructive combat; while the traditional Spidey-attire is a much faster and agile beast. Agility will come into play dramatically when aerial combat is involved, the game's much toted original take on fights in the sky being one of the title's biggest drawing points.
As opposed to relying on webslinging momentum to kick/punch your opponent to death, players can change multiple attacks together, sending Spidey flipping about his enemies, using each moment of contact as a leaping off point, without ever needing to shoot a web. The result is, according to the developers, a sense of feeling like the actual super-hero while playing. If it's pulled off, Action games could see a definitive change in the way fighting is approached in general.
Versions
The majority of this article, as well as the game's press, has been towards the main versions of this game, the one developed by Treyach itself for the Playstation 3, Xbox 360, PC, and Wii versions. The Playstation and PSP version takes off half a dimension and shifts from an action-adventure free-roaming to a side-scroller with a bit of action-adventure mechanics thrown in. The DS version will be strictly 2-D, another side-scrolling adventure, this time focusing on brawler and platforming. According to the publisher, we can expect the same basic story from all versions of the game, but other details haven't been released as to all the differences between versions.
The main version of the game will have Black Cat and Wolverine exclusively, while the DS claims both the Green Goblin and X-Men's Nightcrawler to themselves. All versions feature the Black Widow, Electro, Kingpin, Luke Cage, Mary Jane Watson, Moon Knight, Rhino, Venom, and Vulture as NPC encounters.
- In an interview with Metromix New York, Chris Scholz, Studio Head of Shaba Games confirmed that the game exist[s] somewhere in-between the comic book world and the movie world, but doesn’t follow either storyline.
- John Carpenter's film, They Live was said to be a huge inspiration in the game's creation.
- Mike Vaughn, the voice of Spider-Man, has done work for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
- Tricia Heifer, the voice of the Black Cat, is famous for her role in Battlestar Galactica
Outro
This section will updated with reviews and other prevalent information when it becomes available.
This game is more than just a buy for Marvel fans, it's combat should draw all gamers in for its interesting take on aerial controls. If the story is as strong as it seems, it could also lead to more of the Marvel universe getting stand-alone titles with their morality-lined tales. Anyone that's a fan of kicking ass in spandex has no excuse not to have this game. That, and you can just pretend the symbiotes are zombies.
Ok, I know I said I was going to review Producers first, but I do not have the DVD in my possession at the moment. A friend is going to let me borrow his copy and I am still planning on reviewing it, but for now I am doing my first review on Little Shop of Horrors. I am currently working on the video and it should be up hopefully by the end of the week.
Release Date: October 14th, 2008 (originally August 26th, 2008)
Platforms: Playstation 3, Xbox 360, PC
Plot:
Set five years after the events of the original Saints Row (Xbox), your protagonist awakes from a trauma-induced coma he went into after suffering injuries dealt in a backstab move from members of your gang, the 3rd Street Saints. With the help of Carlos, a fellow inmate, you escape from prison only to discover the city of Stillwater is no longer under Saints' control. Your team has broken up, some awaiting execution, others abandoning the team and disappearing off radar. The control of the city has been split between three rival gangs: The Brotherhood, Sons of Samedi, and Ronin. Slapping together a new crew, you head out to regain the town for the Saints.
The story of Saints Row 2 is one we have seen many times in television, films, and other games; the Brotherhood are the badass tattooed adversaries of grit and buff fame, the Sons of Samedi are the radical tribe of hippie chic and hip hop persuasion, and the Ronin are word for word a take on the Japanese mafia, or Yakuza. But what the trailers seem to emphasis is the style put to use within these broad stereotypes. Conversations have wit and depth, and featured characters seem to embody a sharp, human sensibility, backed with some A-list voice-over work from the likes of Eliza Dushku and Neil Patrick Harris. Scenes have What may not be the lyricized poetry of some of Rockstar's more recent efforts could still be a strong and entertaining story to follow.
Customization:
The Comic Con demo showed off a more than passable character creation hub at the game's onset, but what seems to be the game's larger DIY draw is the in-game customization that begins once you get the town of Stillwater to play in. Your homebase can be decked out to your style floor to floor, object to object; same for you and your posse's wardrobe and graffiti tag. For the first time in the series the player can choose a gender, and set a preferable voice, weight, age, fighting style and weapon holding, taunts, and facial expressions.
