Salutations and welcome to more movies I wish would burn in the firey depths of hell.

1) X-Men: The Last Stand

Man, FUCK this movie. Of all the dissapointing movies I have seen in my life, this is by far the worst bar none. Brett Ratner really fucked this franchise up the ass. The first two X-Men were great and superhero classics. But this... this is just retarded wasted potential. I was VERY hyped for this movie, X-Men is one of my favorite franchises of all time. This movie seemed to be trying to give the fans what they wanted. Juggernaught, Beast, Angel and Shadowcat all make appearances in this movie. But all the fans really got was the finger and a "Fuck you!". Angel is on screen for about 5 minutes total, and the other characters do not fare much better. Beast is awesome, for all of 10 minutes and Juggernaught is a joke. Not to mention Cyclops, who has already been ignored in the series, gets his ass handed to him and NOBODY cares. He is in the movie for all of 3 minutes! To quote the nerd, they made a quick buck off this shitload of fuck. This movie seems VERY rushed. This could be because of its runtime, which lasts a measley 104 minutes. In my opinion, this movie should have been at LEAST 2 hours. My two favorite X-Men are Gambit and Nightcrawler. Where do they fit into all of this? Thankfully, nowhere. Gambit is still nowhere to be found and Alan Cumming knew to get out of this shitbomb as quick as he could. This really is a shitty film, so bad in its crushing dissapointment that I may write a full review of it sometime, and go through point by point what was wrong and what little was right. If anyone liked it, please post your reasoning in the comments and I will be glad to debate you.

2) Spy Kids 3-D Game Over

This is a real stinker. The Spy Kids are back! I really dont need to say anything. Just read the summary, copied and pasted straight off of wikipedia.

Juni is thrust back into service when Sebastian the Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone), an evil mastermind, creates Game Over, a video game that mesmerizes its users. Carmen was sent on a mission to disable the game, but disappeared on Level 4. Juni is sent after he and with the help of kids a cool one a dork one and one that eed anger mangement,plus the help of his grandfather, Valentin Avellan, who is a wheelchair user. Juni helps to disable the game and save the world. It is revealed the Toymaker was the one who disabled Valentin in the first place. Instead of taking revenge against his former partner, Valentin forgives him, and Sebastian is redeemed

Yes, I am aware there were many errors in that, but that is the Spy Kids fanbase for you. What is not an error however is that Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa and John Rambo himself, plays the villian. And a shitty one at that. This movie is shit for the virtual sharks.

3) Date Movie

The tissues are really appropriote because I was weeping at how far mankind has fallen, and indeed my own intelligence after viewing this film. I did not laugh once. Not even a smile. No joke. This is what started it all. Aaron "motherfucking" Seltzer and Jason "Goddamn" Friedburg collaborate for the first time on a piece of shit for the ages. The people who enjoy these movies are of the lowest denominator of society, and if burning them at the stake is not PC, than they should at least get an ass whooping for what they have shot and deemed a " Parody Film". But let me tell you right now folks, this is neither a parody nor a film. This is a refrencing piece of shit. Amazingly the sequels (yes, I said sequels)...

Funny posters, huh?... are actually impossibly worse than this one. Fucking abysmal. I swear, if one more of these movies come out, I will kill myself.

Fuck. At least its appropriatly titled. Better get the rope. Until next time.

Comments (8)

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written by blushapple , July 21, 2008

Okay, the Date/Disaster/Epic movie is a no shit. I don't know a single person who watches these for more than to fulfill their masochistic sexual desires. Spy Kids, OMG yes. So stupid. But I have to disagree with the X Men III choice. I personally, thought the storyline was original enough and the drama and action were balanced enough, to make it a good movie. Not just decent, but good. It may not have stood up as tall next to the others but it's a rare jewel for a superhero movie to do that. We can't always be hoping for a Dark Knight sequel.

