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Edit: Well it's been a month since the Captain Planet Review, well almost a month, and I didn't notice the reason why my blog had so many views until last night. I was going through the Nostalgia Critic videos with my friends when we watched the Captain Planet review and my friends asked is that you? Instead of being a total douche and saying nothing, I'm going to thank Mike and TGWTG for giving me the honor of being featured under the video. I guess it does pay to ride on another person's popularity. Except of course I didn't get paid for this :(. Ah well, enjoy the blog in all it's original glory. Since the Nostalgia Critic reviewed Captain Planet and didn't mention this episode I thought I might as well. Why? Because it is pretty weird in more ways than one. And I also just saw the episode a few months ago so it is fresh in my memory. So without further a do let's begin the review. There will be spoilers, but does anyone really care if I spoil a children's cartoon that was aired in the early 90s? Yes, well TOO BAD!
The episode begins with a kid never seen before running around a street. A dark figure is speaking about how the kid is new to town and can fit in by taking a drug. Or something like that, I don't really remember and it's not too important. The kid is given a drug called bliss by the figure who turns out to be the eco-villain Verminous Skumm. He's the guy who looks like a rat. The effects of bliss, which make people feel better and mess up their minds, immediately takes effect on the kid.
Cut back to the planeteers. Linka is set to visit her uncle and cousin in Washington D.C. Her Uncle is of course the ambassador to the United States from the Soviet Union as someone in the planeteers needs to have power in politics. Her uncle just happens to live in a nice big house. So the Soviet Union's tax payers are spending money on fixing up houses in America and not in their own country? I don't get centrally planned economies. And besides that, the Soviet Union was near collapse at this point of time so how did they get that money? Well Captain Planet ignores this and just moves on with the plot.
We are introduced to Boris, Linka's cousin, who was the guy who was taking bliss. The two bond for a while doing stuff that cousins do, like riding bikes, when Linka notices that Boris is acting strangely. She figures out he's taking drug and Linka begins to spew out common knowledge that doesn't work. Unfortunately Boris must have never seen one of those PSAs. Ah well. He eventually tricks Linka into taking the drug and we see the effects on her for a little. Verminous Skumm has been using Boris to get Linka under his control to have the ring's power. Or something. He contacts the planeteers and tells of his evil plan to make everyone addicted so he is the only one thinking and can control the world, which actually isn't too bad of a plot. The gang heads to D.C. where the plot is beginning.
Now the strange part begins. The rest of the planeteers come to D.C. only to see it's deserted. Yes, everything is deserted. I guess the capital of the United States would fall into the hands of drug addicts if such a mass addiction ever occurred in the citizens. I mean, where is the logic in this thing. The congressman didn't care about the many monuments so long as they could escape with their lives? Sure that is most important, but don't you think they could have used the National Guard to ward off an attack. How hard is it to fight drug addicts?
Well I guess pretty hard as the planeteers find out they are even worse when they find out to their surprise that Linka took bliss and is now addicted. They drag her with them even though she cannot use her power. Her mind is too polluted for it to work. They take shelter in the Capitol building, which of course the officials forgot to lock up when they abandoned the city. I guess all those bills weren't too important.
All the addicts attempt to get the planeteers as they stole Linka with her ring on it, but Boris is the craziest. He jumps through a window into the vice-president's office (why aren't these things locked/bullet proof?) and gets cut up pretty badly. In the mean time Wheeler tries to show Linka what the drug has done to her. I guess Americans know more about drugs than we do about pollution. He usually is the most clueless about anything.
The chase ends on top of the building with the Planeteers surrounded where perhaps the strangest thing in kids cartoon history happens. Boris dies out of nowhere because of the drug. Wow, imagine the lesson being told here. Don't do drugs kids, because if you do YOU WILL DIE!!! Maybe Drug PSAs should have been as frank as Captain Planet. So Linka is freed from her pollution by his death and they can summon Captain Planet. He destroys the bliss and recipe to make it and somehow everyone comes back to the city to give medical help to the addictees. The end.
So what do kids learn from this episode? The Soviet Union spent more money on their officials than their people, don't trust your own family member if they are addicted to drugs as they might be working for a giant rat who wants you to become addicted as part of their evil scheme by drugging your food, the power of Washington is powerless when attacked by drug addicts, and if you do drugs you will die. Ted Turner, thank you for teaching us these great lessons. And remember, THE POWER IS YOURS!
By the way, you may be able to see the episode somehow (wink wink nudge nudge).
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Thanks for giving up a large chunk of your sanity in order to bring us this review.