Players will unlock a total of nine establishments that will act as a serving base for the Saints, each one customizable. The player will first choose one of three basic styles (cheap, classy, and ultra-modern) and build up with selected items and furnishings.
Side Quests
With a much greater focus of fun-for-fun's-sake missions, Saints Row 2 is looking to add a bit of self-effacing humor to the side-quest definition. Players will gain both in-game currency and items/gang members, in addition to some of the missions opening new storylines. New activities have been added and those returning have been tweaked and upgraded for the current generation. These activities are unlocked through one of two locations in the city (3 in the original game), and will have six progressing difficult levels (rather than the original's 8), to which the player can earn stamina and health boosts for completing.
Among the many random side-quests the player can take up are: FUZZ, a COPS rip-off where the player takes the role of the cop against the unruly lawbreakers; Zombie Uprising, a full 3-D horror game playable at arcades; Fight Club, self-explanatory; and Crowd Control, where the player protects local celebrities from mobs of killer (literally) fans.
Gameplay
The in-game engine, Havok, for the original Saints Row has been completely re-written, allowing for new multiplayer and air-based vehicle options, in addition to the expected graphical and control updates. Those that have played a sandbox-action title before know what to expect, on-foot you have the options of running, walking, jumping, swimming, climbing, and using items and weapons. Gameplay extends to vehicles, where a new cruise-control option and tweaked controls should provide an enhanced experience.
The player will come across 5 different variants of motorcycles as well as the new additions of quad bikes and monster trucks. Planes and helicopters take up aerial gameplay, and Playstation 3 users will be able to utilize SIXAXIS controls on all water-vehicles like jet skis and boats. Although NPCs use skateboards and roller blades, the player will not be able to take control of these objects in the final game.
The only confirmed multiplayer options for SR2 are the Gangsta, and Team Gangsta, Brawl (deathmatch and team deathmatch), with the original concept of Strong Arm, where two competing teams try to complete side missions while attempting to damage the other team's progress, also available.
-Aside from the standard side-missions, many in-game fun moments are available, if un-rewarded, for players to blow off steam with. These include streaking and stealing a sewer treatment truck and spraying sewage around downtown.
Outro
Volition seems to want to return to the more outwardly fun days of the early GTA games, without grit and realism. Plot is shallow but more than watchable, and the constant random influx of things to do should keep us occupied for a while. Plus, do you REALLY want to find out what Gary Busey will do to that one hooker that advertised for this game if it doesn't sell well?
Hey everyone, First let me introduce myself, i’m Punky one of the founding members of the chat pack and the one who did the popples review for the Nostalgia Chick contest (consider yourself lucky if you didn’t watch it) I’m from Puerto Rico, 23 years old, yadda yadda...
I’m not going to bored you with the fancy introduction, today i’m starting a new blog about... anything I could think of. Thanx to all the working my awsome professors had giving me, my 2 videos i’ve been working on, have been put on hold. So for now, until one of my professor choke to death, will be doing this kind of yadda yadda, instead of you watching me been annoying and “funny”.
So, this first blog is just me introducing to this world of wonders and crazy stuff that is this site.
BTW, I haven’t had the chance to say thank you to the staff, especially Doug, cuz he inspired me to do a crazy thing as a video review (an awsome, kickass experience) and I don’t wanna be a kiss ass, but if you at least get to be a TV star, Hollywood don’t know what they’re missing and they should find the closest building and jump for being so lame. You, Rob, Mike and Dan kickass that is all.
Rest assure, i’ll write something whenever I get tired of going to Burger King and order a Big Mac (that means in my spare time) I pinky promise you, you will not get bored or so depressed you wanna find a rope to hang from a tree, if you do then, just do it i’m not stopping you.
As I write this, it is 2:11 in the morning of October 8th. Which means that voting for the October Reader's Choice columns are CLOSED. I got quite a few votes, and while I haven't tallied them ALL yet, let's just say that a one of the columns that got leading votes is no surprise, while 1 caught me completely off guard (especially since it was one I'd already written the column for!) and we've got one that, while it got great reviews, probably hasn't been played by a good many people! The list will be kept secret until the posting of the columns, which will begin next week, after Clive Barker's Undying.
Right, now that that's done, I just want to take a moment, and post something for myself, and address a rather....striking message I received not long after I posted the Tomb Raider column. The following piece was originally posted in the forums, so as not to overshadow the Tomb Raider piece, but I think enough time has passed that its no longer a worry.