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So-So
written by JinLee86 , July 22, 2008

I'd have to say I had to disagree with your words for X-Men 3. While I do admit it was a little rushed and not thoroughly played out, I still enjoy the movie for what it was. An ending. As far as I know, there isn't another X-Men movie planned aside a prequel concerning Wolverine before he had his titanium skeleton inserted and Magneto when he was just learning his abilities.
Interesting note, the writers have stated that unless they were able to make Gambit a key character, they're not going to include him. They like Gambit too much to just put him in as a side character.

Epic Movie just seemed like one big music video with dancing cuing every five minutes and Meet the Spartans just seemed like one big gay joke. I got as far as Paris Hilton showed up, that's where I stopped watching and stopped caring.

I agree with most of your list, just felt like putting my two cents in. I enjoy X-3, but it's your list, not mine.

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written by 00frodo , July 22, 2008

Yes, Date Movie was an obvious choice. However, while rare, there are people who actually think they are brilliant comedies. As for x-men 3, the movie just had such wasted potential. Its a good enough film if viewed on its own as a summer superhero movie with no knowledge of the comics or previous films. But I went in with high hopes because the first two were so intelligent. I just did not feel it was a faithful adaptation of the source material. I blame this mostly on the change in director. It is true that not all superhero movies can be like The Dark Knight. I just don't think they should be all action, no substance. Because thats really all it was. The film was generally well received. Maybe I had my hopes too high. Its fine if you enjoy it, I will just stick with the first two.

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written by 00frodo , July 22, 2008

^^ It was an ending. I will give it that. I just wish it was a little more thought out and gave more time to the side characters. Thats my biggest gripe. And both Gambit and Deadpool are set to be in the new Wolverine movie.

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written by JinLee86 , July 22, 2008

Yeah that's true. X-3 was short, shorter than what movies should be. Personally, I'd love for movies to be at LEAST two hours long. It's just unfortunately that so many people are so restless today that anything over two and a half hours is too long.
Though yeah, I enjoyed the film. I liked how it was attempting to be an all out, in your face, fuck everything, brawl to make the trilogy go out with a bang. From what we got, I enjoyed. Definitely worst than the first two, but (for me) watchable and tolerable. It was short and there was some shortage of character developments, but hey.. in a world full of mutants that deserve to be named, it's impossible to please everyone.

I'd would enjoy a 4th movie to come out, showcasing Apocolypse or something, but that's just me.

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written by 00frodo , July 22, 2008

I completely agree with you about runtime. My opinion is that 99% of the time, the longer the movie the better. It allows for the world and characters to be further developed. Whenever a movie is long though, it often gets many complaints with people saying "There should have been an intermission" for any movie longer than 120 minutes. And as far as a x-men 4 goes, they should use sentinels, apocalypse or the savage land.

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written by zero8877 , August 07, 2008

another god awful movie is "shark boy and lava girl"...my god i saw one little scene of this movie(a preview on TV) my god this movie just spelled retarted

as for date movie(etc) i couldnt agree with you more,i wasted 60 min of my life in the theater of this movie....worst 60 min of my live

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these *themed*movies...
written by That90sChick , August 12, 2008

are an abomniation to mankind. Ok so at least Date Movie kinda tried to make fun at mostly Rom-Coms/Romance movies. But Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans and any new shit they keep coming up with is just like someone shitting you in the face. There is nothing creative about a movie that just barely makes a semi-cohesive plot that basically just makes fun of dumbass pop culture references that NO ONE will FUCKING UNDERSTAND 10 years from now. Seriously its like if they made a movie about Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn, and other famous actors from the early 1900's, NO ONE today would understand it really.

And in all honesty, these movies have the POTENTIAL to be funny just like Airplane! and the Naked Gun. I mean think about it, Disaster Movie to me would mean a spoof of: Twister, The Day after Tomorrow, Poseidon Adventure, Dante's Peak, ya know movies that actually would MAKE SENSE. But instead they think that collaberating anything from today's headlines and gossip is TEN times more creative.

Jackasses.

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