Hello! First entry ahoy! Long-time lurker turned blogger, I'm the gadabout girl. I hope to make videos soon, but for now I may as well write, right?
As a critic, I get a bit of a thrill raving about something I absolutely cannot stand. It's cathartic. And since I don't adhere to one medium, there is a lot of just... absolute crap that I have suffered through over the years. I'm tearing off my nostalgia glasses and attacking the crap I used to like. Time to tear it a new asshole. Time to tackle the unbelievability, plot-holes, and all around tripe that we all get subjected to growing up, be it video games, movies, or books.
That's right, I said it. Books.
You know what I'm talking about, those horrible books that the teachers chose in middle school and high school that took any potential desire to read, lulled it into a false sense of security, and then led it down an alleyway so dark that it was never heard from again. I swear, I spent the majority of my high school years with Heart of Darkness jammed in my rear. Ugh. And I loved to read. Still do. And I did read some books when I was little that I would certainly love to discuss (and by discuss, I mean tear to shreds). Goosebumps being one; we all remember those books, scarcely 120 pages and so full of WTF-ery that re-reading them now might cause your brain to leak out of your ears. Yeah. I'd say Animorphs falls into that category too. But this is an introduction. We'll hear more from those childhood-draining series' later.
I was also raised, like most people, on Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, etc. Unfortunately, their list of movies produced now includes a shit-ton of bastard children born from the sphincter of the original classics. That's right. Sequels. I. DESPISE. Sequels. Bloated cash cows that masquerade as a memory from my childhood only to slap me across the face and sharpie the hell out of me while I'm passed out, leaving me to wake up confused, hurt, and looking like a total dumbass. I get the concept. I really do.
Money = good. Land Before Time = good. Therefore: Land Before Time + 13 = gooder! HUR HUR HUR
I know this is a bit of a poor example for reasons I'll get into when I actually review this prehistoric odyssey of bullcrap, but really. I cannot be the only one who finds this absolutely ridiculous in every way, shape, and form.
Just because you can write a sequel and sit on the coat tails of a great movie does not mean that you should. And really, we don't want you to. I don't know anyone who waited with bated breath for Brother Bear 2. Family Guy was right to make the joke of Stewie banning direct to DVD Disney sequels. It's a load of crap; and I'm onto you.
Being raised on Nintendo pretty much exclusively, I grew up playing Mario and Zelda and the like. I still have my Wii in my college dorm. But while the Wii takes the laziness out of gaming, it also seems to remove a bit of the dignity. I've tried to get good adventure games for the Wii, I really have. I eventually caved and bought The Force Unleashed in a desperate attempt for SOMETHING. Well... that's its own rant. I cannot even reference it more than that now, I already wanna punch that game repeatedly. I guess that's what I get! Guess I'll stick to my PS2 and God of War if I get the urge, because obviously the brand-spanking-new Nintendo game system can't make a particularly good adventure game for shit. Closest I think I'm getting with that is the Subspace Emissary bit from Brawl. And even that is pushing it.
Anyway, as long introduction is long, I suppose I should wrap this up and start on my first actual review. I'm the gadabout girl; catch you next time! And of course, thanks for reading. ;)