Caught this a few weeks ago, before the big move West. Thought I'd take some time as I watch Dogma with my roommate to jot down a couple of thoughts on the latest from the Apatow camp.
Mulled Over: Pineapple Express (2008)
For the first time in a bit over a year, I had doubts about a Judd Apatow film. It seemed a set case, the greatest benefactor of Judd's fame getting a bit big for his drawers and suddenly believing he could be a conceivable action film star. Its happened before, and unless cinema as a whole is made irrelevant soon, it'll happen again. My doubt was the main reason for putting off seeing this film for so long, but the return of a long absent friend and an afternoon with nothing to do proved enough for me to plop down the green for a ticket.
Our story follows two stoners, huge surprise, Dale Denton (Seth Rogen) a process server and his dealer Saul Silver (James Franco). After Dale pulls to the side of the road to sample some of the titular brand of weed and witnesses a murder, a chase ensues between the pothead duo and the murder's thugs across a town full of action movie cliches. Amongst those chasing them is Ted Jones, the drug dealer who shot the gun (a surprisingly funny Gary Cole) and Carol Braizer, a policewoman on his payroll (Rosie Perez, neither impressive nor terrible, just loud).
In conjunction with the drug dealer's main posse are the hired guns Matheson and Budlofsky (a surprisingly engaging Craig Robinson and the most tragically underused actor in Apatow's menagerie, Kevin Corrigan.) Later attaching himself to Dale's posse after a few hilariously painful fight scenes is Saul's supplier Red (Danny R. McBride, who returns from his role on Tropic Thunder as the funniest side character in the film.) What follows is a damn funny movie, but a surprisingly competent action flick, effects and stunts and all.
The humor is the usual Apatow shtick of dialogue-ridden, natural feeling scenes of random and somewhat ridiculous jokes, and it works again here. The inclusion of Franco for the first major time was a welcome change, he fits the dazed and slothfully archetype of the stoner to a t, with enough charm and wit left over from his delivery and physicality to truly sap a couple of emotional moments from you. Seth Rogen is his usual slubby self, with high-school age girlfriend (Amber Heard, of no particular staying power) to pine over giving him an every-man feel without too much of a sappy aftertaste.
The action aspects of the film are what really elevates this film above the usual level of summer comedy. It comes a bit out of nowhere, this sense of professionalism and smoothness to their choreography and style. It comes to us a way into the film, with the two paranoid stoners paying their first visit to Red after spending the night in the woods post-murder witnessing. Dale initiates the fight with a couple of shoves, nothing to rave about, neither are Red's first comebacks. Its when Franco gets into the jam, and the shoves become full fledged pushes into the wall, squip effects and all, when the eyebrows begin to raise.
Blood effects are grimace-inducing, punches are thrown with weight and finesse, and it actually feels, at times, like a scene out of a buddy cop movie ala the 1980s comedy pairings of Walter Hill and Richard Donner. For the larger stunts, like the chase scene made famous in the trailer (where Franco's character gets his foot stuck in the windshield) and a few combat shots, the seams show more than most action films of this generation. No, sugar glass isn't noticeably frosted or no rigs are visible, but it doesn't take much to realize that Red's body isn't really there when Saul Silver is whacking below the camera line with a dust buster. But its part of the experience of the film that we see these little blips of amateurism. It makes us feel like we are part of the friend-base of the crew, watching and laughing at our pals messing around on screen. And that feeling never goes away.
The film, for all of its hilarity, is not without its faults. Fortunately, the lesser qualities of the film go down like smooth wine compared to other comedies coming out these days (the careers of Will Ferrell and Steve Carell come to mind.) The conversation scenes can become redundant, with points made repeatedly, and some of the characterization choices, like Carol's vocal pitch or Robinson's more flamboyant moments, take you out of the scene with a slight wince, but that's pretty much all the criticism that can be leveled at the film without going into the love-him/hate-him opinion of the Apatow crew themselves.
Rogen and Apatow have raised their bar again, making their work shine for the effort. The humor we have come to love remains intact, with the use of Franco and most of the supporting cast coming off as wonderful casting decisions. The action was much better than anyone following the crew's previous work could predict, and executed to gloriously demented physical comedy. What little their is to complain about is minuscule nitpicks, and hardly ever get in the way of the constant feeling of inclusive fun that permeates nearly every moment of Pineapple Express. Like the substance impetus for the film's events, Express is a film you can check out whenever the need to laugh and zone comes up. That, and the film is made even better with snacks.
