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(Originally Submitted on June 23, 2008)

I've held off on presenting this for quite awhile, basically because I wanted to start up a challenge to the gamers to come up with what they thought would make for an original game. Then supposedly I would blow everyone away with mine.

But given recent events, I think it's time to just come out and show what I've got.

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For George Carlin.

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I call this one......"Bad Baby!!"

You play the role of a 47-year-old semi-retarded alcoholic that has an adult-baby fetish.

After an accident drinking tainted breastmilk, this freak manbaby has the oddball superpower to crush his enemies with his sonic manbaby-cry. Secondary weapons would involve a lead rattle, beer bottles painted white to look like baby ba-ba's, toy horsey Shurikens, a touch-activated talking teddy bear, and his own loaded diaper.

The controls can be simplified to the classic TMNT style of jump and attack, but to really take advantage of the extended attack options, a third attack button would let you you use whatever was in your sub-weapon slot at the time, and a fourth would let you use your charged-up sonic manbaby cry. Controlling the Manbaby can be as easy as using either the D-pad or the analog stick.

Levels would include:

* Generic street level with hordes of disgusted citizens and lowly cops on the beat.

* A drunken rage at a local biker bar.

* Brawling with security on the set of the Spring Jerringer Show.

* A drug-induced stroll through a very colorful land of candy (Which turns out to be another generic street level after completing it).

and

* A local gun-toting militia consisting of, surprisingly, rival manbabies with the sole intent of taking you down.

Bonus games would involve getting burped by a very embarassed hooker, attempting to use cuteness to get out of a public indecency arrest, picking the perfect mother to breastfeed with, and scaring real babies at a day-care center by making faces with the analog sticks, face buttons, and the shoulder buttons.

My lack of experience with the Xbox 360 can only leave me to wonder if there's ways of using the x360 headset to send voice commands into the game itself (like Lifeline and the SOCOM games for the PS2). If so, then there could be room for even more insane shit.

There could be a cheat code screen where you only see the Manbaby staring at the player, and the analog sticks control which way his hands rub his fat hairy manboobs (Clicking the analog sticks would squeeze the manboobs), and if you do the proper motions while saying certain phrases or talking a certain way in the headset, you could unlock various cheats. But the method would be so disturbing that, well, why would you WANT to?

The cheat code entry would also be recorded and sent to XBox Live for contest purposes of who can make the funniest and/or most disturbing variation of a cheat code entry.Obviously, you have to reward the winners with something, so give them Microsoft Points. They earned it.....sick fucks.

Direct all hate-mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it :-D

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http://www.youtube.com/user/BennettTheSage 

A brief history lesson. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, nick named Caligula because of the little soldiers uniform he wore as a child when he followed his father and his army into battle (Caligula roughly translates out to "little soldier's boot"), came into power in 37 A.D. His time as emperor is remembered for being exceptionally cruel towards both his people and the servants of his palace. Accounts state that he killed on a whim, prostituted his sisters, slept with other men's wives and later bragged about it, and demanded that everyone adress him as a god, to the point that he declared a statue to be erected of him in the Temple of Jerusalem. Of course, which stories of him are truth and which are merely historical gossip and fabrications is anyone's guess. The mystery surrounding his kingdom is fodder for Hollywood, since they do not have to worry about historical inaccuracies. They could feasibly make Caligula into a thirteen foot transvestite that wore Divine-esque makeup and got around by floating on a perpetual cloud of fart gas if they wanted to. Well, maybe not that far, but you get the idea.

On paper it sounds like a great idea for a movie. A biopic about a Roman Emperor whose insanity and lust for anything pleasurable knew no restraints. Of course, this being in the late 70's, where the Hays code had long gone out of effect and exploitation films were by no means uncommon, it was becoming harder and harder to shock people, and therefore get their undivided attention. So, logically, one must step up the ante, go for the jugular so to speak, and give the term "explicit" a whole new meaning. In comes Penthouse founder Bob Guccione to produce, Tinto Brass to direct, and multiple, multiple people to edit. What's the end result? A schlocky 70's film that looks like a schlocky 70's porn with great production sets.

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