One Sentence Review: Rogen and crew successfully capture the action-comedy feelings of old, updated with relevant humor and believable characters.
First off, today, Sept. 30, is my birthday. I am now 22 years old, and where once a birthday would have left me filled with merriment, I am now consumed with thoughts of "Great, I'm one step closer to middle age." Oh, well, such is life.
Second, and I know I'm a few days late to the party, but it seems my Final Fantasy column was featured in the Awesome Blog of the week. Seeing that just drove home even further what a kickass community this place has, and I just want to again extend my thanks for your readership, your comments, and your support. This really has been the best and most responsive community I've ever had the privilige, nay, the honor, of being a part of.
Had enough time to round up a few more thoughts on game's both newly released and on the pipeline. This edition of Game Impressions is the only games available on the Wii that I would want to play. If a license ain't on here, I have decided to let it go sodomize itself, or I haven't heard enough about it for an opinion. But, for the Wii, it doesn't take long to see how bad the majority of the games will be. Super Smash Brothers and Mario Kart are not on this list because, let's face it, we all play both of them with the gamecube controls anyway...they could have released full retail versions for the Gamecube and it may have even sold better. Let's take a glance at what's on/coming to shelves, k?
Game Impressions: Volume 3
If I was ever suffered sufficient brain damage needed for me to buy a Wii
The Conduit
Despite having the perfect control scheme for shooters (and a ridiculous control scheme for everything else), practically no third-party developers have been able to wrap their heads around what essentially was MADE for their IPs. The futuristic shtick of the Conduit is cliche at this point, but the weapon design is refreshing from what we've seen so far in the released videos. I guess I'm just desperate to see a quality game tailor-made to the controls that doesn't feel like a cheap cash-in. The level design seems a bit middle-of-the-road, but we haven't seen a lot of this title, so it still holds a lot of opportunity to surprise.
Deadly Creatures
The first trailer of the game made it look like a cheesy one-on-one combat license. But after watching the developer diary, where actual in-depth gameplay was presented, the game actually seems like a solid buy. It has a charming humans-are-the-true-bosses feel made famous by Disney films, and the scorpion and spider models look realistic, far beyond what has become common expectations of Wii capabilities. The notion of fully 360-degree levels with crawlable ceilings and walls also adds a bit of intrigue to the promise, even though I'm still unsure exactly HOW one will use the Wii-mote for this. If they carve out a decent narrative, or at least a reason why we are controlling tiny little creatures, this may be one of the few games that you can feel comfortable cashing in for.
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People
I'm going to pretend that this is a must-buy for all Wii owners, but you all know I already have this baby for my PC, and I have no intention of anything else. Another genre that sucks the least with the Wii controls, the point-and-click adventure, makes its way to the Power Glove's less retarded son with one of the internet's random humor treasures, the cast of Homestarr Runner. I've been a fan of the web series since introduced to Strong Bad's emails by my friend John, specifically the [Anime] one being my first view. The gameplay looks like a pitiful excuse to break up the little cutscenes, and that's fine by me, because we aren't here for rehashed 90s click-a-thons. If you don't own a PC (most any specs will run this series) I suppose you could do worse than picking this up for your Wii.
Sam and Max: Season 1
Copy and paste the above paragraph. replacing [Strong Bad] and [Homestarr Runner] with [Sam and Max] and [Freelance Police], and you pretty much got the idea.
Fatal Frame: Mask of the Lunar Eclipse
DAMN YOU TECMO!!!! DAAAAMMMMNNNN YOUUUUU! You took a franchise I have been loyal to since going through its first installment (on my still faithful PS2). The camera combat horror gem is just the latest in a line of games formerly either Playstation exclusive or Cross-Console going Wii-happy or just ditching a version for Sony. There's very little I need to transcribe to get you to get a copy (or petition for a release on a better console), claustrophobic atmosphere, lush visuals (I'm sure those will be taken down a notch for the Wii's ancient tech), and engrossing story makes this series one of the best in Survival Horror (view my own Top Ten Survival Horror Games list for further details). Oh...right....and DAMN YOU TECMO!!!!
MadWorld
I LOVE how this game's maturity sparked a ton of controversy. It goes right to the heart of the matter: how Nintendo's desperate efforts to maintain a squeaky, vomit-inducing family-friendly demeanor has lead them to be left out of some of the industry's greatest franchises. This is why a Grand Theft Auto Wii game seems impossible. Now, back to black-and-white goodness. The game's art style is reminiscent of the recent Sin City film, and the blood and gore is a beautiful red set against the monochrome background. However, now matter how fun it is to ram hordes of NPCs into dumpsters and cut them in half with its lid is, if that is all the game has to offer, it may fall flat on its stylish ass. From what we've seen so far that does seem to be their intention, but knowing basic economics its not a leap of faith to expect them to add a bit more meat to the drenched bones. Its just a manner of how much, and how good. That is, if this game can even be released on the playground console.
No More Heroes
One of, if not the only, the first-gen Wii third-party titles worth a damn, the art style and humor of the game was more than enough to draw me in. The disappointing lack of a true sandbox world and the repetitive side-tasks didn't seem to bother me too much, but the combat did seem a bit difficult to get used to from the little I played at a friend's house. Still, like Devil May Cry and God of War, at times its fun to just watch an expert play through a few boss fights, as the visuals and animations of combat are thick with panache and smug self-satisfaction. If I had an alternate control scheme for this game, it would be perfect.
Disaster: Day of Crisis
The idea of every single possible natural disaster happening to one guy's surroundings has always been a concept I would like to see executed in either a game or animated movie (since history has taught us that live action disaster flicks are the stuff of bargain bins and Christian books), and the execution coming through from Monolith Software's cutscenes has caused my ears to perk more than any other Wii game I've seen. For the children's toy system, the graphics/textures are smooth and the gameplay is strong, even though that's not saying much. If the story holds as much as I can gain from my limited knowledge of Japanese, this could be my contender for Wii Game of the Year....but that's kinda like crowning a Queen of the Auto Show.....
Taking some time out from my not-so-busy schedule to talk about a few things today: to tell you the tale of the Biscuit Girls and to let you know why I may not be updating as frequently once school begins.
News
- I'm going to be talking to my school's administrators to see when the rest of my financial aid money will be deposited into my account (direct deposit) so I can use that for moving expenses. If worse comes to worse, I may just have to delay the moving a few more days, which would mean that I wouldn't have as much time before school starts to get used to the area. But, oh well, I find myself to be rather adaptive in these situations, so I'm not too worried.
- My Grams got out of surgery a few weeks ago, and has been recovering ever since. She is fine, and the overall procedure went off without a hitch, so that's another load off my mind.
If Ever I Were a Paid Comic
On this Episode: The Biscuit Girls
For a brief moment my friend Ben (GT User Strayer) and I were toying around with the notion of becoming stand-up comedy performers, the kind that tour local Improv theaters and such. It was a strong idea, as both of us were known to weave a humorous tale or two, and this little anecdote would be one of our highlight bits.
I went to High School in Sonoma County, Northern California's wine stop. Specifically, I lived outside the town of Santa Rosa, and went to the High School that shared the city's name. For the most part it was the expected dichotomy of blatant bureaucracy and a painfully cliche popularity ladder. Of course, with both me and my friend's non-anorexic figures and propensity for the more unpopular activities of gaming, and politic debates, our position on the heavenly chain was firmly beneath the bottom rung of the ladder, where anybody with social ambitions were free to use us as a footstool. This worked out fine for us; as it provided both an excuse to not put the effort into most of the gratuitous social practices one would see on teen drama shows, and it allowed us the greatest means of observation of the vain classes above us. We weren't the majority: we didn't spend our nights crying into our pillow, pining for the love of a jock or the acceptance of the well-liked, we loved our invisibility.
One of our favorite species to document was what Ben later termed: the Biscuit Girl...more on the origin of that name later. First of all, let's lay out how one finds a specimen of this genus. You are looking for an overweight, usually Hispanic, loud female, predictably found in groups that stage their conversations in the middle of the fucking hallway between periods......periods meaning classes.....mostly....
Once you believe you have found a member of the Biscuit clan, zero in and look for the finer details. Does your subject have horrendously fake nails that extend about 2 inches longer than evolution would allow? Does she come equipped with a spray bottle of cheap, caustic hairspray, one that smells almost as bad as the outside of the can looks? Does she spray enough of it on her person to illict an allergic reaction from three tri-country areas away....accounting for more than 32% of humankind's greenhouse gas emissions? You may have found yoursel
Random
